My Christmas Gift

[monkey0506]

This is extremely pathetic, but after almost nine years of being one of the most active members of the scripting forums, I suppose that the community deserves an explanation. So Merry Christmas to all, because here we go.

When I first came to the Adventure Game Studio community as a "Guest" back in 2003, and finally a full-fledged member in the beginning of 2004, I came as many new members do. Utterly full of myself, overflowing with unbridled arrogance and bravado (and why shouldn't I have been? I was clearly destined to be the next Ron Gilbert) I entered the world of computer programming and fell flat on my face. After countless threads and an infinite amount of patience from the community, I slowly learned. I tore the SCUMM template of the time apart (although it occurs to me now that I can't even recall the name of the person to whom I owe so much, the author of that template). I could be horribly off on the timing (and I refuse to research it at this point), but I seem to recall spending about six months deconstructing the SCUMM template and building my own working copy. From there I spent an additional six months working on the dialog GUI - which is significant as it marks the first code I ever distributed to the AGS community (a scrolling dialog system, and they said it couldn't be done!).

With the advent of script modules with AGS 2.7, publishing the code in a portable fashion became much easier. I quickly released StrAdd (for "String Additions", now the StringPlus module) with some additional string manipulating functions. A proper scrolling dialog module became the bane of my AGS programming existence as I was never able to satisfactorily produce code that would scroll an option that spanned multiple lines. I view this as my greatest programming failure.

From there of course releasing modules just became my role in the community. It didn't matter if anyone wanted, needed, or even used them. They would be there, and I would be the one making them. I believe that to date I have released more script modules to this community than any other individual, but who's really counting? That's right, I am. Because I'm extremely egotistical.

I fear that my passion for making script modules, my obsession with publishing more of them than SSH (which I will now openly admit was a stated goal), it all may have done more to discredit me than to seal my claim to fame. Honestly, when I started it all, I had myself thoroughly convinced that all I wanted was to help the community - to pay back all the help that had been given to me. It became more than just giving back, it really began to define who I was in many ways. I suppose that it was this prideful supposition that the community relied on me - that you all counted on my help and my modules - this is what ultimately brought me to where I am now. I'm also extremely bitter about the Interfacer module.

More than just authoring module after module, I also took it upon myself to learn the capabilities of the engine. I found enjoyment in challenging those who said "it can't be done (at least not in AGS)". Like many others before me (and since) have done, I have contributed to the AGS program itself through my own efforts. The maximum length of a String that can be returned from String.Format was changed (and documented) because of testing that I was doing. The noloopcheck keyword was introduced because I provided a real-world rationale for needing more than 150,000 loop iterations without the game being hung. I'm not trying to brag, most of the changes I brought about have been small and largely insignificant to the majority of the users. From all this though, I gained a lot of insight into the way AGS was designed (structurally, not strictly speaking of anything relating to the source code), and even a glimpse into the mind of CJ himself. For every change that was brought into the engine or editor by me, there are probably 3 or 4 that were tossed out. I feel as though I had a keen understanding of the direction that CJ wanted to take the AGS program in.

So bringing us into the past couple of years, AGS development ground to a halt as CJ relinquished his reigns and inexplicably no one picked them up. As I'd been devoting the majority of my time to learning about AGS, my own C++ skill set was still limited to a novice level. I tried my best to make this clear as I asked question after question about the possibility of moving forward with AGS development. Eventually it seemed that things were being set in motion, that action was being taken. We had some provisional nominations, and we even elected a potential new project leader - only to have nothing done about it because our new motto had become, "One day, CJ might yet return - let's wait just one more day and see." The fact that I wasn't the one elected didn't thrill me (as the person in question, by their own admission, knows little about the program, where it's coming from, and where CJ would likely have taken it further), but I held my tongue (as he's a great guy, and I didn't want to be a sore loser about it). You can only hold your breath for so long before you have to admit that everyone else (don't get ahead of me! I'll come back to them) has quit playing hide and seek and gone inside for a warm glass of cocoa while you're still outside counting.

In all fairness, JJS has done an amazing job at picking up the role to help keep things organized and moving smoothly along. We now have ports of AGS to several platforms which were previously unsupported altogether... and, well. Yes, we have that.

If my arrogance has yet to offend you, I assure you there's more yet to come. Otherwise I would just remind you that this is my thread, so there.

In supposing that I could somehow be of some use, I made a few attempts at defining utility classes which could be generically employed, but I was surprised to find that C++11 is apparently against the rules (even though it would solve numerous problems while causing no difficulty or issues on the supported platforms, including newly ported ones). So my attempts at utility classes have proven to be a bust because frankly there is no acceptable excuse for not using C++11 in this project. In my hubris I'll even go so far as to say of the individual who has been submitting all the bug reports against JJS's repo and uploaded some source code written in C with a license precluding C++ usage - he is an idiot. We don't live in the 1960s, '70s, or even the '80s any more.

Practically everyone who writes code (from the newest novice to the most skilled programmer) is incompetent (myself included) in some regard, and I swear people go out of their way to make their code insufferably difficult to read. Unreadable code isn't just inconvenient - it is harder and perhaps even impossible to debug, all because the author is lazy.

All of this is dirt under the turnip, or whatever the phrase may be. I am where I am at this point.

By now you all must be thinking how highly I think of myself, which isn't at all true, but that's precisely the reason why it's so important for me to think so highly of myself as I don't, which is why I do. I haven't written this as a justification or rationale for why I feel the way I do, nor is it any longer about feeling sorry for myself (there was a time for that too), rather simply I intended to give full disclosure.

