new game idea

[mousemat]

this is my story for the items Collector

I need new ideas for this games story as it is a bit lacking

you play as a teenager called layson (or a girl called kim)
you are working for the F.B.I and you are on a mission to find out about an alien army
but you walk into the wrong mansion .you get trapped and the only way out is to collect items lying around in different areas to block out the enemy boss monster .

thats my story that needs criticingÃ, 

[Gilbert]

Hmmm sounds like a X-Files rip-off.

Maybe we can have better judgement if you have more info and depth on the whole story.

[Phemar]

Please. No. Not secret-agent kids saving the world ... I can't stand those. Sorry.

[Tiki]

Please. No. Not secret-agent kids saving the world ... I can't stand those. Sorry.

Aww, darnit.
*Tiki takes off his cape*

"and the only way out is to collect items lying around in different areas to block out the enemy boss monster ."

Do you mean collect random items, with no real relevance to the story?  Just 'items' is a bit vague.

[mousemat]

well i could change the items into things like weapons or something.
i can change the teenagers into adults if it helps

[Akumayo]

You play as a boy called Layson, (or a Girl called Kim) who is on vacation visiting the're uncle Bob.Ã,  They are to meet him at a train station, but when they arrive one of his servents greets them and tells them the directions to their Uncle's mansion.Ã,  They, however, take a wrong turn and end up in a creepy seemingly abandoned manor.Ã,  Only to see strange green slime with eyes slither into cracks in to walls occasionally.Ã,  When they open the doors to leave since this clearly isn't the place they need to be.Ã,  But a towering 20 foot green alien blocks their path.Ã,  Now they must gather several items to pass by him.Ã,  He demands a Pizza and a Soft Drink.Ã,  However, when you finally reach the refrigerator, a giant green slime covers it.Ã,  So you head to the kitchen for some Salt.Ã,  Only to find the kitchen doors boarded up.Ã,  So you go to the basement where another alien asks you to answer a riddle, if you answer correctly you get to pass him.  He asks: "What is nothing but it's name?"  You must answer "nothing" (this could be achieved through a text box) then you get a Hammer.Ã,  Then go to the kitchen doors and pry open the boards.Ã,  Get the Salt out of the kitchen and use it to dissolve the green slime around the refriderator.Ã,  There you find a Pizza and a Soft Drink which you take to the giant alien who then lets you pass.  (most of the challenge in this storyline would be that the whole mansion is a giant puzzle)
Several days after arriving at the RIGHT mansion:  The FBI tears down the mansion you were trapped in and leaves with several large crates marked FRAGILE, HANDLE WITH CARE.  One of these crates is carried on a diesle, and is about 20 feet long............


Do you like my idea for the story???

[mousemat]

 
the best story ever can i use it? it sounds brillient

[Akumayo]

Sure you can use it!!!  If, uhem, I am credited in your credits....

[Babar]

why didn't the servant take them to the mansion instead of just telling them directions? Whoa! Major plot hole!! Now what?

[1,000 hours]

maybe they're confused and when they walk away the servent turns into like some kinda slime monster and laughs at them while they're walking away. or he wants to take them but they're afraid of flying. i dunno.

EDIT: maybe they came on bikes and he can't fit them in his car.. train.. whatever

[mousemat]

Sure you can use it!!!Ã,  If, uhem, I am credited in your credits....

sure you can be in my credits you have helped me alot lately