DG's Tech Support Service

[Ben]

Why are you smiling about that?

[remixor]

Maybe it's because his bed is the cat's litter box and he thinks HE's the one pulling the joke on the cat.

[DGMacphee]

Dear DGMacphee,

My cat goes poop a lot. I don't mind it, and there really isn't anything unusual about it. But what I do find alarming is her need to run through the house at top speed following her bowel movement. Why is she so compelled to run into one room, stop, look at random spots in the air, turn, and run to another room, then back to the first room, after every time she poops? Is it a sign of ill health? Are tiny poop fairies plaguing her? Should I hire a priest? Thank you in advance.

Love,
Bruised Weasel

That's not poop -- You have the ghost of a cat molester in your house.

The best way to solve this is to call Peter Venkman.


"Two in the box!"
"Ready to go!"
"We be fast..."
"AND THEY BE SLOW!"

My cat used to do that too! But it doesn't anymore....

becasue now  it does its business in the garden instead, she runs through the garden at top speed following her bowel movement.

At least this is a sign of improvement. (Wow! I totally busted a rhyme!)

My cat just sneaks into my room and shits in my bed !!!

I hope it does not do it on your head. (I did it again!)

Why are you smiling about that?

Is it because his head is fat?

Maybe it's because his bed is the cat's litter box
and he thinks HE's the one pulling the joke on the cat.

"I like to wear socks," said the fox.
"And I cause trouble," said the cat in the hat.

[Hobbes]

Dear DG,

Where did you learn such an insightful way of looking at life? Was it a certain education? If so, I'm dying to get it too!

[DGMacphee]

Dear DG,

Where did you learn such an insightful way of looking at life? Was it a certain education? If so, I'm dying to get it too!

TO-GA! TO-GA! TO-GA!

[Squinky]

Dear Dg,

If you were all cool like, say....wolverine and you had to fight some angry supergroup called something like "The angry fighting four!"....Do you think you could do it, or would you probably piss your pants?

[Raggit]

Mr. Macphee,

Every time i fart i feel a burning sensation.  Why?

[DGMacphee]

Dear Dg,

If you were all cool like, say....wolverine and you had to fight some angry supergroup called something like "The angry fighting four!"....Do you think you could do it, or would you probably piss your pants?

I'd probably wake up and realise I'd have answer another wacky-as-Nerf question from another drunk AGSer.

Mr. Macphee,

Every time i fart i feel a burning sensation.  Why?

The burning sensation will only go away if you stop lighting them.

[Felipe]

Dear DeeGee:
How can such an important topic like this one be at the bottom of the second page of the forum??

Now, to the main question that's been killing me for ages:

- Why english is a stupid language?

Let's face it:
There's no egg in the egg plant;
no Ham in the hamburger
and neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
And while no one knows what is in a hot dog,
you can be pretty sure it isn't canine.
English muffins were not invented in England;
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted; but if we examine its paradoxes
we find that quicksand takes you down slowly.
Boxing rings are square.
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth, one goose, two geese.
So one moose, two meese?
Is cheese the plural of choose?
One mouse, two mice; one louse, two lice,
one house, two hice?
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?
If the teacher taught, why didn't the preacher praught,
or the grocer groce, or hammers ham?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what the heck does a humanitarian eat?!
Why do people recite at play, yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship...?
Have feet that smell and noses that run?
How can the weather be as hot as hell in one day and as cold as hell on another?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
where a house can burp up as it burns down,
and in which you fill in a form by filling it out
and a bell is only heard once it goes!
How can slim chance and fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy be opposites?

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race (which of course isn't a race ar all)
That is why you get in and out of a car, and on and off a bus.
When the stars are out they are visible,
but when the lights are out they are invisible.
And why it is that when I wind up my watch it starts,
but when I wind up this post, it ends...?

[Ben]

Hey, you stole that from Ann Landers.. Or that Or that guy who makes fun of people who can't write.

[remixor]

blah blah blah?

A better question would be "Who cares?"

[DGMacphee]

Dear DeeGee:
How can such an important topic like this one be at the bottom of the second page of the forum??

Because the joke died -- Thanks sooooo much for resurrecting it.

(In case you can't tell, I'M BEING SARCASTIC!)

- Why english is a stupid language?

Let's face it:
There's no egg in the egg plant;
no Ham in the hamburger
and neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
And while no one knows what is in a hot dog,
you can be pretty sure it isn't canine.
English muffins were not invented in England;
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted; but if we examine its paradoxes
we find that quicksand takes you down slowly.
Boxing rings are square.
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth, one goose, two geese.
So one moose, two meese?
Is cheese the plural of choose?
One mouse, two mice; one louse, two lice,
one house, two hice?
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?
If the teacher taught, why didn't the preacher praught,
or the grocer groce, or hammers ham?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what the heck does a humanitarian eat?!
Why do people recite at play, yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship...?
Have feet that smell and noses that run?
How can the weather be as hot as hell in one day and as cold as hell on another?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
where a house can burp up as it burns down,
and in which you fill in a form by filling it out
and a bell is only heard once it goes!
How can slim chance and fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy be opposites?

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race (which of course isn't a race ar all)
That is why you get in and out of a car, and on and off a bus.
When the stars are out they are visible,
but when the lights are out they are invisible.
And why it is that when I wind up my watch it starts,
but when I wind up this post, it ends...?

The answer you seek is on this page:

http://www.goatse.cx/

Hey, you stole that from Ann Landers.. Or that Or that guy who makes fun of people who can't write.

Ann Landers will soon end up prison and will get gangbanged by Martha Stewart, so it's better to ask me anyway.

blah blah blah?

A better question would be "Who cares?"

DG always cares about every living creature.

DICKHEAD!

[Matt Brown]

goatse?


oh god no

[DGMacphee]

goatse?


oh god no

Hell fucking yes!

[earlwood]

DG, While the hell did you not put a warning on that link!!?!?!! I have  In School Suspestion now for 8 weeks!

[Panda_at_school]

Hey, I told you so. Goatse.cx = mucho disgusting-o.

[DGMacphee]

DG, While the hell did you not put a warning on that link!!?!?!! I have  In School Suspestion now for 8 weeks!

Fine, I'll add a warning and here it is:

Warning, don't look at the above link if you're a crybaby.

Honestly though, if you open a webpage with a name like  goatse.cx at school you deserve your ISS.

I mean, if a friend of yours sent a page called www.ifuckdeadbodies.com, would you open it?

Considering your current situation, I'd say a big fat YES -- Not only that, but you'd probably try to blame it on me again, you sneaky bastard!

Man, it so easy for people to blame their own idiocy on others -- no wonder we have fat people trying to sue McDonalds for making them disgusting lardasses!

[AGA]

That link's invalid, DG...

[DGMacphee]

That link's invalid, DG...

Give it time -- Someone will take it eventually.

[Bruisied]

Dear DGMacphee,
You are a fraud. Upon learning your theory (my cat is being attacked by a cat molester ghost thing) I decided to consult the famous psychic John Edwards. He said it was not a cat molester. He said it was my dead aunt Mildred. She was trying to tell me not to worry about the money (there's a squabble among me and my cousins over her inheritance) and that Mildred loved me very much.

You need to lock this topic, and stop decieving good honest people.

Thank you,
Melia