Recently, I spent quite some time on drawing various comic strips, and I really want to hear some feedback!
(And I really hope there is no problem in posting this here!)
Here are two of them (they might contain some spelling or grammar mistakes, since my english is not quite perfect):
(http://img56.imageshack.us/img56/5335/sparschweinenx9.png)
(http://img77.imageshack.us/img77/1812/pcmacfbh8.png)
If you like them, I might post more!
The jokes aren't superb, but the caricature of the Mac guy is great.
Pretty cool I understand the first competely, but I don't quite get the second one ...
Quote from: Evil on Sun 20/08/2006 18:34:12
...the caricature of the Mac guy is great.
He, thank you, I try! What about the PC guy?
Quote from: Zor on Sun 20/08/2006 18:51:29
Pretty cool I understand the first competely, but I don't quite get the second one ...
Well, do you know the Mac ads?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxGyWsvPyds
Using the word "alienist" seems kind of awkward. It's pretty much an obsolete word.
The second one would be better if, for example, the last panel was of the PC and mac guy sitting next to each other on a sofa, and a therapist was sitting in a chair next to it, asking "and how long have you been having these problems?"
I can stretch my disbelief, but a psychologist walking in and immediately hypodermic needling two guys... Nah :P
Quote from: voh on Mon 21/08/2006 00:29:59
Using the word "alienist" seems kind of awkward. It's pretty much an obsolete word.
Yeah, what do I know? I looked it up in a dictionary.
Quote from: voh on Mon 21/08/2006 00:29:59
I can stretch my disbelief, but a psychologist walking in and immediately hypodermic needling two guys... Nah :P
It was supposed to be like they are in a nuthouse.
I considered drawing a padded cell in the background, but I decided not to do it, since I didn't want to draw it in the first panels, either. I though, it would be to obvious.
They aren't funny at all. Case closed.
Maybe put them in straightjackets with a mac logo on one and a Microsoft logo on the other?
Skyfire1 I'm sorry but I really don't appreciate your comment. No, I'm not the owner of the cartoons and I appreciate that everyone has the right to an opinion, but if you want to express the fact that you disliked the cartoons please maybe tell the author what he did wrong, or how he can improve the artwork.
Please think next time you post.
Well, artwork usually doesn't matter so much - as long as the jokes are good (look at userfriendly, for example, ugh).
Using the dictionary for words to use is a good thing, but in the case of alienist you should've looked further. Not only is it pretty much an obsolete word (as far as the public goes, it IS), it also means something different from what you'd expect.
An alienist is a psychologist who's specialized in the legal aspects of mental competence, and is often the expert witness. They're psychiatrists, but they're also alienists - alienist != psychiatrist :)
Quote from: voh on Mon 21/08/2006 16:15:26
Well, artwork usually doesn't matter so much
Wait a minute! What, er... what are you implying?
Quote from: voh on Mon 21/08/2006 16:15:26
Using the dictionary for words to use is a good thing, but in the case of alienist you should've looked further. Not only is it pretty much an obsolete word (as far as the public goes, it IS), it also means something different from what you'd expect.
Yeah, I know! I warned you it might contain mistakes.
Especially the first one, since it was originally made in german.
You know, that's one of the reasons I put it in here in the first place.
So you can help me fix it.
(By the way, I was referring to an english-german dictionary. And for "alienist" it displayed me what, translated back to english, would be "psychiatrist" and "doctor for the insane", wich I though it would be fitting.
Quote from: Alliance on Mon 21/08/2006 03:00:08
Maybe put them in straightjackets with a mac logo on one and a Microsoft logo on the other?
Can anyone spot the major WHOOPS here?
Microsoft DOES NOT MEAN PC!
Maybe put the IBM logo on the PC guy, but not the Microsoft logo. *shudder* Yikes! Even the name scares me to death: Mi-cro-soft... *shudder* *shudder*
Anyway, back on topic, Thomas, good job. The first one was kind of average joke-wise, but the second was funnier. I have no problem with the graphics so far, as long as I can understand what those things are. So keep it up!
Hehe, thanks! To you all! ;D
(Except for skyfire1.)
I found them quite funny. There have been times in my life when I've been laughing harder but they are not too bad. Would be cool to see some more.
