I guess this is really for the older posters out there.
Basically, I'm going to Japan soon and I'm starting to get the impression that depo provera isn't an option over there. they only legalised the pill in 2000 (I mean, freaking JESUS!). I've been on depo since I was 17 (I'm now 22) and it's been pretty wonderful for me. I have no side effects (at least that I can tell are as a result of using the depo) apart from not having had a period since I was 17 - which is BLISS! Of course, I always knew this wasn't going to be something I could keep up forever. Pumping hormones into my body just isn't what I want to do for too long (though I feel it's quite safe for the time I've used it so far). So, seeing as it might be a no-go in Japan anyway (and I'll be there for at least a year), I'm considering that now is the time to stop.
It won't be a huge issue while I'm in Japan, because my boyfriend will only be visiting occasionally, so we can take temporary measures on those occasions. I don't fancy the idea of taking the pill either, because it's really just the same as what I have now, only more expensive and much more of a pain in the arse (no pun intended, for those who know how depo is administered).
So... I'm left wondering what might be an option in the future. Of course, I have a long time to think about this, and I know most of the options available. I -really- don't fancy just using condoms for the rest of my life (temporarily sure, but...). The topic of a vasectomy for my partner has come up, but as I was quite happy on the depo, never really discussed in much detail.
I guess I'm interested in what those of you in marriages or really long term relationships do, or plan to do.
P.S. Neither of us want children, and please don't debate the issue with me because I've heard it all before. Not to say you will, but I'm just... letting you know that that's where it is with us ^_^ Permanent solutions aren't a problem in that regard.
P.P.S. I'm posting this here because this is the most mature forum I know. I value your opinions and I know a lot of you are married/in like relationships.
OMG she's talking about TEH SEXORS!!!1!!
(Sorry, couldn't help myself)
What about those spiral thingies (http://www.gezondheid.be/picts/spiraal.jpg). 10% of all Belgium women wear them.
Get your tubes tied. Or learn to take the pill. It's a lot easier to take pills everyday than you think. When I got my transplant and they told me "You have to take pills everyday" my first thought was "Oh fuck...." now it's easy.
But, if you're not going to have children, and he'll get a vasectomy - do it. Or get your tubes tied.
Or go porno and tell 'em to pull out.
Bt
If he gets a vasectomy, make sure it worked, they don't always. I'm proof of that ¬¬
I must admit, a vasectomy is something I'm thinking about (though of course, it's not my decision to make). I'm not comfortable with the pill because it's yet another hormonal thing... I'd like to get my levels back to normal if I'm stopping the depo.
Privateer: Yours didn't work? Yikes... er, how did you find out, if you don't mind me asking?
He was born. :P
Well, if you like the pill the make one that goes in your arm called a norplant, my understanding is its pretty simalair hormonally to the pill and last a few years....My gal used it for a while, but since the Pill made her all cranky, so did this.....
Then another one would be an IUD (if I remember right) its non hormonal, and thats probably better....I guess when they first came out they had problems with them, but they're are supposed to be better now....
I've got three kids, and my wife got her tubes tied after the third....It probabaly would have been better if I got fixed, because it does seem to really bother her....
Perhaps he meant he was the product of a botched vasectomy :o
*Edit*
Damn you Ninio! (+echo)
Right. Yeah. Got it now ^_^;;
The pill can definitely have some nasty effects on some people. I'm not familiar with many other kinds of contraception beyond condoms, the pill, and diaphrams though.
My question is, why bother with invasive surgery via a vasectomy if you're only going to see your boyfriend a few times while in Japan? That's got to hurt, and no matter how you feel now regarding children, your feelings may change in ten years---who knows. I know my girlfriend and I don't want kids, and can't imagine ever wanting any, but I don't know how I'll feel when i'm 30 or something.
I'm not thinking about it for NOW. But the time will come when I'll be back in Australia and I'm considering what options there are.
The Catholic church, of which I'm sure you're all well aware, doesn't condone the use of contraceptives. Having been raised Catholic I'm vaguely familiar with the "natural" pregnancy avoidance methods which were narrarated to me by my uncle after two beers when I was 14. Man he was a lightweight. Anyway, basically there were four or five methods but the guy who was teaching the class on this subject had six children, so I suspect you do not want to go the "natural" or "porno" routes.
