A (gothsy?) song?

[FSi++]

Howdy hoo, Critics Lounge.
That's me, FSi, long time no see.

Couple of days ago I made a song, not to use it for someting but mostly for my own enjoyment.

Now, while I *may* like (a little) what I got, I'm still thinking that it could be made better. But as usual I'm unable to catch the exact hows and wheres.

p.s. Oh, the link is right here.

Edit: fixed link

[Akatosh]

Pretty cool. I, for one, like it. 

[[Cameron]]

Not really Gothy. Sounds more New Wave/Industrial, kinda reminds me of the Bloodlines soundtrack. Which is a good thing. Pretty neat song, a bit repetitive, but mostly because there is no vocal melody to draw interest.

[Evil]

Hi-hats are awful. The bass is too metallic for my taste. And when you get to the "heavy" part (0:45ish) it's quiet. There's a build, but there's no volume build.

It's not horrible, but it's very faux-industrial, like Lucas-Arts trying to make a NIN cover for an adventure game.

What program are you using?

[Renal Shutdown]

Starting with the quieter section:

The Hi-hats sound like they trying desperately to audition for a part in an Aphex Twin song, but aren't succeeding all that well.

The main bit, the chord-y up and down bit, that's got potential.  The sample used is a bit wonky, though.  I'd suggest a more string-orientated way, with reverb and possibly chorus.  (more Stringy as in use notes, building it yourself, not using a cheap sample of a string section).  It could could with some higher arpeggio work in the background, too.  Possibly even on a piano.

The Loud Bit:

Oh dear.  As it sounds like a poor guitar-ish sample been thrown about a sampler machine with some sliding action for good measure, I'd honestly suggest dropping it.  It's not gothy, it's cheap sounding.  I'd suggest two options, 1. Get a guitarist to record some longer samples of that piece, and mix those in  (ie, they play the whole section a few times, and you can chop and change with whole chunks, or 2. Avoid cheapness guitar sounds, and make a new sample set to play it with.

The drums don't really seem to change, I'd suggest you drop the rate of the hats, from a possibly 16th's down to 4th's or 8th's.  (Check Stone Temple Pilots songs for the kind of drum patterns I mean).  They also stay the same volume.  This throws any possibly of swish dynamics out the window, and make the whole thing seem rather dull.

The Spacey Bridge:

I can see where you're going with it, but it's come off sounding a bit dodgy.  I'd suggest using a choir sample, to be honest.  I've no idea if it'll sound good, as I'm not up on voice samples.  If I was making it for real, I'd definitely throw in some female warbling for that part, though.  I'd also make the whole section slower.  IE, a note that lasts 2 beats in yours, I'd make it last 4, etc. (Don't know the word for this method, I'm sure transposing is wrong).

The thing in general:

There's a distinct lack of stuff going on.  There's drums, sure.  Then, there's a chord bit, a distorto-guitar bit, then a chord bit, a spacey bit, etc..  It's all drums and 1 instrument.  It needs padding, lead bits, bass, etc.  If i had to make it, there'd be at least 10 instrument tracks on the go, building the sound in pieces, not just each bit playing in turn.  After which, extra stuff can be thrown at it, like thunder or pale folk crying or other stuff to goth it up more.

And once again, lose that Loud Guitar bit, it sounds worse each time I listen.

I'd also suggest a quick listen to Lacuna Coil (and anything linked to them, via compilation albums, etc) off the top of my head, as they do the kind of thing that I think you're after.  For inspiration in samples, etc.