G.I. Joe - Rise of the Cobra

monkey0506 · Sat 08/08/2009 17:19:20

My friend took me to see this movie and as we were walking out of the theater he asked what I thought of it. "It was decent for a movie I didn't pay to see."

I can fully appreciate the movie for what it is. It's entertainment.

However, on several points this movie...was a let-down for me.

For example:

Spoiler

The nanomites...they eat/destroy everything they come in contact with...yet there's absolutely no remains. Shouldn't there be some type of dust coming from this? I can't conceive of any scenario under which the matter would just completely stop existing.

How about the agent who dies when they blow up the car and then they take a neural scan. He was injected with specially trained nanomites...but why would they wait so long, up to the point that the Joes were actually able to recover anything, before they terminated the agent's remains?

Why was it that the warheads had to go through such extreme measures to become weaponized? If MARS was selling them to so many different powers...how many of them would even have the technology to perform the weaponization. Even MARS apparently didn't have the technology or they wouldn't have had to go and kill all those scientists, right?

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I grew up watching the G.I. Joe cartoons, playing with the toys....and like I said, I can appreciate it for what it is. However,

Spoiler

If you're looking for any ounce of realism...or something that won't just flat insult your intelligence...

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I wouldn't recommend this movie.

I'd give it a 2/5.

Chicky · Sat 08/08/2009 23:50:12

Films are fun, this one does not look very fun.

Actually, it looks like iron man and Nick Fury... the film.

Beer + Gi Joe = new marvel film.

discordance · Sun 09/08/2009 01:04:47

My personal favorite part was when they

Spoiler

blow up the ice floe above the underwater base, and the ice SINKS DOWN through the water and starts crushing heck out of everything. Apparently the creators of this movie have never dropped ice into a glass of water before.

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Also, it's common knowledge that smashing control panels always makes doors open, and that all particle accelerators are equipped to weaponize brand new weapons technology. With loud glowing white beams of light. YEAH.

Absolutely stupid movie, yet for some reason I still had a lot of fun.

Ghost · Sun 09/08/2009 02:39:30

When it was over, the whole audience got up, reached under their seats, and clumsily propped their brains back into their heads. We didn't need it for the movie. Mine had gum sticking to it.

It's celluid proof that you can have too much rule of cool in one movie. Popcorn flic, loud, fast, loud... er, and fast. I really don't dare to say if it could have been better.

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At least Revenge of the Fallen now looks much better to me.

monkey0506 · Sun 09/08/2009 03:03:34

A couple more items:

Spoiler

The panels detect anything larger than a quarter....but it doesn't matter how much the quarter weighs? As soon as they said "anything larger than I quarter" I leaned over and whispered jokingly to my friend, "All you have to do is tape quarters to your shoes!" . . .I didn't realize I was right.

Also at the end when she starts having all the flashbacks and...ugh I don't remember any of the names...McClellan or whatever looks at her and he can CLEARLY see that she's having second thoughts about this mistreatment of her ex-fiancee...all I kept thinking was, if he were really so evil he wouldn't have just walked away. He would have shot her between the eyes and prevented the end of the movie altogether.

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discordance you have a good point as well. That entire scene felt off to me. I actually commented...

Spoiler

...on the way that the ships were just flying around shooting each other and stuff...it looked like a flight simulator, not anything I've ever seen in any underwater films...it just felt like none of it...I dunno...just like the physics of all the watery interactions were way off.

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I just did some skimming over at Wikipedia as well...I might have missed something here, so if I did feel free to link....but since when do tuna frequent the polar icecaps?

Shane 'ProgZmax' Stevens · Sun 09/08/2009 14:06:03

I was excited about this movie when I first saw snake eyes' outfit. Then I saw that the other gi-joes had been re-cast as black leather-clad mercs rather than a ragtag group of military specialists from every branch of service and I just lost interest. Well, that and the dumb punk they picked to play Cobra Commander. I can't even understand that choice in casting.

Ultra Magnus · Sun 09/08/2009 15:15:50

"Who would make a good Cobra Commander?"
"How about that kid from Third Rock?"
"Genius!"

What's not to understand?

Spoiler

I haven't seen it.

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Mr Flibble · Sun 09/08/2009 18:08:02

I'm actually kinda surprised to see a thread about this, from the TV trailers I saw the movie looked like a soulless cash-in on childhood memories. An utterly joyless, unimaginative, leather-clad, explosion heavy romp with women in tight jumpsuits. The kind of slick action movie which are pretty much ten-a-penny.

