It's amazing what can just pop into your head out of the blue. Well, the question "is it okay for guys to cry" popped into mine today. Personally, I feel there is really nothing shameful about crying. I'm not really afraid to cry. Of course only under certain circumstances.
What do you think?
I think if a women hit herself with a hammer and began crying, that would be pretty odd too. Why confine your argument to men?
Well, the argument can apply to everybody. Maybe the hammer thing was a bad example.
Personaly, I think women cry too much. I know many girls that cry over everything. Even those who dont still cry over dumb stuff. Unless you're bankrupt or have been notified of a recent death then I dont see a serious need to cry. I dont mean to be a "bad ass" but I've learned to deal with my problems. Usally the most you get our of me is a "Pfft". I'm not saying bottle your feelings, I'm saying dont be over dramatic.
I rarely cry, but that's because things rarely happen to me that are cause enough to cry about. Last time I cried was when a relative died. I won't cry if I get hurt or anything (not that I've ever really experienced any major amounts of pain), because what's the point?
I cried my eyes out tonight when I thought Jasmine was going to get cut from American Idol.
Thank GOD she didn't ...
A few years ago I had a cyst on my dick that made me cry. Does that count?
The last thing to make me cry was that episode of Futurama with Frys dog... sorry to bring it up again, but that is one sad bloody episode, and that final shot of the dog, lying down to die is just so bloody moving...
:'(
Damn it... :'(
Quote from: Os à šltimo Quão Queijo ^_^ on Thu 08/04/2004 02:27:26
The last thing to make me cry was that episode of Futurama with Frys dog... sorry to bring it up again, but that is one sad bloody episode, and that final shot of the dog, lying down to die is just so bloody moving...
I agree. But its nothing to ball your eyes out over. Like, every time my dad watches Driving Miss Dasiy he cries. Dont ask my why, I've never seen the man cry any other time. But when that tape gets a rollin his eyes start a tearin.
DG: Thats reasonable. Even a possible cyst.
I haven't cried in a long time.. not even the last two deaths in my family. Sometimes I think this depression numbs the pain, or maybe I've just grown so accustomed to what would be emotional trauma that it isn't trauma anymore.
I don't look down on anyone for crying, but I lose respect for people who cry/whine about minor things like it's the end of the world, like grades and such.
I'm pretty messed up, because I haven't cried over a death in the family for the last 10-12 years, and yet I can still get pretty emotional over some really simple things (That hasn't happened in absolute ages, though)
I don't think there's anything wrong with guy's crying, but it does make it easy for other people to judge them (even at a subconscious level). If ever I see a guy crying because he's feelings are hurt, I inevitably think 'wimp'. But after a minute I see how unfair I've been and I usually re-evaluate.
The closest I've come to 'crying' in the last couple of years would be watery eyes. When I saw Passion of the Christ, for example, my eyes went blurry, and sometiomes when I see sad news reports about mental snipers who shoot innocent people, the same sort of thing happens.
But I never let anyone see me. It's just a security thing.
In my opinion there's nothing wrong with watery eyes. But downright sobbing... well, it's not "wrong", but don't cry in front of anyone -- that's just silly.
Jess and I watch sad movies and we cry all over each other, not like sobbing because I don't think a movie could really drive me to that kind of sadness [unless it was a movie my mother made right before a car fell on her]
The first movie I watched with her was Grave of the Fireflies and when it was done she saw I was crying* and gave me tons of kisses...
so crying rocks!
I tear up at documentaries a lot because they are usually the saddest movies ever. There was a documentary on David Koresh and the Davidians and what happened to them and that was depressing to the point of shooting myself in the head, then a movie about this woman who had a female to male sex change operation, got ovarian cancer and then no doctors would operate on him because they felt what he did was immoral... I think that was more tears of rage...
