I've been thinking a bit lately, just lightly, about whether I should change my last name when I get married. This could still be over a year away but I feel like it's gonna take that long to make a decision.
The problem is I don't feel either way on the subject whatsoever. I don't care and I can see ups and downs on both sides. I don't have any moral beliefs or religious beliefs that dictate whether I should keep my last name or take my husbands and he feels exactly the same as I do on the subject so it's purely up to me and doesn't matter much either way.
I like my last name, and I've had it forever. I like his too, and it would certainly be interesting to see how it feels to have a different name. It would make some legal matters easier I suppose, to change, but then again keeping it the same would mean I wouldn't have the hassel of changing it in various places either so ... I feel like it's even on both sides!
I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts or input on the subject. Have you done it? Know someone who kept/changed their name? Any problems I'm not forseeing? I'm completely on the fence about this right now, as I just don't care @_@ I'm 100% happy to do either.
(Yes, I've considered the fact that perhaps men could change their last names but if my fiance doesn't specifically want to, it's not worth making an issue about it, whereas I will specifically be asked at some point).
If neither one of you care, fall back on the traditional ways. Why? Because having two seperate last names does not depict union. When you are married you are one. His life is yours and yours his. It will be easier to name the kids too. :)
And if he is the going to be the head of the house, and you the heart, take his name... I am the head but by wife tends to influence me toward her desires... (don't even ask me how.) And we have been together for almost 9 years now.
There's certainly no "head" of the household, and we're already 'unified'. Neither of us are getting married for any reason other than formalising our relationship, for legal purposes (as you said, we're sharing our lives and being formally married makes that easier), and so we can have a wedding and an awesome party ^_^
What I mean is that we already live as a normal married couple do. Heck, I have to stop myself from calling him my husband most of the time. Our lives are already shared, as such.
We won't be having kids so that's not a worry, and the cats only have one name each so they'll be fine.
I'm particularly interested in what the women here think, because it's us doing the name changing.
I really only thought of this today because one of the teacher's got married, and you tend to call people by their last names in Japan so she's no longer 'Miura-sensei', but 'Sawara-sensei' (which is a damn hard change to get used to).
Choose a new name that's neither yours nor his (I predictably suggest "Robocop") and change both of your last names to that! Marriage is all about compromise.
I say string them all together, so you sound like a rockstar....
I would propose both of you changing your names to Kinoko:
Example: Rebeca Kinoko! Tasty! ;D
On a more serious manner, at least in Greece, where I got married, until the 80s you had to change your name. After that you couldn't change your name. So now my wife and I have different surnames. When we got married we signed a small paper stating what name our children will have. Where are you getting marriade? Australia? Japan? Are there any laws over there concerning this? You're having a religious marriage or a political one? Does it make any difference regarding paperwork?
And who said anything about comporomise and marriage? Come on! When my wife and I agree, we always do what she wants. When we disagree we go my way. 50-50. Fair's fair! haha!
Kinoko: When's the marriage? WE should know to send you a present or something...
Hehe, certainly not for awhile yet. Not until I get back to Australia (where there are fairly liberal laws concerning marriage so we can do whatever we like. I have friends that have kept their names, friends that have changed) and awhile after that because I'm the sort of person that likes to organise things like this well, not rush them and have everything go screwy.
For now, I'm leaning towards the Robocop idea, but I'm more partial to Batman, and Neal would probably prefer Anpanman.
Quote from: Squinky on Tue 10/01/2006 05:39:26
I say string them all together, so you sound like a rockstar....
My mum kept her last name and added a "-" then added dad's last name. It works for her.
Heiphenation is out of the question @_@ I'll feel like a divorcee in the making.
I say go the traditional route. If you really don't care, you really don't care. What are his views on it?
I say keep your name. If you love your boyfriend, you don't need to show him this way (especially if he doesn't have strong feelings about it.) In my opinion (with which many people may not agree), you can better "show union" if you hold his hand while walking on the streets, etc. BTW, my wife kept her name and I had no trouble with it. :)
I have to put my name in with the "change your name to something cooler" school of though, what's wrong with Rock Awesome III Esq.?
