Love (but not) in the Time of Cholera - Love-life advice needed, sadly.

[jetxl]

...
Jet, I know my words might not have been the best choice.  She's probably not 'perfect' to anyone else, but to me, she is.  It's not so much putting her on a pedestal, it's just the best way I could describe her.  She has her faults, but I love her regardless of them.  Hell, some of them are endearing to me.
...

Maybe I didn't chose the right words. It's because of this idolizing that you are hurting. If you didn't admire her so much you would have gotten over her.

[voh]

First off, wow... InCreator... That's horrible. My sincerest condolances  

Secon off, Renal, you need to get the hell out of there. I'm not saying you need to break off contact, but living almost next door to her, wow. That's the worst situation to be in. Constant reminder of the fact that you can't have her. You can't be friends with someone you love but can't have, especially when you live so close together.

DO NOT AGREE TO THE MOVE.

Because if you do, all you're going to get is what you're currently having, but a tenfold worse. You need to find an appartment somewhere else, take a break from her, and figure things out for yourself.

I guess she's your white whale.

[cuestaluis]

Renal, this community (you included) has been trained to sove the most bizarre unimaginable puzzles through countless hours of practice, sure they were in games, but the same thought process can be applied to life.

As many people have pointed out before me, you HAVE to talk to her (be it now or later on when she is on a better track), you keep saying she doesn't know how much it hurts you, that is just making you feel even worse, she has to know, do it for your own sanity.

Secondly, you say you don't want to do any of the above, so why not distracting youself for a while instead??

Get some vacations, away from her, to clear your view and keep you distracted, maybe even join a sports team of some sort to help release the tension, get some fresh air, and try to keep yourself busy!

I don't really know you, but you sound like a nice guy, and say you only want her to be happy, that is (in my experience) only partly true, you can't be completely happy for her well-being if you're not happy yourself, you are just turning this love for her into your obsession, the bane of your existence. An ex of mine gave me the best piece of advice (relationship-wise) I've heard to date: "you have to be comfortable with yourself being alone, before you can be with someone else" so I'd say you need some "me-time" (no pun intended) relax, get an activity-intensive hobby, and most importantly STOP WITH THE OVER-THINKING at least for a while.

This has helped me in similar, less extreme situations.

Best wishes!

[Nikolas]

Geez InC! I really have no words!

Renal: What got me going quite a few times (before I got married) was the thought that the perfect person would return my feelings for her. All rejects were automatically written off, exactly because they were not perfect: They did NOT care for me the way I cared for them. Of course being clinged with someone is nice, it makes you feel down, makes creativity rise, etc, but it still remains a little "sick" situation.

No other "advice" really.

[Dualnames]

I;'m thinking you probably misunderstood me, and thought I didn't understand what you're going through here. More than you can probably imagine. Thing is, you're in a crossroad, not willing to go anywhere. And not willing to stay either. When time comes you will be forced to make a choice out of two you're not feeling comfortable with. So either wait for that and have someone make the choice for you, or make your own choice, choose your own path here.

Disregard me if you feel like. It doesn't matter at all. Regret a moment or regret a whole life. Your choice.

[auriond]

InCreator: that's a terrible thing for anyone to have to live through. My sincerest condolences

Renal: I admit I only skimmed through the thread, but one question: is she happy with her husband? If she is, please don't say anything. And for goodness' sake don't move in with them.

Let's look at it from her point of view for a bit. Yes, she probably does love you, maybe more than a friend, but in the end, for whatever reason, she chose to marry her husband. That doesn't mean you're inferior, that means that whatever her reasons were, this seemed to be the best choice she could make at the time. And you did encourage her, and your opinion is probably well valued by her.

So if you want to continue being a good friend, please don't say anything to put her in a spot where she has to choose between her husband and you. If she's unhappy with her husband, she'll eventually leave him on her own, and that's where you step in. If not, then don't do anything to come between them, because that path isn't likely to lead to happily ever after.

You're still young (not even in your thirties yet). I know she has had a great impact on you, but don't let that be an anchor to hold you down. Let it be a positive impact on you as you go out and meet more people. Not necessarily to look for other girls, but just to look for more friends, more people to do stuff with, widen your experience... take it as a gift from her, to help you in your life.

In other words, keep an open mind. If it helps, I know the feeling of unrequited love. I would try to make myself feel better by imagining myself ten years in the future with someone else, heartache all lessened. It helped a little because I had something to work towards. But then, this works only if you're determined to take your future in your hands. In your posts, you don't seem willing to do that. But you did post this thread, so I'll take that to mean you want to effect some change in your life. Otherwise, you're just running around in a closed circle of your own making.

[Andail]

Increator, my deepest condolences.

Renal; Here's a little fun fact, from the animal kingdom.

Male tortoises often fight over females. In the presence of an attractive female, the two rivals immediately start trying to flip each other over. That's how tortoises fight; on their backs they're pretty much destined to die.
Once a tortoise has flipped his opponent and thus won the duel, he proceeds to mate with the female.
The loser must lie on his back, slowly suffocating, and watch his adversary having sex with the target of his affection.

Lesson: It sucks to be the losing tortoise.

[Shane 'ProgZmax' Stevens]

Also, turtles are hardcore killers.

Sad to hear about your situation, InCreator.  Nobody should have to deal with what you're dealing with, but the sad fact is that there are scumbags out there whose sole purpose seems to bring misery to others.  I hope they catch the bastard who did it so justice is served, though.

[rharpe]

What you will need to do:

1.) Move Away!

2.) Start to see other people.

3.) Cherish the good times you had.

4.) Pray to God for the right decisions...

5.) ...if you don't, you will go insane, (which will help no one!)

As much as this will hurt, you MUST do it!

[Matti]

4.) Pray to God for the right decisions...
As much as this will hurt, you MUST do it!

Bah, screw him! Always.