I Never Liked You, a comic by Chester Brown
The Playboy also by him
The Pianist, oh good god!
also the good thing about crying is if you're sick and your all clogged up, watch a sad movie and by the end it'll be like someone yelled "ImmigratÃon!" in the Ramad Inn of your sinuses!
eric
*as las has said many times, if you don't cry by the end of Grave of the Fireflies then you have no soul**
**if souls exists
I remember I cried a lot when kid... Dunno what happened, but I became a not-easy-to-seen-crying teenager, I just cryed when Ayrton Senna (The great brasilian F-1 driver) died in 1-may-94, and after that I spent years and years (Like 5 or 6) without crying (Even standing without crying at some funeral of relatives...)
But from 20 to nowadays I don't feel bad if I drop some tears, I am more sensitive, I think... Last time I cryed was when LAnce Armstrong won the Tour after suffering like hell during the stage of Luz Ardiden, with a fall from the bike included... epic.
I cry occasionally. I guess i get depressed about things. I find crying helps get rid of the emotions, cos it's not good to bottle things up. I guess I'm a sensitive person.
Okay, here is a personal story. It's not the last time I cried, but probably the most painful time I cried.
This was in high school. My parents divorced around 95-96. But I was in my final year of high school: 1998. I had a few unresolved issues (I guess you could call them that) with my Dad. One night, I was over his house and he had a couple of friends over. He had gone to bed because he had a hectic day at work, but I stayed with the conversation. At one point, the conversation turned to parents. In a moment of weakness I said, "You know something? I love my father, but I don't respect him." I can't remember why I said this. Maybe it was his manner. Maybe it was the way he emotionally hurt mum. Maybe it was the way he hurt me. I don't know. But I broke down crying in front of all his friends. I didn't mean to say he was a violent person (emotionally or physically) or anything. But I felt I had to reveal a part of me in front of a group of people I hardly knew. Such is the price of repression.
But Dad heard everything I said and what happened. For a few days, we didn't talk to each other. We then had a huge confrontation via the boarding school pay phone. At one point, our boarding house master asked how long I was going to be. I said, "Several minutes because we were having some family problems." Dad heard me say this. He didn't like it. But I admitted to him what I was: a sad and angry person. A person who would lash out. Even against people I loved. Sure, I could tell you some of the things that happened which caused me to not respect him: beatings for shit I had done wrong, the emotional pain when he focused his attention on another woman, always feeling like you're second best (or rather, as he onc eput it, satisfactory or average). But the truth is, you've probably experienced the same thing. It's like men's lives are brought up to emulate our fathers. And most of the time, our fathers are wrong. And I know this: Dad wasn't always right. He was just a human being who suffered under his parents too.
That night (or week, rather), I severed the ties that binded our personalities. I realised I wasn't the same man as him. I realised I could be vunerable, yet free in what I do and say in front of him. I didn't have to watch myself. I had reached a point where I had completely disappointed him. And I admitted I was a failure as a human being. And I said he should admit the same thing. Because he was. Mainly cause of his father.
The person I was several years ago was not pretty. I don't blame my father though. I think everyone is responsible for their own behaviour. But I do feel his own violence had some impact. There was that Peter Gabriel song called Lovetown that goes "And do those teeth still fit the wounds" -- The wounds are passed on from parent to child. Which is why I faced up to him.
And now I'm my own person. I don't have to live up to expectations. And Dad and I have a great relationship. He's a better person now, and so am I. We both had a lot of learning to do, and in our own ways too. And we can still share a drink and chat with each other like mates. And I'm going to visit him at the end of the year.
He came back from England a few months ago and said I should get back into the stand-up comedy stuff. And that's what I'm going to do. Not because he expects it. But because I know for sure he's right: I can be my own person. And do the stuff that I enjoy. The stuff that makes me who I am. Not the stuff he expects.
We were both victims. Me from him. And him from his father. It was a fucked up situation, but we overcame it.
So that's the most important time I cried: In front of Dad's friends. I embarassed him. Yes, I did. But it was to show that underneath the facade, nothing was perfect. We all have our deep tensions that run undercurrent. I exposed mine that night. Maybe it was the wrong time, but I don't care. I feel there aren't really any right answers. No roadmap to life.
So, there you have it. My most vunerable moment. And I feel awkward sharing it. I feel like I've said something here that I shouldn't have.
But I'm not sorry. Not for one second. That's me. And it probably explains why I'm such a bastard at times. But I'm getting better. Each and every day.
