The Best Worst Movies ever made!

[nulluser]

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[lo_res_man]

I know it sounds stupid, but I liked the Street Fighter movie, sure it was bad, but bad in a a way that said, "don't take this seriously" at least it was more fun then final fantasy: the spirits within, uhhhh.....now that was a movie that tells us not to watch movies made by nerds. I still have yet to see a "virtual actor" that made me feel half the sympathy that i have for daffy duck, now THAT was a virtual actor.

[LimpingFish]

I forgot to mention Ninja Terminator.
It's about some ancient ninja statue which is divided into three parts and when a ninja puts all three parts together he gets to be the ultimate ninja - The Ninja Terminator. Meanwhile there is a total unrelated plot going on with some journalist who get attacked by masked ninjas all the time. The plot of the movie make no sense which is funny enough in it self but the crappy acting and fight scenes really makes it all perfect...

I remember one movie - I can't remember the title though. In a scene he surprises this girl and she says: "Oh, I didn't hear you come." Later on there's a sex scene between the two (of cause) and it ends with the gril saying: "Ah, this time I heard you come..." or something like that. That was so corny I couldn't stop laughing. That movie also had a lot of crappy acting and stunts.

Ninja Terminator is from a series of similar films (Golden Ninja Warrior, Ninja Dragon, Ninja Assassin, etc) which were made in Hong Kong is the early to mid eighties, usually partially directed by Godfrey Ho. I say partially, because in fact only about 45 minutes of footage was shot. This would then be edited into another, totally unrelated, movie, usually a seventies Hong Kong or Japanese film, to bring the running time up to 90 minutes. They are quite a thing to behold, as you try to figure out how they expected the stories to make any kind of sense. Golden Ninja Warrior holds the distinction of being banned in Canada, and the distiction of being the only one to be wholly made in Hong Kong, but unfortunately features copius amounts of rape scenes!

All of these "gems" are available in the UK, usually found in multipacks or such, for £1.99 or less. Best avoided.

The Dolph Lundgren movie is Showdown in Little Tokyo, also starring Brandon Lee. The girl in question is Tia Carrere (from Wayne's World, and TV's Relic Hunter), and that sex scene is one of the funniest ever commited to celluloid. She wiggles atop Dolph, with an expression like a small fish gulping for air, while Dolph lies immobile with a look of mild stress across his brow. It's also edited pretty badly, and I suspect a body double was involved.

Otherwise the movie is harmless fun, and best viewed drunk.

[Darth Mandarb]

The Transporter

Possibly the worst action movie ever made, with wooden acting from Jason Statham and masses, complete masses of stupid, nonsensical goofs and possibly the most lame plot in the world.

"He was a bastuhd ... but he wuz stee my fathuh" Hahahah ... I laughed my ass off at that part!  Then went back and watched it again to laugh at her again.  So terrible it was hilarious and enjoyable.

I can't speak for the rest of you ... but I now have about 20 movies added to my Netflix queue because of this thread!  Kudos.

[Shane 'ProgZmax' Stevens]

Showdown in Little Tokyo was painful to watch, mainly because Brandon Lee was a much better performer than Dolph and yet he spent just about every scene being a toadie with little to no martial arts skill.  The scene where he remarks on how big Dolph's dick is must have been insulting.  It was like watching a 'praise Dolph' film.

The one Dolph film I can honestly say I enjoyed (aside from his bit in Rocky IV) was I Come in Peace, mainly because it was silly fun with milk-gushing aliens.

Some more flicks:

Body Melt

An aussie flick about a wonder vitamin that actually makes your body parts come alive on their own and try to kill you.  Sometimes you just melt, though.  It also features redneck hillbilly aussies!

Violent Sh*t 1-x

Andreas Schnaas is well known in german horror for creating some of the most terrible yet over the top gory films, and his Karl the Butcher series is no exception.  Just about any way you can imagine someone getting killed happens in one of these films, and several you wouldn't.  Has some of the most hilarious gore scenes ever.

Premutos

Another german gem by Olaf Ittenbach about a loser kid who gets evil goo spilled on his pee-pee and turns into a demon from hell that summons zombies!  Has some crazy gore in it and a completely off the wall battle sequence in a barn vs. around 500 zombies.

Spookies

This is one of those gems of horror/cheese that you find and wonder why you never saw it when it was out, I know I did.  A group of adults looking for a party accidentally end up at an old mansion by a cemetery.  Multiple subplots abound, but it all boils down to the crazed owner of the mansion and his collection of creatures who intend to absorb the partiers one by one in order to revive their master's dead wife.  Has some really inspired fight scenes where (for once) the hero does what you'd like them to, like jumping THROUGH a door to bust it open or setting fire to the Grim Reaper!

[Puppet Master]

Here are the 2 worst movies I have seen in my life.

THE MANGLER: REBORN.

This movie tries SO hard to be scary, but in doing so makes a boring ass movie with no plot, character development, a laughable villian and of course no scariness at all. The villian is a fat, bald guy who hides behind walls to watch his victims...but he's so fat his stomach hangs out from the wall. He mainly goes around with a tiny little hammer that he strikes unwilling victims over the head with. His "evil" face is just so incredibly bad I laugh every time I see it. I could attempt to explain this... but I can't do it justice. Anyway, after killing or knocking out his victims he feeds them to... a laundry press, but a laundry press of DOOM! Also, my favorite scene in this movie is a shower scene of which they obviously used a body double. You can tell this because they have a shot of just breasts for about 10 seconds. Ah, classic.

