Another attempt at writing.

[PsychicHeart]

House on the hill where your dead dreamer sleeps.
The dawn hits the sky in a fiery good morning,
and sweet-sounding music rains through the floor.
The screaming lost children fall to their knees,
I am waiting with you on the mountain.
The clouds they are starting to lose their shape and I
Smile for every little thing that is happening.
The world is it coming to a bitter end,
and I know that the problem is neither me nor you.
Terrible sight to be caught in the street,
while the ten-foot tall blood-machines collect their hearts and
the eversweet music turns to a high-pitch screeching
It piereces my soul like a six-sided blade.

My eyes start to close and the world turns to black
I am standing, just barely and hopefully you are still there,
with you arm around me for support, else I'd probably fall.
Down into the jaws of the many-mouthéd beast,
and my lungs fill with gas, toxins and poisons,
and the familiar stench of death on my clothes,
the blood pouring from my chest as the battle continues,
but nobody's sure who is winning or even what we are all fighting for
I am praying the sun will explode and with it will take
This cruel, empty world and maybe then we will all get some rest by tomorrow.


Kind of envisioning this as an 'end-of-the-world-but-two-people-in-love-have-each-other-and-shit' sort of thing. If anyone has any comments or crits or whatever that'd be groovy.
Cheers : D

[Andail]

I dunno, had a hard time reading it because in my brain the text shifted from poetry to prose and back again.
The theme was a bit too melodramatic for me, too bitter-sweet.

As a poem, the verse meter is too inconsistent; either go with free verse or adhere to a strict meter. You begin with very distinct anapests, but after a few lines there's no tangiable rythm whatsoever.