The art is quite clean, and all important details and actions are easy to get. I think your greatest strength lies in the facial expressions which are mostly very good and to the point. Details like the Mac guy's nostrils are great additions. The anatomy could use some work though, the poses are often stiff, and their arms generally too short. You could also work more on the compositions. Eg. in the first panel of the first comic, there's a lot of dead space at the bottom while everything is stuffed together at the top. Also the last panel should have been centered. Try to look at each page as a whole piece. Sketching things out beforehand should help you moving things around to make your comic more visually appealing. The "camera" angles are also very simple, classic tableaux style. Maybe it's your style of choice, but it often doesn't hurt experimenting with more varied angles. The fourth panel might be "shot" straight on to make it different from the third, or you could try an over-the-shoulder shot (with the girl's shoulder appearing in front of the boy).
I like them and I did laugh.
I would urge you to post some more please :)
@Neil: Hey, thank you, that sure was helpful.
You are right, I do have problems with the anatomy, but I'm already working on that.
As for the nostrils, I actually drew them for caricaturing purposes.
The last panel of the first comic was supposed to fill the whole bottom part of the page but I kinda screwed that up.
Oh, and the camera angles, in those strips they are a little simple, but I'm also working on a comic with plot and everything, wich is going to have various camera angles.
I'm mentioning this, so you wouldn't think I'm all unoriginal and everything I do is that plain.
However, yes, I will post more in a while. I just have to do some stuff and translate them before posting.
EDIT: Alright, here we go:
(http://img178.imageshack.us/img178/5312/jehovaeub2.png)
(I know, this one has some awkward scaling-problems. No need, to point that out! :) )
(http://img178.imageshack.us/img178/122/doofengit1.png)
oops.. my connection failed.. sorry for double-posting
The first one's cool. I like the big glossy smiles in panel 3, but what the guy does with his arm in panel 4 is SO WEIRD that even the most loyal Jehova guy would run away! BTW, you spell that "witness". And I don't quite get the punchline...
Second one's okay- the middle panel is, in my opinion, really very good: It switches the perspective apruptly and drags the reader's eye in. While not the strongest of all possible jokes, I know how often you stumble across that sentence in any given german city. I mean, I live in Aachen, Germany, and must've read that line a hundred times.
BTW, I see you use your computer for lettering, and, in my opinion, the Comic Sans font is heavily overused. Check out some font sites (blambot.com is quite good- you can get a fine set of professional fonts there, and they're free as long as you're not working for a company. Well worth a visit.)
Go on! More!
Quote from: Ghost on Mon 21/08/2006 23:40:21
what the guy does with his arm in panel 4 is SO WEIRD that even the most loyal Jehova guy would run away!
Yeah, I tried to make such a waving-in gesture, but well... ::)
Quote from: Ghost on Mon 21/08/2006 23:40:21
And I don't quite get the punchline...
*Sigh* Nobody does... The joke is, that the guy is a scientologist, wich means that the witnesses are pwned!
Quote from: Ghost on Mon 21/08/2006 23:40:21
While not the strongest of all possible jokes, I know how often you stumble across that sentence in any given german city.
Yep, this one is even based upon something, that actually happened. :D
Quote from: Ghost on Mon 21/08/2006 23:40:21
BTW, I see you use your computer for lettering, and, in my opinion, the Comic Sans font is heavily overused.
Oh yeah, I know what you mean...!
The problem is, I have a rather bad handwriting.
Plus, if want to translate a comic I also have to use computer lettering.
The thing in the third panel, by the way, was actually hand-written but, you know, for the translation I had to overwrite it with the computer, making it looking not so good.
1.
Hands are hard, arms too. Took me a long time to find my style there; practise makes perfekt. A trife thing to say, I know, but you must've already heard it.
2.
Ah, a scientologist. I couldn't have guessed from his looks. This should be made clear, I'd say.
3.
Funniest place I ever saw that was on a specially made Aachener Printe. Tasted nice, still made me feel strange to eat my words.
4.
As I said, there are fonts out there GALORE. I checked for you; http://www.1001fonts.com is another nice site to visit. Font does a lot.
If you want to stick with the shorter comics, try out some reference material. Calvin and Hobbes and Garfield come to my mind. They too have a clean and simple style, and by looking at the work of professionals, you can learn a lot.
Also try to get a good dictionary, don't trust the internet. At my university we're sworn in to "Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary", an english-english dic. Very good. An idioms dic would also be helpful. If you want, I can dig up a list.
Quote from: Ghost on Tue 22/08/2006 00:21:29
2.
Ah, a scientologist. I couldn't have guessed from his looks. This should be made clear, I'd say.
