need advice!

[lemmy101]

hello I've got a serious problem, and don't kow where else to turn, so I was hoping people on this forum could offer me some advice!

It all started about six months ago when i was at a party that was at some guy called Steve's house. I've known him a few years but not that well. Anyway, after a few hours and many many drinks, I thought it would be quite funny to shave his cat. It turned out it was quite funny, especially when we dressed it up in period costumes and took the photos.

Obviously this Steve guy wasn't too pleased about it, but I thought nothing of it at the time. But then a week later I was coming out of the deli round the corner when some big guy in a big trenchcoat pulled out a silenced pistol and took a shot at me. Luckily it missed, and the only casualty was my meatball pannini.

I thought I'd found a way out after getting chatting to an Egyptian fish-and-chip shop owner across the road from my flat, who said he'd be able to "sort everything out for me". But it turned out he was just talking about the sauce stain on my shirt from the pannini (turns out he owns a laundrette down the road)

Anyway things have got infinitely worse since. I told some of my mates about this Steve guy taking a contract out on my life and all, and they looked at me like I was crazy saying they don't even know anybody called Steve. Seems like a conspiracy to me!

That's when I went home and saw that the bastard had broke into my house and shaved Frodo (my beloved cat) too! And dressed him up in an early Elizabethan petticoat and hat. The fiend!

Things are getting a bit out of control now. I just barely survived the last hit on my life, only because I happened to be carrying an umbrella at the time. And to make matters even worse my friends seem to think that fateful party was actually held at my place.

Huh???

So the upshot of it is I now have reason to believe I may have, for some reason, taken out a contract on my own life, as well as shaved my own cat  . The dangers of getting drunk, huh?

I'd try and call the guy off but every time I try and meet up with him he starts hitting me with a hammer.

What do I do?! This is scary!

Cheers,

Steve

[nulluser]

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[Shane 'ProgZmax' Stevens]

Is the purpose of this to poke fun at people who post threads about needing help with things, or are you just nuts?

[lemmy101]

Wow. That's pretty cynical. I was just bored and fancied writing something I found mildly humourous. I apologize! :S I'll make sure any future post I make in GenGen, or anywhere else for that matter, are completely serious and relevant.

[Shane 'ProgZmax' Stevens]

So you ARE nuts!  I knew it

[Tuomas]

Shaving a cat WOULD be cool though

[lemmy101]

It's the bits behind the knees that are tricky

[TheYak]

I found it quite entertaining until you threatened to be relevant.

[lemmy101]

sorry that just irked me a little, I started the post serious cause I wanted to draw people in before they realised I was talking nonsense, that's it.

I'll make sure I stick to talking complete rot, don't worry

[Oneway]

For those of you actually contemplating shaving a cat, be prepared for chaos, pain and a trip to the doctor.

[esper]

Serious and silly threads are fine, stupid threads are not

Personally, I found it very funny. I guess that's a matter of opinion, but I at least found it funny. It's very rare for me to find anything funny. I'm the guy who never watches comedy movies and only watches horror. I watch Everybody Loves Raymond because of how tragical the brother is. This leads me to believe that Progzy's approximation of you must be rather correct.

I knew it was fake from the period clothing, but I was sad at the realization of it... It would have been tremendous if there was any believability to the existence of period clothes designed for cats, nevermind that said garments just happened to be around at a party wherein one was shorn.

[ManicMatt]

Hire out a bodyguard, duh.

One that has a cat bodyguard, as well.