Poll

Which of these entries is the best game pitch?

1. Dash & Nicky in: Serum Scarum
3 (23.1%)
2. Dwarffall
2 (15.4%)
3. Serious Games
1 (7.7%)
4. Bedroom Vigilante
2 (15.4%)
5. The Cripple in the Castle
1 (7.7%)
6. The Luck Goblins
4 (30.8%)
7. the bookworm
0 (0%)
8. Luxury item mayhem
0 (0%)

Total Members Voted: 13

Voting closed: 20 Jan 2019, 15:03

Author Topic: Game Pitch Competition - Round 8: "Pitch It Like It's 2019" (VOTING to 20. Jan)  (Read 1824 times)

Snarky

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It's been a while since the last round. So are you up for... ?

Game Pitch Competition – Round 8: "Pitch It Like It's 2019"

The object of the competition is to present the best possible "elevator pitch" for an original adventure game.
Come up with a cool idea, and explain it very briefly to someone in order to catch their interest and make them excited about it. (Check out the last round to see how it goes.)

You probably know the drill by now, but if you don't...

Spoiler: ShowHide
Procedure
  • Submit your game pitch via this form.
  • I will post the entries (anonymously) as they come in, in order to inspire others to join.
  • Submissions close 12th January. I will then open a thread poll for voting.
  • Voting will last 7 days (until 20th January). Discussion and feedback on the entries is encouraged, but make sure to maintain anonymity.
  • After voting is over, the results and authors of each entry become public.
Rules
  • The pitch should be for some kind of adventure game (under a broad definition of the genre).
  • Stick to the word limits: An elevator ride is not that long! (If you run over, those parts will be placed behind spoiler tags.)
  • You may submit only one entry in the round.
  • The entry should be anonymous. Do not reveal your authorship until voting closes.
  • Do not vote for your own entry. It's not cool.

I'm looking forward to your pitches!
« Last Edit: 13 Jan 2019, 15:04 by Snarky »

Snarky

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And we have our first entry:

(Edit: It turns out that Word doesn't recognize words separated by / as two words, so counting fairly this entry is actually one word over the word count, and I've moved the end behind a spoiler tag.)

Dash & Nicky in: Serum Scarum
A rollicking adventure styled after classic European comics like Spike & Suzy, Tintin, or Spirou


Dash & Nicky are unlikely best friends. Dash, an orphan, is the head messenger boy at Madam Rammekin’s Delivery Service. Alphonse Nicodemus Hildebrand St. John is the black sheep of the posh Addlepaight-DeRange family, and a professional gadabout.

When a package containing a strange serum goes missing, the search takes them around the world and brings them up against a dangerous foe. With them is Dash’s philosophical pet fox, Ren.

Features varied gameplay based on teamwork and their individual styles


Spoiler: ShowHide
/abilities.
« Last Edit: 08 Jan 2019, 09:10 by Snarky »

Snarky

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Dwarffall
A game set in a during the dying days of a once magnificent dwarven fortress.


The once magnificent underground city of Steelhold is in its final days. Corruption has taken hold of the nobles, roads and buildings lay crumbling, people starve, and the trade caravans have all but stopped.

When the will of the people breaks, there will be chaos. Before that happens, you must convince your loved ones to leave Steelhold to forge a new future. Gather supplies, make deals, and use subterfuge to secretly escape the city and save the ones you love.

Snarky

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Serious Games
An innocent party game becomes dangerously real


A group of co-worker decided to play a little more thrilling version of the "Mafia" party game. They spend the day debating who the "Mafia" is and at the end of it they gather to vote who should be "hanged". All went well until in one of the sessions, the voted players started dying for real...

Play as a different player each day and try to influence the vote of the group, balancing objectives on multiple levels.

Snarky

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This entry went just one word over the word limit (according to the word count function in MS Word), but rules are rules...

Bedroom Vigilante
Armed with only pair of binoculars, rid the city of crime... from your rear window.


From the vantage point of your bedroom window, you’ve witnessed a lot of crime. You’ve tried calling the police but they are corrupt and useless. You decide to do something about it but it’s far too dangerous to go outside after dark.

Over the course of one night, armed with only a pair of binoculars, a telephone and your own wits, you must point and click around the city, gathering clues and manipulating your surroundings.

And rid this city of


Spoiler: ShowHide
evil.

Snarky

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The Cripple in the Castle
A boy summons his dead mother to learn where his cruel father imprisoned his companion.


