So, the other day we were in the pub and my friend was approached by a random bloke who says:
"You see my friend over there?" (points, other guy smiles and winks) "Well, his is 7 inches."
and it got me wondering ... what are the best (by which I mean worst) chat-up lines that you've used, or had used on you? For me, I think it was a couple of years ago when a random girl blurted this out to me in a pub:
"My brother designs bridges for his job"
To this day I still can't work out why she thought that was in any way relevant.
So, what about you guys?
First?
Edit: yay OMG I'm first after a CJ post XD \o/
Anyways, regarding chat up lines I get, they have sadly been rather straighforward. A couple weeks ago I had a couple girls come up and tell me I'm cute, and ask to wear my hat (http://www.sanslife.com/images/photos/kens_visit_07/IMG_0752.jpg), then fight over who gets to wear it, and ask who I think is the cutest -_-
Aside from that I haven't had many chat ups since high school, I don't often put myself in situations where it is common.
I don't recall individual chatup lines as they're usually all so terrible. But I remember once, when I was texting my new boyfriend nicely, he suddenly cracked and told me I was "shit at flirting". Further investigation determined that I was so "shit at flirting" because I was being nice to him and not playing hard to get.
I thought that was kind of weird and stupid because I totally do not get off on people being an asshole to me. So it seemed like an alien concept to me - be a dick to people to make them want you more. Apparently though, it's a widely used tactic in the dating world...
Actually my current boyfriend, before we were dating, said "hubba hubba" to me once, and I found that really quite endearing because it was so crap. So that is the worst best chatup line I've ever heard. But I believe it happened during a conversation about bad chatup lines, so maybe it doesn't count...
"So, you must be busy, working here and all". So eventually I saw her like 20 times that night, but so did 300 other people.
"Hi girls, you got a light? I usually don't smoke, but my friend there does". An opener. Change subject already.
"So, which one of you is the one I've been looking for?" This got me some looks, and one asking something like; "Dunno, what does she look like?", so I described someone from out of my head, and they found one who was almost that and we went dancing. Then I got drunk and lost her.
Nothing really works. You just have to get them to realise you're talking to them, so asking a question is always a good. "You come here often?" is underrated. It always begins a conversation and is between two people. "So, where you from?", "Why aren't you drinking?", "Wanna dance?", "Hi, wanna dance?". These work, depending on the occasion. You don't want to dance with a girl you've never talked to because during swaying about in loud noise that we call music, you'll find it hard to talk to her, and you both get bored rather quickly. Also, don't offer to buy drinks at the barstand. Why? Because they'll mostly be like "sure, thank you, you're so sweet" and while dwelling in your proudness she walks back to her boyfriend. Wait, this was about chat-up lines... I brought it to oneliners in bar-flirting :P
I know many, but these are the ones my friends and I have been using lately.
"Do you Hūsker Dū?"
"Has anyone ever told you your eyes look like Space Crystals?"
"Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?"
And this one, which is awful, I've never used, but want to so bad. What you do is you make eye contact with a girl, and then motion for you to come over using your index finger, like curling it or whatever. Then when she shows up, you say, "If I can make you come with 1 finger, but imagine what I could do with 10."
This is degrading to women. And to the male race.
Worst one?
"I'm the creator of AGS"
I still made out with him though.
I had read this from somewhere:
The writer was wearing a t-shirt, written "I love my girlfriend" while walking on a street. A boorish guy comes up and says "I love her, too. What's gonna happen? Heheh" and the writer says "It is so nice when people loves their mother".
Another thing:
-Your head smells!
-It is because I had put it inside your ass.
And about meeting a girl in a bar/café; I always find it rude to talk with strangers for sexual purposes. Once I heard a couple of girls talking about me (in a good way) when I was sitting in a cafe alone, maybe I could meet them but it could be rude.
I don't really use such lines anyway, as they tend not to work. Perhaps they did work in the distant past, I wouldn't know, but contemporary girls have gotten wise to the fact that they're stupid cliches.
The worst I've heard in actual use was "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" That earned the guy a severe frown and nothing else.
