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The concept is really interesting (especially if you had like, two characters - the doctor who's inside her bloodstream, figuring out why she's ill, and another detective who's out in the real world trying to find the culprits who infected her with the virus)

What's scary is that I had actually thought about that. Stop hacking into my brain! 

have you ever heard anyone in real life seriously respond to something  by saying "This is madness!"

I did once. You wouldn't believe the look I got. 
But I agree, the organs and virus can afford to sound like they do, but the good Doctor really needs to sound more natural.

Even if he's tenacious and heroic, coming face-to-face with a cybernetic organism housed in your wife's brain would warrant a considerable emotional response. I'd imagine him being a lot more upset and fearful than that dialogue makes him out to be...

Well he is just a doctor with a penchant for genetic engineering. I imagine a virus would be highly unexpected.  : But I see your point, I'll work on it. I guess I just have a weakness for dramatic dialogue. 

If it's nnected to the wall like a series of nerves, why not try for a more organic look as opposed to crysalline. It'll be easier to draw and it would be a cool mesh of bio-technology.

This was actually the easiest thing for me to do. I'll admit that a more organic look might be more feasible, but I saw a picture of a bacteriophage virus in my bio book, and just fell in love with the design. It actually looks like a miniature robot, with a crystal for a body and lots of legs for scuttling.

I like how Creed looks, evil and stylish  "don't go all machine on me again" is a great line!

Heh, thanks for that.

I'm going to more stuff until I come up with a more or less coherant plot. I'll add it to my previous post, so you guys keep commenting!

I must be butter, 'cause I'm on a roll! 

WARNING: This post will eventually become extremely long. If you have the patience to go through it, please do so and leave constructive comments. If not, well, you've been warned.

PLOT:
I had thought of a simple game idea. A strange disease is affecting people. The victims rapidly go into comas, but their metabolic functions reach an all-time high, and the extreme level of wear and tear slowly kills the person as the muscles and organs wear themselves out. Enter the protagonist, Derek Miles, an up and coming doctor with some rather unconventional ideas. His wife is one of the victims of the fatal disease, and he decides to use his experimental nano-machine to shrink himself to a molecular level and get injected into her blood stream. After all, the best clues to catching a criminal are at the scene of the crime. But before he can, his is apprehended and taken to court, accused of being the perpatrator. After all, with the knowledge and resourses, and a backlog of experiments, it seems quite an open and shut case. So Judge Basset thinks. But innocent until proven guilty, they say, so he can't be convicted until there's cast-iron proof, with a motive to match. Nevertheless, he's been put under house arrest, and a detective has been sent to investigate. How to find the real criminals, and find a cure before it's too late? That one's up to you.


I wrote a scrap of dialogue, and I'd like to know what you people think. This would take place near to the end of the story. It's between the Derek and the puppet-master that seems to be running the show. The brain!

     "You're supposed to tell them what to do. Leave them to deal with the how. They know what they can cope with. But you, you're driving them into the ground!"
     "They were... inefficient. I have remedied it. She is now faster and stronger."
     "But to what purpose? you've robbed her of all voluntary action! She's practially in a coma! What sort of brain are you?!"
     "My purpose is to serve the body, to protect it by second guessing rash and impulsive actions. But second guesses are rarely heeded. Now she is safe."
     "This is madness. Yes, it's logical, terrifyingly so; and a brain is, by it's very nature, logical. But how many normal brains have ever staged a takover? The muscles and organs are overworked, the body is dying, you must understand that! .......... You... should be able to undertand it. But it's not really you pulling the strings anymore, is it?"
     ".... I....."
     "God, I've been so stupid!"

So finally he finds the virus.

All those unfinished branches are what connects it.... her.... them to the background, which is basically just a mesh of nerve fibres. She's supposed to lok more crystalline, but meh.

     "Greetings. I am CR-33 series Delta. You may call me Creed."
     "So you're causing all this? What are you? A machine? An organic virus?"
     "A measure of both. I'm am an experimant. One of thousands. I was sent to corrupt data so that the program could be deleted."
     "Sent? By who?"
     "You already know them, Doctor. They are [spoiler erased]. They were so afraid that you would stop them with your new machine."
     "So why didn't you just lock mee out? Why all these intricate puzzles? Why let me reach here?"
     ".......I wanted... to see you. To see how far you would go for her. I felt some.... compassion, I think. A sympathy to your cause. Silly, is it not? "
     "No. It's... human. That's what worries me."

After asking a few more questions, she closes up again.

