Pimmy Pencil in matrix style!

[Minimi]

I haven't done for a very long time anything on my own cartoon figure, called Pimmy Pencil, and all the other figures.... so I figured... lets go make something. I made for the first time with a tablet a cartoon, so I'd like to hear from ya'all what you think of it, and if it's any funny cartoon?
I am probably going to make some more parts of the cartoon, but just for now, this one So go give me critics! (or compliments )

[Morgan]

You have to work on making a story.  One minute he is walking a rabbit for no reason at all and the next minute some random person calls him on a pay phone and tells him that the cops are after him. It makes no sence. Why would someone come over to his house and tell him to walk there rabbit and why is someone calling him with a pay phone, I don't even think you can do that. Anyway I think you should make your drawings a little more clear, I don't even know what's really happening in the first two frames, and make a story that makes since before you start drawing. But don't give up the only way to get better is to keep trying. Practice, Practice, Practice!

[Dmitri]

I'll bypass the story and focus on the way the comic was made, hehe Morphy

in frames 4 and 6 the text reads back to front. People read from left to right, so they'll read the left most text first and assume it's been said first.

give the text more space too, the comic just seems very crowded and text based, not a good thing.

man, I counted about 90 words in your comic, maybe you shouldn't try and say so much in one panel. Have a gander at Jack jack.keenspace.com (Rated R)
or Faux Pas - http://www.ozfoxes.com/fauxpas.htm

in today's jack (monday's), David Hopkins had TWICE as much space as you and used half as many words.

in Faux pas the artist has extremely little space but still manages to string a story together.

in all, cluttering a comic is a big no-no.

your art could use a little practice, have a look at other art styles and adapt them to your own.

[Minimi]

You have to work on making a story.  One minute he is walking a rabbit for no reason at all and the next minute some random person calls him on a pay phone and tells him that the cops are after him. It makes no sence. Why would someone come over to his house and tell him to walk there rabbit and why is someone calling him with a pay phone, I don't even think you can do that. Anyway I think you should make your drawings a little more clear, I don't even know what's really happening in the first two frames, and make a story that makes since before you start drawing. But don't give up the only way to get better is to keep trying. Practice, Practice, Practice!

well, it seems you didnt saw the matrix. Or at least not as much as I did, because in every picture you see a parody on the matrix. But yes, I should be making a new version of it!

I'll bypass the story and focus on the way the comic was made, hehe Morphy

in frames 4 and 6 the text reads back to front. People read from left to right, so they'll read the left most text first and assume it's been said first.

give the text more space too, the comic just seems very crowded and text based, not a good thing.

man, I counted about 90 words in your comic, maybe you shouldn't try and say so much in one panel. Have a gander at Jack jack.keenspace.com (Rated R)
or Faux Pas - http://www.ozfoxes.com/fauxpas.htm

in today's jack (monday's), David Hopkins had TWICE as much space as you and used half as many words.

in Faux pas the artist has extremely little space but still manages to string a story together.

in all, cluttering a comic is a big no-no.

your art could use a little practice, have a look at other art styles and adapt them to your own.

tnx for your comment. Ill try to reduce the words, and make better detailed drawings.