Once upon a time, not so long ago, you could say just a about anything in public and be taken completely seriously, but nowadays....
"I can handle myself."
"The pleasure's all mine."
"Here it comes."
"There it goes."
"I've got a crick in my neck."
"Jingle Bells."
"Carry these balls."
"I'm sore all over."
"I am conservative."
"I have a rash."
"I live in a nutshell."
"Grab my balls and lets go."
"This is the biggest thing I've ever put in my mouth!"
"I'm coming."
Add to the list if you like, we can't prolong society's downfall any longer, so let's support it!!!Ã, ;D
"I am conservative"
He he he. I like this, that's a good one.
Yelling:
"I'm cuming!", to your mother! (sounding: "I'm comming")
In a vain attempt to be cool, I used to say "this me" and "that me;" for example, if I needed a napkin at a restaurant I would look at the person closest to them and go "Napkin me..." That is, until the day me and my pal Tom were working on building a life-sized replica of a Dalek from Doctor Who in his basement (said project has since been utterly laid waste)... When I called out, "Hey Tom, screw me..."
...I have not said that ever since...
Apparently, "I have to take a shower" can't be said anymore.... at least by me, because then my friends thinks that I'm going to be "taking a shower".. you know what I mean? (insert perversion here)
"grab my balls and let's go."
" what a dicky shirt"
" this is fun and gay"
furthermore, FIGHT THE OPPRESSION!
A friend of mine one day was getting poked with a broom (don't ask). His response was "Stop brooming me!"
So instead he started getting punched in the arm. His response was "Stop fisting me!"
Oh, my... These quotes seem to be much better in context. That was the funniest story I think I've heard in....
Ã, Well, I don't hear too many funny stories. Nevertheless... I must needs add a couple more of my own.
Ã, Ã, In college, I had a friend who was, in a nutshell (heh... in a nutshell... there's another one)... a complete freakin' imbecile. I was tuning my guitar one day and the last string snapped. So, being a minor fool myself, I cried out in a crowded lunch hall for all to hear, "Dammit! My G-string!!!"
Ã, Ã, Now, I said my friend was the freakin' imbecile in this case, right? Indeed. His reply was, "What's a G-spot?"
Ã, Ã, Furthermore, this same idiot friend, when taking some ignorant test in psychology class that lined you up with key characters from the Bible, made the most ruinous double entendre ever heard in public. I got Solomon, and so I said "Cool. I got Solomon. He was a wizard. I'm Solomon in a major way. I'm a big damn Solomon." This fool friend of mine looks at me and, once again within earshot of every living being on campus (about), says "I'm a big Peter!"
Ã, Ã, Lastly, I once went to a renaissance faire with a couple girls and the guy running a game where you have to climb a rope bridge over a haystack asked one of the girls if they'd like to go for a roll in the hay.
Ã, Ã, The worst part is, I didn't get that one at the time, and he'd MEANT it, not let it slip...
I went to a sushi restaurant for the first time in my life, with my boyfriend. He explained you needed to eat the things on the plates with the chopsticks by dipping them in the soy sauce and them putting the whole thing in your mouth. After doing a couple times, I exclaimed, "this is the biggest thing I've ever put in my mouth!" and then added thoughtfully, "Well, not really I suppose..."
Anyway, it was all meant perfectly innocently, but he laughed so hard he started choking ...
Also, one day he was telling me that one of his friends found a music organ one day, and he has it in his house now. So when his friend came over that day, I asked if I could 'go over to his house and play his organ'.
Whoops.
"It's a pain in the ass getting myself packed."
Quote from: Yutzster on Sat 10/09/2005 13:21:39
...with my boyfriend...
:'(Ã, :'(Ã, :'(Ã, :'(Ã, :'(Ã, :'(Ã, :'(Ã, :'(Ã, :'(Ã, :'(
Great stories guys, keep 'em coming!
