I gone done made *another* song.

Calin Leafshade · Mon 08/08/2011 08:26:57

You may listen to it here:

http://www.thethoughtradar.com/blog/?p=242

Your comments on the production and performance would be appreciated

*END COMMUNICATION*

Anian · Mon 08/08/2011 09:24:25

Ok, here goes my untrained crits, hope you won't get mad:
To be honest, the flow of words is not really to my liking, not that I don't like the images but I find the rythm is off. For example the last lines of the chours:
let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of London,
I'll show you something to make you change your mind

- that's just way too much words that are used just for syntax sake and not really any images or point that can't be shortened, I can sort of hear in your voice you're trying to cram the words in so the lyrics follow the music...maybe just optimize and let the listeners connect the dots and images, something like:
You say you are alone
you say the sun doesn't shine
come and take my hand through the streets of London
I can change your mind

(note: this is just of the top of my head, not really song worthy)

Just trim some lines and maybe replace some like watching the world over the rim of his teacup that one is just complicated and not really smooth.

Calin Leafshade · Mon 08/08/2011 09:48:57

I should point of thats its a cover :p Not an original song.

I think I mentioned that in my blog post but my work proxy blocks my blog so i cant confirm.

I was more interested in the performance and the production.

Anian · Mon 08/08/2011 09:57:49

Oh, well it sounds good.

I still don't like the words though.

Calin Leafshade · Mon 08/08/2011 10:10:59

Heres Sinead O'Connor's version which is much nicer. I shouldve gone for a quieter mix and less guitar i think.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdKY8IzhEZI&feature=related

Tabata · Mon 08/08/2011 18:51:31

Quote from: Calin Leafshade on Mon 08/08/2011 10:10:59
... Sinead O'Connor's version which is much nicer. I shouldve gone for a quieter mix and less guitar i think. ...

I prefer it in the rhythm and style like Ralph McTell did it (also Cat Stevens sang it near to the original).

But (even if you might don't like to hear) I am still in love with the sound of your voice, which seems to be made for such songs.

straydogstrut · Mon 08/08/2011 19:57:47

I hadn't heard this song before so I claim blissful ignorance of any classic status it might have..but I like your cover.

You say some of the timing is off but the words seemed to fall on the right notes to me. But what do I know.

I did find your voice came in a bit strong at the start over the gentle finger picking, but I didn't know what to expect so this didn't seem as harsh on subsequent listens. There were a couple of stilted chords at the beginning, a bit twangy, but once you got into it it was very smooth.

I don't care much for the Sinead O'Connor version at all, the organ(?) was a bit overdone. I prefer the solo guitar style you've done. In fact, unlike the gentle laid back meandering of your version, some of Sinead's lines were a bit forced and rushed to meet the chord changes. I liked the Ralph McTell version, it was pacier and more folk-like instrumentally(?) but like Tabata I love your voice *ahem* and would gladly buy your album(??).

Until then: http://www.thethoughtradar.com/blog/?cat=33

Atelier · Mon 08/08/2011 21:22:01

I prefer your version. Sinead's sounds like she's singing with multiple clones. When you say the 'timing' is off, I don't know whether you mean because of the London riots and all

(ie, I didn't notice anything

) Constructively, I think there needs to be more dubstep. I didn't hear a single ear-splitting drop. Please come back with a dubstep remix.