EDIT: A few weeks later, I got the cyst on my dick. Talk about a shitty month. I thought I had contracted a venerial disease at age 17. Luckily, it was just a cyst. And in truth, I didn't cry then. I mean, after facing an angry parent, everything becomes numb. Even your manhood.
EDIT 2: Incidently, last time I got teary was during the movie ONE PERFECT DAY. And in front of Rene too. God, I'm such a wuss. ;D
I welled up this morning hearing a poem on BBC Radio 4 about a vet who was having to deliver and then kill 40 newborn lambs during the foot-and-mouth epedemic of 2001. Didn't cry, but then I was driving so it would have been a bad idea.
People cry for very strange reasons, even me. A friend of mine saw some Johnny walker "Keep walking" ad on tv about some footballer guy who missed a goal, and then years later he tried again and scored. It caused my friend to have a tear. Even me, there was a movie once about an invisible rabbit (Harvey...?) and at one scene some person slammed the door on another guy (I forgot who, on the rabbit or on some boss guy..?). That got me to quietly sob. Of course, I was not exactly a grown man at that time, though, I was 9 or 10. It did not turn out all bad though, as my sister promised to help me get past a part I had got stuck in Indiana Jones if I told her why I cried :). Last time I got "fuzzy eyes" was when I was leaving Egypt and realised I might not ever see my friends again.
Harvey is one of my favourite movies.
Jimmy Stewart is a god.
Woha! DG has confessed his most vulnerable moment, which seems not to be a good politic when there is a bunch of people willing to argue with him...
So, I give up, I will not bitter discuss with him anymore, I promise! The posts that I really like are that ones which bring something new to my life and a moment of intimity... Andail's post about "nights in Gothemburg" is now in the second place in the "Post-o-meter", I must confess...
So, thanks Daniel for this enjoyable reading...
Whoa, Farlander!
I didn't say that stuff to so people wouldn't argue with me. Or feel sorry for me.
I actually posted it because a) people might learn some lesson from it or b) it drops my guard down a little -- I'm like that, I guess: One minute, I'm defensive. The next, I'm revealing something very sad in my life.
I guess I'm just a walking contradiction.
Whatever the case, argue with me -- I mean, you're entitled to your opinion as much as anyone.
I think we're all trying to prove a point in life -- For what purpose, that's up to each individual.
But don't feel you don't have to argue with me just because I had an entanglement with my Dad (or that he had an entanglement with his).
Besides, I love him.
And I do respect him now -- It took years to build that, but I do fianlly respect him.
Of course, notice that I posted "Bitter discuss"... That means that the gentle discuss is still guaranteed! ;)
And if I took that decission is because my respectometer with you has passed a line, not for feeling sad for you or anything, I think you can manage this quite good alone.
I kinda have issue with that I guess: I'm the kinda guy who's not big on posting something vunerable to earn respect.
I just want to say, I didn't post that to earn respect.
If anything, I'm a very dispicable human being (especially at my worst).
I think the only thing I got going for me is that believe one day I might become completely better and whole and accepting of myself.
And I'm getting there.
One step at a time.
But, I love you, brother!
Attempting to earn respect does not usually work if you do it on purpose to earn respect... So, I keep the respect, and multiply it by 1.5.
I love you too brother! :-\
Why have you had to post this while I was listening "Hey Jude", man?
/me breaks in tears emotioned...
I really respect that DG doesn't post things to try and get respect ;)
Sorry to interrupt the Farlander/DG love-in, but I noticed two mistakes in Farlander's English that my wife often makes:
Discuss does not really imply a difference of opinion, see the bit under Synonyms here: http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=discuss
Also, it's intimacy, not intimity
I'm just trying to help you improve your English, Nacho, not attack you, btw!
Anyway, back to the topic:
The first book that really upset me on an emotional level was "Jeffy, the Burglar's Cat" when I was about 7. My poor mum had to stay up all night with me as I read it as I couldn't sleep until I knew what happened at the end (as my mum never tires of telling people these days ::) ). Jeffy's master is a kleptomaniac and tries to stop himself but can't, with devestating consequences for Jeffy.