A crippled boy's cruel father imprisons the boy's miniature tiger in a hidden location. The father is assassinated, and the boy must find the tiger before she dies of starvation. While searching, he finds clues to the location of a long-dead wizard's secret chamber and a spell to speak to the dead. The boy wants to summon his dead mother; she'll know the location of the hidden cell.

Help the boy access the chamber and concoct the summoning spell.

Snarky

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The Luck Goblins
Luck isn't just chance.


Some people are luckier than others. This is the work of the luck goblins.

Lately some devious goblins have gone rogue and kill other humans through bad luck and all other goblins have to ensure the safety of their human.

You play as Pip, a luck goblin. The rogue goblins are after your human, and it's up to you to keep him safe. In this game you cannot move from your human and control him only by altering the environment.

Snarky

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the bookworm
eat your way through an extended library


You control the bookworm that wants to get fatter and fatter by eating words out of the books in the library. Snake like controls make your worm grow while random words are spat at you and you have to build sentences that make sense and in the end your book will be converted to an ebook you can read and sell.

Snarky

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Luxury item mayhem
"Escape the room" game using a tool that do the work


You was kidnapped and locked in a abandoned store. You need some tools to escape and hey, the place is full of dozens of different objects. But only one is useful, others just "luxury items". You can carry only one item in a game, and use it in multitask way to escape before the kidnappers returns.

Different puzzles at every start of the game, the useful item is never the same.


Snarky

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OK, the submission period is over and the forums are back up, so it's time to vote!


I voted for The Cripple in the Castle, just 'cause it looks like an horror version of Calvin and Hobbes!  :-D

_

I voted for the luck goblins, since it sounded like a fun premise to manipulate the environment around the guy you're protecting.

cat

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Dash & Nicky in: Serum Scarum
Spoiler: ShowHide
My favourite. I can easily imagine how this game would look like and the traditional pnc gameplay with multiple characters. Sounds fun!


Dwarffall
Spoiler: ShowHide
Neither the setting of a dwarf city nor the goal of leaving a city sound very exciting to me.


Serious Games
Spoiler: ShowHide
This one seemed like a great setup until the last sentence which meant a completely different kind of gameplay that sounds more technical than adventurous.


Bedroom Vigilante
Spoiler: ShowHide
This one sounds like Snarky's last pitch but less interesting.


The Cripple in the Castle
Spoiler: ShowHide
Interesting setting, but I'm not that much into games involving magic.


The Luck Goblins
Spoiler: ShowHide
This sounds really cute and like a fun game play idea. I'd play that.


the bookworm
Spoiler: ShowHide
Nice idea but not an adventure game.


Luxury item mayhem
Spoiler: ShowHide
I love escape the room games. I don't quite understand how this "single item" mechanic works. Can I only chose an item once and then have to stick with it for the rest of the game? Or can I pick up all but only one is useful?

Durq

I'm always fascinated by the fact that what excites one person will bore another. Dwarffall, for instance, popped out to me as the most exciting entry. It caused my imagination to roam.

Different strokes for different folks.

I'm always fascinated by the fact that what excites one person will bore another. Dwarffall, for instance, popped out to me as the most exciting entry. It caused my imagination to roam.

Different strokes for different folks.
For me, I'd say that a concept such as Dwarffall would depend very strongly on the execution, because while it could be an interesting exploration of denial the inevitable and societies destroyed from within,
it could just as easily devolve into a bunch of standard fantasy cliches and a Mary Sue hero who's the only one seeing what needs to be done and so on.

Snarky

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Trying a new things for feedback. The "next ten words" is the thing I'd like to hear more about if the word limit was 90 instead of 80.



Dash & Nicky in: Serum Scarum
Spoiler: ShowHide
Well, I love me some Eurocomics! This game would live or die by its art and animation. Focusing so much of the pitch on the characters makes it sound more like a pitch for a series of games than for this particular adventure; I tend to think it’s better to focus on making the best game possible before you start planning the sequels. Next ten words: I'd like to hear more about how the personalities/abilities of the characters affect the gameplay.


Dwarffall
Spoiler: ShowHide
This sort of mid-apocalyptic setting appeals a lot to me (not feeling too good about the future of the world these days). This sounds a bit more strategic than adventure-y (like an Oregon Trail stuck in one place), but I might not fully understand the mechanic. Next ten words: Who are you? Why is your family reluctant to escape?


Serious Games
Spoiler: ShowHide
The premise sounds fairly similar to last round's Parlour Game. Nothing wrong with that, of course, and the gameplay appears to be different. My problem is that I've never really understood games like Mafia or Werewolf, where it's all mind-games with no real info to go on (unlike games like Resistance); I just don't grok what I'm supposed to do. Next ten words: So, the group continues playing the game even after people start dying for real? Please explain why.