Yeah, I meant to draw a painting of L Ron Hubbard in the background, but I didn't have any space left. But I thought, you'd have to know that scientologists get their members with scientology tests to get it, anyway.
I could use the word "scientology" in the comic, but I think that would spoil the punchline.
I know, it's been a while, but here is my newest creation:
It's my comment on Kazakhstan's reaction on Borat.
I think, it's artistically the best thing I've done so far.
(http://img372.imageshack.us/img372/341/boratcl5.png)
Well, what do you think?
Okay, nobody?
Not even a sympathy-post?
You could at least tell me, what you think about the joke and the overall message.
...please? :(
I agree, you made quite some progress. Frame 3 is well done, I like that "Society of Funny Walks pose". As for the joke, I actually got it this time, and while it is a simple punchline, it got a grin. The joke was a bit, well, obvious, but you got a message, and a simple one too that everybody can understand, so that's a good thing.
I'm a bit unsure about the cinema poster, though, is
"make benefit glorious nation" a typo, or have you missed a/some words on intention?
Anyway, I can see you're going somewhere, and it looks like the right direction. Keep it up!
"Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan" is the actual full title of the film, it's not a typo (If you've not heard of the film - Lucky, lucky you).
Why is the 'of Khazakhstan' line so much smaller that the others?
And that's a Goose-step from Fawlty Towers, not a Ministry of Silly Walks, erm, Silly Walk. ;) (Right actor, mind you.)
I couldn't say how well the message (as I see it) works, as I don't know what the average Khazakh thinks of the Borat flm (I know the government and various anti-defamation groups are agaist it). And personally, I don't think the joke is that funny anyway. I could just have a downer on it, because it mentions Borat, and I've never found Sasha Baron Cohen funny.
Quote from: Ashen on Sat 11/11/2006 19:17:50
"Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan" is the actual full title of the film, it's not a typo.
Ah. I didn't see that one, so my badÃ, ;)
Quote from: Ashen on Sat 11/11/2006 19:17:50
And that's a Goose-step from Fawlty Towers, not a Ministry of Silly Walks, erm, Silly Walk.
Sure, but they look so pretty similar, and I wanted to show off with some old-fashioned TV culture knowledge. No harm done, I hope.
Quote from: Ashen on Sat 11/11/2006 19:17:50
I couldn't say how well the message (as I see it) works, as I don't know what the average Khazakh thinks of the Borat flm (I know the governemt and various anti-defamation groups are agaist it). And personally, I don't think the joke is that funny anyway. I could just have a downer on it, because it mentions Borat, and I've never found Sasha Baron Cohen funny.
It's a small nice punchline the way I see it, people see a movie, say they dislike the way their folks are portrayed, and then do the same thing against another folk. There may be better punchlines, but it shows some generic jingoism that's part of human nature.
Quote
I wanted to show off with some old-fashioned TV culture knowledge. No harm done, I hope.
Not to me, I was just showing off some more pedantic old-fashioned TV culture knowledge. And, like I edited in above, it IS the same actor...
Quote
It's a small nice punchline the way I see it, people see a movie, say they dislike the way their folks are portrayed, and then do the same thing against another folk.
That's what I thought the message was - glad I wasn't totally off base! Maybe I was just being a bit too literal, but I wasn't sure if - in this case - that actually was happening. As it's pretty specific (at least, if you know about the film it mentions) about who the 'genericly jingoistic' types must be, I'd like to know if they actually ARE being jingoistic. If you don't know Borat (again, lucky you), I can see that it'd maybe work better.
Also, like I said, I don't like SBC/Borat/Ali G/Bruno/Whatever other character he uses to make the exact same joke. This has nothing to do with the comic, I just felt the need to share.
Apologies to Thomas for drifting slightly off-topic there.
The art is pretty good, though - even without the text in frame 2, I'd have recognised what/who Frame 3 was meant to be. I think the first one is my favourite punchline (the idea at least, the speech is a little .. off - translation problem?) but could stand to lose a frame or two, the second has better pacing but (as has been mentioned) the slightly clunky 'alienist' spoils it. I can't read the Scientologist one right now, but I remember getting a grin from it, if not an actual laugh.
Quote from: Ashen on Sat 11/11/2006 19:17:50
Why is the 'of Khazakhstan' line so much smaller that the others?
Oh, that's just a little side-gag I came up with, while I was drawing.
