I'm trying to do this but I spell like poop and not sure if this looks good ?
Maybe spell check it and change things if you think it would look better .
Look I'm not a bad guy , sometimes good guys just make small mistakes and they tend to turn in to big mistakes .
My mistakes were people that I pick for friends and beliveing what they had to say .
So now I'm stuck here in bum fuck and picking up snot nose kids for shoplifting.
So the boss wants to see me so I have to take his shit for an hour then I can go have a beer and get out of this shithole .
Thank you for your time and help .
Look, I'm not such a bad guy, let's just say that some of my choices turn out all wrongâ€"the best laid plans and all that rot. A perfect example is trusting the words of a 'friend' of mine rather than my own gut feeling, bringing me to this town in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere to bust a bunch of snot-nosed punks for shoplifting.
It's not all bad, thoughâ€"after enduring an hour of my bosses' incessant bitching I may just be able to grab a beer and get the hell out of this shithole before I completely lose my mind.
Thank you . so much better then mine . I will use that ..
Be aware that Progz's rewrite was not exactly correct.
QuoteLook, I'm not such a bad guy, let's just say that some of my choices turn out all wrongâ€"the best laid plans and all that rot. A perfect example is trusting the words of a 'friend' of mine rather than my own gut feeling, bringing me to this town in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere to bust a bunch of snot-nosed punks for shoplifting.
It's not all bad, thoughâ€"after enduring an hour of my bosses' incessant bitching I may just be able to grab a beer and get the hell out of this shithole before I completely lose my mind.
Sure, I'm not such a bad guy but it seems that most of my choices go against me. The perfect example, I suppose, would be accepting the ideas of others over my gut instinct which, incidentally, brought me to this nowhere town where busting punk kids for shoplifting is the measure of excitement.
And, to top it all off, my boss is never off my back. His bitching and moaning always ringing in my ears until I get out of this shithole and wash the day away with a relaxing beer.
Care to explain how it's not exactly 'correct'? I'm curious about your rationale, considering the fact that your versionâ€"like mineâ€"is nothing more than an adaptation of Candle's original post, and as such, is neither correct nor incorrect.
Mwahahaha....I found a MISTAKE. Infact, more than one!
Quote from: Abulafia on Thu 30/12/2004 11:50:04
The perfect example, I suppose, would be accepting the ideas of others over my gut instinct which, incidentally, brought me to this nowhere town where busting punk kids for shoplifting is the measure of excitement.
The way you said it, it sounds like his gut instinct was the cause of his ending up in the nowhere town. In that at least, ProgZmax's rewrite is better.
Quote from: Abulafia on Thu 30/12/2004 11:50:04
His bitching and moaning always ringing in my ears until I get out of this shithole and wash the day away with a relaxing beer.
This sentence sounds like it is leading somewhere, but then it just ends. It should be something like:
His bitching and moaning stays ringing in my ears until I can get out of this shithole and wash the day away with a relaxing beer.
Quote from: ProgZmax on Thu 30/12/2004 13:48:53
Care to explain how it's not exactly 'correct'?
Quotebringing me to this town in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere to bust a bunch of snot-nosed punks for shoplifting.
From the original it is clear that the character speaking is stuck in the location and stuck within the drudgery of picking up low-key shoplifters for their crimes. The way you wrote it made it sound as if that was the sole reason the character was in the location.
Also, there is clearly own one boss in the original post. You have made multiple bosses by saying
bosses' - unless you just made a mistake with the grammar of
boss' (or
boss's for the pedantically anal.)
I understand that both our versions are rewrites of the original - we only had the details within that with which to draw upon. Any embellishments would not have held true to the original poster's story.
And, to Babar, you are
so right. :)
Fixed:
Sure, I'm not such a bad guy but it seems that most of my choices go against me. The perfect example, I suppose, would be ignoring my gut instinct and accepting the ideas of others which, incidentally, brought me to this nowhere town where busting punk kids for shoplifting is the measure of excitement. And, to top it all off, my boss is never off my back. His bitching and moaning is always ringing in my ears until I get out of this shithole and wash the day away with a relaxing beer.
If this paragraph is composed of spoken lines, I'd suggest shortening the sentence length. Maybe something like this (I'm trying not to stray too far from the original):
Look, I'm not a bad guy. Sometimes good guys make mistakes -- and they turn into big mistakes. I believed what my friends said. Now I'm stuck here in bumfuck catching snot-nose kids shoplifting. And my boss wants to see me. Probably the usual shit. I just think about drinking beer when my shift's up.
Try reading it out loud. It sounds more like something someone would actually say.
His background is .
He was a cop doing well in the bronx and he was working his way up the ladder you could say .
He had gain some friends and turns out the friends had dirty hands and he was ask to leave or go down with his friends so now he finds himself in a place he can do nothing about and has to keep his mouth shut .
fixed typo .