A vescectomy is reversible in the unexpected circumstance that he should change his mind, I'd talk to him about it. My uncle (the afforementioned) had his reversed.
Reversible? I never knew that!? That's kind of...unfair.
Anyway. That is my/our plan. We want two kids, maybe just one. I really want a daughter, so if our first kid is a boy we will definately have one more. Then no more, even if the second is a boy.
After that I intend on getting snipped.
I would actually not mind doing it right now. Since I'm 30 years old I'm pretty confident in this decision. Since we still don't have kids yet and don't intend on it for a few more years I don't see that it is a decision I will regret.
My recommendation for you is the pill though. It will be easier than you think for one simple reason. You can make it part of your life there. You will be in an entirely different world with new experiences and new habits. Not to mention it may become a topic that you can discuss with friends that you make locally. Experience birth control the same way they do. Once you return to the states you could just go back on depo until you and your husband make a final decision on what to do.
later,
-junc
I would say not to do anything permanent on your body, you never know that later in the future you'll want to start to have kids and in most cases its not always reversable. If you plan to 'do it' often I guess taking the pill or using a condom would be the best option if your not 100% sure if want to have kids in the future, and you may change your mind. ;)
Quote from: juncmodule on Wed 01/06/2005 17:28:49
Reversible? I never knew that!? That's kind of...unfair.
If it's any consolation, it's kind of expensive to reverse it?
Quote from: juncmodule on Wed 01/06/2005 17:28:49
After that I intend on getting snipped.
It's not a snipping, it's a tying. That's why it's reversible, you won't lose your testicles or anything, they'll just cut off the sperm flow to the ejaculate. Hormone production and all other bodily functions remain the same, except no sperm makes it through.
Actually, it's really hard for people who don't have children to get surgical sterilization, such as vasectomies or tubal ligations. There's a lot of doctors who refuse to give them because "you might change your mind!"
Which is really frustrating for people who KNOW they don't want kids.
Well, if you havn't had a period AT ALL since you were 17, you're in for a treat when stopping the hormones. ;)
I'd go with hormones I guess, I don't trust surgical adjustments, but you can't be fully sure on any thing I guess, so.. just go with what you feel comfterable with. A full vasectomy will probably be cheaper in the long run, and if you're sure, you're sure.
Vasectomy's can be reversible...but that's not always the case. I believe after a certain lenght of time, say ten years, it become much harder for them to reverse the proceedure. All my knowledge comes second hand, though. I wouldn't consider you tying your own tubes, as it's not as safe a proceedure, from what I've been led to understand. As far as being finicky whether or not you'll change your mind about having a child...I don't really think that's so bothrsome of an issue. If you ever change your mind you could always consider adoption (though, the trouble that might take might be more bothersome depending on your marital status at the time, as well as, income).
The obvious choice, though, and the one you probably won't do anyway, is not to have sex. Because as everyone know, sex is only for the act of procreation, and anything else is a sin (please don't take that statement seriously, or evaluate it in anyway, since one, I am joking, and two, I don't want to start a religious thread and just wanted to be mildly funny in my own way).
-MillsJROSS
Quote from: MillsJROSS on Wed 01/06/2005 21:04:41
I wouldn't consider you tying your own tubes, as it's not as safe a proceedure, from what I've been led to understand.
Yes, pay a doctor if your going to do it, much mors safe....
My girlfriend is on the pill (for period regulation) and the hormones make her act really weird. Well, more weird then she normally is. :-p
But I would say your best option is Norplant or something along those lines, like Squinky said. I know that one of the fan types lasts around seven years and costs fairly little.
My own snippety-snip is scheduled for 29th June! Just in time for Brittens :=
But then I have two kids and the doctors have all spent ages trying to dissuade me from it, even though they actaully want lots of people to do it. They're really covering their backs against litigation, I think. However, since my wife was very sick through the last preganancy we don't want to go through that again.
Sorry for saying about kids, but MY KIDS ARE THE GREATEST THINGS IN THE WORLD. Note that I don't get enough sleep and my 2-y-o does lots of naughty things and tantrums right now but its STILL great. Please don't do anything permanent to yourself, Kinoko!
My wife couldn't do the pill as she always forgot to take it which would bring about a heavy period way to early and that didnt seem very heathly.