"Hello. Please don't scream."
Actually, I gave up trying to start conversations with women.
I remember once when I was at some sort of Halloween party at club, a bit out in the countryside. They had plenty of ultraviolet light going on, so everything was dark except that all white parts were glowing, well you know how it is. So the bartenders wore some sort of spooky makeup, mostly consisting of long white gooey stripes over their faces and heads, almost like toothpaste or something.
When I ordered my bear, a girl walked up to me and started talking about an episode of CSI she'd seen. I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about, but I was anxious to see how well her pick up line would work on me. Eventually she came to the part where they'd investigate a corpse with ultraviolet light, to search for residues of bodily fluids...it was funny, she said, because the bartenders right in front of us looked just like that.
I thanked her for pointing that out and walked away.
"Well, I'm here now. What were your other two wishes?"
I've never actually used that, I just heard it in a movie.
Quote from: Andail on Sun 10/02/2008 23:02:23
When I ordered my bear,
My, what an interesting drink you're having ;P
Speaking from my experience and what I've seen, chat-up lines just are never a good idea, and tend to make you look like a cheesy wanker. Unless you're really good looking, a girl is probably going to reject you instantly like you've been trying that line on every girl in the club (and you probably have ;)). Girls respond a whole lot better to an innocent conversation starter & maybe a compliment on how they look. Take it from a guy who got lucky 2 nights ago, and has never used a pick up line ;D.
To back me up, here's a couple my sister have heard; "Your dad must be Osama, because you're the bomb"... "ever tripped over a tree? No? Then how about a root?" In every case, she's laughed in the guy's face and walked off instantly. I've seen plenty of other girls do it to guys as well.
QuoteWorst one?
"I'm the creator of AGS"
I still made out with him though.
LOL ::)
Well I've never used a pick up line with any amount of seriousness, and have never had one used on me at all. Though I have used:
"Excuse me, I've lost my phone number. Can I have yours?"
I got a few numbers that way...but nothing ever came of that...not even as much as friendship...as a matter of fact I don't think I even followed up on some of them. But I digress.
I came up with one a few years ago. I've never used it, though.
"I seem to be at a loss of words. Could I borrow some of yours?"
I've always found this to work
"I'm <insert name here>...Adventunare!"
-MillsJROSS
"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"
Never used chat up lines, really. Used to be too shy for them, and I considered them arrogant and generally stupid. Over the years, I've perfected timing and complaining about shitty music to an art, however, and this has given opportunities for romantic adventures more than I can remember.
You just have to realize when a girl's going to agree with you. It's a great opener. Just stand there and go 'uurrrgh, this isn't music, this is anti-music. If they play this over one speaker and play good music on the other, it's going to cancel each other out'. Jokes work. Relevant jokes work even better. Relevant and mostly generic jokes (which most people at a given place will get) work best.
Basically, create a situation where you've got something to talk about from the get-go. The where are you froms and do you come here oftens usually follow naturally :)
Best chat up line used on me in the past few months was "If I offer you a beer, is your girlfriend going to be jealous?" at which I of course responded "If you offer me a beer, I can guarantee you I don't have one." and the evening was good :P
Quote from: voh on Mon 11/02/2008 04:11:22
Never used chat up lines, really. Used to be too shy for them, and I considered them arrogant and generally stupid.
Good to see we agree completely on that one.
Quote from: voh on Mon 11/02/2008 04:11:22Best chat up line used on me in the past few months was "If I offer you a beer, is your girlfriend going to be jealous?" at which I of course responded "If you offer me a beer, I can guarantee you I don't have one." and the evening was good
Great response haha, you earned that beer lol. Girls love a funny guy.
Here's a couple more a friend told me she and her friends have heard: "Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes." And one that isn't as poxy: "I was trying to think of a pick-up line, but you've left me speechless".
Speaking as a female, that last "you've left me speechless" one might actually work if spoken in just the right embarassed tone. :)
I think the most hilarious one someone said to me was "So what's the drugs scene like at this university?"