And now, the WORST movie I've ever seen. I want those 2 hours of my life back.

FEAR OF CLOWNS.

This movie makes Manos look like the Godfather. The camera changes position every 5 seconds, regardless of whose talking, what's going on or if it's needed (which it never is)
What's really sad is people actually change position along with the camera views, making them appear like they just teleported to a slightly different location. The acting is so incredibly wooden. I doubt these people would have gotten a part in an elementary school play, yet the director feels their AMAZING. The villian, of course, is a clown. But usually clowns wear clown suits and have funny hair and big shoes... right? Wrong, the clown in this movie is a big muscular bald guy with no shirt with the worst attempt at "scary clown makeup" I've ever seen. He carries around an oversized battleaxe which is so obviously plastic. The sad thing is the writers (if their were any) assumed that it would be scary if he just walked around going, "GET BETTER... GET BETTER... GET BETTER"

But perhaps the worst part about Fear of Clowns is that... THEY'RE MAKING A SEQUEL!!! I have absolutely no idea as to why as it got completely slammed by IMDB. The director (Who has a membership and often goes and sticks up for his movies) likes to prove how "idiotic" everyone who makes fun of his movies are. This always makes him appear completely arrogant and incredibly ignorant to many film techniques (of which he simply ignores when people on the internet tell him about because "You guys are just jealous cuz I'm making movies and you're living with your parents and paying for cheap hookers.")

[nulluser]

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[Akatosh]

Oh yeah, that scene was so bad and embarassing I actually fast-forward through it 

But apart from that scene (and comparable ones), I found the film funny. Cut out the genital "humor" and you end up with about 30 minutes of good humor.

[LimpingFish]

Well, last night I watched a move to add to my list.
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
A film so horribly tasteless and offensive, that it doesn't even deserve to be named a film. The scene where Borat's producer is feverishly masturbating over Pamela Anderson and the naked fight throughout the hotel was horrible and one of the most embarassing moments in movie history.

Should you even be watching Borat? It's rated 18. You are 12 (according to your profile). Your movie history is limited to post 1995. Maybe you didn't find it funny because most of the humour would go over your head?

I'm not picking on you, but your point is similar to me saying "Yu-Gi-Oh sucks, because it doesn't offer me a cerebral experience."

Maybe Borat (hardly a subtle movie, but none the less) wasn't made to be entertaining for twelve year olds.

[nulluser]

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[LimpingFish]

I was under the impression it was a 15. But anyway, even though I am 12, I can still appreciate good humour and recognize it when I see it. And Borat just wasn't good. Like Akatosh said, there's only about 30 minutes of actual humour in there.

My apologies. It is indeed rated 15 (16 here). I still stand by the view that it isn't suitable viewing for a 12 year old, though, regarding it's content or it's humour.

Side note: It's rated 12 in Germany and U in France. Show's you what I know.

[Ubel]

I am surprised that nobody has mentioned The Pumaman! I believe no further explanation is needed!

[Hammerite]

A film so horribly tasteless and offensive

why?

[Akatosh]

For one, it features at least three masturbation scenes 

[nulluser]

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[Vel]

Manos: Hands of Fate!

This movie is just hilarious! Not for a minute did I stop laughing when I watched it. I can't possibly imagine how can anyone think it's painful to watch. Just sit back and laugh at the awkward dialogue, ridiculous script and last but not least, TORGO. Enough said.

[Redwall]

And also, Borat is offending Kazakhstahn and its conventional ways of living, and also they are offending religion. For example, when they stay at the bed and breakfast, they call the Jews evil and shapeshifters. And, at the end, they claim to be Christians and show a scene where they show the civilians poking someone with a pitchfork. I just don't find that humorous.

Then you missed the point.

I don't love Borat, but it's not shit.

[Radiant]

Hasn't anyone mentioned D&D yet? The movie, not the roleplaying books. Lousy acting, a character more annoying than Jarjar, weapons that are so obviously made of foam, lame cliched plot, several scenes ripped from Star Wars, stereotypical bad guys ("you promised you'd free us!"  "Ha hah! I LIED!") and for the geeks among us, it breaks the D&D rules!


(oh yeah, and they apparently cut "clerics" from the movie for religious reasons)

[vict0r]

Azurewolf, you obviously missed the point of Borat.

I actually found the naked fight scene extremely funny. I actually smile/chuckle when I think of it.

[He-Man]

I also found Borat very funny and it definetly does not belong on this list of films.
Sacha Baron Cohen (who plays Borat) is a Jew himself, so I doubt he thinks that Jews are evil or whatever. I love the way that he is able to get the worst out of everyone (also with his characters Ali G and Bruno). He makes people do and say things that really say a lot about who they really are behind their facade.
I think it's nice to see a movie that have the guts to take a piss on everyone. I actually think the humor is able to break a lot of tabus. Political correctness sucks!
BTW I don't see what's so offensive about masterbating. I do all the time...