Bedroom Vigilante
Spoiler: ShowHide
Yes, it does sound a lot like my Aparture pitch, but I like the more open-world/hidden object design here. (I'm imagining it as highly non-linear.) I think I see what you're going for in the writing, but even if the main character is supposed to be unlikeable, it is a bit of a barrier to wanting to play. Next ten words: Some examples of how your interventions actually work would be nice.


The Cripple in the Castle
Spoiler: ShowHide
I was so confused about the quest tree here, with a cell, a tiger, a spell, a ghost, an abusive father, and someone starving to death all just sort of swirling around in my mind until I read it repeatedly. But even if the plot logic is convoluted, it establishes a very effective gothic atmosphere, which is the main draw for me. Next ten words: The boy being crippled is presumably important somehow? Tell me more, particularly about how it affects the gameplay.


The Luck Goblins
Spoiler: ShowHide
I love the concept of luck goblins. The story sounds serviceable, but what isn't clear is how exactly it is conveyed: if you can't leave the side of your human, how do you learn about the bad goblins and their plans? Do you interact with other luck goblins? And how do you manipulate the environment? Do you even have a physical body? What does your human do while you do this? I have many questions. Next ten words: Yeah, probably those things.


the bookworm
Spoiler: ShowHide
No, it's not an adventure game, but I could see part of it as a minigame or gimmick parser control scheme in an adventure (a witch casts a curse on you, turning you into a worm, and you have to find, i.e. eat, a spell to turn yourself back, for example). That would be cool! Next ten words: I'd like you to add something to the idea to make it a proper adventure game, according to the rules of the contest.  :P


Luxury item mayhem
Spoiler: ShowHide
Like cat, I'm quite confused about how this is supposed to play. A game where you have to pick just one inventory item at the start and hope that it's the randomly chosen one that is actually useful sounds incredibly frustrating. Next ten words: If you always use one item to solve every puzzle, how do they remain challenging (once you've picked the item)? Maybe add an example.
« Last Edit: 18 Jan 2019, 21:21 by Snarky »

Durq

I enjoyed reading your feedback on all of the pitches, Snarky. Your response to mine made me laugh.

Well done to whoever wrote Luck Goblins. That was my 2nd choice after Dash and Nicky.

I now have an embarrassing admission and public apology. My entry was Bedroom Vigilante. It wasn’t until I saw cat’s comment that I realized I had essentially ripped off Snarky’s idea from the previous round. It’s made even worse by the fact that I even voted for Snarky’s pitch last time and thought it was brilliant. But had completely forgotten all about it by the time I came to write my pitch for this month. So sorry, Snarky.

In fact, Bedroom Vigilante wasn’t initially supposed to be a Rear Window ‘em up at all. When I first started thinking about it I was thinking of the book “Sorry, Wrong Number” which I read last month. It’s about an invalid woman on her own in an apartment who, due to some crossed wires, learns of a plot to murder a woman (her). The whole book (film, play etc) is set in one room and the woman makes a lot of phone calls in order to eventually find out the truth. It was from there that I thought I could combine it with Rear Window and have the protagonist solve a series of crimes with the telephone. So Snarky’s pitch may have been in the back of my mind somewhere but I wasn’t consciously thinking of that when it came to my pitch.

In answer to your questions, Snarky, I didn’t actually intend for the character to be unlikeable. I actually envisioned him as just a downtrodden guy who’s just had enough of being too scared to leave his room and decides to do his bit to make the streets a little safer. As far as examples go, I imagined there would be multiple solutions to every puzzle but you’d also be looking at routines. So, for example, you would use the phone to send a pizza delivery to inturrupt a crime or call a public phone box to warn a passer by of a mugger waiting just around the corner. That kind of thing but preferably with lots of little side-stories and mini-character arcs.

This round was super interesting. A big thank you to the two people who voted for my pitch - Dwarffall. It was interesting watching the little bit of debated it generated while watching from the sidelines.

First off, congratulations to this rounds winner. Luck Goblins didn't really fall on my radar in terms of pitches, but I feel that it is a fun concept and could make an great game!

My vote went to Dash and Nicky. I felt it was a fun concept that lent itself well to the adventure game format. The pitch wore its influences on its sleeve which presented to me a clear picture of what the final product could be.