     "Access to classified files denied!"
     "Come on Creed, don't go all machine on me again. There's organic life inside there somewhere!"
     "Access denied. Access denied. Access denied."
     "Please, Creed!"
     "I am sorry doctor. I can not allow you to stop me. If I fail, I will be terminated."
     "No! I can help you!"
     "If you persist, I will be forced to take action."
     "Listen to me, I..."
     "SECURITY BREACH!"

White blood cells swarm in, blocking out the entire screen.

Is this the end? Dun dun duuuun....


The Organs

They're really rough right now, but this is just the concept. I'll probably have modified them beyond all recognition before I'm done. I still need an idea for the brain, though.
This is actually in reference to a lecture the Doctor is attending, before a call comes to tell him his wife has collapsed. I'll tell you about it later.


DETAIL:

Cutscene 1:
We see the front af a small suburban house. It's a beautiful day. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, an alarm is ringing......
Close in on an open window to show a giant roll of blanket on a double bed. The roll mutters and turns over, and a tousled head sticks out the top. An arm comes out an shuts off the alarm
Cut to a view of the alarm clock. The digital display reads ten-fifty.
Cut to room. The person shoots out of bed in shock, then slumps again when the alarm is found to be upside-down.

Scene 1:
Derek is in his bedroom. There is a bed in the right corner, a bedside table, a closet in the left corner, a window above the bed, and a door to the left.
*The player may interact with items here and in the rest of the house to their heart's content. And it's preferable to do so before you leave.*
Clicking on the door takes Derek to the hallway. There are two more doors, and a staircase. The doors lead to his brother's room, and his childrens' room. His children have not yet left for school. Everyone can be spoken to, though just for entertainment value.
Clicking on the stairs takes you down. Here there is the front door, a kitchenette, a small dining room, and a living room. There is a dog asleep on the rug. Derek's wife Linda is cooking. She does not look very well. She may be fussed over.
*Just about everything in the house can be interacted with, so fuss over your wife, pet the dog, irritate your brother, embarrass your children, fiddle with everything and get scolded, shouted at, or ignored while you pocket it. Or just irritate and embarrass everyone if you like.*
Click on the front door when you're done.

Cutscene 2:
Derek drives to work. Or, more accurately, to attend a lecture at work.

Scene 2:
Enter a large hall. The lecture hasn't started yet. Talk to a few people, and listen in on a few coversations, partcularly the one at the centre table which seems to be gathering a crowd. The participants in the argumant are being terrifyingly, chillingly polite to one another. Sounds bad. When you're ready, talk to the man on the stage to begin the lecture. After a while, Derek's mind drifts, and he wonders how Linda is.

Cutscene 3:
Fade in to the house again. The dog is awake, and everything is in black and white. I think you know where this is going.

Scene 3:
Everything can still be interacted with. Linda REALLY doesn't seem well. Interact with her. She collapses. The children are at school and the brother is out. The first problem is how to find someone with opposable thumbs, and can use a phone.

Cutscene 4:
Help is found, and Linda is taken to the hospital. Derek is called. He rushes out, but is stopped by some official looking men. They plan to arrest him for abusing the facilities of his lab for illegal genetic experimantation. He protests, saying it's all perfectly legal and he has the papers to prove it. Several doctors back him up. After a while it is discovered that the papers cannot be found, and Derek suddenly finds himself very alone. He is taken to court.

Scene 5:
Courtroom. You can talk to people if you want, and even try to sneak out. Doesn't work. Talk to your lawyer. After the coversation, the Honourable Judge Basset walks in. The hearing begins. It doesn't matter how you plead, so say what you like. She thinks you're guilty anyway.
*I have not yet written the dialogue for this scene, but here's a snippet of just before Derek leaves.
"D'you know why they call me 'the Basset', boy? I'm gonna hound you till you're behind bars. You can bet on that."*

Scene 6:
Under house arrest. It's night.

That's it so far. I still have to figure out how to implement the detective, and how I'm going to switch between him and the doctor. It might be confusing. Any help and suggestions for this, puzzles etc. would be very welcome

Okay, made some changes.

Hair colour un-blacked, trousers (marginally) un-randomised, pocket added, cast fixed, beard trimmed, stance changed, Weapon of Doom (tm) upgraded. 

As I was trying to fix the gun, it occured to me that the chances of him shooting himself with that arm were far more likely than anything he would be aiming at. So I put him on the Senior Citizens protection programme. I mean, if you were hypothetically bullying some helpless geriatrics, would you hang around if he came up behind you with two feet of solid oak?
*growls* "Get back here you little....."

his cast looked a little huge... in fact his right arm was being covered by it. I started trying to rework the cast, but it all looked like crap. Then I got to thinking; when I broke my wrist, elbow and forearm I had a giant cast all the way up to my shoulder. When my buddy broke his wrist he had a little wrist brace. When another friend fractured his arm they set it in a cast ONLY on his forearm. So why would he need a sling? A sling isn't for bone repair, it's for softer tissue repair, therefore his wrist doesn't need to be covered up. So I took off the hand cover, then I adjusted where the sling catches.

