Need C&C on story/plot/concept! (game already in production)

[Minimi]

OK here's the thing...

I'm developing a new adventure game, wich I haven't announced yet (just because I want to have alot of progress before I show something), but now that I make some progress, I begin to doubt weither the adventure is a cliche, or just good. So I'll just explain what/where the game is about, in big lines, though I don't want to reveal too much.

Game title : The Void
Atmosphere : Drama
Game length : between medium and full length
Planned release date : beginning 2005 (optimistic)

Game story/plot : You are (as the player) an old man, wich name I haven't chosen yet. This old man is married for a long time. They had one son, but he is already grown up. Your wife is a christian with all her heart, and tried in the past to convince you to become also a believer, but you don't believe abit of it. That made your wife sad, though she accepted your choice, and left it there. You as the player, are pretty much burned out on life, and the only really important thing in life you have left is your dear dear wife.

The game starts at your own home, where your wife also is. Then after several puzzles and progress on the story, and having contact with other people in the town, like a good friend of yours, who likes to play chess with you (puzzle!?), the day is over, and day 2 starts.

cutscreen:
When you wake up in your bed, besides your wife, you go downstairs, take some orange juice, and also for your wife, and go back up. Then when you call the name of your wife, several times and she does not respond, you feel her chest, and there is no movement or heart-beat. You panic completely and grab the phone as quick as you can to call the ambulance. When they arrive and try to reanimate her, it seems useless, and they tell you that she past away.

Now the world of you (player), completely collapse, and you become really depressive and go see a shrink. He/She tells you that you should find a new hobby, or new dream/goal in your life. So this is where it really starts, to find something to fill the empty void inside of you.

My goal of the game is to let the player be able to play this game non-linear and be able to finish it in multiple ways. For example, you could do suicide, because you as player can't find any good way to fill up the void.

I want to make use of some sort of counter that counts your emotion. So every decision you make, could effect this meter. Depending on your emotion, you get several lines to say, dialogs to speak.


This is pretty much the outline of the game, as it is at the moment. I have planned to make the game have between 60 - 80 rooms.

I have drawn 4 rooms+animation, and the maincharacter+walkanimation.

Thank you for taking the time, to read the outline of my upcoming game, and as soon as I made more progress I will release screenshots and announce the game in, Games in Production.

Please give me all the support or comments that you have, because I want this game to be GOOD!

For those that are eager to know what the game looks like (underneath you can see the graphics of the game, on wich I based a tutorial I made, for drawing those graphics)

[Cluey]

What can I say, sounds very "heavy".
Not that that's a bad thing, but you have to be careful when dealing with issues like that, so as not to offend anyone.

[Blane]

 8) Deep, genious, AWESOME CONCEPT!

But the emotion meter will be terribly hard to do...if you want it to be perfect. If you want it to be...ametuer, then there might be some help...either way, it will be hard

[InCreator]

Hm. Maybe not showing the meter anywhere at all! Player would be just surprised that game is unexpectably different each time?
Storyline? Depressive. Depressive is good. I kinda enjoy deep, dark games, LucasArtsey humor in 3/4 of games gets old quite a while.
Wish you luck.

[Moox]

I like it, nice beegee also, it reminds me of 5 days a stranger

[The Faction]

I don't exactly unserstand what the action of the game will consist of.  Finding ways to pass the time?  Sorry, but this doesn't sound terribly exciting.  But maybe I'm missing the point.

Anyway I really like your BG.  Your use of color seems especially well suited to your dark theme.

[Phemar]

An emotion counter, hm?

Good plot! 8) !!

I just don't understand what could offend anyone?

[Minimi]

What can I say, sounds very "heavy".
Not that that's a bad thing, but you have to be careful when dealing with issues like that, so as not to offend anyone.

I'm trying to put people to think about some issues, not to judge about lifestyles, or anything else. On the other hand, I'm offended personally by alot of movies and games, but that has nothing to do with the games, but with me.

Deep, genious, AWESOME CONCEPT!

But the emotion meter will be terribly hard to do...if you want it to be perfect. If you want it to be...ametuer, then there might be some help...either way, it will be hard

Yes, I'm aware of the fact, that the emotion meter, would some more time for the scripting, but it won't be really hard. The dialog lines might just get messy, for every emotion.

