For those of you who work in retail...

[TerranRich]

...or anywhere else that has customers, there is a web site to read horror stories, some of which you may have lived...

http://www.customerssuck.com/

This is a hilarious web site, mostly because I myself work in retail, and I identify with these poor souls greatly. I love the "I build time machines" tale. But my personal favorite HAS to be "The 'Vinegar Boy' Saga".

[Darth Mandarb]

That's a pretty good site.

It's been quite a few years since I've worked retail but I have worked several retail jobs in the past.Ã, 

At one point I was writing a book called; Everybody Should Work at a Grocery Store about all the stupid things I had to put up with while working at a local market.

I had a customer once, while working a Blockbuster (video rental place), who was refusing to pay his late fees.Ã,  This guy had tried this before.Ã,  It is BBV's policy to not argue with customers so technically I should have just given him his wish ... but I had had it with this clown.

I told the CSRs (customer service representatives) that if he tried to get out of late fees to come and get me (I was the manager).Ã,  Sure enough he does, the CSR called me over ...

Me: "What's the problem?"
Idiot: "I'm not paying these rediculous late charges!!"
Me: "Let me take a look here ..." as I looked at the screen typing a message to the CSR 'This guy is a fucking moron' and had a moment of hilarity as the CSR stuggled not to laugh.Ã,  "Well sir, the videos were three days overdue.Ã,  They were due back on saturday."
Idiot: "Well I couldn't get back in here saturday, so why don't you cut me some slack"
Me: "Sir, you do this all the time.Ã,  Your account has over 10 late fee credits on it in the last 3 months.Ã,  Seriously, if you don't want to pay the late fees return the videos on time."
Idiot: "The rental times aren't long enough"
Me: "Well then, don't rent here ... you signed on the dotted line agreeing to our policies when you got your membership"
Idiot: "I'm not paying those fees."
Me: "Okay sir, have a good night" as I grabbed his current selections and put them behind the counter, and smugly stared at him.
Idiot: "I'm checking those out!"
Me: "Oh, okay" I shrugged, as I scanned them and told him the total.
Idiot: "I told you I'm not paying those late fees"
Me: "Sir, if you don't pay the balance you can't rent these."
Idiot: "This is rediculous ... you call this good customer service?Ã,  You're pathetic!"Ã,  and a few more insults I can't really remember them all.
Me: "I give good customer service to good customers."
Idiot: "Don't get smart with me asshole!"
Me: "I can't be anything but smart with you pal." I was losing my temper at this point.
Idiot: "So your refusing me service?"
Me: "Are you refusing to pay what you owe?"
Idiot: "Yeah"
Me: "Yes"
At this point he's so red in the face I think he's about to pop a blood vessle or something.Ã,  The check-out stand was right by the door so as she started to leave, I started to walk his videos back to the wall.Ã,  He throws the door open and then turns around (obviously ready to start some shit).Ã,  I just happened to be standing directly behind him at this point and when he turned around we were directly facing eachother.Ã,  I happend to be about 9 inches taller then him, and had him by probably 80 lbs or so.Ã,  He looked WAY up at me ... huffed, and then stormed out.

I immediately started laughing my ass off and two other customers actually applauded.

It was grand.

[Mr Jake]

meh, the only near- funny thing that has happened to me is that some 6 year old girl asked me if Id serve her for beer :/

[SSH]

It is BBV's policy to not argue with customers so technically I should have just given him his wish ...

I'm never paying another late fee again ever!

[Pelican]

Retail? Where are you from? We're till-monkeys plain and simple.

Anyway, I used to work in a clothing store, and I was usually the poor sod stuck on the till all the time, so, I usually got shit from the customers (despite the desk at the back with Customer Services written in big letters, duh!). Anyway, one day, this woman come up to complain that one of the pricing signs said £5 or something, and she was charged £8 or something for the item. I explained that we were changing the signs due to the sale, but if she took the item and receipt to customer services, they would refund the difference. At any rate, she continued to rant at me, and I continued to suggest that she go to customer services, as thats what it was there for. I was the only person on the till and I had customers to serve. After a few more minutes ranting, I discovered she had already got her money refunded, and was apparently just ranting for the sake of it (or because we hadn't rushed to change the sign immediately). What a waste of my time.

