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[A retro movie initially promoted to B-grade about an agency entrusted to detect incoming nuclear missiles (5).]

No...but a reasonably sexy forum member is correct so your answer is acceptable.

Hey!

Don't forget to include your working out.

Very well.

A retro movie initially promoted to B-grade about an agency entrusted to detect incoming nuclear missiles (5).

Spoiler

"Agency entrusted to detect incoming nuclear missiles" = NORAD, and "retro" = backwards, thus "DARON".  "Initially" =first (ie first letter), and "B-grade" refers to the letter B, implying a substitution of the first letter with a 'B'.  I think the "movie" bit was just a cover to hide the clues.

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Spoiler

Is it an incredibly sexy forum member?

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Jimmy unceremonially strips the corpse of Old Man Phipps of anything of value, which consists of his prized pipe, his bowler hat, and all his wife's money (totalling an astounding $45).  Unfortunately the antique tea cup he was nursing was smashed in the process of his unfortunate demise.  Magnificent Mabel hectors the pilfering pair from her snare at the window, but is powerless to stop them from their calloused banditry.

Jimmy and Larry then flee into the hall, discretely closing the door behind them.  There seem to be more cockroaches in the hallway than they remember, but otherwise it is empty of witnesses.

The pair are now carrying:  loaded revolver, 3 spare bullets, regurgitated case notes, wallet, woman's earring, blanket/cape, empty duffel bag, charm necklace, old poker chip, 1/2 used purple lipstick, feeler wand, wallpaper, severed arm, latex duck stockings, tobacco pipe, bowler hat, $45 in unmarked bills, and a nagging burden of guilt.

[Borat?]

Spoiler

Borat?  And if that's right, are we now conflating the two best competitions the Rumpus Room has ever seen?

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[kconan]

Yes, I agree.  Summon the contest organizer!  Oh wait.... 

After careful tabulation of the votes, I conclude that the results are as follows:

The Golden Tongue of Translation goes to kconan with 9 votes.  I will admit I had to look up more than a dozen Carney terms in my attempt to decipher the story, but it read well!  I too would have liked a bit more story development, but dem's the breaks when we abide by a tight word count.  Congratulations!

The Silver Tongue of Cipher goes to Kasander with 8 votes.  I agree that this piece was the truest to the theme, in my opinion, despite the word count violation ( ).  Your Unholy Analogies Gone Awry are too numerous to count, making it a very entertaining read.  And yet, beneath the entertainment, I liked how the story unfolded in a kind of brooding melancholic way.  Your winning of the most-substantive category is well-deserved, and you were within a hair of winning the contest outright.  Good work!

The Bronze Tongue of Babel goes to Sinitrena with 7 votes.  I liked the atmosphere you produced the best of all the pieces, and I think if I'd included that as a category then we might be dealing with a three-way tie.  Nice effort on a hard topic!

Well, I guess it's up to kconan to start the next topic.  I hope to see everyone out again for the next exciting instalment of...

The Fortnightly Writing Competition!!!

Jimmy manages to tie Magnificent Mable's feet with the blind cord, and then retracts the mechanism to suspend her helplessly upside down.  For a moment thereafter Jimmy envies Larry his blindness, but then turns his attention with relief to the cupboard full of corpses.  My, there are a lot of them!  There must be a collector of semi-mummified human remains resident here at the hotel.  Either that, or something nefarious is going on here....

   Meanwhile, Larry is very satisfied with his use of a latex duck sock on his new feeler-wand.  Now it's new, and improved!.  He blindly casts a glance around the room for something to use it on.  But unbeknownst to our daring duo, Old Man Phipps suddenly succumbs to his age and the stress of owing money to violent gangsters, dying right there on the table in a puddle of his own tea!  Whoever will pay his massive gambling debts now??

Correct!  Now someone make an easy one for me.

Sorry folks, I've still got company at my house.  I'll try to get an update in by tomorrow.

Big hint:

Spoiler

There is an operator in || this sentence.

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Jimmy pretends to light Old Man Phipps' pipe, but of course he has nothing with which to light it.  He attempts to broach the subject of hanging around until the muscular debt collectors show up, but is distracted by his efforts to steal the banana boat picture.  Meanwhile Larry does his utmost to avoid the insatiable appetites of Magnificent Mable, "accidentally" opening the cabinet door as he does so.  It has the smell of an Egyptian exhibit at the museum, but unfortunately he is too distracted by the chorus of creaking joints pursuing him to investigate the contents of the cabinet further at this time.

