A concept of "Adventure in the past"

[NaStY_FrEaK]

I`ll tell you the story of my first game,because I need some C&C and opinions
The story is about a man ,who wakes up in a castle jail in the past.
He was randomly chosen  by a wizard to save the king which is possesed by an evil demon.
Our hero finds a book,and understands that the wizard which chose him is death,and the only way to revive him is to find the book last page.
After the hero finds it ,the wizard will revive and then
he will destroy the demon and return our hero back to his time

[Ishmael]

[D · Y · D · O]

Sounds a bit like Discworld and a bit like Army of Darkness...

I like both.

[Ptraci]

You said the wizard chose the man to save the king from a demon, but it is the wizard who defeats the demon once you revive him. Why does the wizard need the man then?

[Minimi]

wizard
time
castle
book


this has been used really lots of times. If you just want to try out your skills, its good. But if you want to make a good game, you must really have some potential with this story. My advice, is making a more original story, if you want to take this game seriously  

[MrColossal]

http://www.agsforums.com/yabb/index.php?board=4;action=display;threadid=1623

TK i suggest reading this again especially:

Critique that isn't constructive in any way, like "Oh, that sux, man"
That won't go anywhere.

one emoticon? that's it? that's neither constructive or a comment on anything really. just that you like to smile

nasty: there really isn't much to say about what you've written, it's really really bare bones

we may need to hear much more about it in order to understand what you mean, cause right now it all sounds very generic and confusing

eric

[Ginny]

Aaarg!!!! I wrote an veeeryy long message and then, my computer crashed!

Anyway, in short, this is mainly what I wrote: The hero could not be random, but just happen to live where the castle was in the past, and he could just be walking around in his garden when he's suddenly transported to just outside the castle. He find a note soon after from the wizard, which explains a it but it wasn't finished (if you want a long game then the note not being finished could complicate things like an important piece of info missing). The book is there too and whoever killed the wizard ripped out the page with the revival spell (doesn't have to be last page). Is this what you meant by needing the last page? Anyway, the spell which the wizard used to bring the hero into the past could have been interrupted and thus maybe the hero has a problem later getting back. It would make the game somewhat too long though. So maybe he later gets stuck in jail when he already revived the wizard, and when he gets out he hides and gets out of the area as fast as he can, going wherever his feet carry him lol, and he might end up hiding in the room the king is in!

Otherwise, he could start in the jail, possibly because the spell to transfer him was interrupted (because it wouldn't make sense for the wizard to bring him into the past and into jail. Another reason why he's in jail might be he was in a room in his house which is located where the jail is), and need to get out and find the note.

You could maybe have a humorous ending where the king actually has the floo or some other minor disease, so you just bring him medicine or tell him the demon is gone and that the side effects will wear off in a while hehe. However this doesn't really fit in the style and mood of the game so maybe no. Instead, there's a demon, but it should be something very interesting and original to make it more un-generic.

If you could think of some interesting plot twists it'll help make the story even less cliche.

Many things depend on wether or not you want to make this a long game or a rather complicated one. Since it's you first game I'd reccomend to just do something more simple. This story, though somewhat cliche, has a lot of potential to be a very interesting full length game, so if you just want to test and excercise your skills, you could do a simplified story (what you wrote will do I guess, though it needs more detail, filling in plotholes motives etc), and then later some day do a full epic game hehe. It all depends.