Since the title is so long, I made every line smaller, to make it look like one of those vision-testing posters.
It's probably not a very good gag, but you knOOOooow...
Quote from: Ghost on Sat 11/11/2006 19:11:43
The joke was a bit, well, obvious...
Well, I wanted to have a little fore-shadowing in the second panel, if this is, what you meant. But I think, it's good, you actually see, how they see the episode and even hypocritical blame the germans of being humorless.
And this one is not supposed to be necessarily hilarious, but mark a point in a humorous fashion.
Quote from: Ghost on Sat 11/11/2006 19:11:43
Anyway, I can see you're going somewhere, and it looks like the right direction. Keep it up!
Thank you, I'll try! :)
Quote from: Ashen on Sat 11/11/2006 19:17:50
I couldn't say how well the message (as I see it) works, as I don't know what the average Khazakh thinks of the Borat flm (I know the governemt and various anti-defamation groups are agaist it).
Well, I read an article about khazakh students in germany, who watched the film, (the Khazakhs in the comic are, in fact, charicatures of two of those students) and they said, they couldn't believe, that people laughed about the shots on their country.
But you can't blame anybody for laughing!
If it was another country, they would have laughed as well.
And that's one of those things, I'm trying to say with this comic.
The other thing is, that Khazakhstan should stop whining.
They aren't the only country, somebody pokes fun at.
German-bashing, for example, is so regulary, it got it's own term to describe it.
Many germans don't think, this episode of Fawlty Towers is funny, but they don't try to ban it or to sue John Cleese.
One of the reasons is, that it would support the cliché of the humorless german.
Quote from: Ashen on Sat 11/11/2006 19:17:50
And personally, I don't think the joke is that funny anyway.
Do you mean the joke in my comic?
Quote from: Ashen on Sat 11/11/2006 19:37:28
Apologies to Thomas for drifting slightly off-topic there.
Oh, no problem, it wasn't so much off-topic.
I wanted to talk about the political background and things.
And the Scientology one seems to be actually gone.
I might re-up it.
However, thank you for your opinions, I'm glad you are mainly positive.
However, I'm pretty happy, how I managed to draw John Cleese. What do you think about it?
QuoteSince the title is so long, I made every line smaller, to make it look like one of those vision-testing posters.
OK, that makes sense. If I'd have got that to start with, it'd have been funny. As it is (only three lines, all different widths), it looks more like poor design/planning on your part (sorry). Maybe if 'BORAT:' was huge and on it's own line, and the rest tapered down from that to 'too small to read' it'd be more obvious. You maybe don't even need the whole thing to be readable - if the reader knows the film they won't need to read it all, and if they don't know it it won't matter, it'll just be a (more obvious) sight gag about long film titles. Of course, if they don't know what it's about, the joke might be a little lost on them anyway.
Quote
Well, I read an article about khazakh students in germany, who watched the film, (the Khazakhs in the comic are, in fact, charicatures of two of those students) and they said, they couldn't believe, that people laughed about the shots on their country.
If it was another country, they would have laughed as well.
And that's one of those things, I'm trying to say with this comic.
The other thing is, that Khazakhstan should stop whining.
They aren't the only country, somebody pokes fun at.
While I've largely tried to avoid anything to do with the movie in question, the impression I got was that the Khazakhstan Government was offended buy it and threating to sue, etc, while the PEOPLE for the most part didn't really care either way. If I'm wrong, then sorry about that. And students don't really count since (in my experience) they're either far more earnest about things than 'normal' people, or drunk.
Quote
But you can't blame anybody for laughing!
Well, no, but I don't know anybody who laughs at Borat...
RE: the cartoon: I don't think it's hilarious, but it is good satire.
Your rendition of JC is good. Perhaps a little
too well researched - the bandages are nice but what is he carrying in his left hand? I would make his right leg much longer even though I can see that short legs are part of your style.
Quote from: Ashen on Sat 11/11/2006 21:56:24
Well, no, but I don't know anybody who laughs at Borat...
I was in a theater
full of them. If you mean personally, then wow. Tough crowd.
Quote from: SteveMcCrea on Sat 11/11/2006 22:12:18
RE: the cartoon: I don't think it's hilarious, but it is good satire.
Good, because that is, how I stated before, what I wanted to do.
Quote from: SteveMcCrea on Sat 11/11/2006 22:12:18
Your rendition of JC is good. Perhaps a little too well researched - the bandages are nice but what is he carrying in his left hand?