"were you watching pokemon when you were younger?"
And this game from a girl I was hitting on ???
"Hello. Let me introduce myself. I'm your new boyfriend"
From "Married with Children"
Quote from: Guybrush Peepwood on Mon 11/02/2008 12:45:56
"Hello. Let me introduce myself. I'm your new boyfriend"
Oh, that is quite bold ;D
Well, I do not use any of these, mainly because it is just obvious where are you aiming. Some of them can work though. I am also too shy for them, as others said already. But I am sometimes lucky like hell. One random day I just sat next to two girls in McDonald and started a conversation really stupidly (I even can't remember how, but it was something really boring) and after a while, it turned out that one of them was born on exactly the same day as me. Now that's what I call luck.
Anyway, my friend uses this one:
- Half past four.
- What?
- Didn't you ask about the time?
- No.
- Why?
and so on
And one that I used once, when one girl was buying mass transportation tickets in the ticket mashine on the street:
- Oh, hi! I invite you on one. What's your favourite one?
- ...
- Oh, you don't have a favourite. OK, I'll take you the 30 minute one, that's my favourite, it's really good.
Oh man, looking back - this sounds so painfully stupid that I am even afraid to tell someone! But it worked (for an unknown reason).
And one that was used on me that I believe is the MOST stupid one EVER:
- Don't you have a cigarette? ;D
My general opinion is that you can't make good friends just by randomly talking to people. Of course, a coincidence is coincidence, but...you know....it is far more possible to meet someone at an english course, musical school, whatever....
This is where smokers have an advantage. There's nothing quite like "Do you have a light?" to break the ice. It's not a chat-up line as such, but it sparks up a conversation. I don't smoke... could this explain why I don't have a girlfiend?
I usually open the conversation with a funny line, such as "Uhm... umm... er..." Then I look down and blush a bit. The chicks totally dig that. I know that because I can hear them laugh/giggle through the powerful heartbeat I hear in my ears. After that I move forward and attempt to kiss her. Usually that leads to me getting a nasty bruise on my face which is a clear sign of affection. Then I pee my pants.
Success.
One I've used with great success:
I approach and make eye contact, but say nothing.
Then after just the right amount of saying nothing I say, "Married?"
If she says no, "Boyfriend?"
If she says no, "Dinner?"
Works like a charm.
Quote from: Darth Mandarb on Mon 11/02/2008 16:15:19
One I've used with great success:
I approach and make eye contact, but say nothing.
Then after just the right amount of saying nothing I say, "Married?"
If she says no, "Boyfriend?"
If she says no, "Dinner?"
Works like a charm.
Wow, that's good one. How many of 10 girls do catch?
Aah yes, smoking does really help, probably one of the reasons I won't quit. Also, on your work/school, there are mostly only a selected people smoking of the group, so you get easy contact, when you are freezing in the cold.
anyway, here are some of the chatup lines I can think of happening in my life. You must though know, that I'm the kinda person who just says what's on his mind, and get's the whole crowd laughing about my jokes... just because they are so bad... hehe :p
She: "Bye bye!"
I: "I love you!"
She: "How much?"
I: "10 bucks"
If she's cool she'll laugh about it, if she can't dig it... you'll be better wearing your StarWars lightsaber, to cut of her arms, cause otherwise you will. and I repeat "YOU WILL DIE"... wich in a weird sence actually happened to me!
hmmm... sorry guys, I'm alittle bit on weed here, and can't think of any other oneliners, ill post em when I do ;)
Quote from: Evil on Sun 10/02/2008 20:44:52
"Has anyone ever told you your eyes look like Space Crystals?"
It reminds me of the crappiest pick up line ever :
"Your father is a thief, he stole all the stars in the sky to put them into your eyes".
"So is your father a thief?"
"Why do you ask?"
"Because I saw him at the prison before I got out"
Chat up lines? Who needs them??!?!?
Com'on!
I'm amazing on my own, no words are needed!
(Imagine this scene... You approach a woman, no talk, you grab her, take her to the toilets and... After all that you go "So... What's your name?)
