Messages

Larry tries to tempt the Bionic Monkey with the Banana Boat Painting, but succeeds only in losing it to the monkey's kleptomaniac clutches as well.  Meanwhile the ruckus attracts the attention of Evil Doctor Science Brain, who has apparently been expecting you.  After only a brief speech he activates his latest invention, the Adventurer Voiding Vacuum, which suddenly seizes our sleuths in its insidious suction sector!  Now the shortening fuse is well beyond the reach of the battle axe....

Jimmy races after the Dame of Dangerous Disproportions, and Larry stumbles after Jimmy, a little dazed by the blast.  Fortunately the SISSY-wig seems to have been constructed of mostly bomb-proof material, thus protecting the detecting duo from the full force of the blast.  In a few moments they enter an unguarded doorway and stumble upon Evil Doctor Science-Brain in the middle of another rant:

"...maybe I should never have trusted that Bionic Monkey with my laundry, but no matter!  Soon the rocket will launch, propelling you and my Fat-Blob Serum to the incredible height of approximately 40 metres, from where both of you will be spread over the entire eighth ward like a shower of pink rain!  Then, when everyone in the ward has inhaled deeply of the serum they shall grow so fat they will burst, leaving this god-forsaken slum depopulated for my kitschy redevelopment plans!  Buwahhhahahahaha!!!!"

You are carrying: loaded revolver (minus several bullets), 3 spare bullets, regurgitated case notes, wallet, woman's earring, blanket/cape, charm necklace, 1/2 used purple lipstick, feeler wand, overstretched latex duck stocking, wallpaper, tobacco pipe, $45 in unmarked bills, tuft of chest hair, banana boat painting, shard of vendinium, a theodolite and a Philadelphia rod, battle axe, mostly bomb-proof wig, evil doctor trousers, euphemistic warhammer, highly suspicious deep sea anglerfish, broccoli chips crumbs, orphaned Llama Brand cigarette filter, Garlic Cola can tab.

Correct.

Spoiler

The ampersand "&" character is just a ligature of e + t for the Latin et, meaning "and".  But it's hard to see the direct descent in most fonts.  In Trebuchet, however, you can see the Et more clearly: &.  See here for more detail.

[close]

Not bad for a first stab....

Spoiler

Some thoughts...
The whole thing is "test" or "test pin" or "crazy"...
It's an anagram of "test pin shit" or "pin shit like" with a letter removed or two letters combined because of the font somehow...
Or an anagram of synonyms of "test pin shit" or "pin shit"...
Somehow "Trebuchet" is related, or the curved 'l's of the font, or the 'i's...
That's all I've got.

[close]

Test pin shit like crazy (10)

AGS Related.

small hint:

Spoiler

It'll make more sense if your answer is in the same font as the clue.

[close]

Jimmy leaps for all he's worth, but fails to attain the height required to reach the explosive card!  He curses himself for not splurging on those spring-loaded shoes on his most recent trip to Shoeopolis.  Suddenly there is a flash and a deafening soundlessness, as time seems momentarily to slow to a crawl....

Jimmy instructs the Guiltroid to follow the Dame of Dangerous Disproportion, which it agrees to do reluctantly.  He then heroically races to his friend's aid and slaps the underside of Larry's boobs, thereby launching the explosive card towards the Reproportioning Ray.  Unfortunately, Jimmy didn't include phantom air currents in his trajectory calculations, and the card ends up fluttering back to embed itself in Larry's wig!    You have 2 seconds....

[Bumbling policeman to marry in Wales, initially decreased without proposition or preposition. (5,5)]

Bumbling policeman to marry in Wales, initially decreased without proposition or preposition. (5,5) (AGS related)

Spoiler

Bumbling = incompetent
policeman = cop
to marry = wed
Wales initially = baby (they always wail at first.  Wussies.... )
without proposition = subtract a proposal
without preposition = subtract into

So, "incompetent" - "into" = cmpeent, and cmpeent + cop +wed -wed (the proposal ) = "cmpeentcop", which unscrambled is "Compt Pence", the impoverished Anglo-Norse aristocrat!

[close]

Well, to be fair, one of the "wins" was actually a tie.  And three of the seven wins only had two entrants, vastly increasing my chances.  So I guess the lesson of my success is to never underestimate the power of showing up. 

But thank you all for your kind words.  Now if they could all be channelled competitively into the next round....

Jimmy tries to ask the Dame of Dangerous Disproportions about the missing teenager, but before he can fit a word in edgewise she quickly slips her card into Larry's exposed cleavage and departs in pursuit of Evil Doctor Science-Brain.  Nivram the Guiltroid, meanwhile, experiences some intense mood swings.  You probably have about seven seconds....   

