Hello Erenoth02,
I'd like to return to the original thread and first of all let me say that I feel very sorry for you. It must have been a real hard shock, since I'm sure you cared a lot (still do?) about her.
Hmmm, what would be good, sensible advice...
The most important thing of all is that you need closure. You need to know FOR YOURSELF what your position is.
First of all, I would recommend you to decide, firmly, how you would like your relationship with her to be. There are two options: Either choose a clean break and never see her again, or try to get her back. I would avoid any middle ground. Really.
If you pick the first option, tell her personally. Be honest and direct. (Practice if you need to). No excuses, and no ifs and buts. She goes her way, you go yours. Say it’s for the best, and gently advise her against contacting you. Please understand that this doesn’t mean you don’t have to be civil if you see her at some social gathering. You should be. No need to be rude or cool. Just keep it professionally polite. Behave like she’s like no different from any other person there.
This is one way of having closure. The relationship has past, it’s closed off and you move on.
The second option is to get her back. This is, obviously, much harder and requires total commitment.
The first thing to do is find out what actually happened. What should you do? Talk with her father. Not only does he seem to be more reasonable, he’s a guy and it will be easier to communicate. He will know what’s going on, but will also see your position. Besides, if you want his daughter he has to know and respect you, right? So, have a man-to-man talk. Make clear she is worth fighting for and you intend to do just that. If he likes you, he will help you!
The second step is to talk to her. In a similar fashion as mentioned before. Tell her you want her, and you’ll fight to have her. Be honest and direct. (Practice if you need to). No excuses, and no ifs and buts.
If you know what happened, take action accordingly. Get rid of Zack. Meet with him and talk to him. Tell him to back off, because she’s your girl. You love her, and if he won’t listen, tell him the consequences of not listening. If he’s smart, he’ll cut his losses.
The great thing about the second option is that she (even if she won’t admit it) will be totally admiring you. In a relationship, women look first of all for a man who will be a good provider and who will be able to protect the family. It’s an evolutionary fact. You don’t have to be very handsome to get the girls, you just have to be confident and show it. A woman needs to know, really KNOW, she can trust you. Trust you to take care of her, the relationship and the family.
And this leads me to my last paragraph. Please understand that what I’m about to say is meant with the utmost gentleness and genuine desire to help you.
Erenoth02, you need to stand up for yourself.
I’m sure you’re an incredibly nice person, undoubtedly intelligent, creative, very likely good-looking and physically fit.
Nevertheless.... you let others walk all over you, and you APOLOGIZE to them for doing so. I can’t say how your relationship was with her, but this behaviour could not have helped you.
In this situation, and others in the future, it will be a credit to you to stand your ground and keep things clear.
Anyway, I hope things will work out for you, no matter what you decide to do.
I'd like to return to the original thread and first of all let me say that I feel very sorry for you. It must have been a real hard shock, since I'm sure you cared a lot (still do?) about her.
Hmmm, what would be good, sensible advice...
The most important thing of all is that you need closure. You need to know FOR YOURSELF what your position is.
First of all, I would recommend you to decide, firmly, how you would like your relationship with her to be. There are two options: Either choose a clean break and never see her again, or try to get her back. I would avoid any middle ground. Really.
If you pick the first option, tell her personally. Be honest and direct. (Practice if you need to). No excuses, and no ifs and buts. She goes her way, you go yours. Say it’s for the best, and gently advise her against contacting you. Please understand that this doesn’t mean you don’t have to be civil if you see her at some social gathering. You should be. No need to be rude or cool. Just keep it professionally polite. Behave like she’s like no different from any other person there.
This is one way of having closure. The relationship has past, it’s closed off and you move on.
The second option is to get her back. This is, obviously, much harder and requires total commitment.
The first thing to do is find out what actually happened. What should you do? Talk with her father. Not only does he seem to be more reasonable, he’s a guy and it will be easier to communicate. He will know what’s going on, but will also see your position. Besides, if you want his daughter he has to know and respect you, right? So, have a man-to-man talk. Make clear she is worth fighting for and you intend to do just that. If he likes you, he will help you!
The second step is to talk to her. In a similar fashion as mentioned before. Tell her you want her, and you’ll fight to have her. Be honest and direct. (Practice if you need to). No excuses, and no ifs and buts.
If you know what happened, take action accordingly. Get rid of Zack. Meet with him and talk to him. Tell him to back off, because she’s your girl. You love her, and if he won’t listen, tell him the consequences of not listening. If he’s smart, he’ll cut his losses.
The great thing about the second option is that she (even if she won’t admit it) will be totally admiring you. In a relationship, women look first of all for a man who will be a good provider and who will be able to protect the family. It’s an evolutionary fact. You don’t have to be very handsome to get the girls, you just have to be confident and show it. A woman needs to know, really KNOW, she can trust you. Trust you to take care of her, the relationship and the family.
And this leads me to my last paragraph. Please understand that what I’m about to say is meant with the utmost gentleness and genuine desire to help you.
Erenoth02, you need to stand up for yourself.
I’m sure you’re an incredibly nice person, undoubtedly intelligent, creative, very likely good-looking and physically fit.
Nevertheless.... you let others walk all over you, and you APOLOGIZE to them for doing so. I can’t say how your relationship was with her, but this behaviour could not have helped you.
In this situation, and others in the future, it will be a credit to you to stand your ground and keep things clear.
Anyway, I hope things will work out for you, no matter what you decide to do.