I need fufillment

[MillsJROSS]

Kind of a vague subject I know, but it's hard to pinpoint exactly what this post is about.

I'm getting to a point in my life where I'm reflecting on my past, and, consequently, my future as it applies to Adventure Games. Looking back in the past, I am filled with regret for the little amount of work I have put into making a game. Yeah, I was going through college. I had a part-time job. I had friends to hang out with. But it's not like I didn't have any free time. I still love Adventure Games as much as I ever have, and the desire to make the games is just as big as it ever has. But I've come across a wall.

It's not a wall I can really ignore. In the past five years I have barely, and I mean barely, touched AGS. I've played around with it here or there, but I haven't created anything of significance. I have this strong desire to do something about it, but every time I try, I'm left staring at a blank screen. I try to create small, manageable game ideas, but they never pan out.

I started working full time not so long ago, and I'm absolutely loving it. I don't know what it is, but when I'm at work I am really productive. Yes, I'm getting paid for it, but why should I be more productive on a application I personally don't care for, then creating something I've been thinking about doing since I was a little kid?

I think the difference lies in that at work, I'm given tasks to do, and completion of those tasks doesn't take longer than a day to two weeks. There's a big picture to what is being developed, but I don't have to be concerned with it. I can be given what I need to do, drive forward, and be rewarded quickly when I complete my task. The task of creating an adventure game is daunting. It's one task in my head. I can't split the tasks up. I see one thing that must be completed. The graphics, music, plot, dialog...it's all just one big blob of work.

So now I'm getting to the heart of the matter. While I deem myself an intelligent person, I no longer think I am capable of creating a game. I am left with a feeling that I'm not fulfilling my desires and personal goals. I need to fulfill this goal. It's been my drive for so long, and I have no desire to change that. Stalemate.

I think I need someone to work for. I think I need to take what I like most about my job, and apply it to this hobby of mine. I need someone who can give me a small amount of tasks at a time, where I know of the big picture, and may contribute to it, but I'm not concerned with how the big picture will be put together. Give me a task, I complete it, give me another one. While this may seem droll and hardly a way to attack a hobby, it seems that that's how, I, as a person, work.

I want to fulfill my desires, and while I used to think I was able to fill them myself, I think I realize now I need to depend on other people. Am I the only one who feels this way? And for those who don't, how can I help you? Or, tell me your secret.

-MillsJROSS

[space boy]

I'm not sure I got what the problem is. I don't really get what you mean by "not capable of creating a game". Do you have an idea which is too ambitious or do you have trouble to come up with an idea in the first place? Are you looking for a team or someone to show you the way and keep you motivated? I'd like to help you there but it's not really clear where the problem lies so i don't think i can give any useful advice at this point.

[m0ds]

Sounds like you just need to start finding yourself teams/games in development that you can muck in on. Do what yodaman does and offer your services in every possible GIP thread.

[Pelican]

Am I the only one who feels this way?

Nope.

I'm finding myself with a similar attitude, to making games, but more so to writing. I have always loved to write, and would dearly love to be able to write as a career and a hobby, but I am also finding a similar lack of motivation/focus/not sure how to describe it. I often feel a burning need to just sit down and write something, anything... and then sit there staring at a blank screen/paper for hours, and get annoyed at myself. I think maybe I need a plan, a framework to break things down, give me realisable goals, but I'd rather just be scribbling away, so leaves me a bit scuppered.

I can't say I've figured out the answer, but I've taken a few steps which I hope will help. I've applied for a study at home course on creative writing, which I hope will teach me some good writing habits and give me something to focus on. I'm also writing for a MMORPG in development with another writer, so I've got a framework there and goals to work towards. It seems to be working, because most of the writing I've done lately has been on that project, I've enjoyed it, and excuse the arrogance, its been damn good.

So I think maybe you've got the right idea, work for someone else, let them do the hard part of planning and such, while you get on with the stuff you're good at. Couldn't hurt to try and see how it goes.

[Oliwerko]

I know exactly how do you feel.