OOPS!! :-X
"Keep 'em coming..." hehe
well, not really the same, but why can't i call gypsies gyspsies? Its not oofensive, but i have to call them "travellers". Aslo, i got told i am not aloud to say that someone who is gay, is gay. Surely it makes a bigger deal out of it to say that this is my homosexual friend! (obviously that is NOT how i introduce him)
"I loves eating me them cox..."
Quote from: Eggie on Sat 10/09/2005 18:06:49
"I loves eating me them cox..."
Amen Brotha...
"I can't wait to sink my teeth into this long wiener"
Of course i meant this wiener....
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v472/skeith2572/wiener.jpg)
I can't use the word "rubber" at work cause of the childish teenage girls, it's an "eraser".
Quote from: Zooty on Sat 10/09/2005 17:22:04
Aslo, i got told i am not aloud to say that someone who is gay, is gay. Surely it makes a bigger deal out of it to say that this is my homosexual friend! (obviously that is NOT how i introduce him)
That, Zooty, is political correctness gone stupid. I hear that all the time, but I've got gay friends who call themselves a lot worse than that. Sometimes it's all in the way you use a word, not the actual word itself. In the case of "gay" I think it's how it's used.
Quote from: Zooty on Sat 10/09/2005 17:22:04
well, not really the same, but why can't i call gypsies gyspsies? Its not oofensive, but i have to call them "travellers". Aslo, i got told i am not aloud to say that someone who is gay, is gay. Surely it makes a bigger deal out of it to say that this is my homosexual friend! (obviously that is NOT how i introduce him)
Dude, that is so gay.
Quote from: Zooty on Sat 10/09/2005 17:22:04
(obviously that is NOT how i introduce him)
Of course it isn't, you say "This is my life partner."
"I hate black people."
Me and my friend were in the computer labs at uni working on some asignment or something which involved using unix commands in the uni network thing. Well I was using the command 'finger' to see the login times of other people in the network, so I said to my friend: "I'm gonna finger you...". And yeah that was pretty bad as I wasn't even thinking.
Hey, Helm, come on. don't be racist. Be more like me. I'm not racist. I hate everybody equally.
lol you're so funny. Someone on the internet? Claiming he's a misanthrope? Seriously? So fresh! OMG EQUAL APPORTUNITY IN HATRED. Rock on.
A quote from a guy I know: "I'm not a racist... Infact, I've always said that blacks are man's best friend" (sounds more racist in my language). But personally, I'm no racist.
Anyway... Patrick, a friend of mine, changed a picture of me by making it reddish and adding two spikes to my hair. Another friend of mine saw the picture and she said "wow, Patrick makes you hot"
Are you sure you're not racist? I'm not clear on that.
Wow... that was cockmastery at it's finest. You wonder why I AM a misanthrope...
Seriously, it was just a joke. I am not some ratty pimply-faced 400 pound teenager who dresses all in black and thinks I'm a witch because no one is ever nice to me and writes lousy poetry about it. What I hate is the fact that people make this world so crappy because they consistently forget they are not the only ones in it, and especially those people who belittle others to make themselves look good. People do suck. You seem to be one. That's too bad.
Quote from: MrColossal on Sun 11/09/2005 07:16:42
Quote from: Zooty on Sat 10/09/2005 17:22:04
(obviously that is NOT how i introduce him)
Of course it isn't, you say "This is my life partner."
I think I just had an anuerism laughing. Of course, I'm not a doctor so I can't be certain.
Calm down people!
The world is a fucking place (there we go again...) but the ones that can make it better, at least for ourselves and the ones we love is WE! Anyway I'm not claiming that we can change the world, but for the tiny part of it that we inhabite along with our faminly and everynody else we know, I think we can make a difference. But everybody (Helm, and Esper) are more than welcome to hate everybody and eachother...
Love is in the air...