I'm just trying to make something original to the point&click world, because I like it, when you have the feeling that you can really make the choices of the character, and not just clicking linear lines. In this way, you have to read and think carefully what to say, because they influence your game in later state, wich could bring you to another ending.

Hm. Maybe not showing the meter anywhere at all! Player would be just surprised that game is unexpectably different each time?
Storyline? Depressive. Depressive is good. I kinda enjoy deep, dark games, LucasArtsey humor in 3/4 of games gets old quite a while.
Wish you luck.

That is considerable, by not showing the meter, though I think it would be confusing if the character suddenly changes from happy, to agressive.

Also, it's not really a depressive dark game. The story you have read is only the beginning, wich is linear. From that point on you are going to find hobby's and activities, to fill up your void. These could just be humoristic, and fun. Just think yourself what you consider in doing with your life, if you lost everything you had, and your looking for something new.

I like it, nice beegee also, it reminds me of 5 days a stranger

Thanks! I'm honoured. 5DAS was a very good, and beautiful game.

I don't exactly unserstand what the action of the game will consist of.  Finding ways to pass the time?  Sorry, but this doesn't sound terribly exciting.  But maybe I'm missing the point.

Anyway I really like your BG.  Your use of color seems especially well suited to your dark theme.

No, I actually think that I shouldn't work with day 1, day 2....
The game begins after this intro, and then the action consist of :
- alot of freedom in choosing the path your character walks in the game
- puzzles that are related to activities you find yourself
- animations to blind your eyes

An emotion counter, hm?

Good plot!  !!

I just don't understand what could offend anyone?

Thanks! I'm glad you like the plot.
I also don't know what could offend someone.



...thank you all for your comments, it's very helpful! I'd like to get some more c&c on the story... is it too much a cliche, or not?

[InCreator]

Awwww... !
Now it sounds like that after deep, exiting intro, absolutely doomed old man just starts to sing, dance and pick flowers. I'm off to play Max Payne!
Bah!Ã, 

[Minimi]

Increator : No that's absolutely not true. I just don't want to give away the whole story, because then I ruin it
Also, it's your choice weither he get's to pick flowers, or stay depressive and get's bold into life. I think that that's the whole point of the game, in comparing to Max Payne, where you have to follow one story line, and kill 500 man, as one guy.... yeah sure! Also, I'd like to have an option in the game, where I could forgive those that murdered his wife, and stop the murdering of his own actions. Got my drift?  :

Max Payne is cool though  :o i agree  8)

[Peter Thomas]

What a great game! Go for it, minimi. The more people you offend, the better (joke).

I say that because of "christian double standards". It's 'okay' to watch porno's and graphic violence and heaps of swearing, but it's degrading to be "forced" to sit through a christian game where the most offensive words you hear are "god loves you". Yeah - doesn't make sense to me either.

Anyway - good luck with it.

[InCreator]

Ah. So the wife has been murdered? I thought she just died.

Hm. Forgive to murderers? I know how *I would* do it: [muahaha]Old guy breaks murderer's legs, throws him off the roof, the shoots both shoulders. And then, while holding Minigun at his head, says: "Okay, I'm better than you. Go."
And laughs, because murderer can't even crawl with broken legs and shot arms. Well, got a bit carried away   [/muahaha]

This all really sounds... interesting. All this emotion stuff and so. I'm looking forward to hear more about your game. Screen looks good too,Ã,  hope you can keep the style through the game. Maybe even design very *original* GUI, some games just get a lot better because interesting inteface... And this one surely needs something apart from what we call "typical" in most adventure games. Well, emotion meter is already part of it. Maybe draw some angels around game screen like there was in game "Settlers 2" or something? Just wondering, this plot made me think and hit my creative cell of brain...

[Minimi]

What a great game! Go for it, minimi. The more people you offend, the better (joke).

I say that because of "christian double standards". It's 'okay' to watch porno's and graphic violence and heaps of swearing, but it's degrading to be "forced" to sit through a christian game where the most offensive words you hear are "god loves you". Yeah - doesn't make sense to me either.

Anyway - good luck with it.

I thought you'd like it, Peter Thomas. Yes the game has some christian standards, like no swearing words for example. Thank you for your support, and I'm trying to make it be same as much fun as for a believer to a non-believer.

Ah. So the wife has been murdered? I thought she just died.

