My Life Is About To Change

[Tuomas]

I am giving him a different perspective, Nikolas. One that will be useful to him because if he can't own up to it and stand it, he's better off not being a dad. Can you understand how much more useful this is than telling him 'oh, it's going to be tough, but you'll get through it!' and patting him on the back is? HE HASN'T HAD THE BABY YET. HE ISN'T MARRIED YET. He's discussing possibilities. And these are open still.

Now I don't really see how he could not be a dad since his girlfriend has got a baby coming and all.

Yo, TerranRich, force your girl to abortion, it's the only sensible solution!

Please take this as sarcasm, and ignore those.

[Nine Toes]

You've got seven or eight months to prepare yourself mentally for fatherhood.

That whole 3/4 year will be gone before you know it.  My little one is a month old now, and I don't even remember where the last month went.  Plus, I don't really think anyone is really ever prepared for parenthood.

Plus, it's really not that bad, so don't be anxious (in a negative way), or depressed.  You have a lot of really mind-blowing shit to look forward to in the next year.

As for the wierd mood swings you're going through, they should fade in a few days.  Don't sweat it.

Congratulations.

[Vince Twelve]

I don't think that having all these negative feelings like doubt, confusion, or even anger means that you're not ready to be a father.  Everybody has those feelings unless you're in a position where you're trying to have a baby.  But sometimes they just happen. 

My wife and I were engaged and already living together when we had our "oops, stupid Japanese condoms!!!" moment.  Six weeks later when we were looking at the two pink lines we both freaked out a bit.  I was feeling all those negative feelings for a few days.  I knew that I could be a good dad, I just didn't want to admit that a part of my life was over.  My wife and I had planned to travel around and see the world for a few years before settling down and sprouting little Twelves.  Now, all of that is impossible.  Instead we moved into a house and I'm working hard to make enough money to support us.

But you know what, I wouldn't trade my beautiful daughter for anything now.  And if anyone came up to me and said that I wasn't ready to be a father because I initially felt doubt, I'd show them my beautiful happy daddy's girl who cries when I say goodbye to her on my way out the door to work and squeals with glee when I return -- the little girl who wakes me up in the morning by calling "DADA!" from her crib.  And if that person still felt that I wasn't ready to be a dad, I'd (after averting my girl's eyes) offer him a tall frosty glass of Karate-chop!!

Edit:  And whether or not you're with the right person, regardless of how long you've been together, is not something that people can judge over the internet.  Of course it would be nice if your relationship was longer and you could be sure (living with someone else reveals a lot about them that you wouldn't otherwise know... both good and bad), but if you think you're ready to be a dad, you need to also be ready to devote your life to making the mother of your child happy.

Good luck.  It's not going to easy, but it's going to be worth it.

[TerranRich]

Thank you, Vince Twelve. True, I did not come here for advice. Im a big boy now folks. But don't worry, Helm, I take all your words with seriousness. But to be honest, you do not know whether or not I am ready to be a father. Only I can say that for sure.

And yes, just because I have feelings of doubt, shock, and confusion does not mean I'm going to throw my hands up in the air and just give up. Please, people, I'm more sensible than that. Sure, I may not have planned any of this, but does that mean I'm not ready?

I have a best friend who had a baby this past March. I've seen what new, unprepared parents go through with a baby. I see what needs to be done. It's not like I've never dealt with babies before. I know how to change diapers, I don't mind lack of sleep (I have odd sleeping patterns anyway), and I'm financially more than ready for this event.

Like I said before, I'm a big boy. Now congratulate me and give me CAKE!!!11

Oh, and I told my mother tonight about the news. She, surprisingly, did not freak out. She was just as I'd hoped: happy with a tinge of worry for us and our future.