Fortnightly Writing Contest: Campfire Story (CLOSED)

[lorenzo]

You! Yes, you, scrolling through the posts! Do you feel like reading some creepy and entertaining short stories, and then votes the ones you liked best? It'll take 10 minutes to read them all! Thanks

So, first of all, thanks to all who have joined the contest! I enjoyed each one of the stories. I won't vote, but here are my impressions of them:

Jenna Levinston

Spoiler

I really liked the narrating voice in this one. It gave the idea of an oral story told in front of a campfire, including digressions and interruptions.
The "---" replies felt unsettling in an understated way.
The ending was kind of expected, but that's not a negative and it works well.
Good story!

[close]

Burnt Marshmallows

Spoiler

The short length of the story makes it very creepy. It gives you enough information to tell a story, but lets your mind fill the rest. Great example how only a few sentences can give you a whole picture.
Good stuff!

[close]

The Flame That Burns

Spoiler

A very enjoyable story, it captures well the feeling of being in front of a campfire listening to ghost tales. The idea and descriptions of fire were very interesting and the ending was expected (again, that's not a bad thing in this case!), but good.
A very fun read!

[close]

Six Words

Spoiler

I find your other story to be more interesting. You can interpret this one in many ways, but I guess I'm too lazy for that I think the format is just not for me, but it's still interesting.

[close]

[Mandle]

Baron

Spoiler

Flawlessly written and simply great. The wealth of ideas touched on in the tale reminded me of some of the tangential ideas mentioned but never fully explored (except in Animatrix to some degree) in the later Matrix films: that supernatural elements all had a common basis. Loved the ending. It brought chills as the best campfire stories should (also why summer is the time for ghost stories here in Japan)

[close]

Sinitrena

Spoiler

I absolutely loved the unique monster you came up with for your story, and would certainly read a much longer piece involving this monster, and hopefully a few more wildly original ones like it. The ending was what was expected, but felt a bit rushed, and I realize that probably comes down to your conceit of the reader only hearing the speaker and being left to imagine the responses of the listeners, which was a device I did enjoy. Great work!

[close]

My votes:

Spoiler

2 points for The Flame That Burns
1 point for Jenna Levinston

[close]

[Baron]

Just votes for now, as I'm stuck on my phone - feedback to follow when I can type.

Spoiler

Jenna Livinston - 2 votes
Burnt Marshmallows - 1 vote

[close]

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Edit to provide promised feedback

Jenna Livinston

Spoiler

I liked the unreliable narrator and the childish interruptions to the narrative.  The idea of energy vampires was pretty cool, but the dynamic of Jenna being able to suck life out of children but not restore herself like the skull was a bit confusing. I liked that everyone fell into eternal slumber instead of death - it kind of gives the story a Sleeping Beauty kind of vibe, although I suppose as energy and life are sucked away the children become ever less beautiful as time goes on. The ending was as predictable as it was campfiresque, so good work cleaving to the theme.

[close]

Burnt Marshmallows

Spoiler

For an extremely short story there's a lot to unpack, which is a good thing.  I can imagine Mandle labouring for hours trying to pick the perfect words to populate all five sentences. The idea of the evil twin finally hatching her scheme to be rid of her sister was as ghoulish as it was terrifying - there's just something about evil children that just sends shivers down my spine.  A little more background and character development would juice this story up even more.

[close]

Six Words

Spoiler

Story burns out before it starts.

[close]

[lorenzo]

It seems like we have a tie between Sinitrena's Jenna Levinston and Baron's The Flame That Burns, both with 4 votes each (unless I counted wrong and knowing me, it could happen ).

Can someone help us solve this tie by adding an extra vote?

[Stupot]

I still have one more to read. I have to try and carve out a moment to read it, which I can't say when that will be but I'll try to within the next 8 hours (before I go to bed)

[Creamy]

Jenna Levinston - Sinitrena

Spoiler

The sequence of events is suitably chilling. The ending is expected but provides fuel for nightmares.

[close]

Burnt Marshmallows - Mandle

Spoiler

It's short, but each new sentence puts a dramatic twist to the previous one. Good job.

[close]

The Flame That Burns - Baron

Spoiler

A more restrained but effective way to convey horror. Classic ending.

[close]

Six Words

Spoiler

make a haiku, not a story.

[close]

My votes

Spoiler

The Flame That Burns - 2
Jenna Levinston - 1

[close]

[lorenzo]

Results!

This was a close one!

The winner is Baron, with 6 points!
Closely followed by Sinitrena, with 5.
And then Mandle, whose stories got 2 points each (4 points total).

Thanks to everyone who participated and voted!
Also, sorry Stupot if I didn't wait for your vote, I just wanted to close the contest so we can have a new one.

[cat]

Some quick reviews:

Jenna Levinston

Spoiler

I liked the setup with the narrator interrupted by the unknown audience and the story was a nice, classical ghost story. The ending felt stereotypical and cheap.

[close]

Burnt Marshmallows

Spoiler

This one didn't do anything for me. Not exactly sure why.

[close]

The Flame That Burns

Spoiler

The story was nicely written but just way too far fetched. Millions of people have looked into fire during full moon and nothing has happened.

[close]

Six Words

Spoiler

I loved that one. Just so many options what this could mean.

[close]

[Sinitrena]

The "---" replies felt unsettling in an understated way.

I like this description!


Congrats, Baron!
See you next round.

[Baron]

Oh, wow, thanks for the votes everyone! I'll be sure to get the next competition up and running shortly.