Fortnightly Writing Competition: The Grim Reaper (Results)

[lapsking]

I liked the rhythm and rhyme of the poem. (although rhyming 'pray' and 'prey' was a bit dodgy - or was it genius, I don't know). However, I was struggling to work out the overall message of the piece. Was it a comment on people in general, and the futility of trying to prevent one's own inevitable demise? (In which case, I disagree, because there is no harm in trying to avoid death *this time* even knowing it will eventually come one way or another). If this is intended as from Death's own point of view, it would have been better to say "I/my/me" instead of "death/death's". This would have also made it fit the brief suitably.

Re: Stupot
This poem was for those who think they live eternally. Have never thought about death or afterlife. They live like they are immortal and when death comes they wet their pants. The pandemic was a reminder that death exists. But unfortunately as it fades out people again forget that we have just postponed death we haven't overcome him at all. I believe those who think about death and accept it as a must have happier lives. They have more philosophical view of life. They think about what was the point of this birth, short life and death. They won't just live, they will look for a meaning. On the other side those who never think about death can't have meaningful lives. Death is inevitable so we better accept it and make best use of it. Besides that since I believe in afterlife death doesn't look scary to me. Let's always remember that we are all going to die, nothing should makes us too happy or too sad, even if we lost a loved one in pandemic. Thanks for your comment.

“Death. The certain prospect of death could sweeten every life with a precious and fragrant drop of levity- and now you strange apothecary souls have turned it into an ill-tasting drop of poison that makes the whole of life repulsive.”
Nietzsche

I won't comment on others proses since English is not my native language, but I enjoyed reading all of them. Made my night much more enjoyable. Thanks.

[Stupot]

Thanks for the clarification, Lapsking. That puts your poem into a bit more perspective for me.

[Sinitrena]

Sorry, I'm late, guys, but looking at a monitor with a migraine is not something I ever want to do if I have a choice.

Anyway, the votes are in, and we have a winner, even though it was a close race.

Our 4. place goes to the newest member of our little writing competition, lapsking, with 4 points: Poetry can be difficult. As already pointed out, the rhymes are fine, but the rhythm is all over the place, as is the general grammar. The message could also be a bit clearer. Even though I did not need the additional clarification for the idea of the poem, it does feel rather fatalistic in its execution. Also, I already said that it doesn't fit the topic, as Death is not a Charater or Personification here. A good first effort here, so keep writing and entering!

The 3. place goes to Baron with 10 points: The beginning feels completely different than the middle and the end doesn't fit the character we meet in the beginning. There's some fun in there, there's actually two interesting stories, maybe even three, each "chapter" offers a plot hook and could work on its own, but together they are a bit chaotic. I especially missed any real explanation for why Decimus doesn't even attempt to talk to the teenager or how ghosts even happen in this universe. There were some fun scenes, the maybe - maybe-not conversation with the stoner and drunk was fun, as was the description of people passing through Decimus, their reaction or Decimus's. You said it yourself, this story has good ideas, but no direction and needs a bit of work.

2. place goes to Stupot with 12 points: I love this story, the subtle hints to Joanna's true nature, the reaction to the people around them, the constant twitching woven into the fabric of the story. But I am left with so many questions in the end. Is Joanna doing anything as the Grim Reaper or is it more of a punishment for her ("You are free now." kind of implies this.)? Who is the guy taking over from her? Is it the real Reaper taking back his job? The next generation taking over? A real Reaper recognizing that someone has the "gift" who shouldn't? Something else? I like the characters, the storytelling, but I want some answers. Also, I'm not sure this story is clear enough on its subject when seen outside of this FWC's topic: Here, it is clear that Joanna is some form of Grim Reaper, but reading without this context, I think people would more likely come to the conclusion that she is Psychic or something like that. Great story, though, and I wish there was a bit more.

Our winner this round is Mandle with 14 points:  A bit of stealth fanfiction, I see. An overall fun ride, that was slightly confusing from time to time. Maybe I was really tired when reading but I got really confused between the Vito and Bastone in the beginning for some reason (on re-reading it, it doesn't seem confusing, but maybe that is because I already know the characters). Anyway, I liked the plot-twist, and having it followed right after with the conversation with the real Grim Reaper (or the confusion of a dying man - its one and the same here, really) There's one tiny detail that might need a bit of an explanation: "Bastone bit deeper into the ankle of Death but did not find flesh" - as we find out later, that's actually a living human being he's biting here, so why isn't there any flesh? Tiny detail. I understand why you added the Epilogue, but was a bit confusing for me as well, maybe because you introduced a new character that wasn't necessary and we as readers are used to trying to find connections and patterns, so one wonders if the director has shown up before in the story.


This was your encounter with Death. I hope you all can avoid the guy for a long time to come.
Let's see who we get to meet in the next round of the Fortnightly Writing Competition, hosted by Mandle!
Congratulations, Mandle, and over to you.

[lapsking]

Congratulations Mandle, I really enjoyed reading your text and when finished wish it was longer.

Since for second time my poem was called fatalistic I have to say that's pure misunderstanding. I don't see my poem fatalistic at all unless one has nothing more than a materialistic and nihilistic life. Anyway not my fault the subject was death and not cherry blossoms.  Though I agree with you that rhythm can improve.

[Baron]

Cherry blossoms should definitely be the next topic.   

Congratulations everyone, but especially to Mandle! 

[Stupot]

Congrats to Mandle. I’m looking forward to the new theme.

Thanks for the feedback on my story, Baron and Sini. I was encouraged by the kind words. I was aware that my story left a lot of questions about the mechanisms around Joanna’s… gift? Condition? I had some ideas as to answers to these questions, but I decided to keep it vague because there was no way to do it without just a massive unsatisfying exposition dump.

I honestly didn’t think too deeply about it , because the story is from the narrator’s POV and they would have no idea either. Generally, in my mind, it was some kind of debt or repayment she had made, to spend a proportion of her life in the Reaper role until she fulfilled a quota. So we witnessed the moment where she finally paid off her quota (thanks to the plane crash) and a new Reaper came to take over the role.

The idea came to me when I thought about the “Santa Claus” logic of it. Just as there’s no way a fat man in a red coat can possibly go down billions of chimneys in one evening, neither could one hooded being realistically flit around the world touching people at a rate of 1 every less-than-two seconds. So I thought, ‘what if they don’t flit around like that?’ What if it’s just a normal human going about their daily life but just happens to have this reaper thing going on in the back of their mind. That’s when the idea of the twitching came into it.

My aim was for the reader to think the twitching was some kind of disease like Parkinson’s and that she was going to be touched by Death in the story, so I hoped the idea that she is the (a?) Reaper would come as a surprise.

The push chair lady part is a real thought I’ve had because I have to take my kid to nursery every day but can’t leave his push chair there, so I have to bring it back home empty and I have had some funny looks.

[Kastchey]

The push chair lady part is a real thought I’ve had because I have to take my kid to nursery every day but can’t leave his push chair there, so I have to bring it back home empty and I have had some funny looks.

I knew it right away, fellow daddy! 

[Baron]

The cute little toddler I used to push around in a stroller is in high school now.