How would you deal with this?

[Iliya]

The elf thing can be both a help and a hinderance... it's the leggings

Elfs?!? Is this a local humor?

[Jim Reed]

My ex tried to commit suicide a few times before we met, probably due to mollesting when she was a child.
I stuck with her, she didn't try it again yet, so I'm confident I put some sense in her silly head. Unfortunantely, the difference here, is that you don't consider her a lover, while I did, and that puts things into a diferent place. Well, if you are confident that you can handle her and her problems, I say you try to help her. If you don't think you have what it takes, or you don't want to help her, go to her, resolve any lose ends you have with her, and go away permanently.

[R4L]

You've kissed a girl that you don't love? Don't do anything when you are not sure. Especially when there are feelings involved.

No? She kissed me. I'm the one who backed off because I wasn't sure.

My ex tried to commit suicide a few times before we met, probably due to mollesting when she was a child.
I stuck with her, she didn't try it again yet, so I'm confident I put some sense in her silly head. Unfortunantely, the difference here, is that you don't consider her a lover, while I did, and that puts things into a diferent place. Well, if you are confident that you can handle her and her problems, I say you try to help her. If you don't think you have what it takes, or you don't want to help her, go to her, resolve any lose ends you have with her, and go away permanently.

I am confident I can handle it. The only thing about the suicide part that made me really stagnant was that I've never known anyone close to me to do it. I've had friends that talked about it, but NEVER went through with it...

And even if I'm not her lover, I'm still her friend. I don't want to back off because I stick by my friends. I feel like I can help her improve.

Today, I gave her flowers and a card, but I told her that I'm here as a FRIEND, and nothing more. She agreed with me and I talked to her for a bit, and she's just how she was, laughing and smiling. I think this whole thing really taught her something, and I'm sure her parents really affected her outlook. She told me that she's just got too much on her mind. She wants to go to college soon, but she also wants to join the Air Force. If she does the latter, she's afraid of leaving friends and family behind, and if she goes to college, she doesn't know what she wants to go for. She just kept looking at the bad side of things and now she sees the wrong in it. At least that's what she said.

I totally see where she's coming from. I think everyone at some point asked themselves what they really wanted to do and you just couldn't figure it out. I know I couldn't. But still, you make a decision, and she knows that her decision was a poor one.

So I'm going to help her out with decisions, since I'm a year older and currently enrolled, I figure if I can tell her stuff about the colleges maybe she'll be able to work out something in her head. She really loves animals, so I suggested going for Veterinarian services. Also, her parents are really smart, so I told her parents that they should sit down with her and ask her about what her future plans are, and guide her through her decisions.

I don't consider this to be getting too close, because I've already worked out the fact that I don't want to date her. I'd rather be acquaintances per say. Plus, she doesn't talk nearly as much to me anymore, which is good because she understands and respects my decision, and that's all I wanted.

I'm gonna give my 5 cents here. Dont be her friend. If she has feelings for you it's just gonna make things worse. If you become her friend and you guys start hanging out quite a lot and you just happen to get along really well, her feelings for you will just increase. It's better to distance yourself from her right now, and then in a month or two when she's over you, then maybe you can try out friendship.

But IMO one of the worst things you can do is to go straight from breakup to friends. People need time

I just talked to her about it, and she admitted that she was just desperate and I was nice to her so she clung to me. I just told her that relationships can wait, and that she needs to work on her problems first. I don't plan on hanging out at all really, but talking to her every once in a while. I'll hear from her friends how she's doing anyway, since they're acquaintances.
I also made sure that she really knew that the flowers and card were not tokens of affection, but a sign of comfort from a friend, and she understands that.

[Iliya]

You've kissed a girl that you don't love? Don't do anything when you are not sure. Especially when there are feelings involved.

No? She kissed me. I'm the one who backed off because I wasn't sure.

Hmm, in this case I will say: "You are man, you can handle this!".

Life is full of surprises
it advertises... nothing!

[monkey0506]

It's funny how you can just ask something like this on a forum, and get answers back. You said you aren't a therapist, but sh*t you might as well be haha. There's always good advice to follow here, and I think that's why I've never really left this place. 

In some sense I think that the limited amount of professional "help" that I have "received" (or rather, had forced upon me) taught me a lot more, and forced me to mature a lot more than any words that anybody else told me prior.

I don't think I've mentioned it because I'm not very open about it, but in February of last year I was held (against my will because it was honestly unnecessary) in a psychiatric ward at a hospital for three days because I had an emotional breakdown at work and told my manager I was contemplating suicide. I have too low a tolerance for pain to ever follow through with something that horrific..I would, if it came down to it, "wimp out".

Life was really getting to me..and what I told my manager wasn't untrue. Although I knew I had no true intention of physically harming myself (in a fatal or even near-fatal manner in any case), part of me wanted to seek medical attention..because I really just wanted something to help me get my depression under control.