I would like to state very heavily that these are assumptions based on trailers/posters and not the film.

Of course, as a little Brit, I never had any exposure to GI Joe so I wouldn't have any fond childhood memories to pull me towards this. As you may know he was rebranded as Action Man for sale in the UK. My only knowledge of him really is the re-released version from the 90s in which Action Man was styled as a sort of super-soldier fighting a very sci-fi villain with almost no semblance of real soldiers (for instance, I've seen TV adverts for Action Man with Rollerblades that fire missiles. Or Action Man riding a shark which fires missiles).

mkennedy · Sun 09/08/2009 21:31:56

Ebert gave it one and a half stars where as he only gave "Transformers, Revenge of the Fallen" one star.

http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090807/REVIEWS/908079997

monkey0506 · Sun 09/08/2009 22:50:43

The only reason I gave it 2 instead of 1 is that I can appreciate it as an "action thriller" targeted at a much younger age group. Lots of flashing lights, tight clad women, sword fighting, guns...I get that. But as far as a film with any real caliber, this is not it.

The only reason I created this thread (Mr. Flibble) is to vent at how upset I am to see childhood memories being defecated upon. I wasn't huge into G.I. Joe, but this...this just makes me sad.

LUniqueDan · Mon 10/08/2009 05:09:56

OMG
Scarlett and Snake Eyes were ok. The rest need to get trash.

Storm Shadow looked like a kid on a cheap haloween costume, Baroness had no charisma whatsoever and, in fact the whole movie lacks of a good Gung Ho / Wild Bill / Shipwreck / Clutch. And no, Ripcord did'nt do the job.

I shed a tear when Scarlett shown up with her crossbow, but the rest of the flick is amazingly bad. They didn't even care about putting a little USS Flag or even just one or two classical vehicules.

Phemar · Wed 12/08/2009 06:01:30

The funny thing is that after everyone saying how crappy it is, people are still going to see it

Which is all the film company cares about in the end anyway I suppose...

Layabout · Wed 12/08/2009 07:21:03

From what I understand of it, you should be leaving brain at the door to the cinema. BUt that is a good thing. If you expect that, then you can enjoy the mindless silliness that entails. I have no knowledge fo GI Joe other than action figures. From my very biased australian viewpoint, it seems like something the military put together to encourage youngsters into the military.

Porkchop Sandwiches.

Radiant · Wed 12/08/2009 09:09:24

Quote from: Ghost on Sun 09/08/2009 02:39:30
At least Revenge of the Fallen now looks much better to me.

I saw that one and found it very enjoyable. Because come on, huge robots kicking each other's brains out, how can you go wrong with that? Plus it's got robot ghosts, robot pirates, ancient Egyptian robots, explosions, and Megan Fox. It's not literature, of course, but surely worth the ticket.

Igor Hardy · Wed 12/08/2009 09:35:55

Quote from: Phemar on Wed 12/08/2009 06:01:30
The funny thing is that after everyone saying how crappy it is, people are still going to see it

Plenty of people won't, myself included. There just isn't time to watch crappy movies anymore. Even GI Joe based.

Stee · Thu 13/08/2009 22:53:01

I never really got GI Joe, didn't really enjoy it when I was a kid neither. Isn't it suppose to be full of gay innuendo?

I'd rather watch something else to rise my cobra.

Snake · Fri 14/08/2009 02:11:44

Only saw a couple episodes of the cartoon as a kid, had a crap-load of action figures that I played with to no end...

I then saw the preview for the movie.

Bah. Rubbish. It 'aint GI Joe.

LUniqueDan · Fri 14/08/2009 03:03:04

QuoteBah. Rubbish. It 'aint GI Joe

Yeah a younger fellow at my job told me it looks a lot like the last series of them with...drug dealers? or something like that.

Dunno

rharpe · Wed 19/08/2009 21:23:48

Saw it last night now for my G I Joe report: Lot's of explosions, unrealistic, predictable plot, & cheesy acting. A mix of Inspector Gadget, Mortal Combat, & RoboCop!

Worth $6 and 2 hours of my time... I think not!

monkey0506 · Thu 20/08/2009 00:32:50

My roommate was actually considering going and seeing it. I told him, "If you really have to go, convince someone else to take you and pay for your ticket."