And to be sexist, sterotypical and true, when you hit 30, your hormones will make you want kids!
I too can't grasp the notion of never having children, so I have nothing wise to say in this very matter.
I kind of agree, im only 16, so my knowledge of this sort is limited at best, but doing anything that stops you from having kids FOR LIFE, just doesn't make sense, i mean, when your thirty, and you get broody, but no kids possible, you'll regret it. I think either, try the pill, and deal with the temprary side effects, or find out more about the law where you're going and see if what your on is legal.
Important warning regarding Japanese condoms
When I first came accross this information, even though it was by experience rather than data, I didn't belive it, but the regular Japanese condom has a diameter of 32 mm, compared to a "nominal width" of 54 mm [which appears to be the with when pulled out flat, hence half the diameter, so I calculate...] and thus a diameter of 34-5 mm.
Larger sizes are available, amusingly named "US Sized" [the bomb leaves a lasting inferiority complex] and "Black Sized".
Now, in my personal experience with such products, I ask you not to use the local products with your boyfriend, he does not deserve to endure that pain.
Les: Hehe, yes, all of us going to Japan are well aware of that problem ^_^ Everyone's bringing their own supply (and there are good online stores too).
The um... spring thing is not an option. I consider that to be pretty horrific looking and I just don't trust methods like that. For whoever said to go the pill because they don't trust surgery... it's funny, I see hormonal treatments as much more permanent and damaging! Honestly, it's just not a good idea to use these things for too long. I've used mine for a good few years now, and I think I've sort of had my run with it. I really would like my body to get back to normal internal workings. Although it's been a wonderful time, I just don't want to keep changing my hormones, there are a lot of problems that can arise.
I agree that it's better to go the vasectomy route... it's got a higher percentage of success and is less "fuss". Anyway, I' not deciding anything now, as I said. I just wanted to know what typical married couples do.
To people like SSH: Does that mean that before you've reached that time you decide you've had enough hildren, you're just 100% of the time using no contraception whatsoever? I always picture babies popping out left, right and centre.
As for the argument about my hormones when I'm 30. Honestly, if my biological make-up is gonna make me want kids againt my own free thinking will, then it can get fucked. I already hate my body for forcing me to be in a state of reception for sperm every month of most of my life. If mother nature wants me to want babies when I hit 30, I'll kick her ass. Like Andail (I think) said, there's always adoption, which has always been my absolute favourite form of conception. I won't get into it, but I get really annyed when I see couples spend tens of thousands of dollars for decades of ridiculous fertility treatments, just because they feel some need to have the child come out of themselves. I mean, I can understand how you'd prefer that, but it reaches a point where surely you can look at all the fabulously happy adoptees out there and consider doing something good in the world that also serves your own purpose.
See, I said I wouldn't get into it @_@ Sorry.
But yes, believe me, if my body makes me go insane and want children, I'm more than happy to adopt.
Well, thanks everyone for the advice! It was interesting and helpful ^_^
I agree with the adoption thing, me and my wife have three boys (10 month, 3 year old, and an 8 year old) and we really wanted a girl also....We decided to not have anymore kids because pregnancy was misery for my gal, she would just puke all day, no kidding....the whole pregnancy....
So I figure why not adopt a kid, although I do admit I feel guilty "picking" what sex we want, makes me feel like I'm picking a kid out of a per store window....Guess I'll tangle with that issue when the time comes....
My ex was on that depo provera stuff.
Messed her up pretty bad, even for several months after she stopped taking it.
The solution will be solved by an Indian porno I saw when I was a kid, well the chick was Indian anyway, and here's the line. (imagine an Indian English accent [from India, not an American Indian])
"Because of my religion I must remain a virgin until I'm married, until then you can penetrate me here...."
well it's not really the best solution depending on your personal preferences, I just thought it was funny.
I'm not an expert on this topic but Isn't there a newer contraception that goes under your skin on your arm or somthing that slowly releases hormones and lasts for quite a few months. maybe thats what you're using now but I'm not sure, maybe it's illegal over there too or maybe it's just on trial here, sorry I can't be of much help.