Yeah, I have a soft spot for details.
What he is carrying is the notepad and the pen, he used to take the orders, earlier.
But it's good to hear, you think the caricature is good.
Quote from: SteveMcCrea on Sat 11/11/2006 22:12:18
I would make his right leg much longer even though I can see that short legs are part of your style.
Yeah, plus my lack of abillity to picture the human anatomy.
Quote from: SteveMcCrea on Sat 11/11/2006 22:12:18
Quote from: Ashen on Sat 11/11/2006 21:56:24
Well, no, but I don't know anybody who laughs at Borat...
I was in a theater full of them. If you mean personally, then wow. Tough crowd.
Yeah, I have to agree.
But it doesn't matter, because the people in the cinema, in wich there students were, did laugh.
@Ashen:
As far as I know, those vision test do have different widths for each line.
And I thought, the last line would be small enough.
But if you say so...
Well, I don't know, if you're right about the regular people in Khazakhstan, their obviously
are regular Khazakhstans, who think it's offensive and take actions against it, and I don't care for this kind of behaviour.
Well, you obviously don't like the film, either.
I have to admit, I laughed about it.
Apart from the film not being quite pc, I don't see what's wrong with it.
And even if one doesn't think, that a film is funny, it's no reason for such a reaction.
Thomas, I think you really got a nice "hit" here. One comic, and we're more talking about the background of the joke than the comic itself. I think that's a good thing. You should defenitely take this as encouragement.
Ah, Ghost, you know how to boost someone's self-esteem! :D
I have to agree, though.
However, I hope you don't mind, when I post another comic.
This is going to be the first one of a whole arc.
I'm afraid, it turned out a little sloppy, except for the last panel.
I probably will draw it again.
But it has one of my favourite punchlines, so I want you to see it and give me feedback.
Nothing political this time, sorry.
(http://img168.imageshack.us/img168/4338/1eau7.png)
OK last words from me on the Borat one:
The eye-test charts I'm familar with (been wearing glasses for nearly 20 years) have different widths for the first few lines it's true, but they get wider as the font size shrinks, not smaller as you've got. The bulk of the chart is lines of about the same width, but obviously with more letters per line as they get smaller. Since you only have a few lines, keeping the width fairly constant, but changing the amount and size of the text would make the 'it's meant to look like an eye-test chart' more obvious to me. That's what I meant to say, but I cut it down too much and lost the point.
I've not seen the film, and don't intend to because I don't find Borat funny (as you might've noticed by now ;)). I also didn't find Ali G funny - and even the people I know (and I do mean personally - I realise there are lots of people in the world that love Borat, I just mean the half-dozen or so I'm likely to talk to on a regular basis) that DID find Ali G funny originally don't really like Borat. Maybe that unfairly influenced my first post, I don't know. Hey - as Ghost said - at least people are talking about it now!
I think the details in the JC picture really make it - you HAVE to have the bandages in there or the episode doesn't make sense, and including his order pad appeals to my pedantic fanboy side.
Anyway, on to the new one:
I like it, it's a little surreal. Having him say "we could approach each other on a field of flowers" seemed a little excessive at first, but I actually think it helps make it just that little bit odder (which is good).
As with the first one you posted, my preference would be to merge a couple of the frames for the pacing issue. As it is, it seems a little bogged down and (no offense meant here) while the art is nice and clean looking, IMO it's not interesting enough, and there're not enough changes between the panels, to justify four frames for so little dialogue.
(1 & 2 could stand as a single frame, as could 3 & 4. Or, you could just combine 3 & 4 and have the last panel double width across the bottom of the page.)
You are probably right about the eye-test charts.
I just said, how I see it.
But I apparently remebered wrong.
However, it was just a little side-gag, anyway.
Okay, about Borat:
I haven't seen Ali G.
And I only saw the Ali G. show on one or to occasions an wasn't thrilled by it.
So, when I went to watch Borat, my expectations weren't very high, either, but when I saw it, I nearly crapped my pants! :D
So, if you'd give it chance, you might like it.
By the way, I don't mind, that you say your opinions on it.
Quote from: Ashen on Sun 12/11/2006 00:42:49
I think the details in the JC picture really make it - you HAVE to have the bandages in there or the episode doesn't make sense, and including his order pad appeals to my pedantic fanboy side.
My thoughts exactly.
However, about the new comic:
It is based on those romantic films, in wich a guy and a gal would approach each other on a field.