And recently I saw Forrest Gump again and welled up at the end there too. Wuss city! And at the beginning of Finding Nemo, too, but then with a wife and child that I am always worried are OK, I think that's a bit more understandable.
In fact, these days, I get upset at nearly any movie in which something happens to a wife or child. Funnily enough, the Stallone movie DeTox really upset me, at his powerlessness to stop the killer drilling a hole through his wife's head. I didn't see any of the movie after that.
The last time I really lost it was, as withPeter Thomas, when I saw The Passion of the Christ at the theater. I, and most of the people in the room started crying halfway through the movie and didn't stop until it was over. Even though I cried for a long time after we had left and gone home.
I believe that was the first time I openely cried around strangers and while walking down the street. But I have to say, the movie made me realize some things and made some differences in my life.
Thanks SSH (Not for interrupting the love-in >:() I really think that in this ocassions your wife and me are victims of "false friends" (Words that seem the same in two languajes, but they don't mean the same, Example, Schinken sounds like "chicken" but it means "pig")
In Spanish, Discutir (similar to discussion) does not necessarily mean "argue".
About some other words doubling consonants "Oppinnion, Actualy"... I think I'll never do it propperly, so, I'll go on testing combinations of consonants for writing correctly at least once in my life. :D
About crying in cinemas... I think I drop a tear in Titanic, but, curiously, at the third time I saw it, in the scene where a baby is seen embraced by her frozen mother...
I can't recall anymore, but I know I was close in Ryan.
P.S. I did not cry when Bambi's mother is suggested to be killed... I know, I am a monster with no feelings. >:)
Thaks you guys, shit it could be cause I've had two borttles of Chardonnay (After all, it is holidays tomorrow) but I'm glad I've had this moment.
/me hugs everyone, especially Farlander, SSH, and Raggit.
/me backs away from DGMacphee
I'm not really into hugging men. It's not that I think it's gay, just that I don't like bodily contact with other men. Let me grab my glove and we can just shake hands.
Quote from: Robert Eric on Thu 08/04/2004 19:49:34
/me backs away from DGMacphee
I'm not really into hugging men. It's not that I think it's gay, just that I don't like bodily contact with other men. Let me grab my glove and we can just shake hands.
Aww, c'mon Robby, let's all have a good cry and group hug!!! ;)
Quote from: shbazjinkens on Thu 08/04/2004 05:30:23
I haven't cried in a long time.. not even the last two deaths in my family. Sometimes I think this depression numbs the pain, or maybe I've just grown so accustomed to what would be emotional trauma that it isn't trauma anymore.
I don't look down on anyone for crying, but I lose respect for people who cry/whine about minor things like it's the end of the world, like grades and such.
I couldn't agree more.
My girlfriend and I have been having problems lately, and because of my new job, we rarley get to see each other anymore (a total of 24 hours in the last 2 months). I'd hate to lose her because of all of that (we've been dating a year and a half).
Things like that make me wanna cry, especially when I'm out for a drive and some song that reminds me of her comes on the radio.
I guess I'm not ashamed to cry... granted I'm not quite as depressed as I used to be (I know exactly what you're talking about, Schbaz). It just takes a special something, I guess.
I don't cry too much anymore, but sometimes I'll get that funny feeling in my throat when I'm watching a movie, and my eyes get watery (but not enough for tears).
The last time I remember actually crying (and I'm sure I've cried since then, I just don't recall), was four years ago. I was just going through Confirmation, and our confirmation class made a trip to some camping/cabin type grounds where we were going to spend the weekend. It started out fine...I was hanging out with my friends and the Rabbi and myself were cracking jokes back and forth.