Spoiler

On the subject of orgasms and Mandle's mother... -wait!  Wasn't there a clue to be deciphered?!? 

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You are both kind of right, in your own peculiar way.  However this one is most definitely...

Spoiler

AGS Related

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    Jimmy pitches some stock-options in the holding company of Find & Seek PI to Old Man Phipps, on the understanding that they will be redeemable in stock as soon as tonight pending the successful conclusion of their case.  Phipps replies that he is a compulsive gambler, not an certified idiot, before politely declining the offer.

    Larry attempts to flee the greedy embrace of Magnificent Mable, who though feisty is fortunately slow in pursuit.

    Time ticks on.

Oh fine.  Is it....

Spoiler

Hotel Exotica?

To be honest, I have no idea how the "hotel" bit works out, but "poisonous randomly" = "toxic" mixed up -> "xotic", which itself is in "EA" for Electronic Arts, thus "ExoticA".  I got the rest of the way based on word count.

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An easy one.  E-A-S-Y.

Botched orgasm without the operator (4)

Jimmy sits down to read the note on the cabinet while Larry makes a thorough inspection of the old, gnarled and yet surprisingly supple coat-hook.  He's pretty sure the coat-hook is not a duck in disguise, but based on its feel and smell it might just be a different animal in disguise.  Possibly a shrivelled and starving walrus, or maybe even a giant monarch caterpillar.  Whatever it is, it keeps saying "Oh, you!", and apparently calls itself "Magnificent Mable."
    Jimmy discusses the details of the case with the older gentleman, who says he goes by the name of Phipps.  He too has seen the silhouettes of mysterious prowlers on the fire escape, and wishes the detecting duo good luck in the apprehension of the villains.  Sadly he can not help with the other case, as he is too short-sighted to notice runaways or indeed much else.  His one hope is for him and his wife to pay off their vast gambling debts to Pepe Le Brûte and then be done with this filthy sin-hole for ever.
     While he is talking, Jimmy reads in the note that a meeting between Le Brûte and the old couple is scheduled for tonight.  Unfortunately Old Man Phipps claims not to have enough cash in hand to pay the debt.  He and his wife were just brainstorming last-minute ways to raise a couple thousand when the dogged detectives had burst in.

Hmmmmm.....  I judge there not to be enough votes yet.  Voting will be extended another day or two to try to get more input.  If we can't rustle up more voters by that time I guess I'll call it.

My apologies for the delay....



The persistent pair barge into yet another hotel room, this one populated by older occupants.  The one is an moustachioed gentleman with heavy eyebrows biting an unlit pipe, while the other is a tarted-up old granny clutching a fist-full of dollars.  At the appearance of the two detectives the older gentleman just stares sullenly into space, while the tarted-up granny gives them a lustful leer.  "Why hello, boys!" she cries in a cracking voice.

You can check-out any time you want, but you can never leave!

Battling both scale and perspective (not to mention visual continuity), the persistent pair try to peep into the confusingly labelled room closest to the stairwell.  Is it Room 3C?  Or a mysterious Door X that leads to parallel yet incomprehensible dimension made entirely of candy and giraffe tongues?  Their proximity yields no clarification!  Furthermore, upon close inspection Jimmy discovers that the peep-hole in the door only works in one direction: he can see nothing inside but a fuzzy darkness.   Can our snooping sleuths be so easily stymied?

The daunting duo return to the hallway where Larry sniffs about, taking in the odours of the stained carpet and peeling wallpaper, as well as the wafts and draughts of the atmosphere in general.  Smells of note are: stale perfume (probably an Emaraude 1958), lead & algae, latex stockings, hint of vomit, birthday cake, onion breath, Earl Grey tea, pizza mould, cigarette smoke, cigar smoke, crack-cocaine smoke, and the unmistakable tang of cockroach droppings.  Larry can not pick up a trace of the runaway teenager, suggesting he or she has not spent time on the top floor of the hotel outside of a haz-mat suit or an oversized gerbil bubble.