[TerranRich]

Oh yes, I have PLENTY of horror/funny stories working in retail, both at Subway (sandwhich shop) and The Home Depot (home improvement retail warehouse). Mostly little things. Nothing really sticks out in my head at the moment, just things like:

1. Customers getting mad at me because an item is out of stock. One time thiis girl wanted a certain faucet. (I work the plumbing dept at THD.) She had about 5 or 6 pricey items like sinks and other home improvement crap. She wanted a $99 faucet and there were none on the shelf, so I said I'd check the computers to see how much we had left. Normally, if I'm very sure we're out of a faucet I will do this out of courtesy, pretend to care what the computers say (they're usually wrong because we screwed up inventory BAD), and tell them we have none left and when they'll be arriving next. Well, I made the mistake of telling the truth and saying that we had 3 on hand. So I proceeded to check every...single...bay...of the aisle. Behind the display flaps. Even on the opposite side of the aisle. So I told her, sorry, it appears that we're actually out of the faucet and our comptuers are wrong. She then gets all pissed off and rants that she had a 10% coupon good only today, and she wasn't gong to get the 10% off the faucet today! OH NO! $9! GONE!!! She then proceeds to guilt-trip me (though it would serve no purpose), saying things like, "Do you think this is fair? Do you think it's fair to me? Do you think it's fair to ANYbody??" Yeah, lady, like I'M doing this to you as a personal attack, and we're plotting against you! So she asks for a supervisor. I personally get pissed when a customer wants to go over my head so that a manager can tell them the EXACT same thing I just told them. So I get a manager, who then gives her a markdown for $9 on her sink, in addition to the 10% off she'd get. Nine bucks. Seriously. Big freakin' deal.

2. I go through this all the time:
ME: Hi, how can I help you? (Remember I work in Plumbing. I am standinig in a Plumbing aisle. I am handling Plumbing merchandise as we speak.)
CUST: Oh, can you tell me where **** is? (**** is NOT in my department, far from it)
ME: Yes, that would be in the **** department.
CUST: Um...do you know WHERE it is, exactly?
ME: No, sir, I don't, I'm in the plumbing department. But you could ask somebody in the **** department where it is.
CUST: But you're supposed to know where everything is in this store!

Yeah, OK, like I have a computer chip implanted in my head with EVERY goddamn item in the entire store. All 50,000 of 'em! Sure, buddy!

3. And we have price scanners...why?
"Er...how much is this item?"

Hey, buddy, look behind you and scan it. Dumbass.

4. We're not a small country, idiot.

CUST: Do you have ****?
ME: Nope, we don't carry it. Sorry, sir.
CUST: What?! What do you mean!!! I thought you guys carried EVERYTHING!!!

What? Our building DOES have a finite area, we can't possibly have EVERYTHING associated with home improvement. That's why there are specialty stores (such as a Plumbing Supply, perhaps??)

(More to come as I think of them.)

[|Alky|]

I've been working in a cinema all summer. The best thing that happened was some guy who came in, asked to use the restroom, and then commenced screaming loudly for a long time. After a while, he left. Genius.
We also have this huge fight-club style secret working class network spread over town. All the folks in the stores without inventories (packaged products), like ice cream, pizza, starbucks give us stuff, in exchange for movie tickets (or more accurately, for the usher to look away when they come in). It's awesome, it means that while we get like no money ($7.10/hour, CT minimum wage), we get free movie tickets (in all cinema chains, not just ours), free food, free drinks and such...

But the one untouchable store is Subway, where I get like 53453% percent of my meals. Damn it, rich 

[Hollister Man]

I work in printing:

After writing her signature and 'OK to Print' on a job, (a business card with her photo printed on it) we printed this lady's order.  When she came to pick them up, she got upset and said 'This doesn't look like me, my hair's too red, and my face is too big!'  We tried to explain it, then reprinted the darn $25 job just to make her happy.  We made sure the color was EXACTLY like the photo she gave us. 

'Its just not me, I don't know why'

I wanted to say 'DUH!  Its an inch tall?  Could that be why?'

Anyway, we tried to give her the check she wrote back and say 'We can't do any better, You're welcome to try elsewhere,'  but she wouldn't take her money back.  'I want to get my cards printed here.' she says. 

'You already did!  Of course, they're not really your cards, they belong to your one inch tall, big faced, red haired twin.'  I wanted to say.