This thread's gone way off topic. The world does suck much butt, and all the people who go around moping "the world sucks butt" also suck butt because they are resolved to let it be that way. That's the end of the story. I do hate people... I hope I never become one. We don't have to be people. we can be individuals, and by that I don't mean the type of individuals who think they are individuals because they dress and act like five million other people who say they are just being themselves... Helm, I'm sorry. You might hate black people and misanthropists (that's totally a joke, so if you even say anything...) but there are a very few (misanthropes... that is... AND blacks... that is also a joke...) who might actually be on to something... What the world needs now ISN't love, sweet love... That's gay (hmmm... gay....we've been talking about that....) It needs people who hate humanity enough to stand up and not be like humans. Then (getting back on topic), we can actually go around and say "Hey! That's gay!" and "Dude, grab my balls and let's go!" and the almighty "This is a tasty weiner!" without a bunch of asshattery taking place as a result.
[attempt to veer this back into peaceful ground] Zotty - you'da known if you had one. [/ditto]
(...no? Well, I tried)
EDIT - Sorry, I meant Zooty. DOn't kill me, please.
Not peaceful at all. You called the fellow Zotty. I think people are missing a very important piece of information. It's all together very possible ::) that Helm was joking.
By some quirk of my own language, I have to be very careful when I say "14", because it is very close in sound to the word for "to fuck". It has caused some weird moments.
Quote from: Babar on Sun 11/09/2005 10:46:43
It's all together very possible ::) that Helm was joking.
The title of the thread is "Things you can't say in public" -- it's pretty obvious that Helm was providing an example of just that.
I've personally meet Helm, and his billion light years away from sucking. And I think all the AGSer who know him will say the same. The problem is that his humour can be annoying because of the "aggressivity" if transcribed to a paper or to a screen without hearing his tone of voice (his favourite sentence in Mittens 2003 was... "Oh...Ã, ???fuck you!Ã, ;D"
He recently wrote something like "Lorena (my girlfriend) leave Farlander and come to Greece to became mi slave" or something like that. I am sure this might annoyed Lore if she haven't met him and, therefore, without being able to image Helm's tone of voice and context. But she had, and we had some minutes of laugh with that.
That is Helm.
P.S: Hope it makes sense, I was in a wedding yesterday and I went to bed at 5 o'clock... Now I am back after 97 kms. bicycle race... I feel weird...
Dude fuck you I'm serious here.
I'm not sure what's going on anymore. I am far from hating everybody, I only said it because Helm had said the whole "I hate black people" thing, which understandably had to do with the topic and not his actual feelings (and if it is his actual feelings, who really cares? Everyone is entitled to their opinion, just don't blame me when the Black Panthers drag you around town on a chain hooked up to a crappy 1976 Ford truck). In response, I was mocked incessantly, which I don't really care about except that it aggravates me that people try to use others by belittling them to make themselves look good. If that line was a joke, I'm sorry I got offended, but you must admit it is rather, as Farlander put it in his defense of Helm, "aggressive." Aggressive is not good, especially in a community. Now, I don't know the guy, and I'm sure if I met him we would both totally be unlike each other's ascience (non-knowledge... I think I made that word up just now, which is why it warranted the definition, but it very well may be real) of each other and get along quite well. If I ever go to a Mittens, remind me not to say that I'm Esper :D Anyway, regardless of all that, I really could care less. We've wound up dragging what was previously quite a fun thread all to hell and back with this semiinfantile asininity. Let's give it a rest.
QuoteBy some quirk of my own language, I have to be very careful when I say "14", because it is very close in sound to the word for "to fuck". It has caused some weird moments.
I can sympathize. In Portuguese, "xixi" is the children's words for urine, similar to "pee", but there's a word in chinese (I think it's thankyou) that's pronounced in exactly the same way.
That's a minor aggrievance, though. Now that I've found out what "rui" (or the phonetic equivalent thereof) means in Russian, I always hesitate before introducing myself to anyone whom I even suspect of understanding that language...
