The Greatest Book Ever Written

MrColossal · Tue 30/03/2004 06:37:43

Max Brooks [the author of The Zombie Survival Guide] is giving a speach at RPI [college my friend goes to] on 10 Things To Do During A Zombie Attack

I'm totally going

I just wanted to make you all jealous of my knowledge that will keep me alive during the coming attacks

Nine Toes · Tue 30/03/2004 11:00:52

No offense, Eric... but I think that I may be the only person on this forum who would ever survive a zombie attack...

Come on!... I live, eat, and breathe zombies (as if you couldn't tell by reading my posts... especially as of late).

BTW... I never got that book... my debit card got rejected...

MrColossal · Wed 31/03/2004 02:25:56

so, you never got the Zombie Surivival Guide and you still think you can survive a zombie attack?

I own the book and I've read it and my friends have read it and even my girlfriend has read it...

I truly think I'm more prepared than you are

so no offense taken, just don't be angry when I slice your head off your decomposing body after it tried to take a bite out of my girlfriend

DGMacphee · Wed 31/03/2004 03:17:15

Okay then, pop quiz, hotshot:

You've got a zombie to the left of you and another attacking your girlfriend. If you kill one zombie, the other will attack. You don't have much time left. What do you do? What DO you DO?!

Evil · Wed 31/03/2004 04:34:25

Spoiler

Kill the one attacking your girl. If the other one isnt attacking it will attack after you kill its brothern anyway. Save the woman, kill the zombies, get laid. It all works perfectly.

[close]

MrColossal · Wed 31/03/2004 04:48:04

shoot the one to the left of me, jess would just kick the zombie in the face and splatter it's brains across the back wall

she takes care of herself i tell you what

DGMacphee · Wed 31/03/2004 04:50:53

Ummm... errr... Partial credit!

Layabout · Wed 31/03/2004 08:03:06

I own this book.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/193168605X/qid=1080716363/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/103-6764031-4989407?v=glance&s=books

it is great.

Nine Toes · Wed 31/03/2004 11:09:59

o.k.

NOTE: This all depends on what TYPE of zombie you're talking about... (ex: new Dawn of the Dead type, or 1969 Night of the Living Dead type...) I'm going with the N.O.T.L.D. type...

In the case of a zombie attack... I would take every available needed item with me (as long as I could carry it... screw first aid kits, they're useless... as long as I don't burn my finger on the hot shotgun barrel). Remember, I live in the country side of Wisconsin... so I have all the guns and ammo I could ever need.

... first of all... I would shoot my girlfriend in the face, and save her the misery... (she's already been attacked by the undead bastard, thus... she's already been bitten, seeing as she's not much of a fighter...) I'd cry myself to sleep as soon as I find shelter...

Second, I waste the zombie who bit her. Pump a few extra slugs in his head for dramatic measure.

Third, I'd take out the third zombie to my left with one swipe of my baseball bat. BAM!@ His melon goes bouncing away like a stray basketball. Fertilizer... (get me going and I won't stop...)

TIME!?!?!?!?!!? ...0:03 seconds...

As for you, Colossal... I would EXPECT you to waste me if I became one. (who would want to become a walking corpse?) ...and my dismembered head would gurgle... "t..ank... yoooooo....Ereeeek....". I'd do the same for you, dammit!

Put it on my tombstone.

Honestly... I would go for Evil's ending...

I'm thinking on payday I'm going to try and get that book, though... I may not be as tough as I think, but I'm always open to suggestion.

EXTRA: You guys are bastards for making me think of my wonderful girlfriend getting bitten by some rotting-ass walking zombie... FOR SHAME!

MrColossal · Thu 01/04/2004 00:41:28

"Second, I waste the zombie who bit her. Pump a few extra slugs in his head for dramatic measure."

Waste of ammunition, you lose.

Would You Like To Continue?
9?

In the case of a zombie attack the first thing you do is verify that it is indeed a zombie attack, and then you fill your bathtub with water and all the sinks.

Baseball bats are not good weapons, machettes are.

First aid kits are not useless. If you get bitten by a zombie they are useless, but when you're on the run to your safe house or you've barricaded yourself in your house, nature is also your enemy. Cutting yourself accidentally on a piece of broken glass or stepping on a nail will be as much of a problem as Old Man Withers coming to life and eating your face.

DGMacphee · Thu 01/04/2004 00:58:46

WHOA! :o

You're good enough to fight the swordmaster!

MrColossal · Fri 02/04/2004 07:36:52

and thanks to Rob Schrab I can show you what Jess would do in case of zombie attack:

Peter Thomas · Fri 02/04/2004 09:11:35

Someone clarify for me why you would fill your bathtub and sinks?!

Forgive me for not knowing all there is to know about the un-dead...

Perhaps I shall pay more attention when they come door-knocking...

MrColossal · Fri 02/04/2004 21:32:06

peter: if the undead are attacking in more places than just your backyard you may lose electricity and water. A filled bathtub would be where you would drink from for many days.