Women still aren't getting it. [regarding abuse]

[Peter Thomas]

Yeah, your options are definitely limited here. I've read over the "pack her suitcases and drag her out" posts a lot, and I gotta tell you, I don't think they'll work.

He is the one beating her, but SHE IS THE ONE STAYING! If you drag her away, all she's going to see is her heartless brother taking her away from the man she loves, and the man who loves her. Just because you take her out of the situation doesn't mean she's going to suddenly see the light and put everything in perspective. I've been there alongside women who HAVE been physically taken away, and every single time that distance just convinces them how much MORE they need their abusing male figure to survive.

I don't have the answer, I'm afraid. I wish I did, but I don't. What I can tell you is that directly being involved in an intervention will probably cause more harm than good. Can she be dragged out by some friends, or the authorities? Absolutely. That may work. But don't get involved in this kind of thing yourself. Physical abuse isn't the sort of thing you can play around with and make grandiose plans of rescue and escape. You need to take this totally seriously, which I'm sure you will do to your absolute best ability.

[InCreator]

Well, women sometimes act sick in such situations, yes.

For example, my own neighbors:
The Man is a ruined gambler, though he earns quite a lot, they still live like bums. Every month, when it's payday, the same scene appears: Man comes home, happy and brings gifts. And a bottle of some alcohol. Then, the whole family parties for this evening.  A bottle is not enough, so the Son (from Woman's first marriage) is sent to bring more booze. Soon, everybody gets drunk, and Man gets furious. Now, chapter two starts. First, Man starts calling the Woman a bitch and accusing her in "ruining his life". Then, the Woman sneaks out and knocks at our door. With same text every month "if you hear screaming, call the police".
This happens usually at 3 o'clock in the night, which sucks aswell, since we have a baby in the house who wakes up and starts crying.

Now, she goes back and fighting accelerates, soon, the Man decides that he has a shitty wife and decides to "sink his misery" at local casino. So he starts asking for money, from the Woman. That's because he always gives money to Woman after getting paid, so he couldn't waste it. A sick gambler, as I noted.
Woman, of course, refuses, which adds oil to the fire. Soon, the woman gets beaten up and runs out. Or comes to our place.
Sooner or later, the Man decides to continue relieving his stress, this time on a Son, (which is Woman's son and not his) so Son is soon kicked out from door.

Now, the Woman calls police, fearing that Son will be killed by furious husband.
Police arrives shortly. Since there's many home-fights at where I live, police won't and can't do anything. Well, the Man gets extra angered because of the police and usually attacks either policemen, the Son or wife (in front of them!). Then police, of course stops peace talks and handcuffs man. And now there's the part which I don't understand -- the Woman starts to defend the Man like a lion its puppies. He once bit a local constable, because it twisted Man's arm to get it handcuffed.
Yes, with these TOO fresh bruises, she still tries to stop police.

huh. Same drama, every month.

I wish I had normal neighbors.


But for my previous advice... well, If you'd see the guy abusing your sister physically in front of your eyes, you won't be asking what to do.

[Meowster]

Yes! You'd beat him up! Thank you!

[Czar]

Of course you would beat him, because that would be your primal response, your anger talking through you, i dont think anyone could just watch their loved ones being beaten, but wouldnt the better answer be, stop him before he does that.
Why only "fixing" things after they are done.

My way would be teaching the woman the ways of Eye for an eye, if violence is the answer, so she would beat him up.
She loves him, so, if he can do it to, then she can do it too, and then they will both see how pleasant it is to be beaten up in your own home.
(this sounds un real, but most of the other options have already been said)

One thing actually hasn't been discussed. Did anyone ask her if she wants her husband beaten up. She said she still loves him and understands him, but she didnt say she doesnt want him phys. hurt (or did she?). But I dont think this is the case.

Everything aside, there is a saying in our language: klin se klinom izbija.
It would be something like: You pull out a wedge with another wedge.
(it sounds really stupid like this)
Maybe something like, If you want to put out a fire, use water.

[TheYak]

Not specifically trying to get this bumped up but wanted to give an update.

Apparently, her husband's in prison - though not for the afforementioned reason.  He's had theft, assault, drug & traffic convictions.  He thought he'd gotten all of them taken care of but it turns out there was a traffic violation (I'm not privy to specifics here) that had an unpaid fine.  His bail is set at $56,000 USD. 

I told her to leave him there.  She seemed perplexed in response.  I had to actually explain why before she'd acknowledge my reasoning.  So, I guess she'll be out of harm's way for at least a few weeks (until his court date).  Part of an unsolved citation states that he has to take an Anger Management class.  While I doubt it'll do him much good (I don't think rage is the root of the problem, merely a symptom of an attitude and a simplistic response to his frustration) at least it'll be on his record that he had to attend such a class - just in case my sister's willing to file a complaint against him at some point. 

I'm such an ass.  I should've at least sympathized with her situation of having to keep house & bills paid for while he's away.  Of course, I'll help her as much as I can but I still should've mentioned something about it.  It can be a rather stressful time. 

In order to explain some of his crappy past (that was supposedly behind him) it would take too much summary but I'll leave with this: She had to post bail on their wedding day.