For many years now I've been fascinated - nay, enthralled - by the subtle nuances of the English language and the myriad opportunities it affords for wordplay. To that end, I've ever been a particular fan of the humble limerick, and so I offer this.
Give me any topic in this...uh, topic. Any topic at all, and I will create a triple limerick based on it. That is to say three limericks about the same thing. For example, if someone were to say "Do a limerick about pink polkadot elephants!" I would perhaps submit the following:
They're certainly not grey robots
And they aren't green rectangular pots
They're not tiny worms
They are huge pachyderms
Which are pink and all covered in dots.
They only exist in your head
And they probably fill you with dread
If you walk out your door
You will find three or four
And there's seven of them in your bed.
So what's to be done, do you know?
Against this imaginary foe
If you just don't believe
They'll all turn round and leave
Then they'll only exist in dumbo.
------
No idea how popular this'll be, if anyone replies at all, but if you like the idea then by all means post! Post post post! Now! Yeah, I'm talking to you! *points*
Cute challenge!
Do one about an armadillo in a bowling alley :D
Dildo In The Dishwasher
I accept your challenge with all the airs and graces of a hippo wearing clogs!
*ahem*
He held on to his favourite teddy
As his good bowling arm he made steady
He had a good grip
And his windup was hip
The Bowl Armadillo was ready.
He attracted a curious stare
From the odd passer-by who went there
He cared not for their kind
There were strikes on his mind
He was down to a split, what a pair!
So he stood straight and proud, he stood tall
For his one final shot in the hall
Then some cad drunk on beer
Rolled him into a sphere
And then used the poor sap as a ball.
Life, Universe and Everything
Dildo in the dishwasher...hmm. Okay, let's do this.
It just sat there all purple and long
An object of poem and song
In my dishwashing box
Lay the king of all cocks
The world's largest vibrating dong.
I wasn't sure how it got there
And it looked to be covered in hair
What a sickening thought
In my stomach, a knot
So I just went and sat in a chair.
Well it just disappeared in the end
My veined purple pulsating friend
But perhaps if I yearn
It'll someday return
And JESUS could that bugger bend.
Very Nice. :)
Life, the universe and everything (You guys are requesting these faster than I can write them! XD)
It's incredibly vital it's true
Of utmost importance to you
The answer to life
All our troubles and strife
What is it? Of course! 42.
For when you multiply six by nine
The answer you get is just fine
Well, according to Dent
But then maybe he meant
To say seven instead of the sign.
So Deep Thought so clever and strong
Came up with an answer that's wrong
But we'll just never know
If it's meant to be so
So let's just all go and play Pong!
Hahaha...awesome one..you seem like a fan...
Always remember to take your towel.
*clappity* *clap* *clap*
Evil hamsters who want your soul, and have recently declared a war on the Great Walrus.
I won't bog you don with any more requests, i just to say that this thread is awesome and you are surely some kind of wizard.
They're eerily cute on the whole
But if to befriend them's your goal
You'd better beware
Of that furious glare
The hamsters will soon have your soul.
The Great Walrus has called on his friends
All the creatures on whom he depends
Briefed on the situation
The whole mammal nation
Is dying to see how it ends
So the war will begin really soon
All the hamsters will fly to the moon
Their plan will be unfurled
To blow up the world
And the dish ran away with the spoon.
Do a: Hermit who likes cheese, who makes bouncy balls with his belly-button lint and tries to sell them on Ebay.
Did I tell you that I know this guy?
Lives in mountains, incredibly shy?
But there are still some things
For which his heart sings
For which he would happily die.
He sells belly lint bounce balls for profit
If you had a cap surely you'd doff it
On eBay he sells
"Made in China!" he tells
And if you have cheese he will scoff it.
For he loves camembert and edam
Ever since force-fed cheese by his mam
It's relieving to me
That I'm not made of brie
If I was he would eat me with jam.
Married to the Mob
A film from ninteteen eighty-eight
Which is quite undeniably great
'bout an FBI man
With a real cunning plan
With a mafia boss lies his fate.
For after the death of old Frankie
Angela's understandably cranky
Tries to leave the old life
Of the Mafia wife
For to be a glam dame, fair and lanky.
Then a Kellogg's mascot steals the show
And of course I mean Tony Russo
He's "The Tiger" to most
A most generous host
But the truth is he's lower than low.
Okay, sire, here's a challenge-ey one ;)
A young woman who, being trapped in a research lab, tries to get cake by jumping through portals while being mocked by a slightly creepy female A.I.