:P
Quoteafter a while, it turned out that one of them was born on exactly the same day as me
Ouch, now that's a relationship killer for sure! Nothing worse than opening each others presents at the same time, to find that she's bought you a £2000 ring, and you've bought her a Big Mac.
It'd be like having to endure two Christmasses a year...
Anyway, I keep meaning to try this line but I've never had the guts:
"Hey there darling, it's your lucky day"
"Why?"
"Because looks aren't important to me"
"You know... beauty is only a lightswitch away" ;)
Quote from: Oliwerko on Mon 11/02/2008 16:49:37Wow, that's good one. How many of 10 girls do catch?
I have tried that probably 10 or 15 times ... only 3 made it to the "dinner?" question because they answered yes to one of the first two (usually to "boyfriend?" cause I always scan the finger for a ring first). Of the three that made it to "dinner?" I went out with all three of them. So I guess that's 100% :)
Quote from: Nikolas on Mon 11/02/2008 19:55:56"You know... beauty is only a lightswitch away" ;)
I've used a variation of that one; "Hey ... don't worry, I look
great in the dark!" But I've found that women don't like self deprecation, so I go with confident (but not cocky).
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pickup_lines.png)
My girlfriend has had "Do you come here often?" used on her, to which she replied "Yes" and thus the conversation ended.
Also the other night a very drunk guy kept telling her, while I was there, "You.....you are a very beautiful lady." Our friend then grabbed her hand, which was holding mine at the time, and said "and this...is her beautiful boyfriend." At which point he turned to me and said "You.....you are an attractive man." Which was creepy.
But then we had a threesome and that really broke the tension.
"Wow, you are gorgeous. You have any Irish in ya?"
"Um, no."
"Ya want some?"
Only one I always remembered was: "How would you like your eggs in the morning? Fertilized or unfertilized?".
But I never use chatup lines, since it never can remember 'em at the right moment. I just talk about the music that's playing or something.
Now that I think of it, I have used "Do you come here often?"
Quote from: Pumaman on Mon 11/02/2008 19:18:22
Quoteafter a while, it turned out that one of them was born on exactly the same day as me
Ouch, now that's a relationship killer for sure! Nothing worse than opening each others presents at the same time, to find that she's bought you a £2000 ring, and you've bought her a Big Mac.
It'd be like having to endure two Christmasses a year...
Anyway, I keep meaning to try this line but I've never had the guts:
"Hey there darling, it's your lucky day"
"Why?"
"Because looks aren't important to me"
So that's the line my mate Rob must be using! His aim for the weekend is to get totally trolleyed and shag a monsterous bird. Looks don't matter. If they are attractive they are too much work. Body doesn't matter cause he loves a bit of meat to hold on to. And chubby uglies don't get sex that often so they work harder in bed and it's more fun.... apparantly.
It's all charity work. He's done enough charity work in the past few years, he is waiting for an OBE.
Anyway, chat up lines.
Me and my mate, now this was quite a few years ago, started chatting to these two american tourist chicks. Quite ok. It was a bit of a crap nite, since the cashpoint stole my card, and he was skint. So we had nothing. We tried to convince these girls that it was the done thing to buy random guys drinks. This went on for ages. They didn't believe us.
Speaking of which, I very rarely buy girls drinks. I would never offer to buy a drink to break the ice. screw that, just ask the bartender for some ice and aim for her cleavage.
Here's (http://www.livelyivy.com/?page_id=4&comic_id=35) my take on the matter. I've heard the "Have we met?" one a few times. Also, "Does the music in here suck or what?"
Quote from: The Ivy on Wed 13/02/2008 01:05:47
"Does the music in here suck or what?"
Oh, but that one doesn't work all that well - that's so obviously an opening line it isn't funny. Just grumbling about it to friends audibly works better. Especially when you notice the girl you're intrigued by doesn't like it either. Basically, the key is to dynamically hate music that she obviously doesn't like :P
And I read that comic. The "I'd hit back" one made me giggle.