A friend of mine got into this discussion and VERY much got heated up. She was of the opinion that all males here are idiots because when asked, they'll say "They'd prefer that their spouse change the name". This OBVIOUSLY shows that males think females inferior and that they can dictate that females should be the ones to change the name ::) .
I personally like my last name. It sounds nice, it flows, and it connects me to a nice history. Funnily enough, my friend had the almost exact reverse of my name: Where I was Babar Kemal, she was Komal Babar. I used to joke with her that if we got married, either choice would be hell for someone.
Babar Babar or Komal Kemal... a situation where Robocop really is a feasable option.
I always consider Robocop to be less than a male than Batman... Hmmm... Sorry Vince...
Yeah! And considering those campy versions of Batman, that's saying something indeed.
Batman rocks, though ^_^
Make a poll with both potential names. A group vote should do the trick. We're all in this together, right?
Depends. For my previous boyfriends I definitely would NOT have changed my name, and not just because they were boring names (or demonic names... PRENDERGHAST). However, my boyfriend has a really cool surname. And most names are better than 'Clarke'. Also, I haven't had the name 'Clarke' all my life... before my parents separated, I used to be 'Rusalka Grant'.
So in summary, it depends on which name you prefer. If nothing else really matters to you.
What ARE your surnames, anyway?
Well, my mother wanted to keep her name when she married my father. Her last name was Jordan, and his is Booth. So now, she's officially known as Barbara Ann Jordan Booth.
Either way, it really doesn't matter. I think you should take his name, it's a symbol of unity and it just makes things easier.
I actually talked this over with my girlfriend a while back. What if we were to get married? I'm the only male de Graaf on my side of the family, and so it's only logical that I continue the name. Though I'm also leaning towards a name change, as my grandmother was called Brienne - which is a beautiful name. And as far as I know, her name ended with her.
So I'm considering changing my name to de Graaf-Brienne.
My girl likes de Graaf, more than her own name, but as she says, it IS her name. She'd probably be called de Graaf-Prijs when we eventually get married.
But if I change my name to de Graaf-Brienne, she'll be de Graaf-Brienne-Prijs.
Which is awesome.
Well, speaking as a woman I have no desire to see my last name changed or my husband to be's last name. Not out of any feminist "damn the traditional man" views or anything but because it's my name. Why change it? I'm still the same person and it'd make things easier, I wouldn't have to get a new license and all that.
But since I'm not a woman I'll speak from my colossal side, I went to a wedding a few months ago and when they were "pronounced" the priest said "I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher Conlon." and I was like "What happened to Amy?" so I said to Jess "Just because we may get married doesn't mean you have to be obliterated from history, we'll just merge our names!"
Which sadly would give us Finkenstein, or Feurstink... So instead we'll just keep our own names and name our first kid [if we have one] Racecar 3000.
" I think you should take his name, it's a symbol of unity and it just makes things easier." So would him taking her name.
But as you say, if it doesn't matter to you then just do neither, keep your names the same. Just because you don't care doesn't mean you should default to tradition!
Speaking as an actual woman: Meh, whatever. :P I mean, it's just your last name. Just think about whichever you'd prefer to put on legal documents and stuff and then stick with it.
Personally I feel no attatchment to my own surname, and if I was to get married I'd probably take my husband's surname just for the sake of it. It doesn't mean that you are owned and are property of your husband unless you actually believe that rubbish, it's done for convenience's sake anyway.
Make sure, when you take a new name, don't end up with something like in "Married with children" was: :D
Marcy D'Arcy
If not, it's okay. ;)
-Eigen
but again, convenience would be no change at all, then you don't have to change any legal documents with your old name or whatever, or tell people "It's Becky von Trumpenshire now..."
Let me elaborate by what I meant by "convenience's sake" :P
It's a common "assumption" (although perhaps an outdated one) that when married the woman will take her husband's surname. I think that people will continue to take their husbands surname because it's traditional, and the "default" stance. People tend to think of married couples as "Mr + Mrs *name*", so in that way it would be convenient.