Well, I've tried a couple times but nothing really made sense....

Spoiler

I was thinking "bumbling policeman" meant Inspector Gadget, Inspector Clouseau or Detective Frank Drebin, and "to marry in Wales" meant to get together, but be all mixed up.  "Initially decreased" probably means take away part of the beginning.  "Without proposition" throws me, but probably refers to a proposal or business plan or something.  "Without preposition" means subtract a word relating location, most obviously "in", but it could be near, on, under, next to, behind, etc.

But all this got me exactly nowhere, even comically, so I refrained from posting....

[close]

What F-keys?!??  All I've got on my keyboard are the standard Inuit symbols.... 

Don't worry.  Those jokes are twice as funny the second time around.  It's a little feature called replayability.

[an entity of less than 3'4" in stature (approx. 100 cm)]

Welcome poets, scribes, and shameless hacks of all ages!  This fortnight's topic is....

Little Folk



Little Folk have it tough on the bottom rung of life.  They get stepped on, have their homes unthinkingly cleared away to make parking lots, and have to breath air at butt or sock level.  But there are advantages to being tiny: you can fit in places that larger, more powerful beings cannot.  You can subsist on mere crumbs, and ride around on toys and steal all kinds of stuff as long as it's not too heavy.  Sometimes whimsical, sometimes humorous, sometimes edifying, stories of wee folk have existed as long as stories themselves.  Your challenge is to write a story of an entity of less than 3'4" in stature (approx. 100 cm), or a society of such folk, in any format of your choosing.  Obviously short stories would be apropos, but we'll read just about anything you can write (we might even deign to vote on it! ).  Little folk constitute anything that suits the definition above, but might include things like: midgets, dwarves, elves, fairies, pixies, brownies, smurfs, mice, fraggles, toys, ants, cockroaches, toddlers, babies, gremlins, gnomes, pixelated adventure game characters scientifically transplanted to the real world, and extremely stunted giraffes.     

Your work will be due at midnight Monday July 20, 2015, with voting to commence the following day to ensure that we haven't left out any Pacific islanders.  Good luck, and watch out for birds of prey!

Jimmy sets Nivram the Guilty Droid on garbage detail, but it doesn't do a very good job (for which it feels very guilty).  Larry seemingly mistakenly stumbles into the Dame of Dangerous Disproportion, who vainly grasps for the battleaxe (now safely returned to our hero's inventory).  To stall for time, she relates how she is a member of the Sisterhood of International Spies and Saboteurs, and she is currently working to thwart Evil Doctor Science Brain's villainous plan to depopulate the entire 8th ward of the city and turn it into a disnified wasteland of animatronic stereotypes from the 1950s.  Then, pausing to think a moment, she offers you her card....

Larry gleefully adopts the wig as his own.  Unfortunately the back got a little dishevelled from prying it off the velcro table, but that's probably the least of Larry's fashion faux-pas.  Jimmy assigns the Guilty Droid the name "Marvin", but the ashamed robot abashedly responds that he already has the name "Nivram" and the changes might overload his delicate circuitry.  Then he feels sorry for standing up for himself.  The Dame of Dangerous Disproportion wonders aloud where Evil Doctor Science-Brain has squirmed off to, since he is apparently in the middle of a plot to take over the whole Eighth Ward of the city!

Hey, thanks guys.  And nice trophies, JudasFM!   I'm a little disappointed that Sinitrena didn't get more votes, though.  My personal opinion was that her's was the better piece this time around.  JudasFM has just reminded me of one of her brilliant yet subtle comments:

A recitation of this poem can last as long as three hours or as little as fifteen seconds.

And as I've said I do lament not having Mandle's full piece to compete against.  You gotta Michaelangelo up your Da Vinci work habits, bro!  I look forward to the completed piece sometime in the near future.

....so they dummied the name down to accommodate and make sure that people don't feel left out.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.  Dummied it down?  I think if Canadians could figure out that May Two-Four is a celebration of beer box size, and Civic holiday is about exalting the celebrated Honda model, then surely they could figure out what Domino Day was for, eh?

Larry uses his extend-o-arm to retrieve Evil Dr. Science-Brain's trousers and the missing battle axe.  Jimmy fiddles with the remote control to see if he can't change the Reproportioning Ray's setting from B-cup to something in the outer H's, but doesn't seem to have any success.  The Guilty Droid now indulges in a bit of wallowing, leaving the Dame of Dangerous Disproportion to escape the velcro table on her own.

Yes, Ponch, what does happen on Canada Day?  Educate the masses!