I tried to stick with AGS game-making two, three or maybe four times - but gave up every time because of no improvement in my work. But lately, I told myself: "hey, you little dumb person, when you'll have full-time job, family and that stuff, there will be hardly half of game-creating time you have now! so move your ass and start doing something. If you won't do it now, you won't do it ever." And so I started to train hard to achieve better results. And the moment came - when I actually LOVED working on a game, looked forward to a next BG and so on. It took me ages to create my first sucking room. Now, I just step into it and it goes somewhat alone, along with enjoyment (important part you know).

Conclusion: At the beginning, don't let yourself get dissapointed, bite your tongue and work a bit. Then, it'll go better.

You should definitely do what space boy says. And don't expect the game to be created in one day. Also you may want to plan a "smaller" project as your first game - as I am planning also  .


Hope I hit the spot.

[Ghost]

If you're just blocked with one game, a good method would be to start another, smaller one. I don't think you should quit on AGS because you've already spent so much time with it, and quitting would make you consider that time as, well, wasted. That'd leave a foul taste probably.
See it as fun. I mean, you got your life sorted out in a way, with a paid job that seems to go well. It's not that you HAVE to finish a game. Get the load off, see it as fun, something that's just a hobby.

[Nikolas]

Oh my secret is simple:

I'm not the head of a project! I leave the organising parts to other people. Of course composers are not known to be project managers but anyways...

Still in order to fullfill my need of creativity, which is nowhere near fullfillment when composing music and sfx alone, I make sure to have an excellent relationship with the rest of the team. And we are talking about paid projects here, not only freeware where things are... easier.

I consider myself to be one lucky guy to be working with people like alkis, and VinceXII, and lemmy and binky, where they all value my input in audio, and in the programming parts of the audio (since it is still my responsibilitie, but I don't know AGS and how to code, or any other language really), but also my ideas in other parts (to a very simple extend of course, right? I'm not co-head or anything, just speak my mind), like a puzzle here, an idea about the perspective there, etc.

Still I'm not yet 100% satisfied, so I also teach composition, and have my PhD. And along with the forum I run (you know mills, the cgempire), I am getting too busy for my own shake really! Still I can't think myself doing anything less. I just need to be into things...

Bottom line, you don't have to do everything yourself. As far as I've seen (very limited, but hey!) you are one heck of a worker, who just can't organise himself! find someone else then to do it! I'm sure as hell that 95% of the AGS population would love to be with you.

Or even better do something like Loominous did. He is a great artist and a great musician. But when we spoke at one time, he just mentioned that he can't come up with a decent enough idea. Well, now he's searching for a writer...

[Steel Drummer]

Sounds like you just need to start finding yourself teams/games in development that you can muck in on. Do what yodaman does and offer your services in every possible GIP thread.

And that helps to build up my credentials, Mr. 16-Games!

MillsJRoss: If you feel that you can't make a game on your own, I think the best option would be to join up with others to help them create their games, or recruit others to help you make your game.

For example: My art skills are horrible, after making my first, abysmally executed game (which I made on my own), I realized that I'd need people to help with the art in the game (among other things). I also seemed to be too busy to make a deep commitment on a full-length game, so I decided to compose music for other peoples' games- it really takes a lot of pressure off of you when you know that you're not the 'director' of a game.

As Nikolas said:

you don't have to do everything yourself. As far as I've seen (very limited, but hey!) you are one heck of a worker, who just can't organise himself! find someone else then to do it! I'm sure as hell that 95% of the AGS population would love to be with you.

I know that a lot of satisfaction comes from making a great piece of work, and saying "I created this, single-handedly," but there are very few people who can make a game all by themselves (music, scripting, art, storyline, beta testing, etc.), even people who have made a game without a team haven't created everything in the game- take buloght's game (I forget the name- it was the pirate one)- he basically did everything in the game- except music (he got it from a freeware site). What it really comes down to: Are you willing to sacrifice the quality of the game to say, "I made this myself," or are you would you compromise, and have a group (or even just one or two people) help you create your game?

I may create some short games in the near future (probably under 10 rooms), but I'm more efficient working in a group, as well as the fact that honing a background can take hours for me, and I'm not satisfied with my work. I recommend that if you want to work on your own game(s), just do whatever you specialize in, and find others to help you.

[suncrafter]

Sounds like you are just the kind of person who requires a lot of "structure" in your work environment. When you work by yourself and for yourself - it can be hard to get motivated. Perhaps you should partner with someone on one of your projects.