Bet you didn't see THIS coming....

[shbaz]

Faux homophobe? I guess that made sense to someone. That I fake being afraid of gay people or something. Something... I forget where this was going exactly. But it was something partially derogatory towards you, possibly involving a mullet, I really can't remember. But take offense anyway...

bwahaha.. no offense intended. "Faux homophobe" being related to your formerly rigid stance against homosexual marriage, etc.

I never had a mullet.. I just said I did. I think. Some people said it was getting long in the back, but really it was long all around, and.. yeah.

[Wormsie]

"Homosexuality as prelude to acceptance of other sexual deviations. This claim is so vague and unfounded as to be in the category with: 'When did you stop beating your wife?' As far as I know, no official organization has seen fit to officially refute the claim, because it is absolutely baseless and ludicrous. It arises from the old belief that homosexual orientation was a perversion, which enlightened psychiatrists and psychoanalysts no longer believe. Nor did Sigmund Freud. He went to great lengths to differentiate 'inversion' (homosexual orientation) from 'perversion.' In contemporary terms, we differentiate homosexual orientation as encompassing healthy, warm, and enduring relationships with partners, just as in heterosexual individuals. A perversion is a specific type of behavior that tends to dehumanize its partners and to be focused only on a substitute for a mutual relationship." -  Ralph E. Roughton, M.D.
Clinical Professor of Psychiatry
Emory University Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences
Atlanta, Georgia

And congratulations for coming out. 

[12431_unplugged]

have you 'come out of the closet' anywhere else exept from in the forum?
don't get me wrong, i think it's great that you start somewhere,
but your closest should know too

[Peter Thomas]

My family don't really know. Well, okay, that's not true. They know in their heart of hearts (my dad's already bought a few books all about how to deal with your "sinful gay son"), and I've dropped them plenty of hints, but I haven't sat them down and told them straight to their face "I'm gay". That's largely because I'm going through a pretty rough time right now (my b/f broke up with me a week before christmas because he has HIV) and that's something I'm not really prepared to talk about right now. Thinking I'm gay is "bad" enough for them - they'd die if I told them I had to go for an aids test soon...

Mostly everyone else knows. Even my ex-girlfriend (who I only went out with to try and prove that I wasn't gay - we're best friends now). I think I'm going to get HER to come with me when I go for the tests - no way I could do it on my own.

There are a few friends who I haven't told. I would regard them as fairly close, but they are relatively homophobic. I appreciate the addage 'if they're friends they'll accept you for who you are' but that's a lot easier said than done. Oh, and the managers at work don't know, for the very same reason. My last shift one of them spent the ENTIRE night cracking anti-gay jokes, and telling me how sick and un-natural it was. I had to grin and bear it. I would've said something if I could afford to not have a job, but I can't. Everyone else in the complex knows, though, so I go and talk to them instead

Whew, okay, that was more a ramble than I expected. The sort of thing I'd put in a journal. Oh well, I hope it at least answered your question. Not out to EVERYONE, but MOST of them.

[SSH]

There are a few friends who I haven't told. I would regard them as fairly close, but they are relatively homophobic. I appreciate the addage 'if they're friends they'll accept you for who you are' but that's a lot easier said than done. Oh, and the managers at work don't know, for the very same reason. My last shift one of them spent the ENTIRE night cracking anti-gay jokes, and telling me how sick and un-natural it was. I had to grin and bear it. I would've said something if I could afford to not have a job, but I can't. Everyone else in the complex knows, though, so I go and talk to them instead

You should talk to your Human Resources department about it. In the UK at least, it's illegal for you to be discriminated against becuase of your sexuality. I think there's an Australian Equal Opportunites Commision, isn't there?

[Captain Mostly]

If the guy doesn't know Peter's gay then how can it be considered that he's discriminating against him by cracking anti-gay jokes?

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that anti-gay jokes are ok, but if this guy wasn't aware of Peter's sexuality then he won't have been making them as a direct dig at him, so it doesn't count as discrimination, no matter how little he enjoyed it.

[Nacho]

I think SSH was refering to Peter s fear to announce he's gay, at the work, not to the jokes.

Good luck about that tests... And if you bring bad news, well, I am no an expert, but there's people living healthy with HIV, for more than 20 years. It's not a death penalty within the first 4 or 5 years like before. Anyway, let's pray for a "negative" result.

[Peter Thomas]

Farlander! Bloody hell! I know you were trying to give words of comfort and understanding, but...

there's people living healthy with HIV, for more than 20 years

So I guess I'm due to die around 39, then. Comforting indeed.

Don't worry, no offence taken. Just sort of gave me a jolt, that's all.

And yes, definitely praying for a negative result.

[Kinoko]

Best of luck, Peter. I truly, truly hope it's negative, and I'm sure it will be ^_^

...and *ahem* I'm -sure- there are people that make it further than 20 years. "Bad Farlander" *whap!*

[Peter Thomas]

I'm -sure- there are people that make it further than 20 years.

There damn well better be

[Blackthorne]

Eh, it's not just conditions like AIDS that give you sentences like that...

When my kidney's failed, and I was told I would require dialysis and a transplant, I was also told that even with the treatments, my life expectancy could only be maybe 20 years.. maybe more, maybe less. 

