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Author Topic: Over before it even began  (Read 8697 times)

TerranRich

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Over before it even began
« on: 14 Apr 2003, 02:15 »
I wrote in my journal tonight. Michelle broke off the relationship. A relationship that lasted a whole two weeks. Thing is, I fell in love with her. And it's not going to easy getting over her. Here is what I wrote:

I have to sever contact with the rest of the group yet again.

I knew it. I knew this wouldn't last. Nothing has ever lasted. I'm fucking sick of this shit. Nothing ever works out.

We hadn't even been going out for two weeks when she tells me that she feels uncomfortable. We had a fight the other day. Words were said. Words I regret. She said that this could never evolve beyond friendship. But hadn't it already?

We had sex four times. This doesn't include any other shit we did. ANd now it's fucking over. Just like that.

I can't do this shit anymore. I'm so exhausted, mentally and emotionally. I can't do this. I can't take it. I want to die. This has happened SO many times before in my goddamned life. Two-week relationships where I fall in love too fast and it's over before it's even begun. Why does this happen to me? What the fuck did I ever fucking do to deserve this shit? I need to get out, I need to go away, to somewhere far far away. Away from people that will tear my heart out and shit on it.

I'm too shocked and exhausted to cry. No matter what I do, the tears aren't there. It's happened too many times for me to react that way anymore. I give up.

Suicide is the pussy's way out. I wish there was a quick fix but there isn't. There is nothing I can do.


Just so you know, I'm not going to kill myself. I don't have the balls to do it. But things do really suck right now and you're really not going to see me around the boards or IRC much for awhile.

Also, "the group" refers to the four of us, Mike, Sarah, Michelle, and I who hang out alot. Or at least we used to. For the second time, I'm leaving the group. They can have fuun without me. I was ignored all day yesterday and today by Michelle. I just can't take it anymore.
Status: Trying to come up with some ideas...

Re:Over before it even began
« Reply #1 on: 14 Apr 2003, 03:06 »
rich, dont be down. keep looking. hey i have a friend who has the same problem. why dont you give her a call, even though she is 14 :P. sometimes it takes a while. what i would do is email her what you just said. with one click it is over rich. there is no long pauses. just one click and she will know. and if she hates you for it, so be it. best of luck to you.

Re:Over before it even began
« Reply #2 on: 14 Apr 2003, 03:42 »
* OneThinkingGal refrains from saying I told you so :P


Sorry to hear really Richie. I'm a total pessimist with regard to relationships, mostly from experience. Experience also says you get over it. It'll hurt, it'll confuse but you will get over it. Hang in there.  

And hey, you still have me, right? ;)






« Last Edit: 14 Apr 2003, 04:01 by OneThinkingGal »

Dave Gilbert

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Re:Over before it even began
« Reply #3 on: 14 Apr 2003, 04:09 »
Hey dude.  We've all been there.  I know that's not much of a consolation, but you're not alone.  It hurts.  It might hurt bad.  But it will get better.  It always does.  And you'll be a stronger, wiser person because of it.

But if I can offer any advice (since i'm a busybody like that), I would caution you to move a bit slower next time.  You wrote that you had sex four times when you were dating for only two weeks.  That's waaay to fast.  Persaonlly, I can't even bring myself to kiss the girl until the third date or so.  I'm a large advocate of slow and steady.  Make SURE of your feelings before you go any further.  It will be worth it, trust me.  
« Last Edit: 14 Apr 2003, 04:25 by DaveGilbert »

Quickstrike

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Re:Over before it even began
« Reply #4 on: 14 Apr 2003, 04:35 »
We've all been turned down by Michelle's.  Even me.  I was at overnight camp and I asked her out.  She said yes, but as I turned my back she said,"Oh, sure!  I'd love to go out with a loser like you and ruin my reputation!"

After this, she didn't have a reputation.  Nobody would go out with her.  :P
"You know something people,  I'm not black, but there's a whole buncha times I wish I could say 'I'm not white'"-Frank Zappa, "Trouble Every Day"

Layabout

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Re:Over before it even began
« Reply #5 on: 14 Apr 2003, 05:13 »
Learn to live by a new rule. Dont fall in love until you are prepared enough. Lust after people, just dont use the love word. For one, i dont know many people my age that truly understand the word, and thats a good thing.

When you are ready for love, then you will find someone you really want to be with for the rest of your life.