Edit: Yeah I just noticed Squinky's post about the Norplant thingy, that's probably what I was thinking of, and I never noticed a reply regarding it, but I guess you don't want the hormones
Squinky, you're adopting?? Awesome! ^_^
Quote from: Kinoko on Thu 02/06/2005 02:57:54
To people like SSH: Does that mean that before you've reached that time you decide you've had enough hildren, you're just 100% of the time using no contraception whatsoever? I always picture babies popping out left, right and centre.
Well, of course until you actually start trying, you've no idea how fertile either of you actually are. For our first child we started "trying" (i.e. stopped using condoms) in November 2001 and the conception must have occurred at some point in February. My wife's cycle was always pretty irregular so its hard to know when exactly. We weren't monitoring tempratures or "trying" particularly hard on any days of the month or any stuff like that, so it was quite quick. We didn't use any contracpetion between kids, but then my wife was breast-feeding for a year and that inhibits ovulation sometimes. She only had one period between kids. Until my operation is confirmed as successful we're using condoms again.
On the other hand, I knew some people who had kids aged 7, 5 and 1 and they said they had never used contraception (not for any religious reason, but becuase they didn't mind lots of kids)
On average, I believe that people who are vaguely trying for kids have a 90% chance within 1 year. Of course, it can all happen the first time too, so make sure you're protected you youngsters!
I've always been the sort of person who, if I knew I didn't want to get pregnant, I would never, ever, under any circumstance have sex without decent protection (despite how tempting it can be sometimes), so... the reason I'm thinking ahead is just so I have some ideas in my head about the future, and I don't put myself in a position where I might be tempted.
SSH: I hope your surgery goes smoothly and all that ^_^ Thanks again for all the info!
QuoteQuote from: MillsJROSS on Yesterday at 21:04
I wouldn't consider you tying your own tubes, as it's not as safe a proceedure, from what I've been led to understand.
Yes, pay a doctor if your going to do it, much mors safe....
Why not pay the doctor to do it for you...that way your money's actually going somewhere.
And Kinoko, I feel the same way, I know I don't want to get pregnant, so I try not to be female. Best contraception ever!
-MillsJROSS
Kinoko, I don't know how you are with injections, but you could look into this (http://www.youngwomenshealth.org/femalehormone3.html) sort of stuff. I'm no doctor but I think on most occassions they will urge you to try the pill. Femodene is a popular choice for young women. Consult your GP, they'll know best. We also have a thing called Evra, I'm sure it exists elsewhere - which is a bit like a smokers patch only for pregnancy. Not many clinics in the UK stock it because its still quite expensive. I'm not sure how effective it is either, but that might be worth googling :)
You might also find the following link useful, or overwhelming... :P
http://adam.about.com/reports/000091_1.htm
Quote from: MillsJROSS on Thu 02/06/2005 16:52:37I know I don't want to get pregnant, so I try not to be female. Best contraception ever.
LMAO when I saw this. M0ds, gotta dig the avatar.
Quote from: MillsJROSS on Thu 02/06/2005 16:52:37
QuoteQuote from: MillsJROSS on Yesterday at 21:04
I wouldn't consider you tying your own tubes, as it's not as safe a proceedure, from what I've been led to understand.
Yes, pay a doctor if your going to do it, much mors safe....
Why not pay the doctor to do it for you...that way your money's actually going somewhere.
And Kinoko, I feel the same way, I know I don't want to get pregnant, so I try not to be female. Best contraception ever!
-MillsJROSS
You...You turned around my turanaround back on me!111 You are a master.....
Also, SSH I wanted to tell you that I knew a guy who got his junk worked on and they swelled up friggin huge, he couldn't walk and had to bear years of unending mental abuse from people like me....
I was going to go in for the frankendork also, had no problem with it, but insurance issues meant that if my wife had it done after the baby it was free, if I had it done it was like one thousand...
My sister uses Ortho Evra (the patch) and it messes with your hormones just as bad as the pill. If you don't get it switched at the right time, it screws you all up and then you're stuck with weird effects, like three periods in a row or something. Not fun.
You could always go with castration. That's a surefire way of birth control!
Show this to your courageous, chilvarous boyfriend ;D :
http://www.my-vasectomy.com/
(PS, as the site specifies, I hope you're not squeamish ... I wasn't able to go past the 8th page!!! *screams*)
Quote from: Andail on Wed 01/06/2005 22:13:15
I too can't grasp the notion of never having children, so I have nothing wise to say in this very matter.
