Wouldn't it piss you off if your girl had like, 500 friends that are guys (most of them her ex's or people she's been with), and only one or two friends that are female?
Better yet, wouldn't you get aggravated if even after seven months with your girl, she still hasn't taken the picture of her ex in her bedroom and put it away so you don't have to look at it...?
To do with the photo, have you asked her?
If you can trust your girl, the amount of guy friends should be no problem.
Well, about the pic... I don't wanna say anything (she already called me "posessive" because of a little incident with one of her male coworkers, some beer, and a nice little evening alone). I just kinda wonder if she's even over him, she always talks about him... I don't wanna be with her if I'm not the #1 guy in her life.
Plus... that's just it... I kinda don't trust her...
Disclaimer: despite the fact that I'm happily married, this advice is probably wrong.
Think about what you want. You either want a relationship with her where you can trust her and be happy (obviously preferable), or you don't want a relationship with her. At the moment you're not in either of those, so you're not happy.
You must talk to her about it. 99% of arguments I've had with my wife were becuase one of us misunderstood what the other one said or one of us didn't say something we should have. (The other 1% is something about toilet seats) in other words... not talking enough.
If you carry on like you are now, your life will be torture. You must talk to her and sort it out: you might lose her, but only if that would have been the best thing for you anyway.
My wife is very possesive of me. So there's a few people I don't talk to (i.e. exs) because it would upset her. Maybe you could say that she should loosen up, but she's more important to me by far than those other people, so my priority is obvious. Also, I kinda like that she's so possesive! On the other hand, my wife has no exs, but she has lots of male friends. But I trust her so its OK.
To be honest, I get jealous of any girl that has a lot of guy mates :-\
It's all about the girl's personality. One of my ex's, Sara, had a lot guy-friends, and it didn't bother me in the least because she wasn't the type of girl to go flirting with other guys.
Michelle, on the other hand, had not as many guy friends, but it ticked me off, because she would talk to ME about how cute they were and how she flirted with them. >:(
Quote from: Bodyart on Tue 10/06/2003 15:45:15
Better yet, wouldn't you get aggravated if even after seven months with your girl, she still hasn't taken the picture of her ex in her bedroom and put it away so you don't have to look at it...?
Just do it yourself :P
I'm serious! And do it in front of her, too
In relationships between girl-boys, or homosexuals, there is only one secret... Talk a lot!
Two words: Faith and Loyalty.
yeah well... being one of the "old men" around here, dont trust ANYONE. if "your" girl is still talking about her ex's thats a red flag (trust me) if she has pictures of them, that's a big man punching you in the balls saying: "whats wrong with you man?!?!"
Belive me, if after seven whole months, you're already questioning her, then forget it, you're doomed. I hate to be the asshole, but I've been there... several times, life is short, dont waste it being unhappy. There are a thousand fish in the perverbial sea... fish with a big net my friend, and email me if you need support getting through this little bump in the dock.
decoy50@hotmail.com
C.
I'm not really one to give advice, but.....
Just talk to her, if she won't, then you know she still likes him loads.
Alright, alright, alllllright. Here I am, to be most helpful once again.
I would have to say Terran has a good point. You really should watch how she acts with her friends. If she just treats them as friends and doesn't act like there's anything more there I say it's not worth worrying or being bothered by, but if she's the type of gal to be all stupid and flirty with them, you should talk to her. Seriously. If I would ever be bothered to date someone, I would be bothered if he were bothered about any of my male friends, mainly because that would mean he wouldn't trust me. And if it's not her you'd be worried about and more her friends thinking about her in a non-just-friends kinda way, I say deal. If that's what your worried about, then you won't want her around ANY other guys ever, 'cause (no offense to anyone) people think about other people, even ones that they might just happen to see while walking to work or something, like that ALL THE TIME. It's just human nature. Take an inventory about all the women YOU might have glanced at and thought "Hey, she sure is purdy!" or some such nonsense while being with her. That's just how people are and you really shouldn't worry about it.
And if that's not helpful, you're not reading it correctly!!
Gra gra gra!
Pestilence does... Men.
And I mean that in the documentary sense.
;)
m0ds
Quote from: m0ds on Tue 10/06/2003 20:48:50
Pestilence does... Men.
And I mean that in the documentary sense.
;)
m0ds
I should write a book!
"The Way of the Groin: A Study of Human Nature".
Well, C.Leksutin told what i first thought... No I can say I agree with him.
But, as Paul McCarthney said: You can work it out. You must try to fix the things because there is no way to say what could had happened if you let her down.
today, watching TV series I´ve heard a sentence that may fit to you:
"If she is not the girl, no matter what you do, it won´t work. If she is, fight..."
If you think she's untrustworthy, then you're in trouble, because honestly, relationships are doomed without trust, period.
She should care enough about you to take down the picture if it makes you uncomfortable, but you can't expect her to read your mind about it.
Don't ask her to ditch her friends though. Nothing worse than that.