In actuality my time spent there just made me paranoid (because none of my friends or family had any idea where I was at, I had no way of contacting them, and I felt as though I would never get out) and honestly despite speaking with a counselor, and despite taking anti-depressant medications..I just got more depressed..because I realized how much worse things could be. I never want to be placed in that situation again..for any reason.

If this is the first time this girl has attempted suicide I would say it probably stands a good chance at serving as a wake-up call for her. There is the argument/idea that it is a "cry for attention", however, since as you said she was actually successful in the suicide but was revived, I find this unlikely. There is also the possibility that she still might not emotionally or mentally be fit to cope with the issues that brought her to that point in the first place. Only time can tell in that regard.

I disagree with the sentiment that you should discontinue all contact with her forever. Especially that based on the absurd idea that spending more time with you will increase her infatuation with you, leading to more problems. I'm not saying that spending more time together won't affect her feelings toward you, but even if it does, that does not mean she is going to off herself again.

I think that what you're doing right now, where you are still friends, or friendly, but with limited contact (especially physically, in-person) is probably the best for both of you. It will show her that you do care enough about her not to abandon her entirely to her own fate, whilst quelling the notion that you care romantically for her. This, in both respects, is very important to her emotional status right now.

As it has been said, you've got to watch out for yourself..and if she tries pressing your present relationship toward becoming more than what it is..you will really have to stand firm in your decision. As long as you can protect yourself and simultaneously maintain good terms with this girl, I'd say go for it though. To me, that is definitely the higher road than just discontinuing all contact with her permanently..and you've got my respect in that regard.

[R4L]

It's funny how you can just ask something like this on a forum, and get answers back. You said you aren't a therapist, but sh*t you might as well be haha. There's always good advice to follow here, and I think that's why I've never really left this place. 

In some sense I think that the limited amount of professional "help" that I have "received" (or rather, had forced upon me) taught me a lot more, and forced me to mature a lot more than any words that anybody else told me prior.

I don't think I've mentioned it because I'm not very open about it, but in February of last year I was held (against my will because it was honestly unnecessary) in a psychiatric ward at a hospital for three days because I had an emotional breakdown at work and told my manager I was contemplating suicide. I have too low a tolerance for pain to ever follow through with something that horrific..I would, if it came down to it, "wimp out".

Life was really getting to me..and what I told my manager wasn't untrue. Although I knew I had no true intention of physically harming myself (in a fatal or even near-fatal manner in any case), part of me wanted to seek medical attention..because I really just wanted something to help me get my depression under control.

In actuality my time spent there just made me paranoid (because none of my friends or family had any idea where I was at, I had no way of contacting them, and I felt as though I would never get out) and honestly despite speaking with a counselor, and despite taking anti-depressant medications..I just got more depressed..because I realized how much worse things could be. I never want to be placed in that situation again..for any reason.

If this is the first time this girl has attempted suicide I would say it probably stands a good chance at serving as a wake-up call for her. There is the argument/idea that it is a "cry for attention", however, since as you said she was actually successful in the suicide but was revived, I find this unlikely. There is also the possibility that she still might not emotionally or mentally be fit to cope with the issues that brought her to that point in the first place. Only time can tell in that regard.

I disagree with the sentiment that you should discontinue all contact with her forever. Especially that based on the absurd idea that spending more time with you will increase her infatuation with you, leading to more problems. I'm not saying that spending more time together won't affect her feelings toward you, but even if it does, that does not mean she is going to off herself again.

I can see how your situation made you feel worse. That would urk me not being able to see my family, and it bothers me even to see a counselor about anything because they aren't really someone you know or trust. It's like getting advice from a stranger. When I'm really down, the things I expect are my family and friends to help me out. I'm sorry you had such a rough time. I'm glad you got it worked out though.

Also, yes, this was her first attempt. And yes, time will tell. That's specifically why I told her I would listen if she had to talk about anything. One of the things she told me was that while home, when talking about something, she'll either get cut off, or totally ignored. Not all the time, but most of the time she does. She says she hated it, but now she just ignores it. I brought that up to her parents when I saw her yesterday and told them that she NEEDS someone that will listen to her, and that when they do that it's making things harder for her.

I think that what you're doing right now, where you are still friends, or friendly, but with limited contact (especially physically, in-person) is probably the best for both of you. It will show her that you do care enough about her not to abandon her entirely to her own fate, whilst quelling the notion that you care romantically for her. This, in both respects, is very important to her emotional status right now.

As it has been said, you've got to watch out for yourself..and if she tries pressing your present relationship toward becoming more than what it is..you will really have to stand firm in your decision. As long as you can protect yourself and simultaneously maintain good terms with this girl, I'd say go for it though. To me, that is definitely the higher road than just discontinuing all contact with her permanently..and you've got my respect in that regard.

I plan to be very careful, but understanding in the same manner. I just think that walking out of her life while she's in this state would just hurt her more.

Anyways, thanks again for understanding and giving me some great advice. 

[Guybrush Nosehair]

Removed