Fortnightly Writing Competition - Monumental Memories (Winner inside)

[Sinitrena]

We close this competition with three interesting entries and it is time to vote.

Our entries:

kconan
Baron Of Love and Loss in Lemnos
Fitz Not a life's story. Not exactly...

We do the voting, as always, in categories:

Character: You find one or several characters really believable/captivating/magnetic/unique, etc.
Plot: The story arc was well-organized, coherent, and well-executed with appropriate pacing.
Atmosphere: This is all about feeling: did the story evoke strong feelings due to excitement/humour/intrigue/wonder/emotional intensity?
Background World: The best setting or milieu for a story; a place brought to life.
Word Choice/Style: The technical art of combining words in clever or gripping ways
Monument: Did you read believeable thoughts of a monument? Did the story feel like something it would say?

You can vote once per category. Every vote counts as one point. Whoever recieves most points wins. Voting is open untill the 14th.
Trophies will be ready to collect by then.

[Baron]

Character - kconan: For many memorable and complex characters, my favourite being Flavius the despicable cheating thief.

Plot - kconan: Not much of a contest, since Fitz's piece wasn't really a narrative.  But a well deserved point, nevertheless, especially because of the roller coaster of fortune experienced by each character! 

Atmosphere - kconan: The build up to the actual fight through the perspective of every character was awesome.

Background World - kconan: Very thoroughly researched, at least assuming that the "Jungles West of Egypt" was based on contemporary ignorance....

Word Choice/Style - kconan: You had me at half-starved rabid jaguars. 

Monument - Fitz: I thought the ossuary was quite thoughtful about the themes of sacrifice, remembrance and sense of self.

[kconan]

Updated mine just to fix a minor spelling error.

Character: Baron...Nice little stroll down memory lane for Leander of "Hero and Leander" fame
Plot: Baron...Small subplots moreso than overarching main plot, but good stuff.
Atmosphere: Fitz...Effectively sad.
Background World: Baron...The "World" is more love, but I was wrapped up in it and then chuckled at the last line.
Word Choice/Style: Baron...The usual "Barony" analogies or metaphors which I dig.
Monument: Fitz...Like a macabre travelogue of a monument, and was the closest to the spirit of the competition I think.

[Fitz]

Character: Baron. I loved how Leander felt both human and inhuman. He scorned the puny humans, but at the same time he was aware that he's not impervious to time passing. On top of that, he had some emotion and sense of life's fleeting beuty. Funny guy, too.
Plot: KConan. An action-packed story with a nice twist and a real cliff-hanger.
Atmosphere: A tie. I can't decide which I liked more: the slow-paced musings of a man in no rush anywhere, or the furious, desperate battle for survival.
Background World: KConan. I like how you not only fleshed out the characters' backgrounds but also made them significant to the story.
Word Choice/Style: Baron. I really enjoyed the poetic feel of it.
Monument: Baron. The fact that the monument was both a piece of art AND a humanoid made for a very compelling narrative.

[Sinitrena]

Fitz, you forgot one category (monument). Shall I assume a tie or do you want to cast a vote?

As for everyone else: there's still time to vote. We have three great stories, they deserve more votes!

[Ponch]

Character: Baron
Plot: Kconan
Atmosphere: Fitz
Background World: Fitz
Word Choice/Style: Kconan
Monument: Fitz

[Fitz]

Sinitrena: My bad! I must've accidentally skipped that one when I copied & pasted the categories. I edited the post and added my vote.

[Sinitrena]

And thus ends our voting.

1. place: kconan A golden collosseum for you!

I enjoyed your story, although it was farthest from what I had in mind with this topic. Still, it was a susspensful, engaging story. There were just some tiny things that took me out of the story: I'm fairly sure Vespasian had a brother named Sabinus (which incidentally is a male form) not a wife (his wife was called Domitilla). I'm not even sure why I point this out, probably because it takes about five seconds to check this fact on wikipedia. And why do you use latin when the gladiators greet Vespasian but italian when they speak to each other in the same paragraph? These are tiny details though and this is a well deserved win.

2. place: Baron A statue of Hero and Leander for you!

A very atmospheric story in my opinion (although you didn't recieve a single vote in this category. Strange. Well, opinions differ, I suppose). I can really feel with Leander, and I got the impression to hear the thoughts of both the statue and the person of the myth this statue was based on. A wonderful, kind of deep story with a nice humoric twist at the end. Well done.

3. place: Fitz A bronze candleholder from Sedlec Ossuary for you!

I always wanted to visit Sedlec Ossuary one day. Your stroy certainly does not change this. I enjoyed it a lot, though it didn't exacly feel like a finished story, more like the beginning of one. Actually, it feels even more like a prologue, a very small chapter to set the tone and the setting of a much longer story.

Congrats to everyone, see you all next round. Kconan, start it, please.

[kconan]

...I'm fairly sure Vespasian had a brother named Sabinus (which incidentally is a male form) not a wife (his wife was called Domitilla). I'm not even sure why I point this out, probably because it takes about five seconds to check this fact on wikipedia. And why do you use latin when the gladiators greet Vespasian but italian when they speak to each other in the same paragraph? These are tiny details though and this is a well deserved win.

Yep, a few details were off as I was wrong about Sabinus and don't recall where I got my signals crossed.  Its impressive that you found it in five seconds considering the Wikipedia page is lengthy for him.  The Latin gladiatorial salute was intentional.

Fun reads despite there being so few entries, thanks for the competition!  Give me a few days to mull over the next one.

[Baron]

To be fair, "Italian" is really just the bastard son of Latin, the vernacular of the plebians in the street as opposed to the learned patricians.  It kind of makes sense that gladiators would speak an early form of Italian to each other in lieu of the more formal language.  And I've heard that many Roman emperors did kinky things with their cross-dressing siblings, so....

But I digress.  I loved the story, kconan: a victory well-deserved!  And thanks for all the kind feedback, Sinitrena.  I felt like I was really hitting my stride in the back half of my story, but the beginning was way too muddled.  I had to edit out this great comedic bit where the "whelp of the flash-boxer mounted [the statue's] leg like a hunting hound in heat," but it just didn't suit the atmosphere I was going for, and I wasn't able in the time remaining to me to reconstruct the introduction as coherently.   Oh well, I'll get you guys next time.    I look forward to the next challenge -see you there!

[Fitz]

Congrats! I'd have loved to see both stories win ex aequo, they were both exceptional. I wish I had the time to produce something longer and better fleshed out -- I agree with Sinitrena that it felt more like a literary sketch than an actual piece. But I had fun, and I loved to be part of the competition Best of luck to everyone in the next one, I'm out of that one due to my commitment to this month's MAGS.