Short Fiction, Criticism welcome.

[Jack Sheehan]

Hello Ags-ers, if you have the time, please have a look at this short story I wrote recently. It was inspired by fallout, so if you enjoyed that, you may enjoy this.I decided to host it as a blog rather than post it all here.

http://rickjohnsonsfiction.blogspot.com/

[skitzo]

I love Nuclear disaster stories such as Fallout.
The story started out good. A few minor typos, nothing big or story hindering though.
Is there more to come? also is this possibly an idea for a game?

[Jack Sheehan]

Well I hadn't planned any more, but if it seems unfinished then I guess I could. I will be writing more, but it will probably not be a sequel.

[None]

Loved it, It's very good. Though I don't see how it relates to this particular forum (I'm willing to overlook that because it's good hehehe). I guess it might INSPIRE someone, to make a game out of the short story... (like me for instance hehehe) lol. As for a title? How about something like "TOXIC" ? Whatever though, all in all and so finally I give it, 7/10 Starz! [*******''']

[TwinMoon]

I had this bookmarked for a week, but finally came round to read it :

The mood is very good, the words are chosen well. It looks the beginning of an epic

Just one negative thing: "The second floor down was unremarkable."
This line almost made me not want to read on: He goes down in an unknown temple like nothing he's ever seen before, which "gave off a feeling of vague unease" and he says its unremarkable?

Other than that, a very enjoyable story.

[Jack Sheehan]

Cheers for the replies lads, be sure to check that blog from time to time, my next story is about a failed communist town in 1996.

Stay tuned.