But then again, I don't care :P
Well I would never gladly marry someone with a surname like Virtanen which is very popular in Finland. Unless I loved her of course. I have a great, rare surname, actually it's protected by law so that you can't change your to it unless in marriage. So I wouldn't want epople like Järvinen in my family...but, to speak the truth, it really doesn't matter, the surname I mean. Yet I'd wish the girl would like my name and change to it if she wanted to, but I'd never be opposed to her keeping her own name. I certainly wouldn't change mine...
My suggestion: Stay with the name, you got (more or less) famous with.
It depends very much on what your names are.
If, for example, your current name was something awful like "Rebecca Kiddiefiddler" then you may well benefit by changing it to your husband's more reasonable name.
On the other hand, if your name was "Komplete Smith" and your husband's surname was "Pratt", you might find it better sticking with what you've got.
I'll only change my last name if I find a suitable husband whose last name is cooler than "Kiai".
I plan to marry myself and take the name 'Spanky Judas'.
This probably isn't helpful, since I'm a) a guy and b) Portuguese - here in Portugal we not only have LONG names (my name is Rui Pedro Correia Pires, and other names pulled out of hats are Catarina da Costa Sousa Macedo Ferreira and... ah, look 'em up. We got many names), we also got NO obligation to change them upon marriage. Incidently, my father's last name was Pires, and my mother's last name is Correia, but that means nothing, I could just as easily have been called "Rui Pedro Castanheira" if they had felt like it.
That said - my life experience is quite, quite short, but on some aspects I've had to really take some time to think about things, because of the time I spent in an acting school. It makes you reflect on a lot of things (things you can't possibly mature until you're older, which I'm not yet). One of them is identity, and how you feel towards yourself.
"A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet". Ayuh, but that's it's name. And it has several meanings, and several interpretations of the meanings. Whether we grow into our name or it grows on us, or whether we choose to change it - it matters in a level. It's our name. It's more than our beaurocratic identity, it's one of the many, many things that identifies us. I wouldn't dream of changing my name, under any circumstance (and my artistic name is simply "Rui Pires"), I wouldn't like to be called by any other name. And I like it when I hear my name called out loud. More often than not, it means someone cares enough to say it (such a little thing, I know - but really, you'd be surprised...), and it's part of me. I was born with it. It's probably the one thing I'll carry to my grave, and I'll always treasure it.
Ranting over, what I mean is, just think about whether you are really that indifferent towards the situation. That's all.
Marry your brother. This solves the problem. In fact, I find this solves most problems.
Wow, thanks everyone for the opinions. In particular, thanks to MC cause that made me feel a lot better about, if I do keep my own name, not feeling like a raving feminist.
I do feel, as illogical as it may sound, a certain attachment to my own name, Clements. You may not think it's a great name, but it's been my name for almost 23 years and I like the way it sounds with Rebecca. My initials have always been RJC. I used to write it on desks and trees. My fiance has a -fine- last name, I have no problems with it - Steinhardt. Rebecca Steinhardt sounds pretty cool to me too, and part of me thinks it'd be really fun to have a new last name. Bit like an adventure, I guess.
I'm still torn but you've all made me feel better about either decision.
EDIT: The one thing I -won't- be doing is letting anyone pronounce me "Mrs Neal Steinhardt". My GOD I'd kick someone's arse if that happened.
So basically your options are:
Rebecca Clements
Rebecca Steinhardt
Rebecca Clements-Steinhardt
Rebecca Steinhardt-Clements
Rebecca Ultracool
Keeping your maiden name is your choice only. If he insists on you taking his name, he's not a very good guy :p
QuoteRebecca Ultracool
When i grow up, I'm officially changing my name to Joe Kickass!
I say change your name. There are two female teachers at my school who did not change their last names, and people keep thinking they're unrelated to their family, or there was a divorce or something.
Besides, it seems like nothing else would really change from marraige.. your friends/family might forget that you ever married him! ;)
Edit: "Mr. Kickass, may I take your coat?"
Yeah, I've wondered before how odd it must be for women to just change their name, it would totally freak me out.