So after a long day, we were all sitting in one room, all of us (there were roughly 20 of us maybe less or more, I can only really remember my good friends from that class). I was telling my Rabbi a dirty blond joke, which he found funny. But he told me not to tell it to our cantor (who was a women, and was sitting close enough to not hear us when her attention was elsewhere). Anyway, me being who I am, a guy who likes to see how far I can take things, I ended up telling the cantor the joke anyway (In truth, though, my mother worked with her, and my mom said later she heard dirtier jokes from the cantor (if only I could remember the joke I told)). So in front of the whole confirmation class, the Rabbi just seemed to snap and started yelling his head off at me. Which was so unlike him, because he's normaly mild mannered, and you'd never expect him to get in such a rage (apparently, though, some other people have related stories of him snapping, so it wasn't that uncommon, I just hadn't been witness to it).
Then there was me...also a mild mannered guy, who never yells. And something about him yelling at me like he did, in front of my whole class got my blood boiling, so I started yelling back, to such a degree that it felt with each word I needed to take breath. So after each of us had said our peace...I started crying in front of our whole confirmation class. I don't like yelling or getting angry, and I respected the Rabbi so much, for him to be yelling at me. So I gave a good sob...you could feel the tension in the room.
So twenty minutes later, it was over, the Rabbi and I sat down and played chess. Then we just started laughing at the whole thing, and apologized to each other (Me for going that step too far, and him for not pulling me aside to discipline me).
It really felt good to cry. It really felt good to yell back, too.
In general I think crying is good for a person every once in a while. I rarely cry now, but everytime I do, it feels really good, afterwards.
It's sad to think that our society views a man in rage above a man who cries.
-MillsJROSS
The last time I cried was a movie. And then too, it was just watery eyes. I am not really a person who cries at movies. I just can't forget that it is artistic fiction I am watching. This movie is in fact the only movie that made me shed tears (even on the second viewing). This is, not surprisingly, Schidnler's List, from the moment where he regrets not saving more people to the end credits.
There are some tears that I find extremely touching - the tears of an athlete. These men who are required to be macho all the time, can only show their emotions on the pitch. John Drummond in the last World Championships. Gazza in Italia 90'. Federer after beating Sampras.
And of course, the closet to my heart - football (soccer). That particular moment was 4 seasons ago. Last match of the season - Barcelona vs. Valencia in the Cump Nou (home stadium of Barca). Barca wins, they get the ticket to the Champions Leauge. Valencia leaves unbeated, and its theirs. Rivaldo, Barca's biggest star and a player often criticized by me for being overly egoistic, scored the first goal from a free-kick. Baraja equalized. Rivaldo scored the second from 30 metres. Baraja pulled it level again. The match was near its end. Now, you have to understand how much of a catastrophe it is for a club the size of Barcelona not to qualify for the Champions League (what happened last season, and it was horrible). Now, the minute is the 89th, one minute to go. Frank De Boer sends a hopeless ball forward. Rivaldo, with his back to goal, stops the ball on his chest and hits an inch-perfect bycicle kick (the hardest shot in football), which sails right in to score one of the most beautiful goals in football. I wept like a baby. The whole 100,000 in the Cump Nou, including the president of the club, went crazy. It was much more than the relatively weak achievement, but rather the way in which it was achieved. Magic.
The last time I cried, for hardly as good reasons, was on Independence Day several years ago. After being at a picnic, I set out home but found out that I lost my key. This happened to me a few years ago, and I received quite a lecture back then. The hour was late, and everybody in my house was asleep. One thing I hate, is looking like a fool - a failure. One thing I hate even more is looking like a fool in front of my father. I just couldn't stand the thought of waking everybody up in the middle of the up because of a personal stupid mistake (done for the second time). I spent the night outside, resolved to find the key when the sun shines. I failed. Then, I went back home early in the morning and tried to wake up my grandmother by yelling at her window. I failed. Then, defeated, I went home. My mother, after being woken by the door bell, was crazily worried to find my room empty. She opened the door, and I saw my father. I could not stand that feeling of looking like a fool in front of my father, and broke down to tears.
Looking back, I now realise, that everytime I had a conflict with my dad which would end in my tears, it was because of that damnable feeling. I can't stand feeling like failure. I am obsessed, much like he is, about my own success.
However, I am happy to say that I love my father, respect him and admire him. I intend to follow his footsteps, and even go beyond that.
Other serious cases involve two incidents in which I had a fight with a friend. Since that is rather obvious, I shan't extend about it.