If I could pick a runner up, it would be Cripple in the Castle. There are so many elements giving a sense of the journey, and a clear goal at the end. It feels like the protagonist has gone through a lot, and there is a lot of "darkness" in the story, that I feel that I'd have to be in the right frame of mind to play the final product. I received a "I have no mouth and I must scream" vibe in terms of the world around the player being bleak, but there is hope at the end.

In terms of the extra questions asked about Dwarffall

I did write a couple of pages of backstory after I submitted the initial pitch. I enjoyed writing it, but I'm not sure I will take the idea much further than this point.

I know to some it the "gathering resources" bit may have shifted perspectives to more of a strategy game, and that is a weakness in the pitch... i pictured it more of adventure gamey thing where in the context of the story the economy is quickly degrading, so items and resources would be gained more by filling a request or a desire rather than plopping down a sack full of coins to buy the needed supplies.

The character would be a trader and one of the few dwarves that regularly leaves the safety of the fortress and interacts with other races. I thought the trading bit would tie in well in terms of bringing about a negotiation a conversation aspect to the game.

Why the family doesn't want to leave? Again this would be another "puzzle" aspect and would depend on the family member. Sister and husband are due for a new baby and worry about giving birth on the road.. so can you guarantee her the baby will be delivered in a safe space? Your Aunt died a few years ago and your Uncle is reluctant to leave her body behind. A brother is a member of the Dwarven guard and has taken an oath to defend the fortress no matter what. Etc.......   Fail to convince them, and they will be left behind when you leave the fortress for the final time.

Anyway looking forward to the next round.

Snarky

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Oh, sorry for not announcing the end of the contest. I've been a bit preoccupied the last couple of days. Since people are revealing their identities, let's skip the guessing and go straight to the list of contestants:

Snarky: Dash & Nicky in: Serum Scarum
Durinde: Dwarffall
artium: Serious Games
Stupot: Bedroom Vigilante
Durq: The Cripple in the Castle
Bulbapuck: The Luck Goblins
selmiak: the bookworm
TheFrighter: Luxury item mayhem

So congratulations to Bulbapuck!

Well done. I loved the world you created in a couple of sentences, and you got my vote. I also really liked The Cripple in the Castle, so it came down to a tough choice between those two for me.

Thanks to those of you who voted for or said nice things about Dash & Nicky. I'm a big fan of Tintin and (particularly) Spirou, and think they would work really well as adventure games. It's actually a bit curious to me that there haven't been more adaptations or fangames of these and other classic Franco-Belgian comics. Or maybe comics that had their glory days in the 1940s-60s and never made it to the US are even more niche than adventure games in the first place. Anyway, since it has to be an original property for the contest, I came up with a slight spin on it (though in my mind's eye, the art is totally by Franquin). I had a lot of fun with the names; "Addlepaight-DeRange" as the name of an eccentric aristocratic clan cracks me up.

I now have an embarrassing admission and public apology. My entry was Bedroom Vigilante. It wasn’t until I saw cat’s comment that I realized I had essentially ripped off Snarky’s idea from the previous round. It’s made even worse by the fact that I even voted for Snarky’s pitch last time and thought it was brilliant. But had completely forgotten all about it by the time I came to write my pitch for this month. So sorry, Snarky.

Oh, no worries. I think they're different enough, and these are just ideas anyway.

Quote
In fact, Bedroom Vigilante wasn’t initially supposed to be a Rear Window ‘em up at all. When I first started thinking about it I was thinking of the book “Sorry, Wrong Number” which I read last month. It’s about an invalid woman on her own in an apartment who, due to some crossed wires, learns of a plot to murder a woman (her). The whole book (film, play etc) is set in one room and the woman makes a lot of phone calls in order to eventually find out the truth. It was from there that I thought I could combine it with Rear Window and have the protagonist solve a series of crimes with the telephone. So Snarky’s pitch may have been in the back of my mind somewhere but I wasn’t consciously thinking of that when it came to my pitch.

I know it as a radio play, which might be the perfect format for it:



Quote
In answer to your questions, Snarky, I didn’t actually intend for the character to be unlikeable. I actually envisioned him as just a downtrodden guy who’s just had enough of being too scared to leave his room and decides to do his bit to make the streets a little safer.

He comes across a little Travis Bickle/Death Wish-y.

Quote
As far as examples go, I imagined there would be multiple solutions to every puzzle but you’d also be looking at routines. So, for example, you would use the phone to send a pizza delivery to inturrupt a crime or call a public phone box to warn a passer by of a mugger waiting just around the corner. That kind of thing but preferably with lots of little side-stories and mini-character arcs.

Cool, thanks.
« Last Edit: 22 Jan 2019, 08:21 by Snarky »