Corrupt-A-wish!

[Wyz]

Granted, but promptly aliens evade and the world joins an intergalactic war.
I wish I had a key that opens all doors.

[Haggis]

Granted, but it comes locked in an impenetrable box for which you do not have the key.

I wish jam filled donuts were a healthy food option.

[Stupot]

Granted, but you can only use toe jam.

I wish for perfection in all aspects of the universe for all of time.

[Snarky]

Granted. The universe winks out of existence, and there is perfect nothingness.

I wish I had a burrito.

[Gurok]

Granted. One lamb's fry burrito that's been sitting in the sun for two weeks. Aged to perfection.

I wish I could shift these stubborn kilos.

[HanaIndiana]

Granted. The "extra" kilos shift to your head where you become SO top heavy you can't walk.

I wish I was strong enough to lift 100 lb. weights.

[Gribbler]

Granted. You were so strong you lifted your kid and he flew up to the sky.

I wish we'd avoid scurvy if we all ate an orange.

[Slasher]

I wish we'd avoid scurvy if we all ate an orange.

But you would look tango'd....

I wish my legs would walk automatically by just thinking...

[Stupot]

Granted, but for every step you take a fairy will lose a wing.

I wish heroin wasn't so damn moreish.

[HanaIndiana]

Granted. It's no longer considered a schedule 1 drug in the states. Coca-Cola starts producing it in max quantities, pushing out all competition, and grabs a patent. Intense worldwide mass marketing ensues including highly annoying commercials, billboards, and a mascot named 'Herry', that drives every person of sound mind crazy. They dilute it to the point where its no more stronger than a nice cup of green tea, only less tasty.

I wish I could visit the Shire and meet a hobbit.

[Snarky]

Granted, but he beats you in a riddle contest and makes off with your precious.

I wish I could get to the ski slope in half an hour.

[Lasca]

Granted, but global warming means there's never any snow. Besides, the lift NEVER works.

I wish I didn't need sleep.

[Anshinin]

Granted, you will never sleep but the sanity of a neverending reality causes you to go insane.

I wish time travel was real.

[Stupot]

Granted, but you can only travel as far back as this post and are caught in an endless loop and will never see the rest if this thread.

I wish I could be a zombie extra in an episode of The Walking Dead (I actually really do, so if you know anyone...)

[Mandle]

Granted...but a stagehand forgot to switch out the fake rubber tire-iron for the real one before shooting your death scene...

I wish I had a better computer (and no....I don't want HAL)

[CaptainD]

Granted... but you have absolutely no idea how to use it.

I wish my body resembled that of Adonis rather than Obelix...

[Snarky]

Granted, but when the Roman legions attack, beauty is no substitute for having fallen into the cauldron of magic potion as a small boy.

I wish I would be fully rested from a ten-minute nap.

[AprilSkies]

Granted... but you switched off the mobile and during that nap a company tried to call you... You were chosen by lot. If you answered you would have won 1 billion dollars. but you didn't, so they raffled another one (your neighbor to be exact).
I wish I was Snarky's neighbor.

[Lasca]

Granted, but the rent is a billion dollars a month.

I wish I could fly.

[selmiak]

granted, but it only happens while you are sleeping.

I wish I was a little bit taller...