One day I thought: "How the hell does that happen? I mean, do they make a date for that?"
So, I put this gag in.
But I will consider your suggestions, when I redraw it.
(Mh, I meant to post this much earlier, but it didn't work.)
A nice one. One thing I like about the characters is that they are, in a positive sense, very generic. It's easy to see them as almost anybody, so it's easy to relate to them.
The pacing of the comic is slow, indeed, but the way I read it it makes sense:
In Panel 1 he approaches the girl and is obviously nervous, so the pause until she replies in Panel 2 is a nice "hanging moment". In Panel 2 he's relieved (nice eyes there), and we know that there will be more talk now. Panels 3 and 4 defenitely stretch the flow, but I think it's still okay and is nicely countered by the (very neat) punchline in Panel 5- first they talk in short, shy sentences, suddenly he comes up with a Hollywood clichee that is then carried out in Panel 6.
The only thing that nags me is the total symmetry of the comic's frames. I know it's done that way in 90% of all strips, but this is a whole page, and you might want to try to lose one panel and make the "flower field frame" be twice as wide (giving it the space of Panel 5 and 6). It's the "punchline", after all, and it might look better that way.
I'm also curious about how this arch will develop. Your thread is being watched by this Ghost :)
Alright, thank you! :)
However, I originally wanted the punchline to stretch over the bottom line, but somehow, I thought, it would be better, to have the lines in panels 3 and 4 seperated.
Probably because of his face.
Well, I'm going to rework it and then we'll see, what the result will be.
However, I think I'll let hear from me again, when I finishied that arc.
It's going to be a little long, so there is a lot to look forward!
What if you cut out the 5th frame? After she asks "what do you want to do?", go directly to them running in a field of flowers. It'd also allow you to extend the frame across the whole page and make it a bit more "dramatic." I guess you run the risk of mis-interpretation ... I don't know.
Honestly, I just don't find it very funny. After you explained it, I understood what you were going for, but the humor seems a little forced to me. Maybe if you approached it from the other end?
The two are running toward each other in a field (maybe a full-length frame). As they reach each other, they start panting and gasping. After reaching each other they're panting and gasping and all sweaty, trying to catch their breath. Than the girl says something like "Can't we just meet at the movie theater next time?"
Yeah, I might consider it.
You know, it would be fitting, 'cause they are in fact going to the movie theater in one of the following comics.
But then again, I want to introduce them first, so in the context of the story it might be better.
And people obviously find it funny, too.
Thomas, may I (once again) recommend Scott McCloud's "Understanding Comics" (the german title's "Comics richtig lesen)- it is a great read and has a whole chapter about the "things that happen between panels).
The german translation is also very good, and it is one of the books I consider as "essential".
Oh, let's see.
I think, I can do fine without it.
But why do you say "once again"?
Just because I recommend that book to anyone who does comic strips. It's like Yoda always saying "Learning you must, patience you need." ;)
I have tried to get a copy of it ever since I saw a small extract at a comic book store in Aachen. It's really a unique thing, a book about comics, written as a comic. If you ever run across it, don't hesitate to pick it up!
Oh, ok, let's see.
Thank you.
Quote from: Thomas Voà Ÿ on Sun 12/11/2006 19:51:43And people obviously find it funny, too.
Everyone will have their own reaction. I was just giving you my honest impression.
Even if you don't change the joke, I think the problem is that the punchline is given away in the 5th frame. That's why I recommend cutting it, or maybe you could change what the boy says so you don't give away the joke (maybe to something like "Do you like movies?").
I do like the unexpected twist, but the delivery suffers.
Yeah, I know, I just said, that it evidently is funny.
However, I like it the way it is, because the boy says something rather absurd like "We could approach each other on a field", and the girl even says yes, and boing, they're doing it. (No pun intended!)
You know, they consider it like it was normal thing to do.
So, IMO, when I cut the 5th frame, I'd just copy the cliché and you'd wonder: "How did that happen?!?"
Well... I got every one of them, but I could'nt seem to find any of them funny. Sorry to say, I just find them boring. As someone else said, you should try to make the punchline surprising and unexpected. Not only to make jokes funny, but also to make the story interresting.
You sure, you read all of them?
Because some of them doesn't seem to load anymore.
However, I did try to do everything you said.
Don't know, what you don't like.
Yeah, I read all of them. Sorry if offended, just thought you wanted some critique :)