Video Game Disses

[The Meek Geek]

1. You’re so bad at Contra, that after playing it with 30 lives and using all of the continues, you didn’t know that the game scrolled.

2. You’re so bad at Tetris: On two-player mode a guy can beat you with a controller that has broken left and right buttons.

3. You’re so bad at RPGs: When somebody asks you where you’re stuck, you say, “The file select screen.”

4. You’re so bad at Stack Up: You made ROB strangle you.

5. You’re so bad at Castlevania Adventure that you say you need a slow-motion controller to play it well.

6. You’re so bad at World Class Track Meet that by the time you finish the race, the turtle has reached the end of the stadium!

7. You’re so bad at Bomberman 64 that you can’t find the knight suit!

8. You’re so bad at Virtua Fighter that you can’t beat your initials.

Special thanks to http://members.tripod.com/sturat/disses.html for the great source material!

Have any Video Game Disses you would like to contribute?

[ManicMatt]

You're so bad at AGS Forums that you copy and paste stuff from some website.

And erm I found only one of those funny. Sorry.

You're so bad at Monkey Island 2 that you've only used the first disk yet.

You're so bad at Singstar, the game warned you that cats cannot use Singstar.

[The Meek Geek]

- You're so bad at Beneath A Steel Sky, You Keep Getting Shot by The Police Officer at the beginning!

- You're so bad at Super Mario Bros., you keep getting killed by Goombas!

- You're so bad at King's Quest, you were eaten by the Moat Serpent!

[ManicMatt]

Those are just plain unfunny to an adult like me. I keep expecting a clever twist and it's just really obvious.

You're so bad at grand theft auto, that you can't drive very well and crash a lot.

That's not funny, is it?

You're so bad at Grand Theft Auto, that the 360 spat the disc in your face and turned itself off.

Ah I give up.. I suck too.

[mouthuvmine]

At least the 360 didn't give itself the RROD.

[Trihan]

You're so bad at Monkey Island, Guybrush ended up drowning in the underwater scene.

[Hammerite]

- You're so bad at opening doors, that you rarely leave rooms!
- You're so smelly, that people often make comments about your odour behind your back!
- You're so bad at disses, that people walk away with the same or more self-esteem as they initially had!

[Stupot]

- You're so bad at Tomb Raider, that by the time you finished the first level, Lara Croft's tits were swinging around her knees.

- You're so bad at DDR that you're banned from all the bowling alleys within a 200-mile radius.

- You're so bad at driving games that you managed to kill a child at a zebra crossing, even though you never even left the house.

- You're so bad at Starfox Adventures that you nearly bought a rapid-fire control pad just to be able to complete the game (oh wait... that was me...)

[Ghost]

- You're so bad at Tomb Raider, that by the time you finished the first level, Lara Croft's tits were swinging around her knees.

Ouch.

You're so bad at Monkey Island 1, cows are offended having their fighting skills compared to yours.

You're so bad at Unreal Tournament, the bots have switched to throwing pie.

You're so bad at System Shock, Shodan has ordered all Vendors to dispense AIM-O-MATIC modules.

You're so bad at Gobliiins, the Gobliiins run away when you grab the mouse.

You're so bad at Prince of Persia that whole deserts are now sand-less.

You're so bad at Ghost Master that the game exorcises YOU.

You're so bad at Simon The Sorcerer 2 that you solved the Hush Puppie puzzle by accident, and thought it was perfectly logical.

[Mr Flibble]

Oh god I can feel my standards slipping away...

[m0ds]

You're so bad at Escape From Delirium that you're probably the crack-head that concieved it.

[DeviantGent]

You're so bad at Zork you got eaten by a Grue. In BROAD DAYLIGHT.

[Dualnames]

-Game over, you have to wait for us to make the next game.