Or, likewise:
Pac-Man tries to quit the pills
Challenge...
ACCEPTED!
"Latrop"
You awake with a pain in your head
You're quite lost but at least you're not dead
Some tender advice
Gets you started, how nice!
Though I'd likely have chosen the bed.
GlaDOS is not to be trusted
Her cognitive functions are rusted
If you listen you'd better
Heed me to the letter
In acid you'll soon be encrusted.
So goodbye, Companion Cube, bye
You've gone to that place in the sky
Though you'll be missed, boo hoo
One thing is quite true
THE MOTHER@%$! CAKE IS A LIE!
------
"Hukt on Pillz"
"Now Pacman," the old shrink began
"I'm pleased to meet you, the name's Dan
Please state your addiction
With utmost conviction
And tell me as much as you can."
"Well you see, it's like this," Pacman said
"These things follow me round and they're dead!
It's making me crazed
They're only erased
By these pills that I pop in my head!"
"That's a problem, it's true," said the shrink
"For a fee this will help you, I think."
So he coughed up the scratch
For the Nintendo patch
And now Pacman is trying to eat Link.
*applause*
I bow. Whatever it is you take, I want some of that too ;)
Trihan, your limerick zest
Has left me fully impressed!
Do go on, my dear,
I'm sure we're all ears
To hear what you come up with next ;D
Your short "limitation" is flattering
While all other posters are nattering
It's all been great fun
But I really must run
My feet they will soon be a-pattering
For bed is my next destination
To dream of my next innovation
Five minutes to three
In the morning, oh gee!
The lateness is causing vexation
So I'll bid you adieu, my good friends
This post, much like all good things, ends
But I'll be back tomorrow
So none of your sorrow
And what will I write? That depends!
How about: A yo-yo appreciation fanclub composed entirely of penguins that are drunk on cough syrup .. please? ;D
Their meeting was soon underway
All the penguins had come out to play
With cough syrup in hand
And a penguin brass band
The yo-yo club elder did say:
"Now pengins hear me, one and all!
Though I'm drunk I'm still having a ball
With my wonderful thing
Plastic toy on a string!"
Then he promptly ran into the wall.
The penguins all stood and they cheered
Though some nastier ones sat and jeered
And they chanted "We love Sylvr!"
...
...
Which wasn't a very good idea in a limerick because nothing rhymes with it, proving once and for all that penguins should never drink cough syrup.
Well, how about The last tryst of Don Juan, the grammar nerd?
And to make a last request(I'll try and fight it) :
I got bought off by a flying scottish hero
How about an ORANGE
I couldn't help myself.
-MillsJROSS
Quote from: Trihan on Sun 14/12/2008 09:31:16
Which wasn't a very good idea in a limerick because nothing rhymes with it...
Aw...
Well at least allow me to finish it:
The penguins all stood and they cheered
Though some nastier ones sat and jeered
And they chanted "We love Sylvr,
And her sister Pilf'r!
Although they're both kinda weird!"
Didn't we have limericks in the haiku thread for a while?
Anyway, I think others should be able to join in!
Bad rhyming: it may make you cringe
or make your eyebrows combust and singe
But you just have to take it
That I have to fake it
To make anything rhyme with orange
Now, make a limerick with this first line: While out on the Cam in a punt :=
"Don Juan"
With his grammar skills he scored the chicks
Using heretofore unheard-of tricks
Obfuscating his nouns
Wearing pink dressing gowns
And installing Linux for kicks.
But the grammar nerd's now met his match
She has proven one hell of a catch
She programs assembly
Won singles at Wembley
And to Don Juan she did attach.
So she's ended the days of the rover
His tail-hunting days are now over
By all known statistics
His cunning linguistics
Are just for that woman in Dover.
------
"Aerowallace's Wallet"
I'd witnessed a horrible crime
I was crapping my pants at the time
Then a blue-painted eye
Dropped down from the sky
And offered me many a dime.
The eye was attached to a Scot
With a fortune my silence was bought
And he wore a kilt too
Was that how he flew?
Well maybe, but probably not.
I asked his name when business ended
"William Wallace." he said then ascended
He faded from view
But this story ain't true
This never occurred, I pretended. :(
------
"Orange"
An orange? By all means, why not?
I'm dying of thirst and it's hot
Squeeze it into a glass
The juice gives me gas
And causes my houseplant to rot.
Oranges, oranges, yay!
