A land of mystery and kegends

[The Hero]

I posted this in general discussion before but i post this here cause well its the critics lounge lol so should i make this into a game:
Story: http://www.freewebs.com/realmsofmikomi/story.htm
Main character page: http://www.freewebs.com/realmsofmikomi/characters.htm
character  concept images: http://www.freewebs.com/realmsofmikomi/charimages.htm

also what kind of gui and interaction system should it havr and also who would be intrested in helping give me your freed back

[Captain Lexington]

Firstly, aaahh, embedded music.

Secondly, in before the block.

Thirdly, try reading the rules.

Fourthly, don't ask other people if you should actually make the game. If you think you can make it into a game, and if you want to make it a game, then by all means make it a game.

Fifthly, the technical details like GUI and Interaction mode are really up to you and the ensuing debate will probably cause this thread to devolve into mindless bickering about whether point and click is better than a text parser.

And now for the freed back:



And now for feedback:


And now for the feedback:
Sounds interesting to me. It seems a lot like A Tale of Two Kingdoms, however, so you might want to look into that. I will say your story got me generally interested as to what the enemy was, which is something a lot of webfiction just can't do.

Before I go, I'd like to introduce you to a friend of mine. You've seen him before, even in this post. He's called the comma. He's used to separate clauses and appositives and the like. He's very nifty.

All in all, though, it sounds good.

[Khris]

There's something wrong with your character concept images page, I guess somebody hacked it and put photos of Japanese girls there.

[Shane 'ProgZmax' Stevens]

You're forgetting a rule yourself, The Orator:

1.  If you're not a moderator do not pretend to be one.


Also, this isn't the Jokey/Punctuation Lounge, so ease up on that, would you?


As far as the rest goes:  I'm not sure what you're looking for critique on, The Hero.  Your images are either photos of people or (I think) edited images of pre-existing artwork.  I don't really have anything to say about the story since that's not really my area, but if you need help with your game this isn't the place to ask for it; you'll want to post in the Recruiting a Team thread.

[vertigoaddict]

He's the one who wins?! I wanted 'Big Momma' to win! Darn!

Oh and btw 'The Hero' I think you meant to write 'A land of mystery and Legends' not 'kegends' but I think 'mystery and myths'is better, it's like 'might and magic' or 'M&M's.

[Tuomas]

There's something wrong with your character concept images page, I guess somebody hacked it and put photos of Japanese girls there.

What who where? I want to see. All I get is blank images.

[Captain Lexington]

Yes, I'm sorry, I was being kind of dumb there.

I was tired at the time, it was 2 AM or something, so I'll claim temporary insanity.

*holds out wrist for slapping*

[The Hero]

synopsis : peace , prosperity, protection. That was all I wanted for the people of my kingdom. Alas all we found was war.



            The enemy, my closest friend and ally and the former guardian of my daughter Akemi, Sen. He separated with a large group of his followers to the northern part of the country .The once proud country of Mikomi was split in two. Soon after Sen's separation a war broke out in an attempt to conquer each other. This war lasted for three long bloody years before a ceasefire was called, both armies returned to there territory and  kept to themselves for the next 6 months.

           

            As of late however a mysterious force has been pushing its way across my lands and slaughtering and pillaging as they go. I lead my grand army in several attempts to defend against this enemy all of them failing. Realizing that I could not effectively defend my kingdom because of the overwhelming odds against me I decided….that maybe *shivers* I should ask Sen for help. The thought made my spine curl but it was my only option to ensure my peoples continued survival. Not deciding to go myself I sent a mystic impersonation orb to do the job.





Upon the orbs arrival at Sen's walls I finally got a good long look at how Sen's people had held up after the war. The walls stood strong, almost as if there had never been a battle fought upon them. His people, going about there daily lives, as if a war had never been fought, and Sen, sitting on his golden throne, surrounded by his harem. Sen had been the more glamorous king, unlike me. Gold armor, pretty girls, a big army, a unbeatable fortress was all he cared about. Now tapping into the orbs power I spawned my image in front of him.





            “Well, well, well…. What do I owe to this pleaser?” Lord Sen smirked.



            “Your sarcasm is in the least bit funny” I responded almost instantly after Sen finished talking.



            “Then what is it you want then?” a serious look crosses Sen's face.



            “I have come to formally request your aid” Sen's face twists in confusion as I said this.



            “What? My aid? And why does the “almighty southern empire” need my aid for?” snaps lord Sen with a childish look.



            “You won't be so childish when this force comes beating down your door, Sen” I snapped back. Sen's face became angered once again.



            “Guards get him!!!” Sen's guards descended on me with swords and spears, all I could do was crack a smile as my image disappears and my mind returns back to my body and castle.

Characters(main)~ King Jun

Name-Jun

Age-20

Sex-Male

Race-Celestral\Human

Name-Princess Akemi

Age-10

Sex-Female

Race-Celestral\Human

Queen Amaterasu

Name-Queen Amaterasu

Age-20

Sex-Female

Race-Celestral
Lord Sen

Name-Sen

Age-23

Sex-Male

Race-Human
Character: images
http://www.freewebs.com/realmsofmikomi/charimages.htm
NOTE: IMAGES ARE PHOTOS AND PRE-EXISTING ART TO SHOW WHAT THE CHARECTERS looks like


Please Visit the company page at www.moonbeamgames.com to learn more
thank you very much
Now why i post here is to get thoughts on the story