Living with an early death sentance is a hard thing, but life goes on.

Uh, anyway, PT - I hope you get a negative response too.  Remember your sexual safety in the future as well.

Bt

[Peter Thomas]

Oh, I never forgot my safety, but there are countless ways to catch hiv. They say you can't catch it from kissing, but if both people have mouth ulcers, then anything's possible. Not to mention the more probable methods of contraction. Better safe than sorry, even if turns out to be very sorry indeed. Apparently around 70-80% of people with hiv+ partners wil catch it themselves. Mostly that's because they were just plain careless, but that's still a stupidly high percentage. No idea what the ratio's like elsewhere, but it's got me scared crapless, I'll say that much.

Oh, and by the way, I never noticed your sig before Bt, and I don't know why I noticed it now, but I like that quote. "Enjoy every sandwich". Don't know what it means to you, but suddenly it means an awful lot to me.

[/becomes 70 years old and starts reflecting on the golden days when everything had so much meaning]

[Nacho]

hey faggy bastard, (   ) I've said: "healthy for more than 20 years" and they're still alive, so, who knows, maybe with the new drugs the hope of survival will increase to 30, or 35... We don't still know it because people being treated is still healthy. And during this time, I'm quite sure that in that time something else will be developed to make HIV something like a diabetes, serious, yes, but not fatal.

Still... Let's go for the "negative"! 

[SSH]

If the guy doesn't know Peter's gay then how can it be considered that he's discriminating against him by cracking anti-gay jokes?

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that anti-gay jokes are ok, but if this guy wasn't aware of Peter's sexuality then he won't have been making them as a direct dig at him, so it doesn't count as discrimination, no matter how little he enjoyed it.

That's not the case. A manager who goes around saying that he thinks that people who have kids are less productive and more likely to take time off and so on is still discriminating whether he knows if any of any of his staff have kids or not. Just becuase having children is (slightly?) more likely than being gay doesn't change whether its discrimination or not. Of course, if no-one is affected then people are not so liekyl to report the discrimination, but then that's a different question.

[Peter Thomas]

Hehe, I might lodge a complaint just to get under their skin! I'm looking to get a job somewhere else anyway, so when I do, I think I'm gonna say bye with a bang

Actually... don't ask what made me think of it, but there's a small deli section in the shop where I occasionally have to slice meats and stuff. If I ever cut myself (I think it's only happened once before?) of course I wouldn't give them any meat that came in contact with it, but if I've got hiv, then I wouldn't really be allowed to touch the meat at all. Would I? It probably wouldn't be terribly wise in any case.

[Wormsie]

This is what I think about coming out to your parents - your view might differ, but you might want to know that you can think this way too: I think that my personal life is NOT my parent's business. It's none of teir business with whom I go out with, live with and have sex with. You can think that way, too, especially if your parents are very homophobic. However, if they are "gay is OK, go for it!" type, the love and support they can give you regarding your relationships, for example, can be good. There's no NEED to come out, and if you feel guilty for not having come out... don't. It's none of their business.

But, most parents learn to accept their child's sexual orientation in time.

[Peter Thomas]

Thanks dead

My parents ARE homophobic. Actually, I'd take that further and say they're just downright anti-gay. However I know they love me and will learn to accept who I am with time. The problem simply lies with the fact that I'd have to tell them everything at once. It's not as easy as just saying I'm gay. I'd have to tell them that within the first year of my openly gay life, I may have already contracted hiv, which wouldn't do much to help their perception of the gay community, and would probably send them into panic over-drive.

I know that they legally don't have much/any control over my social/private/sex life and that I don't have to inform them of everything. And I certainly DON'T tell them everything. But, well, this just isn't something that I'd consider being "one of those things". As I said before (I think it was in this forum...) I'm just gonna take it one day at a time...

[BernieLaraemie]

That's  the worst, I'm living with my parents right now (unfortunately) for another month.  They're homophobic. . .religious, as well.

I've told my mother. . .but my father isn't finding out till I leave.  It's that simple.

Good luck to you Peter, and I hope you find somewhere that you're comfortable.

Good for you as well, you seem very together on this subject/issue, so I know you'll do well.

~~Bernie L

[Peter Thomas]

Thanks Bernie

I phoned around today, trying to find a doctor/clinic that will do it relatively cheap/free. Didn't have the nerve to actually make the appointment, but I've narrowed it down to two places that I'm likely to go.  I nearly went to my family doctor about it, but decided against it. He's christian too, and has always liked us for our christian principles. I really trust him and feel like I can talk to him about most things, but I'd hate to see his face if I mentioned I needed an hiv test. Good golly he'd die.

And I also phoned around to see if I could complain about my discriminatory managers. Didn't find anyone who was willing to listen to my case, but I'll be damned before I give up. Well, I suppose according to the bible I already AM damned, so I guess I'm free to give up anytime soon...

[BernieLaraemie]

I lost a job based on sexuality. . .in a foreign country, too.  That was fun.

Hrm. . .I think a Christian doctor (who really shouldn't bring his beliefs to work) wouldn't necessarily think you were gay. . . .

Besides, they usually don't test for *just* HIV.  Make that appointment with a clinic, and keep us posted.

We're pulling for ya' here, man. . .so you go and confirm you're negative, honey.

~~Bernie Laraemie