Author Topic: Fortnightly Writing Competition: But That's Inhuman! (RESULTS!)  (Read 1865 times)

JudasFm

  • Zlang-Zlang Squid Says: All Hail the Squid!
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Okay, first place is pretty much decided, but second place could change and we have a tie for third place! I'm still waiting for Baron to vote or any other last-minute votes from other people, but if that doesn't happen soon I'll go ahead and close this round...

However, your wish may be granted at a later date, as I am quite fond of this little tale and may expand upon it outside of the competition.

I keep meaning to ask; is there any rule against posting your own creative works in this forum? It mostly seems to be the same old contests, so I thought starting a topic to get feedback on things like writing wasn't allowed. Anyone able to shed some light on this? ???

Sinitrena

  • Mittens Serf
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    • Sinitrena worked on one or more games that was nominated for an AGS Award!
I keep meaning to ask; is there any rule against posting your own creative works in this forum? It mostly seems to be the same old contests, so I thought starting a topic to get feedback on things like writing wasn't allowed. Anyone able to shed some light on this? ???

There is a rule, if you refer to this forum (Competitions and Activities) specifically. See here.

Quote from: Pumaman
What this forum is for:
* Taking part in the various competitions and activities organized in the AGS Community

What this forum is not for:
* Anything else

If you have an idea for a new competition, then post it in the designated thread. It will then be allowed here if it gets approval from the majority of forum members and approval by a global moderator or a moderator of this forum.

DO NOT post a new competition here without asking first

But The Critics' Lounge is open to writing as well as far as I know and General Discussion should also be okay. (I'm not a Mod, so don't hold false information against me.)

Baron

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Who's making excuses? ;)  I assumed I had until the end of the 18th....

An Alliance by WHAM

I thought this was an awesome story.  The atmosphere was moody, the characters strong, and the background world pregnant with possibility.  I agree with some of the comments already posted that it might not necessarily make for the best short story, but I think the world, characters, and plot problems all have terrific potential.  I especially liked the clanish-ness of the rodent tribes and their distinct characters.  My favourite character was the one-eyed mouse of the woods, just because his body tells quite the backstory and he's obviously got quite a complex set of motivations.  Obviously this wasn't something explored in depth in the story, but I want to find out more about him, whereas other characters were more easy to figure out off the bat (e.g. the quick-tempered Red Tooth, the cerebral Old White...).  I also liked your use of language in describing the setting as "wreathed" in fog as moonlight "crept" down the stairs.  Nice strong verbs there.

A fox knows many things... by jahnocli

I very much liked the atmosphere at the beginning of the story.  It had this grim foreboding feeling, which unfortunately didn't quite pan out in the end.  My favourite character was Prickly, mostly for his "Dickensian" manner of speaking (who uses the term "mutual advantage" anymore?).  I thought their plan was sound and the story-world plausible, except for the incongruous internet gambling bit.  While painting a vivid picture in my mind, some of your descriptions also jarred a bit with the rural setting: "the fog teased like dry ice" speaks of a degree of scientific familiarity that doesn't quite seem to fit in with animals living in a forest.

Ice-cream by Sinitrena

While you've adhered to the rules, I think your entry  bends the spirit of them a bit too far.  Yes, we know there's something different about Kessy even before she goes all Elsa-ice-queen on the creepy fae guy.  But outside of her weird look and powers, there's nothing really inhuman about her.  In fact, she seems to relate more to being human than to her "real" people, right down to the shallow teenage sassy-ness of her attitude.  I was intrigued by the ending about the longer backstory of her adopted family and the fairies, but shocked at her cavalier attitude in not even enquiring after her lost sister, so self-assured she was that the fairies would try to make contact again shortly (after 15 years of nothing....).  Kessy is for sure the best character in your piece, because you've definitely nailed down the frustratingly impulsive attitude of the human teenage girl, but I'm sorry to say that I can't actually like her.

Votes:

Most Convincing Protagonist: Prickly, by jahnocli
Best Story: WHAM
Best Writing: WHAM



JudasFm

  • Zlang-Zlang Squid Says: All Hail the Squid!
    • I can help with play testing
    • I can help with proof reading
    • I can help with story design
    • I can help with voice acting
There is a rule, if you refer to this forum (Competitions and Activities) specifically. See here.

Okay, thanks :) I did wonder.

And now, my thoughts:

WHAM: I really loved reading your entry; it was believable with a little humor scattered through. The only comment I would make is that, like Sinitrena, I wish you'd written about the meeting with the dog at the end as that would have made it perfect for me. I'd certainly read more of this story if you do decide to post it.

jahnocli: The characters had their own distinct voices and you did a good job of portraying the relationship between them, but I felt your entry read more like a snippet than an actual story. I think the online gambling made the whole thing a little jarring.

Sinitrena: Your writing was excellent as always, but I have to agree with WHAM that it was a little too Harry Potter-ish. I did like the twist at the end where Kessy decides to stick with the humans instead of returning home :-D

Baron: The writing was good, but it wasn't quite my style. I like random and humor, but I felt that your story took it a little too far for me to enjoy it. That said, there was one sentence that really made me grin:
Quote
Toad half-heartedly tried to squeeze his mass through the crack, but ended up looking more like someone had tried to plaster over the crack with a wad of warty goo.
Brilliant imagery (laugh)

BUT! It's not up to me or The Squid who wins; it's up to all of you guys! So, without further ado, I present (drumroll please!)

The RESULTS!

First place goes to Baron, who gets to take home the gold DNA trophy with a whopping 7 votes!


Second place and the silver DNA trophy goes to WHAM, with 4 votes:


And finally, squeaking into third place with one vote, the winner of the bronze DNA trophy, jahnocli!


So, looks like the next contest admin will be Baron!

WHAM

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    • WHAM worked on one or more games that won an AGS Award!
    •  
    • WHAM worked on one or more games that was nominated for an AGS Award!
Quirky humour wins the day! :-D
Congratulations, Baron!
My Fortnightly Writing Competition collected works
https://goo.gl/VUQbzU

Well done, Baron - you deserved it. I'm virtually polishing my bronze trophy even as we speak.
Life is a puzzle, a quest and an adventure

Baron

  • Mittens Serf
  • Not-so-Evil Banana Dictator
    • I can help with AGS tutoring
    • Best Innovation Award Winner 2011, for the concept and management of SWARMAGS
    • I can help with voice acting
    • Baron worked on one or more games that was nominated for an AGS Award!
Thanks guys. ;-D  It's not a universal brand of humour, but I'm glad there's still a market segment for absurdist fiction. ;)

I'll try to get the next competition up and running soon.