A friend of mine used this one: "Hmm... You might actually be cute enought to f*** me!"
It dind't work... :P
Quote from: Twin Moon on Tue 12/02/2008 21:21:48
Now that I think of it, I have used "Do you come here often?"
I've used this one, but it was on the secretary of a travelling optician who toured the country doing eye tests. I didn't mean it as a chat up line, I was just trying to break the deadly silence in the waiting room -- but that didn't stop her saying "are you trying to chat me up?" in one of the most skeptical voices I've ever heard.
I should have said "honestly darling, don't flatter yourself" in reply, but hindsight is a wonderful thing.
Not really a pick up line, but you could always shove a large sausage into your pants and then go bar hopping. Guaranteed to attract the ladies. har har.
Quote from: The Ivy on Wed 13/02/2008 01:05:47
Here's (http://www.livelyivy.com/?page_id=4&comic_id=35) my take on the matter. I've heard the "Have we met?" one a few times. Also, "Does the music in here suck or what?"
So what kind of pick-up line
would work on you?
How about just talking to people and getting to know them instead of cheesy one liners?
Quote from: Becky on Wed 13/02/2008 22:26:54
How about just talking to people and getting to know them instead of cheesy one liners?
Well, by 'pick-up line' I really mean 'the first thing you would say to a person you're trying to get to know'.
I suppose, "Hi, I'm X" would be a standard pick-up line, but it seems kind of boring. Although I have a bad habit of never telling people my name unless they explicitly ask...
A girl, after a concert where I was performing one of my works, came up to me and said "I want to be friends". It worked! We're married 4 1/2 years now! :D
Quote from: Emerald on Wed 13/02/2008 22:10:00
Quote from: The Ivy on Wed 13/02/2008 01:05:47
Here's (http://www.livelyivy.com/?page_id=4&comic_id=35) my take on the matter. I've heard the "Have we met?" one a few times. Also, "Does the music in here suck or what?"
So what kind of pick-up line would work on you?
"Hi, I'm Mel Gibson. Did you see a dingo dog run by here with my shirt?"
(points if you know what that's from ;))
Dilbert.
Oh, and (http://rawstory.com/images/new/melgibsonbeard.gif.jpg)
"Let's slip something into your drink so you'll be more comfortable....with me...."
Let me just add, I didn't make that crap up, I am not to blame.
"It's Valentine's. Let's fuck."
My face still hurts.
Just kidding. I didn't actually use that...but it would be funny IMO. ;D
Meh, Irish women tend to be dominant and cynical. It's the men that are the sensitive ones...
Pick-up lines are met with such common phrases as:
"Gettawayoutta tha'"
or
"Ack, yer drunk again"
or simply
"Fuck off."
Quote"are you trying to chat me up?"
Do people in the UK actually say such things? That's one of the most ridiculous sentences I've ever read. I realize that 'Was that some sort of come on?' sounds rather weird as well, but at least it makes more sense in context. Or maybe 'Did you just make a pass at me?'
You should have punched her in the eye so her boss could show off his optometry skills.
Quote from: ProgZmax on Fri 15/02/2008 05:27:28
Quote"are you trying to chat me up?"
Do people in the UK actually say such things? That's one of the most ridiculous sentences I've ever read. I realize that 'Was that some sort of come on?' sounds rather weird as well, but at least it makes more sense in context. Or maybe 'Did you just make a pass at me?'
Its just an idiomatic transitive particle phrasal verb! Would "Are you trying to look me up (in the phone book)" also sound strange to you?
Yes, in that kind of conversation it would.
Hi guys,
Some good news first. I'm engaged. I proposed to my girlfriend in early Jan and she said yes. And luckily she hasn't changed her mind in that time.
Okay, the reason why I bring this up: we've been together since Feb 2007. When we first met, this was my "pick-up line":
"So, do you think Australia needs a Bill of Rights?"
... and that was it. I knew she was a lawyer and that day I read in the newspaper an article about discussions over a Bill of Rights. So, I felt that was the best way to start a conversation with her, let alone find an excuse to talk to her. That was it. That was my pick-up line.
