The funniest (serious) religious site I've ever seen

shbaz · Tue 30/12/2003 05:08:43

http://objective.jesussave.us/kidz.html

I thought this was a riot, the atheist one is my favorite, but this one is so blatantly stupid that I couldn't help but post it. Watch out, I have a habit of lashing out at children, RARRGH! :

TheYak · Tue 30/12/2003 05:58:09

Okay, I was going to post a caution about religion-bashing but that Atheist cartoon thing was funny as hell. Maybe you'd have to have grown up Christian to find it amusing, I dunno. Back to my caution: If you want to bash people/sites/whatever that are bashing other religions and promoting their own, that's cool but let's not make this a general anti- Christian/Muslim/Atheist/Apathist(my own religion) thread. Well, alright, if you want to bash the Church of Apathy, go ahead. We don't give a sh*t.

[edit: Actually, the most amusing bit was the note about the coloring book: ". . . all while imparting the valuable moral lesson that we should not color outside of God's lines."]

shbaz · Tue 30/12/2003 06:12:30

I don't mean to bash christianity, it's just that this site comes of as a "here's how to brainwash your kid" guide. Rather than a serious explanation of common christian views it gives simplistic bashing of other religions, like the above. I showed it to some of my christian friends and they thought it was absurd, so I didn't think anybody would get offended.

EDIT: all while imparting the valuable moral lesson that we should not color outside of God's lines.. I didn't think THAT was ridiculous, it implies that things such as cloning and such are wrong because that's not inside the boundaries of nature. My comic relief is in how they tell you to go straight to your parents or pastor if you have an atheist in your neighborhood. Reminds me of home. *sigh*

TerranRich · Tue 30/12/2003 06:20:31

www.godhatesfags.com

I'm not doing any religion bashing, that's a genuine site and the people are dead serious. Frightening, though i've probably posted that numerous times already.

TheYak · Tue 30/12/2003 06:22:10

That much was amusing. I have great respect for a good many Christians that I know (my parents among them) but sites like this one do a better job of making a mockery of Christianity than Landover Baptist. Incidentally, they quote the constitution and claim that , this being the US's internet and the US being a Christian nation, the government should enforce its authority and remove this website. Lesson #1, if you browse the Landover Baptist site and come away from it with either Pro-Christian or Anti-Christian sentiments, you're an idiot. Sorry. Their anti-Triclavian campaign is laughable as well.

I found the coloring book additionally enjoyable because the page states that, "People enjoy having the Bible shared with them!" What a wonderful thing to send your kids out into the neighborhood thinking. Sorry, but I'm gonna treat someone like that exactly like I treat telemarketers and door-to-door salesmen. They'll find me polite for about 5 seconds and if they don't get the hint, they'll probably walk away offended or pissed off.

Quintaros · Tue 30/12/2003 06:24:00

I think it would be rather difficult to bash this site, at least in a playful manner. This site is beyond parody...well maybe DG could make some witty Mr. T reference or say some "OMG!!!LOL!!!THIS SITE IS TEH..."-kinda line. But other than that, this site is funny all on its own. I mean I'm really not certain that it already isn't a satire.

My favourite line is from the reseach report on dinosaurs still living in Africa.

"...with only inconclusive results owning to the difficult conditions of the region, dinosaurian wiliness, and God's Will."

Dinosaurian wiliness...how can I can slip that into everyday speech?

TerranRich · Tue 30/12/2003 06:40:07

The Giraffe scientist confounds, amuses, and frightens me, all at the same time.

"All humans are descendants of Adam and Eve--" ...okay... "--who had many sons and daughters--" ...yeah... "--so Cain MARRIED ONE OF HIS SISTERS!" ...oka-- Wait, isn't that incest?

"My friend Bomby... can shoot boiling-hot toxic chemicals out of his butt. Why?" That one made me laugh out loud hysterically.

And the one abot the Secular movie saying that T-Rex was a killer, when all he really ate were vegetables. Sure, that may be true, but then the Giraffe goes on to say that Noah's people were safe from the T-Rex, and that fossils are the remains of dinosaurs and bad, bad people who didn't survive the flood!

Yeah...okay...

shbaz · Tue 30/12/2003 06:49:05

Yeah, I'm not totally sure it's not satire either anymore, the more I browse it. It doesn't have the obvious outside links like landover, and maintains a lot of arguments I've actually heard. I've heard the triclavanist stuff in my old hometown before. People do actually buy that sort of thing. But then there are other things, like this:

http://www.cafeshops.com/objectivemin.3749749

And I just don't know anymore.

Quintaros · Tue 30/12/2003 06:52:37

If you had read deeper, Terran, you would have learned that incest was not against God's laws until after the flood. It later became a sin due to the lower atmospheric pressure (a result of the flood) leading to depleted oxygen levels and increased solar radiation that would harm human genes and create the need for a larger gene pool. God then made incest a sin to protect humans from mutation and it only become culturally immoral as a result of this.