Think of dating as test driving cars.
I am Jean-Pierre.

evenwolf

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Re:Over before it even began
« Reply #6 on: 14 Apr 2003, 06:33 »
Terran, I don't know if you recall my posts about Meg, the girl I was deeply in love with-  I'm not sure how updated the forum is because I ended up very heartbroken and embarrassed, and she is with someone else.   But if you recall how obsessed I was with her, and how emotional- know that coming out of that hurt made me so much stronger.  I made social goals that I've lived up to and in the last 2 months I've made more friends in town than I have the last two years.  And things are going great, I'm meeting lots of girls and I'm learning not to focus on one person.  Keep your eyes open and stay playful- don't see every girl as another heart break waiting to happen.  Take it casual, slowly pick yourself up and bring yourself out of this as a constantly improving person.
« Last Edit: 14 Apr 2003, 06:34 by EvenWolf »
"I drink a thousand shipwrecks.'"

Re:Over before it even began
« Reply #7 on: 14 Apr 2003, 06:35 »
Time is all you need now, And if I remember rightly, you did know her for a few years before you actually dated her, so you probably have been in love with her for more than 2 weeks.

I've got a friend girl that I've known for 10 years that I've never slept with and I like to keep it that way just so we remain friends, I've screwed up to many other friendships that way, and have been hurt many a time.

I tell you what though, it's worse when your best friend of 15 years goes behind your back with the girlfriend you've been living with.

You know it's going on and neither of them have the guts to tell you about it.

Then you lose the 2 closest people in your life and they care about each other more than they do about you. That cuts really deep.

That's over 7 years ago now, I still see my friend occasionally but it's not the same, and the girl, who knows where she is now.

Time heals wounds but you never fully get over anything, they just remain as memories and build experience in life, lessons that make you stronger as a person. (unless you let it take you down too far)

So I know what it's like for a breakdown of a group of friends, it does effect everyone in the group.

But it's different for everyone and I doubt I can make you feel any better.

Just hang in there, you'll be right

Squinky

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Re:Over before it even began
« Reply #8 on: 14 Apr 2003, 06:54 »
Sorry to hear about the tough luck man....

Dmitri

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Re:Over before it even began
« Reply #9 on: 14 Apr 2003, 07:32 »
there there Terran, chin up, plenty of other fish in the sea... just have ter bait yer hook again and you'll eventually catch one you like.
« Last Edit: 14 Apr 2003, 07:35 by Dmitri »
Pretzels :B

Darth Mandarb

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Re:Over before it even began
« Reply #10 on: 14 Apr 2003, 08:41 »
Bummer man ...

You should just do what I do;  have many meaningless wild nights with random gals you pick up at the pub until you find the 'right one'.  She's out there ... and Michelle obviously wasn't her!  Don't sweat it!

I dated a gal named Michelle about 3 months ago ... she turned out to be a BAD BAD person ... perhaps that name is cursed?  Does anybody know any good Michelles ??  The current gal I'm seeing is named Megan, she's nice so far.  I'm also in the beginning dating stages with another named Renee and she seems alright too.

Rich, were any of your other bad experiences with Renee's or Megan's?  Maybe you could warn me away from these ones ??

I'm just trying to cheer you up man!  It'll get better, believe me, we've all been there!

dm

Quickstrike

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Re:Over before it even began
« Reply #11 on: 14 Apr 2003, 09:04 »
I know a good Michelle.  She's in my class, but she's the "Brad Pitt" obsession type.  So, she's kinda neutral.
"You know something people,  I'm not black, but there's a whole buncha times I wish I could say 'I'm not white'"-Frank Zappa, "Trouble Every Day"

Dmitri

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Re:Over before it even began
« Reply #12 on: 14 Apr 2003, 09:53 »
heh, while I was reading Mandarb's post I was reminded of another girl I once 'went out with'.... if you can call it that...


Basically, it was the end of year seven, there was a big party as per norm, and all of a sudden one of my firends comes up to me and says "Are you going out with Sammy?" (That's Samantha, not Samuel).
"No, not as far as I know..."
"She says you are..."
"I am?"
"Yup."

Then, one hour passed...

"Are you going out with Sammy?"
"Yup, I guess I am..."
"She says you're not..."
"Oh,"
"Yup..."

Yup... that one was a heart breaker... the first time I was ever dumped...

*sniff* I've never gotten over it...
* Dmitri cries...

the next g/f I had lasted about an hour and a day before she dumped me in much the same fashion...