Just try to remember that it's a give-and-take thing. Jealousy is a wicked-evil thing that can eat at your intestines to the point where you've got internal bleeding and every time you take a ... uhh.. nevermind. Just remember that if you're jealous and she really cares about you (and only you in "that way") she'll probably be happy to comply in some ways to make your life a little easier. You can't expect her to give up all her friends for you, but you can expect her not to rub your nose in her past constantly. I know something about jealousy issues and having someone mess around behind you and am currently going through a situation that could only prompt people to say, "F#$@ing hell!"
Anyway, best of luck to you, I hope she wises up and realizes that if she believes what she has is worth keeping, she has to make a minor sacrifice or two.
Typical jealousy. I don't really see what's wrong with having lots of guy friends- what did you expect her to do - abandon them all because they're male? About that pic - just talk to her. After all - is it wrong to have a picture of your friend in your room?
Well, since you're going down the relationship route, then it would pay to be very open about your feelings and talk with her. That way, it'll be even easier for her to rip your heart out and serve it to you with fries on the side, so you can eventually move on to the important things in life.
From what I've gathered, you won't be missing much.
And there's an important point. Females are inherently evil. It's their nature. I mean, what better way to have a male prove his true and pure love for you, as well as trust, than to display an ex-boyfriend's pic for him to pointedly ignore for your benefit? Quite the run-on sentence there but, really, just try and convince me that there are females out there who haven't done something along these lines.
DUDE! there's nothing wrong about having friends with different sex. I've got a lot of friends that aren't guys. you're just being jealous.
now that picture is a little more serious. how about "accidentally" wrecking it? just kidding. maybe it's just a picture of a friend.
I'd say: if you have a problem with this, you're sick!
but if you don't think you can trust her, then that becomes a whole different issue.
just talk to her.
The photo of the ex is worrying.
If it wasn't for that, I'd say having a lot of guy friends is perfectly fine.
Look at the reverse of the situation -- are you allowed to have a lot of friends who are women?
But if it bothers you that much, just go talk to her -- tell her how you feel and find out how she feels.
Quote from: YakSpit on Wed 11/06/2003 08:28:43
Females are inherently evil.
So true...
(muhahahaha)
you need to talk to her, its not going to work out if you sit there, boiling everytime she talks to another guy, jelousy and mistrust is just going to dig away till theres nothing left.
why am i posting this? coz i'm there now, and never took my own advice
talk now m8
Paranoia
Well... first of all, lets clear something up (it seems a lot of people misunderstood this part)... The photo in question IS IN FACT of her first boyfriend. He lives in California (she and I live in Wisconsin)... and he broke up with her after almost a year (even after she spent so much money for the two times she went to see him). He broke up with her because he was having trouble quitting drugs (in my opinion, he loved drugs more than he loved her). She still talks to him, they still talk about "them"... but why do I have to look at the damn thing? It's a double picture frame, with his senior pic on one side, and a picture of her on the other side. It sits out... in plain view... on her desk. My picture is across the room... stuck to her mirror... all bent out of shape with crease marks and wear and tear from falling off the mirror all the time.
I'm sorry... I've lost my train of thought... Things have started to irritate me even more lately... but I'll write more when I regain my train of thought.
Sounds like she hasn't gotten over him, in which case, you need to get out of there before everything crumbles down around her and she takes you with her.
Disclaimer: I know nothing about relationships! The following advice should not be taken heed of under any circumstanes.
The way I see it, your entire jelousy revolves not around her male friends (which are, after all, a normal thing to have), but around your suspicians that she still has feelings for her first boyfriend. Now, fond, perhaps even loving, memories of a first partner are normal. However, openly displaying these feelings to your current partner (by means of the photograph) is not normal. She needs to ask herself: do I really love my current partner (you) enough to overcome my feelings towards my former partner? This is assuming that she DOES have feelings for him. If not, then the photo may be some kind of powerplay by her, which of course has got to stop.
To sum up then, your relationship is savable, but only with both of you honestly confronting your own emotions. Which will be a very... hurtful experience, and at the end of it you may not have a relationship at all. All I can say now is good luck.
I've tried talking to her in the past, but it always ends up in a huge argument... so I've abandoned talking. (I really shouldn't have to bring up my issues with the picture... it should just be a given... I took down all my pictures in my room a long time ago because I know she doesn't want to look at them).
I think what the thing with her friends that makes me upset is the fact that I've only met one of her friends (and I had to listen to him brag all night about how he nailed her, he just kept talking about it... she wouldn't tell him to shut up, so I hit him and broke his nose... that started another fight between me and her). You see, these guys don't know me... therefore... why would they feel any obligation to show respect for the fact that she's my girl? I've already had problems with her co-workers asking her out (you know... the whole "he doesn't need to know" routine), she won't just tell them to go to hell... and I'm not always there to protect my territory.
I don't really wanna get too far in detail with all of the things that irritate me about her, I think it would be a very big waste of a lot of bandwidth.
As some of you have noticed... I don't like talking things out... I have anger problems... and yes, Femme Fatale, I get extremely jealous (but there are reasons for that...).
I'm really surprised at how many people replied to this post... I didn't think anyone would care (which is why I felt stupid about asking for other people's opinions).
I really don't want to leave her... she is a very lovable person, but we just can't seem to see eye to eye on anything. I'm sure she's got her own version of the story... but still, all I've got left is my dignity, and if I can't get her to stop irritating me... then I know what I have to do.