My gal is much more traditional than I am, so this wasn't ever an issue, but if it was I would have understood. I still think of her name as her real name, not the one where we tacked my name on (even though mine is definately cooler).
I think if you are asking the question in the first place, then you should keep your name.
Witness a murder. The Feds will make up new names for you and hubby and also give you a nice house. Problem solved.
Hmm, maybe you should change your name.
Steinhardt is a cool name, too.
It's german for "adamant".
Isn't that sort of an interpretation, rather than a literal translation? It would be like stone hard literally, making the most neutral interpretation "rock hard". Adamant is a pretty specific word :)
Hmmm.... Etymologically, Rebecca Clements means "To Snare Mercy" or "Connection Mercy". Rebecca Steinhardt would mean "To Snare Adamant" or "Connection Adamant" or (seeing the new post) "To Snare Rock Hard!" or "Connection Rock Hard!". In retrospect, either one of these would be as incredible as Rebecaca Ultracool. Either way, I don't think this helps you much.
/me enjoys having wasted 2 minutes of his time.
Quote from: voh on Wed 11/01/2006 15:34:38
Isn't that sort of an interpretation, rather than a literal translation? It would be like stone hard literally, making the most neutral interpretation "rock hard". Adamant is a pretty specific word :)
Ah, speaking german, are we?
Well, "adamant" is the official translation as you can see here (http://dict.leo.org/?lp=ende&lang=de&searchLoc=0&cmpType=relaxed&relink=on§Hdr=on&spellToler=on&search=steinhart).
For all the smartarses out there:
I am aware, that "steinhart" is actually spelled without "d", but who cares?
A german person would pronounce it the same way.
Pronunciation doesn't equal meaning. That's kind of what I was getting at :P
But if you feel the need to call me a smartass, fine.
Quote from: MrColossal on Tue 10/01/2006 15:14:36
Which sadly would give us Finkenstein, or Feurstink... So instead we'll just keep our own names and name our first kid [if we have one] Racecar 3000.
I still say you should go with Finkenstein, which is the coolest last name of all. Just think, Racecar 3000 Finkenstein! That beats Pilot Inspektor Lee any day of the week!
If I were to get married, I'd like to change my last name simply because my last name is boring and everyone has it. When my sister got married, she changed her last name to her husband's so instead of Koi Johnson she's Koi Eskew and now people think she's from another country or something. It's awesome and I'm jealous!
I don't feel any particular attachment to my last name, but if you do, there is only one solution. Eeny meeny miney mo. It always works for me!
Yeah, imagine my joy when as a child, I looked up my name in a baby name book, only to discover that far from 'courageous' or 'mighty lion' or 'intrepid beauty', my name means 'a knotted cord'.
I'd make a comment about how I wish I could change my first name, but despite the meaning I'm rather in love with my name. I think it's pretty. It also allows for a nice enough range of nicknames.
Quote from: voh on Wed 11/01/2006 23:11:51
Pronunciation doesn't equal meaning. That's kind of what I was getting at :P
But if you feel the need to call me a smartass, fine.
Aw, man, don't be so huffy.
I didn't mean you, I meant the people who would notice the different spelling after clicking the link and would be smart on me.
Besides, I thought you was getting at the interpretation/translation-thing and not at the spelling.
And besides, many names means something and are written slightly different.
QuoteYeah, imagine my joy when as a child, I looked up my name in a baby name book, only to discover that far from 'courageous' or 'mighty lion' or 'intrepid beauty', my name means 'a knotted cord'.
It means rather a lot of things, actually :P We share the same name (though I shorten it), and I've seen it mean "bound", "little girl", "daughter of God", "one who serves" and all sorts. The meaning of the name changes from interpretation to interpretation :P So don't feel down about it!
My name is Wolf, Staff of the Gods, Protector of Mankind, ...Myrtle
I'd rather not change my last name, as I happen to like it very much. It does give me problems abroad, of course.
Foreign people seem rather persistant in their disability to pronounce "Ljungqvist" correctly.
It means small branch of heather, by the way.
I'm a Manly Son of a Charioteer ;D