Some lyrics

[PsychicHeart]

Fluke here with a new handle (sigh) and some new stuff for critique
I wrote these lyrics yesterday and have been trying to work on em a little.
They're pretty straightforward. Anyway.

'tie-dyed'
written by blake gallagher

she looks out at what seems to be
broad social trends and other fascist regimes
the lights go out and suddenly there's only darkness,
and lies, and sickeningly sweet death threats.
she dries her eyes only to turn left and be approached
by a man in a trenchcoat with the almighty dollar tied to his chest
he comes closer oh so casually and whispers 'trust me honey, i'm the best'

so i walk up and say 'buddy wanna trade shirts?
mine's tie-dyed, ha ha'
and he's just got this blank stare like he's seen just seen a ghost
or worse, revolutionism in action
cause see it doesn't fit his routine, caffeine, squeaky clean nicotine
point of view, and nothing else does either.

broad social trends, to whom the lust of power is their best friend.

Cheers,
mellon_collie92/flukeblake

[Evil]

Interesting flow. I love reading/listening to lyrics, but it's so hard to place lyrics without a melody. It's poetry until you hear it in context of the song, then it becomes lyrical. A quick recording would really help with critiquing. This is the Critics Lounge after all.

[Mr Flibble]

The metre of the third and fourth lines is a little off, and "Revolutionism in action"  I would try to replace. And "fascist regimes" seems a little extreme given the context.

Other than that, I actually quite like it. I enjoy "Routine, caffeine, squeaky clean" in particular.