Conceptual writing

[Cameron] · Sun 28/11/2004 00:48:38

While I await the art for KC i came up with this. I would give a slight summary but its already there in the link. This may sound a bit like something from KC, i know, but this is meant to be an edgier, darker and deeper game. KC should be accesible to most people, but this would be a standalone, maybe not to mainstream game. C+C it please. I'd like to thank DragonRose and redruM who have already given me a large help.

http://www.2dadventure.com/ags/Outline.doc

Pod · Sun 28/11/2004 01:31:54

It seems like a nice story, however it is a bit clichÃ©, isn't it? Renegade cop? Daughter dead? Out for revenge? It's all a bit hollywood.

Speaking of the daughter, by having her die at the killer#s [supposed] hands leads to huge emotional attachment to the case for William. Are you prepared to fully write this in? Can't you have someone else killed, like his next door neighbour or something?

Why did Aklin take out his daughter and then kill her? Surley he would know who his partner's daughter is? Surley he would know that William, as a renegade cop, would relentlessly persue this killer? Acing as a PI implies that William is a good cop, surley Aklin knew this? Why would he risk discovery?

About the other women: did no one notice? Did these women not have friends? Did they not say "I'm going on a date with xxxx"? Did police not follow up these leads and put the pieces together? How does he meet the women? Are they all unattached spinsters with no friends and no one to talk to about such a thing? Do none of them keep diaries or anything?

How does Aklin cover his tracks each time he kills?

While we're on the subject of killing: How did he kill the original killer, how does William find him? What clues are there? How did he dispose of the body? Why didn't he use the police morgue? Why didn't he bring him in as a dead John Doe hono and get rid of it that way? Surley if he can falsify ME information he can do that?

Why get an appartment in the AREA? Why concentrate on one area? That gives the police a bigger lead. Yes I can understand it if he's the only one investigating, but he won't be. How long have these killings been happening? If it's more than a few years the police would swap the people on the case. Other police will want to go investigating.

Hopefully these questions will help you alter and improve the script in ways you see fit. Hopefully this'll be as fun as police quest

Good luck with it.

Shane 'ProgZmax' Stevens · Sun 28/11/2004 06:38:28

There's nothing wrong with a good cliche if followed through intelligently with the odd plot twist here and there. Go for it.

[Cameron] · Sun 28/11/2004 06:53:02

Thanks Prog,
Yeah I know it sounds a bit cliche. All those little niggly details you mentioned Pod, thanks for mentioning them. Don't worry, most of those will be explained.
Regards,

Alec

Pod · Sun 28/11/2004 18:01:25

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with a cliche! I'm just pointing it out, so that hopefully you'll work with it. Hopefully the game will be a corker

viktor · Sun 28/11/2004 18:53:29

how bout switching the two person. The detective father is killed on a mission or something and the inexperianced doughter seeks revange...

Rui 'Trovatore' Pires · Mon 29/11/2004 06:53:50

Viktor - you mean seeking revenge AFTER she's been raped and dismembered? :

[Cameron] · Mon 29/11/2004 06:57:26

That would kinda slow her down

Rui 'Trovatore' Pires · Mon 29/11/2004 07:36:15

Yeah, I imagine there'd have to be a sub-quest - find the missing limbs.

jetxl · Tue 30/11/2004 13:46:19

Quote from: Pod on Sun 28/11/2004 01:31:54
It seems like a nice story, however it is a bit clichÃ©, isn't it? Renegade cop? Daughter dead? Out for revenge? It's all a bit hollywood.

Every dramatic scene is a cliche
http://www.gamedev.net/reference/articles/article255.asp

Quote
Why did Aklin take out his daughter and then kill her? Surley he would know who his partner's daughter is? Surley he would know that William, as a renegade cop, would relentlessly persue this killer? Acing as a PI implies that William is a good cop, surley Aklin knew this? Why would he risk discovery?

Maybe this was Aklin's only contact with a real woman. He had a crush on her. He confessed and she refused. Alkin's rage and love for a woman he couldn't reach made him kill her.

Quote
About the other women: did no one notice? Did these women not have friends? Did they not say "I'm going on a date with xxxx"? Did police not follow up these leads and put the pieces together? How does he meet the women? Are they all unattached spinsters with no friends and no one to talk to about such a thing? Do none of them keep diaries or anything?

Maybe the vitims were whores. They are alwais an easy target. Aklin could say he was a vice cop, arrest them, put his cuffs on them and drive to a quiete place.

Aklin might be neurotic or psicopathic. (Syntoms are stress, out of touch with reality and fear. Neurotics can still funktion in society while psicopaths do not. People will notis that they are nutty.)
Years of stress from work and moched by his mother could have pushed him to far.
The original killer was never caught. The killings just stopped. Aklin killed the original killer, but keeps it a secret.
Give the original killer the complete same profile as Aklin. Aklin kept his corpes. All the bad things that happen to Aklin is the fault of the original killer.
Aklin believes that it he gets caught he can say "I didn't do it. It was the killer, I'll bring you to him" and he will be a hero.

Pfew, I like profiling.

Haddas · Tue 30/11/2004 17:10:28

Try finding this in a scene...

A huge rubber comet comes from the sea and grabs the girl by the hair and takes it to his secret lair which is located in the girls own bum! *ORCHESTRA HIT*

Blade · Tue 30/11/2004 18:18:39

An option about how William knows about the other killer:
Aklin never knew the real killer and never wanted to catch him - he had a man with similar MO who could take the blame of his own killings. But the real killer was in rage about Aklin duplicating his method. He followed Aklin to kill him, but William did it first.
In rage real killer hits William, leaves him some nasty bruises. Leaves him some kind of message that it is not the end. That there will be more killings. Because he wants William to know that. And even wants him to think maybe his daughter was killed by that man, not Aklin. Maube he finds adrenaline in a race with an ex cop. ("I'm better than you")

Pod · Tue 30/11/2004 19:27:58

Quote from: jetxl on Tue 30/11/2004 13:46:19
Pfew, I like profiling.

An excellent reply

Isn't it much more exciting knowing WHY he does something other than "he just does"? It adds a better sense of being in the game world if you know how and why he does something. It feels more exciting after arresting him when you know that he's a psicopathic as opposed to knowing simply that "he killed your daughter".