Useful. I'll remember that in future. Excellent redraw, I must say.  Wonderful two tone shading on the legs. I didn't understand how that would work, but now I've got a starting point.

I don't know your character, so maybe the beard is essential

He's not actually a character per say, just a practice piece. The beard actually did have some significance, but I had actually given him a clean chin and handlebar mustace at one point, so I'll not dig myself in too deep. 

nobody has naturally PITCH BLACK hair.

Oops.  Eheh.

What do you think? What are you taking away from all of our comments so far?

I think I'm going to need a lot of practice.  :
What I have taken away from all your comments is that sometimes simple is best, look at screenshots of games and try some copies to get a feel for shade and contrast, practice incessantly, don't dither all over the place, and...... don't do zoolander poses when you're in an Amish Death Metal band? 

Also, You people are so brilliant and helpful, I love you all. 

always wonder why new artists @ AGS try to get their shading as dithered and confusing as possible...

Ah. Sorry about that. I didn't actually mean to. I've never been particularly adept at shading, even on paper, and it's hard for me to get a good feel for contrast and shade. I'm hoping to remedy that with practise.
Too small? What size would a typical sprite be? I suppose it depends on the game, but a general size would be helpful.
Wow. These screenshots are amazing! *hug* Thank you so much! I've never heard of any of these, but the stuff.......
I have never felt so inadequete. 
Ah well. Thank you for the comments. I go to practise now.

Hee. Thanks. *hug*
Hmm.... Coincidental indeed. I'd love to discuss stuff sometime. 'Course it depends on your type of bookahol.   8)

@Babar. Thanks for that. 
@Ben. Heh. It might not be as interesting as you think. I only put that in because that's all I imagine him saying, oddly enough. That and 'YOU!' in various tones of menace. I'll do another one soon enough, maybe a better rendition of AAARGH! 

It might not be much , but it's my very first sprite. It was originally going to be a Johnny English tracing, hence the pose, but I got bored and decided to experiment.
Comments, critiques and redraws are accepted, appriciated, and sorely needed.

Hi guys, I'm Zoey, and I just want to say......
Wait......
I've been here before, haven't I?
Eheh. Well I downloaded AGS quite a while ago, I and I even put up a game idea somewhere around here, but thanks to a fantasic computer failure, I never got around to using it.
Colour me inexperienced.
I've got it again, so maybe I'll actually do something with it this time.
I love to write, draw, read, play games, craft, what have you.....
I'm basically a Jack-of-all-trades. And master of none. 
Not very musically inclined, though....
I know nothing about scripting, but I'm going to learn ASAP.
I like helping people (and getting credit  ) , so if you need a hand, my door isn't likely to be open, but if you catch me I'll do what I can.  8)

*facepalm* Of course! Those little chalkboard explainations! Genious. I'll get started on that right away. Or maybe I should pick something else for my first ever game. The Feegle game in my mind NOW is going over my head.

Hmmmmm...... You have a point Ali. I tried to look at the original synopsis as someone who's never read the book, and I couldn't make heaad or tail of it! Maybe I should do a quick summary of the books first?

Hey everyone! First time here. I downloaded AGS a couple of days ago, and I'm going to do something about it when the exams end. I have an idea for a game though, and I'd like some criticism. ^_^
THis probably won't make sense to anyone who hasn't read Terry Pratchett.

How about a game based on the Nac Mac Feegle. I have most of the story fleshed out, and some of the puzzles. Since it's my first ever game it would be small, but I think my ideas are becoming too ambitious. Still....

So Rob anybody is minding his own business and looking innocent (a sure sign of guilt), when he gets called in by Jeannie. He takes Daft Wullie with him, and while they're all talking, Wullie lets slip that Rob seems to have misplaced the children. Jeannie demands an 'Explanation' accompanied by (oh waily) the Folding of the Arms, and the Tapping of the Feet. So Rob's now charged with a geas of sorts, to find all eight children amongst the vast Feegle caverns, and a small part of the Chalk topside. All with bagpipes playin' in the background! 

And for those who don't know squat about Feegles, there will be a help section in the form of pages pilfered from a certain "Fairies and how to avoid them, by Miss Persipacia Tick."

Oh, and I've never sprited before, so I'll try something this weekend if you guys are up to criticising it.