2 songs, critique please

[Andail]

Well, two new productions by yours truly, one that people might have heard in other versions and one spanking new.
http://www.andail.com/poseidon.mp3
http://www.andail.com/restless.ogg

Sorry that they ended up in different formats, something bugged when I tried to convert the first Poseidon one.

The second one is not entirely finished, it definitely needs something more, like some sort of beat or another instrument etc. But I'm rather stuck so I'm uploading it to get some feedback.

I've intended to start looking for a band soon enough, but haven't had the time yet, so you still have to stand my less than satisfactory vocals and not-so-advanced guitar playing
I sort of like both the melodies, although they differ a lot in style, the first being rather casual singer-songwriter routine, while the other is more medieval so to speak.
Have fun!

[Jack Sheehan]

Right, Criticism, here we go.

Firstly, you have a solid singing voice and thats gives you lots of room to maneuver. However I don't really like your delivery, perhaps I've been listening to too much Radiohead recently but these lyrics, such as they are would be served better with a little less clarity. We don't need to hear every word, though i suppose it does suit the medieval style of the second one.

The guitar playing is nice but not very exciting, mabye you could do with another guitar in there?

All in all with a little work this could be very good. I really think a more slurred, varying tone to the singing would serve these songs well.

[Damien]

...these lyrics, such as they are would be served better with a little less clarity. We don't need to hear every word...

Ah, the things we look for in music.


Both songs carry a catchy tune. Perhaps you could start fiddling with the production now.
The background instruments don't really give more depth to the songs, also, their sounding like recorded MIDI doesn't help either. When working with more instruments, try to add a simple melody to each one, or just make the backing tracks not play the same notes for some variety.

I'm not sure what software you use but there are some good sounding freeware VST instruments and also free VST hosts in which you can write and record the backing tracks using those virtual instruments.

[Evil]

I wrote up something yesterday, but closed all of my tabs on accident. Oh well.

Poseidon:
As for the clarity thing, I'd have to disagree. Radiohead is a special case. Thom Yorke has a very distinct, personal style and it really makes their music. They have great lyrics, but I can't understand anything he says. I didn't truly appreciate Hail To the Thief until I looked up the lyrics. Besides, Yorke has some great melodies, so who cares about the lyrics? The reverb on the vocals, though, feels a bit much at the beginning of the song, but by the end it's not bad.

The guitar is nice. The song is very folky, which isn't my taste, but it's well done. The bass is too flat sounding, too bassy. There's a bit of clipping too, which I think is the bass.

I was surprised when the second guitar came in. When it started, I was sort of, "Meh, Andail and a guitar." Then the other guitar(s) kicked in and I was wowed. The piano snuck up on me too.

I think last time I commented on your music I mentioned how your lyrics flowed. Over all, the flow is nice, but there are some weird spots. There's something about the space between "chamomile tea" and "well I'm." It could be that the chamomile tea part is rushed. I'm not sure. It just stuck out to me. The line after "it forks at every choice" also feels rushed. And "fuss" sounds like "fuzz". Could be a European thing, but I don't know. Is it poh-say-dun or poh-sigh-den? That could be a language thing too.

Restless:
Very midival feel. Right after "attire", the guitar bit ends with a bit of background noise. Same with at the end.

Organs feel out of place. Maybe just use a similar thing as the "La"s, but do a quiet "Ah".

"Nose" or "Notes" is a bit shaky. Sounds like a note you're stretching to hit.

And again, the reverb is a bit much. I'm not sure how you're recording, but sometimes I'll put a sock or a glove over the mic and rubber band it tight and not only does it work like a pop filter, but it'll warm up the vocals a bit. Try something raw. It may sound weird to you, but everyone that records their own voice feels the need to do a bunch of stuff to it to make it sound real or better, which most of the time isn't the case.

Everything sounds good, I'm just nitpicking minor stuff.

[Nikolas]

Hey Andail!

Your loyal fan here! Time for my comments as well!

Poseidon:

Your melodies have always been very catchy and your lyrics compliment the song very nice (<-how's that for a comment from a composer huh? Who cares about lyrics when the music is nice? )

There are two fields I could comment on really. The one is the orchestration, composition elements, which are fine and really like them. The only thing I could say is that at 3:00 there's not really much happening is it? I know that the lyrics really lend themselves to such melodification (!), but still a middle bridge, or some bigger changes to the orchestration would make the song much more impressive! A solo maybe? A completely new bridge? More instruments, apart from the piano and the 2nd guitar? A second voice? Right now you have as a form ABABABABABABAB (A few chord changes and repeat adlib those pretty much). But, again, these lyrics work with such music, so I wouldn't worry too much about that.

Production wise: Well Poseidon is rather excellent to that level I have to say. Considering it's all live instruments (bass, is not live is it?, or the piano), it feels well made.

Some suggestions: I do miss the filling that the piano could provide. Piano players can play 10 notes at time, and you use 1-2 fingers each time. Shows a lot...

The reverb on the voice is fine as it is, but it actually brings the voice towards the back, leaving the guitars up front. You are in a concert hall and have 2 guitars in front, and to the back of the stage, the singer... 

nothing else for this song, except that my kids loved it and so did I! Heard it thrice already!

restless: 2nd voice is TEH COOL!

Cute short song.

Again it is very nice, very catchy, the melody works very well, the changes are fine fine fine, for this style. Tye two guitars work very nice here and when the drums enter it's a nice change, along with the little synth on the back.

Problem with all the songs you write, is that these damn songs are good when played live! They don't really work extremely well when you try to make them on your own. They do need live instruments and no amount of VSTs free or not will make them "right"! These scream for a band on the back, with a proper pianist, proper bass player and proper guitarist, etc (your voice IS fine btw).

And also, these two don't really differ so much! you can very well see that the same person wrote these. Very close alike I'd say.

[Andail]

Thanks all, I read your comments carefully.

Jack: Yes, sometimes I feel like a slave under my lyrics, I feel a need to articulate them as well as possible. And yeah, adding a more interesting guitar part is certainly on my to do list.

Damien: Agreed, I should work out better back up melodies.

Evil: Yeah there are some pronunciation issues I guess. Generally I strive to maintain a British accent, but vocals flow better in American, for some reason. Especially omissions (but also the distinct t's) tend to obstruct the flow. I should really try to give the lyrics a better flow, instead of articulating them staccato-like. 

Nikolas: Yes, Poseidon needs variation. My biggest problem is that I'm not musician enough to perform a solo - a problem that would solve itself the day I get myself a band...I think that would improve my music astronomically, since it's quite dependent on nice instrumental delivery.

Thanks all, I'll continue my composing here.

[AvihooI]

I think the first song sounds fantastic, if you want an insturmental solo in it I think flute or harmonica would be great, not necessarily a guitar solo... especially not overdriven electric.

[Rolf]

   What is Ogg and how open Ogg music based on the application? I can criticize the music very well. My father, who is a music teacher is very good. Maybe you could learn it!

[Nikolas]

download winamp and it plays ogg files...