The Giraffe has answers man. I don't know about the lower atmospheric pressure business but being apathetic as I am I think I'll just accept it.

I actually found the article on the bombadier beetle quite interesting. It does seem like a rather precarious evolutionary feature. If evolution takes generations to perfect a trait, how does a trait develop that is potentially dangerous in an imperfect form to the animal carrying it?

TerranRich · Tue 30/12/2003 06:57:14

Okay, I must admit, the Objective site had me fooled much longer than the Landover one ever did (a second or two). It's just that, ever since GodHatesFags, I've been having trouble rooting out the hoazes from the serious brainwashed psychotic poor souls.

shbaz · Tue 30/12/2003 07:42:40

I was iffy, until I found this part: http://objective.jesussave.us/creationsciencefair.html

Ghostmaker · Tue 30/12/2003 08:13:17

One thing is for sure, its an American site.

"This is our Internet, and we should exercise our position as its owners and as the guardians of civilization to stop its misuse."

Now, im of to post evil properganda on this stolen internet, and there is nothing they can do
*evil laught*

TheYak · Tue 30/12/2003 08:27:33

Quote from: shbazjinkens on Tue 30/12/2003 07:42:40
I was iffy, until I found this part: http://objective.jesussave.us/creationsciencefair.html

I remain dubious. The Creation Science Fair is in keeping with the beliefs/attitudes of some people I've known. The entire site is actually fairly mild compared to some of what I've seen & heard. The nagging thing that makes me skeptical of this as a genuine site is the story of Kyle. Kyle supposedly worked on the Landover Baptist Site but left the dark-side when he became a Christian. Now, he helps with the subject's site. He's also a jewish guy named Kyle (reminiscent of South Park).

MrColossal · Tue 30/12/2003 09:02:20

i am a believer that it is fake

"Malls are filled with security cameras watched by agents of Secularism, who are in need of Salvation just as anyone else - if not more so! When in view of one of these cameras, hold up inspirational signs and put on pantomime plays for their benefit."

did it for me. and the science fair and the dinosaur article.

this too

this didn't help either

and this is just baaaad acronym choice

oh well, who knows

Igor · Tue 30/12/2003 09:04:55

Quote from: shbazjinkens on Tue 30/12/2003 05:08:43
http://objective.jesussave.us/kidz.html

This is for real? When i saw cartoon in first post i thought it's freaking parody. Nothing against religion, but this site is even below brain-washing... it's laughable

TheYak · Tue 30/12/2003 09:07:59

As kid-art its sillyness is acceptable. I have known many Christian-types that believe in many of the things this site claims to. So far, I haven't seen anything there that far out of the ordinary. I'm open to the fact that it could be fake but the paranoid part of me keeps screaming that these goofballs actually believe this tripe.

MrColossal · Tue 30/12/2003 10:35:09

how about this yakspit:

TheYak · Tue 30/12/2003 10:40:03

Oh yeah? Well speaking of parody and falsehood, I bet your real last name isn't Colossal. Your avatar's probably not even your real picture. :

Anyway.. you're slowly convincing me but I really don't think the Trinity long distance thing is that out of the ordinary. After all, these are real products: Testamints (Like velamints, only holy).

Peter Thomas · Tue 30/12/2003 10:48:46

I, personally, reckon they're the real deal.

Extreme, most certainly. But genuine. Sure, there's a whole load of stuff on their that's a bit strange, but, as a Christian, I don't believe there's anything UNUSALLY out of the ordinary. By that, I mean nothing that causes major arguments between Christians.... unless I've missed a couple of pages.

I think the "Jesus and Pirate" picture Colossal posted was a bit odd. The writing in the speech bubble doesn't match the quality of the drawing itself. Looks iffy to me, but still quite funny. As for the 'w.t.f ministries'........... I'm a christian who shouldn't find that funny, but OH MY GOSH!!! What a laugh!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sorry, I really had to get that off my chest. That's the funniest thing I've seen all week. They really must be living under a rock if they don't see the link. Or else they're doing it because it's a parody site. But I don't think so. There's just so much they COULD be doing if they were seriously doing a parody, and they've just stuck to minimal stuff, that doesn't really offend anyone (unless your Haabab(sp?) the elephant, in which case you'd be really pissed off....).

But thanks for posting anyway. It made my day.....

DGMacphee · Tue 30/12/2003 11:14:35

It's got to be a parody -- no one could be that fucking dumb!

Some of the questions and answers on the Professor Griaffe-thing were very wacked out.

And consider it when this, especialy the part about genetic problems: http://www.k4t.com/Questions/question12.htm