Hm. Forgive to murderers? I know how *I would* do it: [muahaha]Old guy breaks murderer's legs, throws him off the roof, the shoots both shoulders. And then, while holding Minigun at his head, says: "Okay, I'm better than you. Go."
And laughs, because murderer can't even crawl with broken legs and shot arms. Well, got a bit carried away   [/muahaha]

This all really sounds... interesting. All this emotion stuff and so. I'm looking forward to hear more about your game. Screen looks good too,  hope you can keep the style through the game. Maybe even design very *original* GUI, some games just get a lot better because interesting inteface... And this one surely needs something apart from what we call "typical" in most adventure games. Well, emotion meter is already part of it. Maybe draw some angels around game screen like there was in game "Settlers 2" or something? Just wondering, this plot made me think and hit my creative cell of brain... 

I'm sorry InCreator, but I was referring to Max Payne. In my game, there is no murder, because firstly I don't like the murder cliche, secondly, for murder, you need a murderer, and find the murderer, and that's not the intention of the game.

But thank you for pointing out to me about the GUI! I'm also thinking of a good original, though functional GUI. About the GUI untill now : The inventory is always shown on the bottom of the screen, and on the left bottom, the emotion meter, with a closeup the player's head. Furthermore some buttons like load, save, settings, quit. When you are over an hotspot or object, you'll see the name of the hotspot/object appear besides the mousepointer. I hope to release in the coming summer, some screenshots and more information! '

maybe I could make use of this thread also for the following :
I'm looking for someone that would help me develop character personalities, and also someone that could help me with puzzle design! If you would like to help me, contact me by PM!I don't need someone that helps me alittle, but someone that could help me through a longer time of development, to whom I could reach when I need more help, after some progress!

Thanks all!

[Vel]

I really like that idea of yours, Minimi. As you may have guessed, I like drama games. Moreover, non-linear drama games. A piece of advice, though, since your game will be 60-80 rooms, don't spend much time on the backgrounds(no more than an hour or two per background). Concentrate on the plot. And do not underestimate music, for it is one of the most important things in serious games/only the plot is more important imo/. Good luck - I really hope you finish this.
Edit: the emotion meter will be hard not only to code, but to write the lines corresponding to the emotions also. I was thinking of something like this to be added to 'Rise and Fall' but then I decided against it, with only minor parts of the icon based dialogue( :o ) being non-linear.

[SSH]

Minimi, I'd recommend that you read the books of Adrian Plass, especially Ghosts and Alien at St Wilfreds, becuase he deals with a lot of the issues your game might have (and he is a Christian author, btw).

I'd really like to see this game. My grandfather died in a similar way: one morning he just didn't wake up.

[Peter Thomas]

yeah - Adrain Plass is great. and she (minimi ) is a christian. Well, the author, anyway.

But I can't stand Alien at St Wilfreds. Don't know why... it just grated with me.

I'd love to help with plot/music, but I've already contacted you by pm...

[SSH]

I've met Adrian (not Adrain!) a few times and the beard indicates that he might be a man. But I guess that this is some in-joke between you two.

Alien is great! ANd I seem to remember there was a lady in it who wasn't sure that her husband was a Christian when he died  and was anxious about it... simiilar situation to MInimi's plot.

And as Vel says, the dialogs will be hard with this emotionometer. The single most difficult wthing with AOTS was doing all those responses to things/dialogs. It's REALLY easy to come up with witrty responses to hotspots in a joke game, but in a serious game it's easy to be dull and uninformative "It's a chair" or fall into jokeyness "Believe it or not, this contraption that looks very similar to a chair, is in fact, a buttock support device".

[Peter Thomas]

okay - sort of ignore elements of my last post. mainly anything I said 'bout Adrian (spelled it right)

I have NO idea what happened when I typed that. Not only was i NOT talking to minimi, even though I put his name in brackets (?) but I called Adrian a woman....

I think I might be vicariously experiencing other people's dementia...

[Igor]

What a great game! Go for it, minimi. The more people you offend, the better (joke).

I second that, hehe. If people are getting offended, that means you are giving players something to think about (the offended ones are usually those who don't want to think). The worst thing you can do, is to limit yourself, just to please everyone.
That doesn't mean you need to be offensive just for the sake of it, but if you have something important to say... go for it

[Mr Flibble]

It sounds good, a lot darker than traditional games.
And the graphics are superb - did you scan them, or do you have a tablet or something?

One small criticism - there's a porn film called the void. And a porn sequel called - you guessed it - the void 2.
Don't let that put you off though.