Hey, speaking of Portuguese... Doesn't it mean something mildly inappropriate if you spell "APPLE" in English?
esper, calm down. I only made fun of you because it was extremely clear ( at least in Helm-land where everything in quotation marks can pretty safely be assumed to be under the effects of stuff in quotation marks!) that I was joking. I don't hate black people. In fact I think they're pretty cool! But I do hate furless cats. That shit freaks me out.
Furthermore, I guess it was uncalled for but I just can't pass up the apportunity to make fun of the 'NNGH I HATE EVERYBODY' mentality. Not that it's not an equally-valid ethical point of view that's just as valid as more humanist ones, just very easy to make fun of. Why am I making fun of stuff on the ags forums? Probably a good question, and the only reason I'm not dragging this out anymore.
But I AM going to make fun of your nickname if you ever come to Mittens, so better come up with some witty comebacks like 'you're one to talk... HELM!'
He is "aggressive" (while I find a better definition), but for me, and I think that for many others, it was very obvious that he was being like that intentionally, and joking. (and that was before meeting him).
So people... relax before feeling mocked. Here there are no mockers. Missunderstoods here are common, and I've been in some bitter discussions because of that, with people that now I consider friends (Jet, for instance) Those moments before solluting the missunderstood are not funny, and we have mittens, so, it's very likely that'll finally have to suffer those moments. So, try to avoid them.
Quote from: Rui "Brisby" Pires (a Furry) on Sun 11/09/2005 13:01:01
I can sympathize. In Portuguese, "xixi" is the children's words for urine, similar to "pee", but there's a word in chinese (I think it's thankyou) that's pronounced in exactly the same way.
The Chinese word is pronounced something like "sheshe" AFAIK... Portuguese apparently has an unusual pronouncing for x :=
@ Helm: That was cool. I instantly like you a hundred and seventy three point nine percent more now (don't ask why I didn't just use numbers and decimals... I'm not sure myself). Seriously didn't mean to go into defense mode. I never thought you hated black people (I don't hate black people at all... I think everyone should own at least two!) and I wasn't serious when I said I hated everyone... Although I do hate "people" mentality... I secretly have a crush on every girl in the AGS forums (girl gamers are so hot...) and can't afford to be made fun of in front of them... all...
As for the nickname... Sorry. It's not my fault Square stole the name ESPER (it seriously has been around longer than Final Fantasy 3), but I do like your name. I own two helms, one Roman and one German gothic, and refer to my computer (in a geeky Star-Trek sort of way) as the Helm... so I will probably not be too good at the comebacks...
Aye, we pronounce "x" as "she".
...apple? Maçã? I don't get it.
no... I come from a Portuguese-American family (that's something you can't say in public, around here anyway: PORTUGI!) and I was always of the understanding that spelling APPLE in English: A - P - P - L - E, sounded like the words in Portuguese for "I Pee Pee over there..."
You know what I don't understand... Things like "Oh" and "Ah" aren't really words... They're monosyllabic gutteral intonations. However, you say them differently in other languages. That's like having a word in another language for the sound you make when you laugh... (I can just imagine those African tribes that click when they talk laughing and clicking away....)
Hey, while I have your attention, Rui.... There are some words that I don't know in Portuguese that I heard all the time as a kid. I don't know how to spell them, so this is as close a phonetic approximation as I can get:
ma-MOW, used towards people who aggravate you, and EE-coo-DEESH, used when you're mad at something...
re apple: it's possible, but you need a fertile imagination. :D
re oh-ah: I don't know, I just live here. ;)
re phonetic approximation: I had no idea.
Quote from: Akumayo on Sat 10/09/2005 06:54:57
Add to the list if you like, we can't prolong society's downfall any longer, so let's support it!!!Ã, ;D
At work, during those 10-hour seminars, to a group of females...