They're orange and they're here to stay
I must say that I would
Marry one if I could
Mark my words I will soon find a way.
The thought that I'm cheating occurred
I admit such a thing was inferred
But then you never said
From the line that I read
That orange must be the last word!
-----
Nice try at finishing the limerick, Sylvr. ^_^ If I hadn't gone with the humorous non-limerick ending, it would probably have ended something like...this.
The penguins all stood and they cheered
Though some nastier ones sat and jeered
But they all wound up dead
Overdosed on their med
As the penguin apocalypse neared.
------
By all means SSH, don't let me keep the limerick fun for myself!
Hmm...okay...I don't actually know what that first line means, so I'm going to take a completely random approach to this one.
While out on the Cam in a punt
I spotted some men on the hunt
They were chasing a fox
With some dogs and a box
And I wanted to save the poor runt.
So I got out my elephant gun
And loaded the chamber, what fun!
Blew the men all away
In a merciless spray
Then my fox-saving mission was done.
But just then my poor furry friend fell
Was he okay? I just couldn't tell
I ran to help out
Gave a curse and a shout
'cause I shot the damn fox up as well.
A young man with London as base
thinks the limericks here are quite ace
but seriously dude
I prefer when they're rude
and begins with the name of a place
WARNING: VULGARITY
There was a young man from Nantucket
With a penis so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
"If my ear was a vag I could $@!% it."
Quote from: Trihan on Tue 16/12/2008 00:41:10
WARNING: VULGARITY
There was a young man from Nantucket
With a penis so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
"If my ear was a vag I could $@!% it."
Oh dear, what have I set loose! :o
;)
You ask, I deliver. ^_^
Quote from: SSH on Mon 15/12/2008 16:09:12
Didn't we have limericks in the haiku thread for a while?
Anyway, I think others should be able to join in!
Bad rhyming: it may make you cringe
or make your eyebrows combust and singe
But you just have to take it
That I have to fake it
To make anything rhyme with orange
It can be done...
There once was a chap known as Gorringe
Who climbed to the top of Mount Blorenge.
The view from the peak
Was something unique:
A sunset all red, pink and orange.
Ta-da! :)
(see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orange_(word)#Rhyme)
Pink Unicorn goes on a quest...
A unicorn born in a stable
Was destined for legend and fable.
To embark on a quest
From the East to the West,
Only he had been deemed to be able.
So when he reached his coming of age
He was visited by the town sage.
"Set off tonight,
Good luck, it's all right,
But don't return 'til you have the last page."
But our hero was easily caught
He was pink, therefore easy to spot.
So they threw him in Jail,
And chucked him a pail,
And left him there to rot.
*little kid voice* Do one 'bout Mega Man!
I'm gonna have a shot at the pink unicorn one before I tackle Mega Man.
"Pinkicorn"
The pink unicorn went on a trip
On a quest to find barbecue dip
He had ample supplies
But to his great surprise
His backpack had started to rip.
On the third day he lost all his food
Which he didn't consider so good
It just wasn't funny
He lost all his money
And whored himself out to buy wood.
So next to his smouldering fire
The poor pinkicorn he did tire
He gave not a peep
Just fell off to sleep
And there to this day is his pyre.
(Aww, poor unicorn!)
------
"Mega Man"
With his blaster in hand he kicks ass
Life as normal for Rockman and Bass
Felling various foes
Only Mega Man knows
How to beat loads of villains en-masse.
And when he has made a fresh kill
Mega Man gains an awesome new skill
Like a freezing ray gun
Or a cannon, what fun!
Then his weapons aren't run-of-the-mill.
He was built by a doctor named Light
Who appears to have real bad eyesight
Because Mega Man's blue
It's far too bright a hue
So he blinds foes before they can fight.
Challenge for you lyricists - a coconut tree who dreams of becoming a rockstar
Eh, what's the point. I'm a talentless hack anyway. I don't even know why I started this topic.
To entertain, and you suceeded-
and I can't rhyme a sh*t so you need to take this as it is... ;)
Sorry, I'm just kind of down right now.
Cheerin' up! :)
(http://www.collectedcurios.com/Scarlet_Popper.jpg)
(No- i didn't draw this)
Don't worry man... talentless hacks are among some of the highest paid and most succesful people in the world...
"a coconut tree who dreams of becoming a rockstar"
Okay, I am over my little bout of depression and once more ready to bring you the daily dose of awesome to which you have all become so accustomed:
He dreams about playing guitar
And of someday becoming a star
But one problem you see
He's a coconut tree
So he's not going to go very far.
