Here's something I designed for my game in progress... Main Theme Midi and the title image...
http://www.2dadventure.com/ags/SH1.bmp
http://www.2dadventure.com/ags/Sacred_Hills_Main_Theme.mid
man, is everybody ingnoring this?
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I don't know if this is the sort of stuff you're looking for, but what the heck...
There is an A in the horn melody line that clashes with the Bb in the low brass chords. This is especially noticable when the strings come in a fifth above the horn. The A-E harmony there clashes a heck of a lot with the Bb-F harmony in the chords.
Another thing I notice is that there are parallel fifths in the choir voices and the strings. That would work if this was a chant, but since it sounds militaristic, I'd recommend changing the voice leading a bit. Instead of jumping chords up and down like you're playing power chords on a guitar, try to find ways to make the notes inside the chords flow up or down by steps.
Actually, come to think of it, sometimes the choir and strings don't quite match up with what everything else is doing. For example, right when the choir voices come in the first time, they are singing G and C. It produces an unusual effect because everything else is screaming for a strong G minor chord, and you've given us a C. Maybe change it to a D?
The place where the timpani builds up is unrealistic. That can be fine, of course, for a MIDI intended for a game if you like the way it sounds. But if you are going for a more realistic sound, then it ought to be changed. Normally, timpani builds up intensity by rolling one or two notes and gaining volume.
you're right, I haven't noticed this...