It's probably well deserved in the end. Time and again I have proven myself to be unreliable. Specifically there are some people that I have failed, resulting in negative public impact. I would like to apologize to those that I have let down, hurt, or otherwise offended. I won't try to make excuse for my behavior, because frankly I shouldn't have to. My actions should stand by their own merit, and mine simply don't pass the test. I have also let down the community by failing to fulfill the role I did take on in assisting with the AGS source code. I am sorry that I am too stubborn to even now try and correct that.

I feel that my time with AGS has by and large come to a close. I no longer feel that I am a necessary or even useful part of this community, as I once did. I won't say that I'll never come back around, but I feel as if the time has come for me to move on to the next chapter in my life, whatever or wherever that may be. I wish all of you well, and a Merry Christmas.

In short, I'm an attention seeking drama queen, so, goodbye.

[Ponch]

Instead of an melancholy uberpost, why not just make a little AGS game? That might be a nice boost for your self-esteem. 

Anyhoo, merry Christmas. 

[monkey0506]

I don't mean to come across the wrong way in all this. I'm actually a lot happier at this point in my life than I've been in months and months. Perhaps even years. But part of that has come through honest self-evaluation. As I said, I wanted to provide full disclosure. This posting wasn't about feeling sorry for myself or trying to guilt anyone into going out and using my modules.

What I'm saying is that I let myself become so caught up in my own expectations of what my coding could do for everyone else, that I lost sight of why I started doing it in the first place. I don't hold hard feelings toward anyone here, and I hope that if any of you do toward me that I can be forgiven. AGS is a wonderful program and has inspired a wonderful community of people. For me though, my activity in the community is not going to be what it was.

If I'd seen Dual's post before I clicked "Submit" then I would have ended my first post with the following:

Goodbye, cruel adventure game world!

Of course everyone hates that particular game and likes to pretend it never existed. Except me, I personally happen to like it.

(P.S. Ponchster - I do still have some AGS projects in mind that I'd like to eventually bring to fruition, but don't exactly hold your breath, okay? )

[Crimson Wizard]

In supposing that I could somehow be of some use, I made a few attempts at defining utility classes which could be generically employed, but I was surprised to find that C++11 is apparently against the rules

What do you mean "against the rules"? Which rules are that?

(even though it would solve numerous problems while causing no difficulty or issues on the supported platforms, including newly ported ones).

Not sure which problems you mean. The problems I know aren't solvable by putting another language into use, but rather by putting more people into work. Which is a real issue .

In my hubris I'll even go so far as to say of the individual who has been submitting all the bug reports against JJS's repo and uploaded some source code written in C with a license precluding C++ usage - he is an idiot.

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha 

I was 100% sure (one of those cases) that you would think this as soon as you see his posts. You two are both self-confident enough to state what's better for a project, while having opposite views on ways of programming .

[Andail]

Wait, you're not saying you're leaving, right?

Because that would suck. Just hang around, and maybe start working on your own little game, like Ponch said?

[Secret Fawful]

Monkey leaving is just another reason to hate Christmas this year.

[EchosofNezhyt]

Well good luck code monkey man!

[Baron]

In short, I'm an attention seeking drama queen, so, goodbye.

See, this is what I don't get.  Obviously this is a place for drama queens to hang out, so why would you leave???    (JOKE!)

Seriously, though, you've got the talent and the knowledge and it seems obvious that you have the passion to really contribute something here on one hand.  On the other, we have an open source engine that could go big places if only someone with the vision and the wherewithal seized it by the throat and tamed it to his will.  So maybe you don't coordinate well with others.... that's ok, because it's open source.  Can one man do it all?  Hey, CJ did it!  There is the little matter of splintering the versions if you build your own version, but if your improvements merit a following I'm sure some type-9 personality will undertake to reconcile your work to the main-stream later on down the road.  And if the community's open source efforts continue to yield limited progress perhaps your version will become the main-stream version.  You'd be the new CJ through fait accompli.  So go ahead and runaway.  Alfred the Great, Robert the Bruce, Richard Nixon.... they all had did their time in the wilderness before returning to triumph and glory.  I for one await your return,

Baron 

[kconan]

  Use your considerable coding powers to make a game and try not to take things so seriously.  My guess is that you won't leave AGS cold turkey, but good luck if you do.

[straydogstrut]

(speechless)

Also don't go.. But if you do, my sincerest best wishes for your future health and happiness. Hope to see you return.

[ddq]

Don't let the door hit you dramatically on the way out.

[Armageddon]

Don't let the door hit you dramatically in the butt on the way out.

Fixed.

[monkey0506]

I'm not abandoning the forums entirely. I'm just not going to be as helpful as I could be. Seriously, I'm just gonna troll as much as possible.

[selmiak]

try harder!
eventually you'll get banned and everything works out according to your subconscious plan

[Shane 'ProgZmax' Stevens]

I don't get all the drama with goodbyes.  If you really wanted to leave you wouldn't spend all that time on a long explanation, you'd just disappear like the myriad other users ags has seen through the years.  Nobody is going to be upset or blame you if you develop other priorities; I'm so busy working on projects that I don't even have time or interest in opening the editor anymore, which is actually rather disappointing since I would rather design my own games than labor on the dreams of others, but that's life.  Everything changes, and that's not a bad thing.  If your interests lead you elsewhere then follow them, and if your interests lead you back here then that's cool, too!