Got no arms; he can't handle the strings
And it sounds pretty bad when he sings
Only fans of his band
Are the snakes in the sand
And he's sensitive about such things.
So his dreams are all shattered to bits
For this poor tree life sure is the pits
But as sure as a curse
It has gotten much worse
Now the poor guy is covered in zits.
what an unfortunate piece of foliage :) - *Clap* *Clap* nice limerick
I have been pushed onto page 2! This is TERRIBLE!
Quickly! Suggest random limerick topics and keep the magic alive!
Make one about making a limerick, that'll be cool.
The moonwitch took me for a ride on the broomstick
"Limerick about a limerick"
Look, this is a limerick, wow!
And of writing it I'll tell you how
It starts when the fandom
Give ideas at random
I sort them all out and then POW!
The ideas all flow through my head
To my razor-sharp wit they are wed
Then the best ones I planned
Are typed in here by hand
Then I post it and fall into bed.
So there is the process my friend
Writing limericks from start to end
Try it out and you'll see
What it's like to be me
Now it's finished I'm going to hit "Send".
(Yes I know it's "Post" on these forums, shush. :P)
------
I return from a wacky excursion
With a witch with a sunshine aversion
She comes from the moon
And she owns a blue spoon
Which she uses to make a diversion.
She has a big blue cup as well
And I think that's remarkably swell
It has nothing to do
With this tale I tell you
But I mentioned it just for the hell.
She gave me a ride on her broom
We took off with a CRACK and a BOOM!
Flew around the world twice
And ate lunch with some mice
Then I plummeted home to my doom.
Bumping is good fun and healthy
Be you poor or indeed be you wealthy
But still you must take care
Not to bump everywhere
For this process you have to be stealthy.
It's poor etiquette; just not done
To bump topics that live on page 1
Page 2 to page 5
Keep the topics alive
But beyond that the topic is done.
So I'm bumping this thing from the grave
My limerick machine I must save!
So you'd all best get posting
Lest I give you a roasting
For limerick topics I crave!
I can see your desperation,
let's suggest a topic: "SEPARATION"
From a friend:
The adventures of a dragon and his lupine sidekick...
My contribution:
...including stopping for a midday picnic and getting carried off by glowing ants.
;D
Okay, let's see what I can do with these latest topics...separation's going to be a tough one I think.
"Six degrees of separation"
It's a wonderful great new sensation!
And it's sweeping the whole goddamn nation
It's quite plain to see
That I'm talking to thee
Of that thing which we call separation.
When a couple of each other tires
When their collective passionate fires
Have all burned out at last
Take my advice, and fast!
Just split up and find brand new desires.
It's a tried tested method, it's true!
And I'm recommending it to you
Take your friend (girl or boy)
And announce to them "Oi!"
"It's all over, there's nowt you can do!"
------
"The adventures of Sir Burnalot and Wolfy"
The titular characters named
Are both universally famed
One is a dragon
Who drives a Volkswagen
The other a wolf who's been tamed.
They go on adventures together
In all kinds of horrible weather
They've saved many lives
And claimed many wives
And Burnalot likes to wear leather.
For Sylvr I write an excess verse
'bout a picnic less blessing more curse
Glowing ants did attack
Took our heroes aback
And they're from another universe.
So spare just one thought for this pair!
Who with teamwork are quite just and fair!
Though if they defeat you
They'll likely just eat you
And transport your bones to their lair.
Write a limerick about:
Growing too old at an age too young for such manic thoughts, but when you're put on the spot you can't tell up from down or blue from green, where your life is going, or where it's been (read as: bean)
That's far too much mental processing for half 5 in the morning. I'll tackle it later. :P
I challenge you to:
A: A lerprechaun on acid who decides to attack an anteater (who doesn't eat ants) but is nontheless eating ants, because he stole his five wheeled wheelbarrow that was filled to the brim with butter.
or
B: We are remembered forever, by the footprints we leave in the snow.
Bump!
I will be doing the last few suggestions later today, but if anyone else has one drop 'em on me!
I'm making this thread into a video series on Youtube; stay tuned for linkage.
Well, how about this one:
Marvin the Paranoid Android
or Dirty Games Ben Makes.
Write a recursive Limerick
QuoteI'm making this thread into a video series on Youtube; stay tuned for linkage.
Can't wait ;D
Oh, I have a request too:
The great (non-)adventure of reginald