THIS is my definition of 'over before it starts' if I ever manage to keep a gf for two weeks, hell, I'll be thinking about holy bloody matrimony before she manages to get her sight/hearing back!!
Pretzels :B

SSH

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Re:Over before it even began
« Reply #13 on: 14 Apr 2003, 12:15 »
I dunno if this will help, but...

I met my wife about 2 months after the most hurtful dumping I'd ever had. I'd kinda decided to stop looking for love and then the best thing in the world happened: I met my perfect match!

So, don't give up hope.

TerranRich

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Re:Over before it even began
« Reply #14 on: 14 Apr 2003, 14:20 »
Heh, I've heard for so long that love comes when you least expect it. And it does. It's amazing sometimes.

I'm still keeping an optimistic view on life. Michelle and I talked last night after it happened, and we both came to the conclusion that I had a lot of things in my life to deal with. I had to be content with myself before I could love somebody else.

It was around senior year of high school (2000) that my self esteem was at its highest. I had many friends, I was confident in anything I did, I was active in many activities, and I was very outgoing. It all went downhill after that. I failed out of college. And had three relationships fail in certain aspects. My g/f of 9 months, the married girl that I knew I could never have, and Michelle.

We also talked about our friendship as a group, and I decided that I would stay with the group. I called up Sarah later on to tell her that I valued her (and Mike) as a friend and that I didn't realize that all day I had been ignoring them, while wondering what Michelle wanted to 'talk' to me about.

I made a conscientious decision to call out from work today so I could think things through. I think what I need to do, like Even, is to just go out there and see what's available. I can't be constricting myself to my house this much. I want to call up people I haven't talked to since I left Subway and ask them if they want to hang out. I have to stop obsessing over women and being so lonely without them.

Truth is, I do need the company of a woman. And that is what I need to work on. It's not normal to become attached within a matter of weeks. And the truth is, this is the fourth time this has happened to me. And with each time it occurs, I deal with it better and better. This time, a simple conversation helped me get over it all and I woke up feeling somewhat refreshed and good-natured. Today, after Howard Stern, I'm going to take a shower, visit the Subway I used to work at (which I haven't been to in a month and a half), and God knows what else after that.

This happened for a reason. It's taught me something. It was the slap in the face that I needed to get my life set straight and in order. And I feel good about it. For once. :)
Status: Trying to come up with some ideas...

LGM

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Re:Over before it even began
« Reply #15 on: 15 Apr 2003, 00:55 »
Glad you've taken the optomistic route!

Good luck man, the right one is out there somewhere..

(Does this mean Michelle is free? :p)

The odds are in your favor!
« Reply #16 on: 15 Apr 2003, 01:10 »
I just went on google and searched for "World Population".  The first site said the world population must be around 6.3 Billion by now.

I bet everyone has more than just one perfect match!
You will survive!

Just don't let one of the perfect matches meet one of the other perfect matches  ;D

Quickstrike

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Re:Over before it even began
« Reply #17 on: 15 Apr 2003, 06:29 »
Glad you've taken the optomistic route!

Good luck man, the right one is out there somewhere..

(Does this mean Michelle is free? :p)

Which one, LGM?  There are many Michelles' who've been mentioned!
"You know something people,  I'm not black, but there's a whole buncha times I wish I could say 'I'm not white'"-Frank Zappa, "Trouble Every Day"

Re:Over before it even began
« Reply #18 on: 15 Apr 2003, 08:26 »
Hey rich,

I don't want to seem rude, but you're a fucking pussy. You need to go out, get hammered and have intercourse with a relative stranger who you'll never see again.
Kant was a dirty deontologist fuck.
the fade.
Yeeha!
Call me...  now

Unilin

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Re:Over before it even began
« Reply #19 on: 15 Apr 2003, 20:53 »
Now, Rabbit, please don't take this the wrong way.  And by the "wrong way" I mean the way which is not the most offensive and insulting, because that would, in point of fact, be the right way.

Nobody likes, cares about or respects you so please, take the hint, shut up and leave.  Your smug, superior attitude is not hilarious, or even endearing.  It is annoying.  This is compounded by the fact that you are an idiot, and not the happy go lucky sort of idiot that everyone tolerates because they're good for a laugh, but rather, the sort of idiot that makes everyone grit their teeth until eventually they can't take it anymore and toss him into a meat grinder.  You are crass, insulting and offensive but have none of the wit or charm to make those things tollerable.

Once more, I'll reitterate, shut up and go away.
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