And I guess it must have been a very good pick-up line because she later told me that particular night I had bad BO and she was trying keep her distance from me because I smelt like shit. But she still went out with me and look where we are today!
The moral here is: a) make sure your pick-up lines have some substance, and b) deodorant -- not essential, though it helps.
Congrats Mr McPhee!
Anyway, it does help when you do know something about the person you are trying to chat up. It's not that easy in a pub or club situation, you've just gotta go in there and hope for the best. Be clever. Be witty. If you are neither clever or witty, well, comment on something other than her shoes eyes boobs or bum. Girls get that shit all the time.
Unless the girl happens to have tiny boobs, in which case a 'nice boobs!' comment may or may not backfire.
Quote from: ProgZmax on Sat 16/02/2008 21:10:14
Unless the girl happens to have tiny boobs, in which case a 'nice boobs!' comment may or may not backfire.
More likely to backfire than if she had ample breasts. Girls are sensitive about having small boobs - that's why breast enlargements are big (hehe). You comment on it, and she'll assume you're slagging her or something...
In fact, opening with a compliment at all just comes off sleazy and insincere.
Open with a joke. If she laughs, it's open season. If not, run.
Quote from: Emerald on Sat 16/02/2008 22:21:51
Open with a joke. If she laughs, it's open season. If not, run.
Nicely said. And easily said, harder done. You have to be helluva creative to prepare a suitable joke, if you want to be funny and not just stupid.
Dilbert gives a great chat-up line:
http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/archive/dilbert-20080224.html
Quote from: Oliwerko on Sat 16/02/2008 22:55:11
Quote from: Emerald on Sat 16/02/2008 22:21:51
Open with a joke. If she laughs, it's open season. If not, run.
Nicely said. And easily said, harder done. You have to be helluva creative to prepare a suitable joke, if you want to be funny and not just stupid.
That depends. When I say 'a joke' I don't mean "a guy walks into a bar and asks for a bloody mary..." kind of thing. I just mean say something funny. Making casual, witty comments to complete strangers is a time-honoured Irish tradition - it simultaneously conveys confidence, intelligence and humour, without coming off as contrived or assholeish (since it's contextual, it can't be rehearsed).
Besides, 'wit' is just like anything else - if you practice it, you'll get better at it.
You: Knock Knock.
Her: Who's there?
You: Nobody, I'm just playing with your knockers.
Emerald, what was the punchline to your Bloody Mary joke?
"I can hammer a metal spike through a wooden post with my penis."
Ha Ha, a line from the movie Real Genius. Still love that movie and have seen it about a 1,000 times.
:)
Quote from: Domino on Mon 25/02/2008 21:50:11
Ha Ha, a line from the movie Real Genius. Still love that movie and have seen it about a 1,000 times.
:)
Well spotted ;D
Quote from: LimpingFish on Mon 25/02/2008 21:24:31"I can hammer a metal spike through a wooden post with my penis."
I'll do you one better: I can hammer a wooden spike through a metal post with my penis.
If you're in the same "circle" as the person of your interest it's rather easy without any specific pickup lines. And by circle here I mean same group, same table, some ring of chairs... something where a conversation can occur. As said conversation occurs, you can just direct your comments at said person - tho it's rather easy to make a fool out of ourself here too - and based on their reactions you'll about see if it's worth pursuing further... In most cases. But from there on you won't need an opener, just to take the opportunity to get to talk to them in more private, such usually show up.
Tho that naturally doesn't always work, but with the right conditions you just might get lucky...
I just realised I haven't been subjected to pickup lines that I remember, probably because I don't go out alone, but in more or less scary groups...
Bleh, it always annoys me the way girls roam around in packs. It's like a hive mind - like hitting on 4 people at once...
Quote from: Emerald on Tue 26/02/2008 19:22:29
Bleh, it always annoys me the way girls roam around in packs. It's like a hive mind - like hitting on 4 people at once...
Exactly, you don't make fool of yourself only once, but four times ;D