"You must be prepared and ready to give the clients whatever they want, at the moment they ask for it. They may shout at you or worse, but their psychological status is part of your job, you have to endure it or else they will not pay for your services. You work under difficult circumstances but relieving their stress and doing your best to help them is what you are here for. They may say whatever they like, they are the clients and you have to keep smiling and being friendly."
Quote from: Farlander on Sun 11/09/2005 13:16:13
So people... relax before feeling mocked. Here there are no mockers.
No sabes nada. Necesitas chingarte. Siempre estas chupando los pechos de la cabra. [edit: corrected and written 20x by hand per request]
Lo siento, aquà no hablamos Español.
Puhukaa nyt edes jotain kieltä mitä ihmiset ymmärtää :=
"el pendejo de LA cabra"
The pennis of the goat. Goat is female in Spanish, so it has to be "LA".
Additionally, goats have no pennis, that's the "Macho cabrÃo", more or less, the "Male goat".
Please revisit the sentence and write it again 20 times, no cut and paste, please.
"That's a big cock you got there."
"Look at those big nuts."
"Stick it in"
http://www.croportal.net/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?topic_id=994&forum=59-a chick witk a nice pussy
I could be wrong, but when I was in elementary school, the joke with APPLE was to hold your tongue out of your mouth with your fingers and try to say it...It came out something like @$$hole.
I hate Greek people...
:'(
[Back to topic]In my world, ehm, land that is, you just can't say things like God bless you, in the words actual meaning or anything related to you believeing in God... For example if I say after an accident: "Thank you God they are safe!", people will look at me like I'm a freaking believer, like keep your God at home... Doesn't quite fit the Finnish vocabulary that word God.
You can say oh for God's sake, or oh Jesus christ what the f**k is going on?! And this won't be regarded as nothing else but common articulation. I for one am alike. we do feel odd about religious speeches unless in church.[/Back to topic]
I just really wanna know if there are black Panthers in Greece...
Quote from: Tuomas on Sun 11/09/2005 17:43:17
In my world, ehm, land that is, you just can't say things like God bless you, in the words actual meaning or anything related to you believeing in God... For example if I say after an accident: "Thank you God they are safe!", people will look at me like I'm a freaking believer, like keep your God at home... Doesn't quite fit the Finnish vocabulary that word God.
We do however have more than 10 words for describing Hell and Satan.
Fascinating people, Finnish.
Quote from: MrColossal on Sun 11/09/2005 17:21:42
I hate Greek people...
Did I loose something? Why?
"cunt".
Quite right. You can't say that in public.
At a acting seminar, the speaker said, referring to getting headshots taken:
"Now, for 500 dollars, we can have you shot."
Quote from: nikolasideris on Sun 11/09/2005 19:34:54
Quote from: MrColossal on Sun 11/09/2005 17:21:42
I hate Greek people...
Did I loose something? Why?
Because he's a time-traveller and he knows that in the future
This post has been edited by MrColossal. Edited 1 time(s) in total. Last edit at 11:45 pm
Not too long ago, in my Geometry class, my teacher said (referring to a group of kids playing around on some TI calculators)
"You guys, stop playing with those things and put the covers back on."
:o
Does that make more sense in a different language?
Quote from: Yutzster on Sun 11/09/2005 20:15:17
"cunt".
Funny you should mention that now. A great artist friend of mine is in the middle of a fight to be able to sell his comic, `CUNT`at a local comic convention here.
Here`s the comic if anyone's interested: http://chickennation.com/cunt/
Here`s the debate: http://forums.pulpfaction.net/viewtopic.php?t=992
"I wet myself"
Quote from: Kinoko on Wed 14/09/2005 08:30:25
Quote from: Yutzster on Sun 11/09/2005 20:15:17
"cunt".
Funny you should mention that now. A great artist friend of mine is in the middle of a fight to be able to sell his comic, `CUNT`at a local comic convention here.
