Corrupt-A-wish!

Mandle · Mon 30/03/2015 02:07:38

Wait what?! Heinz made pizzas???

Anyways:

Granted: But to get them to agree you have to sign a contract to appear in their TV commercials for all eternity. Now this is your own personal Hell:

CLICK HERE

I wish for the new Star Wars movies to not suck!!!

Stupot · Mon 30/03/2015 09:34:56

Granted, but instead they will totally blow.

I wish I would stop getting nose bleeds.

ManicMatt · Mon 30/03/2015 19:30:42

Yep! They also did a normal cheese and tomato pizza, plus the beans one with sausages I think, but I'm vegetarian so I don't remember that one so well. And also Heinz mini bagel bite pizzas. YUMMY!! I miss them so much!

Arghhh beans on my face in endless sitcom adverts!!

I guess I'd better do Stupot's wish now.

Granted, but the blood clots up from having nowhere else to go and- come on now, you REALLY don't want to wish that.

I wish everything was cordless. (Or wireless for the up to date trendy folks)

Haggis · Mon 30/03/2015 23:40:00

Granted but you soon grow tired of having to push both your testicles in for 10 seconds to re-sync the connection of your cordless phallus... and let's not broach the pain of battery replacements.

I wish my dog could talk.

MiteWiseacreLives! · Tue 31/03/2015 00:35:22

Granted, but his Scooby-doo accent is so thick you are endlessly asking what? And huh? And soon come to hate your dog very much.
I wish that wives will find it irresistably attractive when guys make adventure games.

Stupot · Tue 31/03/2015 01:43:45

Granted, but your wife leaves you and marries Ron Gilbert.

I wish I had my own Death Star.

Mandle · Tue 31/03/2015 02:20:56

Granted: But a mosquito gets in through the fly-screen and the whole thing explodes!

I wish the cherry-blossoms last until next saturday night (Ohanami party yaaaaay!).

Stupot · Tue 31/03/2015 04:52:08

Granted, but it's no fun because everyone has hay fever.
_{(O-hanamizu party!)}

I wish I didn't have to shave.

Mandle · Tue 31/03/2015 04:58:33

(LOL @ O-hanamizu party....I'm stealing that one: YOINK!)

Granted: Electrolysis is performed on every inch of your body.

I with for this wish to not come true.

actualwiazrd · Tue 31/03/2015 13:37:41

Not granted! but it was your best wish, and the paradox of this tortures your mental state, pummeling it until it resembles mashed potato ! Which wouldn't be good.

I wish for nice legs.

Gurok · Tue 31/03/2015 14:31:11

Granted, but your legs spend their days helping little old ladies cross the street and pitching in at working bees for the local church. Their hectic schedule of niceness has you run ragged. They volunteer for every charity marathon and spend their afternoons stomping grapes for little more than a thank-you. Also, the way they insist on laying down your trousers to prevent noblewomen from stepping in puddles has caused more than a few misunderstandings.

I wish I could teleport.

Mandle · Tue 31/03/2015 23:18:50

Granted: You can now teleport one billionth of a micrometer once a year on your birthday. You are the world's mightiest superhero (by comparison that is)...

I wish I had a new bicycle.

Mouth for war · Wed 01/04/2015 00:37:58

Granted but you lost your legs to a hungry shark

I wish I won the jackpot on the lottery!

Stupot · Wed 01/04/2015 02:07:44

Granted, but in a quirk of coincidence about 5 million people chose the exact same set as numbers as you, so your share of the jackpot only comes to 0.57p.
Still, you frame the ticket regardless and it's something you can tell the grandkids.

(True story: my mum's friend got 5 numbers on the Lotto and the 6th number was one digit away from what was drawn. This sounds like one of those stories that everyone knows someone who knows someone who nearly won the lottery, but it's true. Sad part is, the prize for matching 5 varies greatly from draw to draw and he only ended up getting some piddly amount. Still, better than nothing, but imagine being so close. He would definitely have given my mum a hearty chunk. Damn!)

Anyway...
I wish I didn't get headaches quite so much.

Mandle · Wed 01/04/2015 05:02:24

Hahaha...too obvious is the solution to this one, young Stupot+. I will leave this one for someone else

MiteWiseacreLives! · Wed 01/04/2015 06:30:54

Granted, you no longer suffer headaches.. but by consequence your testicles ache by twice (because I assume you have two) the intensity that your head once did.
I wish I had creativity and inspiration on demand.

Cassiebsg · Wed 08/04/2015 19:31:22

Granted but your have so much creativity and inspiration that it overwhelms you and end up suffering from severe depression and can do anything useful with it.

I wish I had more paid vacation days.

Lasca · Wed 08/04/2015 20:19:58

Granted, but as a result you get no pay on workdays.

I wish I could clean my flat just by wishing it cleaned.

Mandle · Mon 13/04/2015 14:56:11

Granted: Your flat tire will now be cleaned whenever you wish it to be...

I wish there was an english word that rhymes with "orange"...

Hobo · Mon 13/04/2015 15:17:33

Granted: But now no one can ever finish The Curse of Monkey Island, because the pirates won't stop singing. You've ruined one of the best adventure games ever made

I wish I could do kung fu fighting.