Your opinions on a story

[TheMagician]

Here is a small overview of a story I have in mind for a long time now. I don't know if I will ever be able to turn it into a game. So I want to share it here.

The titel of the game is:


     Escape from Boredom.


The intro starts with a voice saying the standart fairy-tale beginning: "Once upon a time there was a kingdom ... " and so on. During the intro video you see a fat king sitting in his throne halfheartedly and a court jester just finishes telling a boring joke (and other scenes like that ... for example a market place where a woman tries to sell her fish totally spiritless.)


Here is the actual plot: "Boredom" is a kingdom in which nobody is really happy ... life is slow and monotonous ... the game is in black white and grey colours only (at least at the beginning).
One day, however the main charachter (perhaps a tennage boy) wakes up and has a strange notion that something in his life is missing. Something that makes ... ... fun.

He sets out on a journey to find this "fun" ... and in the end causes the whole kingdom to become coloured and full of life again.


Yes, the colour thing is a lot like "Pleasantville" but I like the idea and don't regard it as taken over from the movie.

I think the first time colour is intoduced should be in a cutscene where the protagonist kisses his new girlfriend for the first time. They start kissing ... the camera sweeps around them .... the music for the first time gets really excited and then they open their eyes and find themselves in colour.

I havn't thought about all the small twists in the plot or whether the black-and-white citicens accept the new colour from the start.

That is it. What are your opinions, ideas, comments, critiques?
Hope to hear from you soon.
Stefan

[Sinitrena]

I like the titel.
The story sounds a little bit like "Pleasentville" but not much. It's an intrissting story which wasn't used in many ways so far. To use it in a game would be nice. I'm not sure how you could put this in a game, what kind of puzzels would youz use? But perhaps you have more ideas about that than I have at the moment.
As for the story itself, the coulor thing sounds intressting but I don't think its a good idea to use a kiss as the first situation coulor appears. Acctually it has not really something to do with boredom. You said you want to use a teenage character. That's a good but very "normal" idea. Most people expect the youth to "fight" against the tradition. I suggest to use someone who is old and who as some wisdom. I mean someone who understands that fun is something everybody needs in his life.
The difficult part of your story is how someone who had never known about fun will be able to understand what fun is (I hope you understnd what I mean). An other difficult part is (or it is something that can give your game some kind of humour) is what words you use. Someone who had never known somthing about fun does'nt know words like fun, humor, happines, and so one.

Don't know if my suggestions help you. But I really think you should put it in a game. I would like to play it.

[ScottDoom]

As Sinitrena said, it would be hard for someone who has never had "fun" to bring "fun" back to a town of "Boredom." Maybe you could have a stranger find the town, or have something "fun" appear in the town that the main character approaches.

Also, the story seems to be missing a struggle, or conflict either between the main character and someone else or the main character and something within himself. With this story I think it'd be best to have an evil vs good type of conflict between the main character and someone else. Perhaps the "fat king" who hoards all the fun things to himself...

If you want any more story idea, or puzzle idea then you can contact me.

[TheMagician]

Thanks for your comments!

@Sinitrena:

You are right about the puzzles. I have not spent many thoughts on them. Perhaps ScottDoom's suggestion to add a "struggle element" to the story would make life easier when it comes to invening puzzles.
I thought about puzzles where you have to set up a scene for the people in the town so that they MUST experience fun things ... ok, not an easy task, though.

I would like to stick to ScottDoom's idea of something "fun" to appear in the town that the main character approaches. Because then I can use my teenage character instead of your proposal of an old wise man .... I think I want a  teenager to "fight" against the tradition, although it is a clichee.
But you convinced me about the kissing scene.

@ScottDoom:

Perhaps I should add that with  "fun" I not just mean the real "fun" in the literal sense of the word but also high spirits, soulfulness, vitality. Perhaps all the villagers and especially the king realize that something is missing in their life but they can't overcome their way of living (because of a dark force, maybe?)

As I already said I like your idea of good vs evil. Although I don't think the king should be the bad guy.

I am sure I will contact you in the near future to talk more about the ideas.