Here`s the comic if anyone's interested: http://chickennation.com/cunt/
Here`s the debate: http://forums.pulpfaction.net/viewtopic.php?t=992
as far as I can tell, he's being barred from a privately-funded convention on grounds on the name and content of his comic. I don't see the problem, or where the 'fight' is. I personally enjoy people eating shit, but someone who funds and organizes a local convention might not. Tell your great artist friend of yours to not blow this out of proportion.
Here's something you can't say in public. Or, at any rate, type in IRC.
Quote* Zoot climaxes
Spoiler
To put it in context, that was followed by:
Zoot: this cake is gorgeous
...but then, if you take context, then all of these things can be said, no?
::)
Quote from: Kinoko on Wed 14/09/2005 08:30:25
Here`s the comic if anyone's interested: http://chickennation.com/cunt/
After the childishness of the "fight", I really didn't want to like the comic, but Raymundo Person is pretty damn good. I particularly like the Tobias character you took your avatar from.
Thanks!
Glad you liked it. I love pretty much everything he does but I really think Ray has come out well. It's easily one of the best things he's ever done so I like pimping it. `Cunt` is definitely not to everyone's taste but it made me laugh, mostly I think because I know the guy behind it and I can appreciate what he was trying to do with it.
My friend lent against a hot radiator in collage, and shouted, 'F*CK, MY ARSE!'.
"Brainstorming" has been banned in this country, I can't remember what you're supposed to use in its place but apparently brain storming offends people with mind problems, epilepsy, autism etc.
"Headmaster" has also been chucked. And I doubt shouting "Al Q'aeda" will gain you any favours, either. In 20 years time from now I'll be the word "the" will offend someone and it'll be banned. :P
Me, a male friend of mine and a female friend of mine, are standing on the parking lot of my old school, where this female friend of mine is currently in. One of her friends comes by and asks her where has she been, and she replies "I showed them some places" and my friend repeats it, and after me and her friend have started laughing he realises...
Damn, I wish it would have actually been what we laughed at :P
Quote from: m0ds on Mon 19/09/2005 13:41:47
"Brainstorming" has been banned in this country, I can't remember what you're supposed to use in its place but apparently brain storming offends people with mind problems, epilepsy, autism etc.
Mods: I think that this country allong with any other that follows this "politcaly correct" thinking is going to hell. I'm sure all of Europe is ready to follow though.
Shit! You can't say anything and even the speed cameras have a warning on the Motorways so that you can slow down right befoer you reach them.
I've seen hundreds of signs: "Mind your head", or "Wet floor". I think it's turning all of us into zombies. Like if a fall, or hit my head it's Tescos' fault. Like I'm not capable of watching after myself...
I didn't know that about brainstorming... Really amazing...
I do remember on Halloween back in Greece a couple of years ago, while in the army, waving a gun above my head screaming :"Osama Bin LadEN" (The Capital's were I put the accents!). I was sentensed 5 days prison for that. But it was funny like hell!
Quote from: Rui "Trovatore" Pires on Sun 11/09/2005 13:01:01
QuoteBy some quirk of my own language, I have to be very careful when I say "14", because it is very close in sound to the word for "to fuck". It has caused some weird moments.
I can sympathize. In Portuguese, "xixi" is the children's words for urine, similar to "pee", but there's a word in chinese (I think it's thankyou) that's pronounced in exactly the same way.
That's a minor aggrievance, though. Now that I've found out what "rui" (or the phonetic equivalent thereof) means in Russian, I always hesitate before introducing myself to anyone whom I even suspect of understanding that language...
Worry no more! I am Russian and I can tell you that "rui" means absolutely nothing in this language (if it's pronounced same as spelled). All you have to do is to pronounce it loud and clear.
Now here's something more from Russia:
Words "blue" and "rose" now mean more then colors. HINT: you don't want to know that.
BTW: Did you know that "soviet" means advice?
"nigger"
small town America sure can, and does.
(really?)
As well as anyone who is of african american decent.
Oh yeah, shit.
Oh well.
"I am amateur"