Indeed ... what you want from life changes a lot as the years go by. 10 years ago I wanted to be a weather man so that I could decide whether it would rain or not, and I thought girls were a disease to be avoided at all costs.
Right now I have no desire at all to have kids, but in 10 years time I'm sure it'll be a different matter. Having anything snipped sounds like a rather hasty decision to make at this point in your life.
Good god dowland, I don't know what I'm more distgusted by: the horribleness of the operation or the fact that I just looked at ten pages worth os some dudes balls....
(Registered just for this. Wheew passed the test. :P Very good idea, most forums should have)
Ok, sorry this is a bit of a late reply but it's relevant.
I was on the pill for 4 years, then I went off it. Soon afterwards I found out I had precancerous cells on my cervix, very near to being full blown cancer. I had to have pretty painful cryogenics done on it. Also for a while I had a problem with my breasts (nothing big and it's gone now) but it was wierd. The only thing they were able to attribute it to was the hormones in the pills.
I tried lwoer dose pills for a while when an ex made me get back on them, but even those ones made me feel ill, and dizzy sometimes, constant headaches.
I'm now off the pills, been almost half a year, but I'm still a bit irregular in schedule. Still hasn't gotten to normal which is annoying.
Just wanna keep people safe. :(
Anyway, fiance and I aren't sure on kids or not. Are plan when we can afford it is a combination of:
Temperature method (can't remeber what it's called but it involves taking its temp every morning)
Miscroscope method (can't rmemeber that name either but it involves taking a sample and looking at "crystal patterns".
Pulling out.
Condoms when it's "unsafe".
But for now it's condoms. :P
Hope that helps.
I have had a vasectomy, and I'm very happy for it. My girlfriend is very happy for it. I had no complications aside from I was out of work a few days more than intended due to general soreness, but I'm ok now.
She still takes the pill for regularity, but she has no problems with it. Otherwise I'd say, have him get snipped.
As for reversing it, that can get VERY expensive. I think it's cheaper if he were to "save a sample" if there is any gleam of possibility you'd want kids with him.
If you/he has questions about vasectomy, feel free to pm me if you want. I'd be happy to answer what I can.
How about abstinence? ;D
Quote from: BambiBams on Tue 21/06/2005 02:48:54
I had a problem with my breasts (nothing big
I just love taking things out of context. :=
Forgive me.
Just so you can all share my pain, I'll let you know that I had the snip this afternoon! Pain's not too bad, no worse that shaving the night before was!
Apparently they encourage regular... ...to clear the tubes of any baby-makers left behind
I'm not sure how to put this, so I'll just ask it ....
Where exactly do they snip .. ie. after you've had it done, what "comes out"?
They snip the line from the testicles. What "comes out" (heh) is the liquid that the sperm swim in, or would have. Don't they have sex-ed outside of the states?
Probably not in CJs days ;)
Sssshhhh!!! No sex please, we're British!!
I've been required to take sex-ed almost every year since 4th grade. I know both sets of genitals like... well, I know a lot about both.
And come on! You Brits mate like its breathing.
What??? They're only supposed to snip a little tube? They cut my whole knob off! Oh, hang on .... :=
Quote from: Evil on Wed 29/06/2005 22:04:02
I've been required to take sex-ed almost every year since 4th grade. I know both sets of genitals like... well, I know a lot about both.
And come on! You Brits mate like its breathing.
Look, we didn't get the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe by talking about sex!!
I am confused. If you're thinking of going against your instinctual drive if it ever manifests with a strong urge to have children, then why don't you go against the same leanings that urge you to have sex right now? Since you seem to favour freedom over instinctual behaviour, and you mentioned you almost hate your body for forcing behaviours on you, how do you draw the line on which things are ok to do and which are not?
A guy I work with told me a weird fact about vasectomys today. He said that he had one and the doctor told him that even though they cut the cord in two, tie off both ends, and put them in separate sections of wherever, they will grow several little tendrils to search for the other part of the tube and actually grow back together in order to re-instate the ability to procreate. He said that most of the time not enough sperm gets through the tiny tendrils to do anything but sometimes it does. Weird, right?
So the Japanese and their tentacles WERE right! Only on a much larger scale.